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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #11  
Old 18-03-2019, 09:17 PM
LadyMay LadyMay is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,748
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by olhosdeamendoa
Actually is not the relationship that requires a lot of work or is complicated. We do get along really well.

What I feel requires work is me with myself.

As I said previously, I've had guys before who would enable the kind of behavior I was having (lashing out, get into a bad mood, etc) and I would lose respect for them and they were just enabling my behavior.

This guy now has boundaries and he doesn't participate in this kind of childish behavior from me when I am like that. That is what I need to work on, with myself.

From what I know, this is the "normal" dynamic between TF's.

I think regardless of the romantic relationship this is about your relationship with your friend, friends don't always agree and that is fine, but if you're set on trying to convince her as you are everyone else on this thread then she may get tired and withdraw. It is better to let your romantic relationship play out, it either works out or it doesn't, in the end you don't want to lose a friend over it.
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  #12  
Old 19-03-2019, 02:35 PM
Lorelyen
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by olhosdeamendoa
Do you understand the dynamic between twin flames? You cannot see a TF dynamic the same way as a traditional relationship.
I've researched a fair bit on twin flames on the web and via discussion, to the extent of tracing it back to its occult origins. It seems that twin flames is possible if both participants can together fulfil certain requirements which is pretty rare. The demands are a big ask of another person if they aren't on the same page at the outset. The notion has however has quickly become populist. Look down the number of viewers on each forum section - and TFs wins hands down (often by as many a 4-8 times the rest). Is it really attracting that many people inspired by spirituality? If not then what? Questions about which it wouldn't be prudent to give my view.

Besides, every time I come across a new blurb on twin flames it differs from anything else, usually aiming to "sell" more than its competitors.

So which "dynamic" should I choose to understand? The one about you have only a partial soul that's meshed with someone who has the other part? That you're both complete souls but they mesh so well that they dissolve into one another? That your twin flame is a mirror (assuming you know yourself well enough spiritually to be sure of what you "see")? Or...

However, what I don't understand is your use of the word "dynamic". It's another word becoming jargonistic in the spiritual market place. It's offocially defined (as a noun) as "a force that stimulates change or progress within a system or process." But isn't that as much as part of ordinary relationships? Or do TFs dynamics have special extras?

I think I know what you mean but thinking and understanding are a bit different.
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  #13  
Old 19-03-2019, 09:03 PM
olhosdeamendoa olhosdeamendoa is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 296
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow.sprinkles
as far as your own self-work goes, especially when it's something entrenched in your behaviour in relationships... my personal opinion is that you shouldn't be in a relationship until you've worked that out on your own. my friend's partner has SO many issues that affect their relationship and I feel he was not remotely ready to enter into a serious relationship with anybody until he had spent a lot more time working on himself on his own.

I had very similar issues to yours and after my last relationship, which was the latest in an ongoing string of bad relationship after bad relationship, never taking any amount of time to be single in between, I finally realized that I needed to be on my own for a while. I committed to staying single for at least a year, during which time I focused 100% on myself. a year and a few months later, I met my partner, and for the first time in my life I'm in a healthy, functional, positive, conflict-free relationship, and it is the best thing I've ever experienced. I truly believe I needed to take that time to prove to myself that I could be alone and didn't need to be in ****** relationships, in order for me to raise my own vibrations enough to attract someone who is actually a good, gentle, loving, non-abusive person to me.

it may or may not be something that would be helpful for you, but it certainly was life changing for me.

regardless of the labels you're putting on this connection, the most important thing is how you're being treated, and how you're treating that person. I hope you'll choose to focus on that and make a healthy choice.

I have been on my own for a very long time working on my issues.

I wasn't aware of THIS particular issue until now in my relationship with him. And both are willing to work on ourselves and grow together.

