A million ways to cope with depression

[Louisa]

Hmm.. OK, think I've figured something out.

Hm.. yeah, it's not like my relative or me for that matter.. Not we're so ultra cynical.. Exactly,. . per se..

It's like this.. Anyone whose needs are neglected will feel cynical.

So... I learned how to feel less neglected.. But it wasn't through people, animals, or anything in the physical universe.

It was through spirit beings.

The weirdest, and the most complex, the most vivid, realistic, and complex thing ever.

That, THAT.. yeah.. totally that! was the only thing that transformed me.

It was not just the conversation, but also the energy.

Because yeah, there was more than that, but that was the deciding factor.

And I believe there must be some way others can access wellness in other ways, without other people or other spirit beings.

But I did it through spirit beings. The kundalini and the conversation and love that was so real it was far more believable than real people. Their personalities were more whole than real living in person people I know.

[SoulsInMotion]

I've always had the spirit beings, that has been an incredibly important aspect of working through my problems... but some people don't have it and no amount of describing to them how it works seems to make some people understand. It's one of those things where, either you figure it out on your own or you don't.

At least that's been my experience in trying to share that sort of perspective with others.

[Louisa]

Yeah, I'm kind of crazy lately a little because the thought of her being seriously suicidal is just really hard for me and I think that she might do that without a warning and without anyone being able to do much to convince her otherwise (I've tried to talk to her about it but she seems rather determined and feels justified - which, I do not even want to get into a debate about whether it is justified. No judgmental talk about her).

Yes, I don't expect my sister to be open to spirit beings. Maybe one day, but right not no.. She's agnostic leaning towards atheism and just seems to strongly resist spiritual things, like an aversion towards them.

I still actually feel like there is really a lot to work with, even though it doesn't sound like it. But really, she is warm, it's just that she's complicated. The world's complicated, and so her situation is complicated.

Just like mine was, and is. But I think that meaning can be found within, .. It can for some people. They don't have to have close romantic relationships or close friendships.

She does feel she will not be able to cope without her boyfriend, but I guess it will just be a matter of trying, seeing, seeing how things go. Trying to introduce ideas I think she may be open to and that might help her.

And, I want to actually find a way to spend more time together, by moving closer, so I hope that I can do that and that she will be able to extricate herself from her boyfriend to do so more often.

And just healing, healing worldview and so many things that might need some healing.

[Louisa]

Originally Posted by Louisa

Cynicism? Yes, but.. I mean? It's more than that, because it's like being a different species and no one knows how to care for you, like you belong on a different planet. That is how I felt. That I think might be how my relative feels? Not sure..

Whatever. Hm.

I think this is really important. It's about not feeling so lonely in the world. Feeling like one has found their passion and their calling. Feeling they have found what they can really love and throw themselves into (something that is a greater cause and involves giving back, to some extent - but it can also include lots of other things besides just giving back and service. Which I think most need the feeling of giving back to a greater purpose, to some extent, even if they don't realize it, .. That is what happened to me, like I said, though I was actually cynical about parenting and human nature too, but it changed gradually when I had to raise a child).

That, and yes, other causes of depression, which can be myriad.

But, for me not feeling so lonely and finding my passion, and finding my soul mates, and caring for them and having them care for me... Having them adore me, and see into the deepest good in me, even when I was struggling and my life looked pathetic and no one else understood.. (My "soulmates" were spirits, though, .. finally, in these last few years... Before that I had some real life in person soul mates, who helped, but then betrayed and hurt me badly).

That is not something that you hear when you talk about treating depression. It's not practical and scientific and clear cut answers. It's not down to earth. There is no guarantee of finding soul mates who adore you and see you deeply for who you are and shower you with love.

Oh, and the final missing piece, the crowing glory, was the energy healing I got from spirit.

But, I think I can take these missing pieces that I think are what she needs, and I can find a way to make them attainable, in non spiritual means.

Maybe.. Just still figuring out the hows.