I understand what you're saying and agree to an extent. There are things you can only grow and evolve while in a relationship with someone else.
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  #14  
Old 19-03-2019, 09:05 PM
olhosdeamendoa olhosdeamendoa is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 296
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorelyen
I've researched a fair bit on twin flames on the web and via discussion, to the extent of tracing it back to its occult origins. It seems that twin flames is possible if both participants can together fulfil certain requirements which is pretty rare. The demands are a big ask of another person if they aren't on the same page at the outset. The notion has however has quickly become populist. Look down the number of viewers on each forum section - and TFs wins hands down (often by as many a 4-8 times the rest). Is it really attracting that many people inspired by spirituality? If not then what? Questions about which it wouldn't be prudent to give my view.

Besides, every time I come across a new blurb on twin flames it differs from anything else, usually aiming to "sell" more than its competitors.

So which "dynamic" should I choose to understand? The one about you have only a partial soul that's meshed with someone who has the other part? That you're both complete souls but they mesh so well that they dissolve into one another? That your twin flame is a mirror (assuming you know yourself well enough spiritually to be sure of what you "see")? Or...

However, what I don't understand is your use of the word "dynamic". It's another word becoming jargonistic in the spiritual market place. It's offocially defined (as a noun) as "a force that stimulates change or progress within a system or process." But isn't that as much as part of ordinary relationships? Or do TFs dynamics have special extras?

I think I know what you mean but thinking and understanding are a bit different.

What I meant is that traditional relationships very often are based on the ego as in "what can I get from this relationship", whilst TF's (or divine soul partnerships) are based on the heart chakra and on giving and receiving and on growth.
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  #15  
Old 19-03-2019, 09:07 PM
olhosdeamendoa olhosdeamendoa is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 296
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AraceliCianna
I think regardless of the romantic relationship this is about your relationship with your friend, friends don't always agree and that is fine, but if you're set on trying to convince her as you are everyone else on this thread then she may get tired and withdraw. It is better to let your romantic relationship play out, it either works out or it doesn't, in the end you don't want to lose a friend over it.

To be honest she is the one who has been trying to convince me he is not the right person for me.

I don't want to lose the friendship, but she's going beyond my boundaries.
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  #16  
Old 20-03-2019, 07:52 AM
olhosdeamendoa olhosdeamendoa is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 296
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow.sprinkles
as far as your own self-work goes, especially when it's something entrenched in your behaviour in relationships... my personal opinion is that you shouldn't be in a relationship until you've worked that out on your own. my friend's partner has SO many issues that affect their relationship and I feel he was not remotely ready to enter into a serious relationship with anybody until he had spent a lot more time working on himself on his own.

I had very similar issues to yours and after my last relationship, which was the latest in an ongoing string of bad relationship after bad relationship, never taking any amount of time to be single in between, I finally realized that I needed to be on my own for a while. I committed to staying single for at least a year, during which time I focused 100% on myself. a year and a few months later, I met my partner, and for the first time in my life I'm in a healthy, functional, positive, conflict-free relationship, and it is the best thing I've ever experienced. I truly believe I needed to take that time to prove to myself that I could be alone and didn't need to be in ****** relationships, in order for me to raise my own vibrations enough to attract someone who is actually a good, gentle, loving, non-abusive person to me.

it may or may not be something that would be helpful for you, but it certainly was life changing for me.

regardless of the labels you're putting on this connection, the most important thing is how you're being treated, and how you're treating that person. I hope you'll choose to focus on that and make a healthy choice.

Just to add that I was alone for 2 years working on myself, but there are things you only become aware when in a relationship and not alone.

I don’t think we have to heal everything and become perfect to be in a relationship again. I do believe though you have to be conscious and own your behavior and what comes up, and be willing to work through it yourself and together with the other person, and that’s what I am doing.
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  #17  
Old 20-03-2019, 08:39 AM
Tuesday Tuesday is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 318
 
Non-twin flame relationships are definitely not about the ego... They can be but it's all about if you are mature enough to work through the heart chakra instead of ego or selfishness.

I personally wouldn't want to be in a twin flame relationship if it wer hard. Rather be happy with someone else than not happy with a twin flame.
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  #18  
Old 20-03-2019, 09:02 AM
olhosdeamendoa olhosdeamendoa is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 296
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tuesday
Non-twin flame relationships are definitely not about the ego... They can be but it's all about if you are mature enough to work through the heart chakra instead of ego or selfishness.

I personally wouldn't want to be in a twin flame relationship if it wer hard. Rather be happy with someone else than not happy with a twin flame.

All my past relationships were based on ego and selfishness (not all the time, but most part).

This is the first time I am in a relationship where I'm learning to work from the heart chakra.

The relationship is not hard with him. It is hard with myself because it's pushing me to work through my issues.
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  #19  
Old 24-03-2019, 08:05 AM
Akira Akira is offline
Master
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,292
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Quote:
Originally Posted by olhosdeamendoa
I've met my TF last year and it was instant recognition for both.

We went through the bubble love phase and then the triggering phase and have had a few separations and coming backs.

Every time we are in separation I have time to reflect and understand my own s*** behavior and work on it. The same for him.

Last time we came back together we now feel more peaceful and more heart centered.

But, my best friend doesn't understand this at all. She cannot understand that despite the triggering and behaviors we love each other immensely and that just simply does not go away.

Actually, it always brings us back together stronger than before.

To her, we're just not right for each other because relationships are supposed to be simple and conflict free.

She doesn't understand this is not a regular relationship and that I've grown massively since I met him (same for him).

I simply avoid talking to her about this, but last week she asked me about it, and I ended up talking about things and she became very emotional, saying I'm making a mistake and etc, etc.

I didn't like it at all, because I am aware of what's happening and what I want, but she just doesn't want to hear.

She kept saying she knows my intuition is telling me it won't work out between us. When in reality my intuition is telling me the opposite, is telling me we'll make it if we both work on ourselves and get rif of all the bulls***.

She is very much the type that if the other part makes a mistake, she runs away and ends the relationship, so she doesn't understand why I don't do the same.

She focus a lot on what my TF did, but the truth is we're both mirrors of each other and the things I complain about him, I was doing them too.

Anyway, we used to chat every day on Facebook (we live 3h distance) and now we don't anymore.

We seem to be drifting apart and I cannot understand why is she so annoyed that I am still with him. At the end of the day is my decision and she shouldn't be so emotional about it.

Any advice on this? Thank you.

At the end of the day, if you are happy in your pairing then that is all that needs to be said. If your friend is not happy, it is not her decision to make, it never was and never will be her decision.

We are all sovereign beings and you get to make the choices for your own life. Tf or not, other people can tell us they are not sure and that's where it ends. If they keep telling us that the relationship that we are in is not good enough, then in a way they are judging us as well as the other person.

My friend started going out with a guy years ago, that I think is dragging her life down. I told her once, then I let it go, because it is her life, she needs to make her choices and live it the best way that she knows how. It is none of my business!!! No matter what I want to tell myself.

Plus she's not there when things happen between you, your connection is your connection, there is a reason that you are with him on a soul connection, good or bad. You are working on yourself through it and it is helping you to gain clarity.

If your friend does not want to talk to you because she feels like you are making a bad decision, then so be it. To be honest with you, even if she is right about your relationship, there is nothing kind about her derailing it for you.

I also think that when other people won't talk to me because I am not doing what they think is best, they are being manipulative and controlling.

It is your life, and as I have said, even if she is right, it's still your choice to make and only ever your choice to make.
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  #20  
Old 27-03-2019, 07:44 AM
Dudla Dudla is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 54
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No doublt your friend cares and wants the best for you, but you have to decide what you want. The question to ask your seriously is whether you are happier being with your partner or without him. If you are 100% convinced that you would rather have him, just go ahead! 10 years from now you may still be in the same position but so long you still feel happy, it's ok. Nobody else will understand your journey and what you feel. But this is really about your own journey. You don't have to be answerable to anyone else.
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