Like, yes, the whole "I am smart", "I am good", "I am.."" this and that. That works for some. I don't think it would have worked all that well for me because I tried it and it was nothing like the spirit beings who helped me.

But I think maybe, getting more creative with it, tapping into subconscious more, without it being spiritual per se, maybe she'd b open to that. She's not averse to every spiritual thing, but to much of it. She will hear me talk about it, that's it (and she acts kind of bored, at that).

[Baile]

Regarding cynicism: One thing I learned from my several-year bout with depression, is that a world exists that is much different from the normal every-day reality most people experience. I lost several family members and friends over that time because they simply could not and would not accept that I occupied a reality in which I was incapable of doing anything. When my depression hit me, I was incapable of even standing up on two feet, I would crawl around my apartment to get anywhere. A month later people around me are suggesting I go for job interviews, to "get back on the horse." What was left unsaid was that nobody really believed I was truly that ill. Everybody can at least work, right? So that you're not living off us, in other words.

I've read that people who lose a partner can experience incapacitating grief for months and years, and that family members and friends often cannot relate to or understand that level of soul pain. Similar thing to depression.

The agony, the weight on my soul of peoples' judgment towards me, was as unbearable as the illness. To this day, I have never regained my trust and belief in people. I am 100% a cynic when it comes to trusting people. I have two people in my life who I associate with and who I trust, that is it. Most people ultimately are out for themselves; I experienced that with those closest to me, or who I thought were closest to me.

This is not to say that I don't live life joyfully. I absolutely do, this is one of the true gifts I was given as a result of my depression-slash-awakening journey. I absolutely love life, it is a blessing and a miracle. But I will remain wary and cynical with regards to that which I need to be cynical and wary of, in order to protect myself. Furthermore, it frees me to interact with people in a friendly way, in a happy way, without all the baggage of expectation we put on each other. I have zero expectations because I have zero interest in getting something out of people, other than friendly social exchange.

[Louisa]

Yes, I agree. Sometimes cynicism is really justified. It's like sometimes paranoia is justified. Then I don't think it's cynicism, because that implies skewed negative perceptions, but I agree, sometimes, for some people and some situations, things are extremely cruel, and unfair. Most don't have to experience that. It's like outside their realm of understanding.

The very people who are causing someone else to feel abandoned can be the exact ones who can't comprehend the "cynicism" (even though they're creating the very cynicism they can't believe or comprehend).

I don't ever want to make anybody who is depressed feel too judged. I would do anything I could do to help my relative with her depression, but I don't know what to do sometimes.

I look at the situation and I see very few options, because no one will help her (except me, and there's only so much I can do, as I can't drive either) and she's so isolated and it's hard to escape from the isolation because she can't drive and I guess.. I'm going to move closer and try to visit, with the help of her parents or my husband driving us sometimes, if she can get away from her boyfriend very much And I am going to write her messages about all the things that have helped me with my depression. ...I just wish there was something more I could do. I suppose it can be understandable for her to not want to live without her boyfriend and to be unable to resist suicide.

But I want to do whatever I can because she is really so smart, so caring, so good, as a person. She is my hope in humanity, my guard against cynicism. My person who cares about me and listens to my needs, instead of denying my problems.

I think there is a lot of good in the world, but it's often like people will only be good up to a point. If you're too difficult for them to relate to, they'll be cold and selfish. That is almost everyone. There are a few exceptions, but, if you're one of the "hard to understand" ones, you might not be lucky to find one of those exceptions to be there for you as you need. We all need social support, but not all can find what they need, in spite of their best efforts.

Thank you for bringing up this point, because depressed people are often so judged when they really are trying their best and suffering so much and there is such a lack of compassion.

I guess it's hard when you see a depressed person needs to do something to help themselves, or to somehow be helped, but they are resistant to help to the point of suicide. I feel I've got to intervene for my relative's precious life, which is so brilliant and bright, caring and wise. She is an amazing person.

But, I guess, there is no clear answer, except, try not to seem judgmental. Offer suggestions. I can't force her to do anything, because she's an adult. I can only try to be there for her as a friend and a family member.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

hello all, i'd like to join in on the conversation, but the main point i feel important
for me to share is somewhat "antagonistic" to the general atmosphere.
"Coping" with adverse circumstances is admirable. it is wonderful to discover
techniques that enable continued progress through difficulties, and to share
those ~ fantastic!
my concern is that after this plateau is reached, we might become contented
and not complete the job.
by formalizing a series of coping mechanisms, there is the possibility that we
could be "stabilizing" the problem, entrenching it into permanence.
i don't feel that depression is something that we'll want to make permanent
(i do not believe that it occurs "naturally", nor that we cannot eradicate it).
for every effect, there is a cause.
identifying the cause is our key to understanding.
with that understanding, we can eliminate the problem.

additionally, i don't think cynicism is gonna be a very useful tool.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by Louisa

I think there is a lot of good in the world, but it's often like people will only be good up to a point. If you're too difficult for them to relate to, they'll be cold and selfish. That is almost everyone. There are a few exceptions, but, if you're one of the "hard to understand" ones, you might not be lucky to find one of those exceptions to be there for you as you need.

So well-stated, this is what I meant but you expressed it much more clearly.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by H:O:R:A:C:E

additionally, i don't think cynicism is gonna be a very useful tool.

The thing with me - which drives certain true-believers in the Christianity forum nuts, lol - is that I can believe one thing, but still remain open to other possibilities, including the opposite idea and belief.

Is my cynicism good for me? Yes. Is cynicism in general a good thing? Not so much, I would say. So is my cynicism still good for me? Hmm, now I'll have to re-evaluate.

Regardless however, it ultimately comes down to one thing: What is good, for the particular individual, in this particular moment in their life? And that question really has as many answers as there are people.

[Louisa]

Hi Horace, I think that sometimes people can do more than cope, but sometimes they can only cope, .. There may be a point at which they can do more than just cope, but that might not always be possible. Yes, if one can totally heal, that is great. My own depression is stabilized. I believe there is a difference between feeling cynical and alone and being clinically depressed.

So, for example, it might seem I'm clinically depressed, because I talk of not having faith in humanity and not knowing if I can carry on without my relative.

But, I believe it's comparing apples to oranges.

Because, if your social needs aren't being met, that is not about depression. It's about social needs. It's about meaning and love that is needed.

It goes back to being too different from everybody else, and not being able to find people to relate to, despite best efforts, prayer, positive attitude, loving god, being still and meditating, letting messages come in from the divine, even having spirit beings who interact on a regular basis with you (as I do). But people still tend to need social company.

So, I have found a way to stabilize my depression. I'm not clinically depressed, much at all, but if my relative, who is my one living adult person who gives me a feeling that I'm less alone and that anyone really gives much of a darn about me.. If she's gone one day, then I don't know that I'll feel like living either.

I don't think that makes me "depressed", but it's more like, if your social needs aren't met, you might just not see the point.

I am still trying to solve this, my own problem, and find ways to make it so that spirit is enough to meet my social needs, and one day I hope to move somewhere I can try to socialize, and hope to find those who can accept me and support me, even if I'm "hard to relate to" for most. But because, yes, because I am hard to relate to for most, I might just not find that.

You can do things to become more relatable to others, but there's only so much you can do because personality is somewhat set, that is what I believe. It's not always changeable in ways that would make one relatable to others.

That is how it is. It's like the deformed chick who the others pick on and push out of the circle. That is life for some people, unfortunately. And those who haven't had that experience, often can't believe it, but it's true and me and my relative both know what that is. It's not always possible to feel like living or to care or to carry on, even with prayer, trying, hope, and all that good stuff. But maybe I'll find I can be happier alone, now, because of all my recently gained spiritual wisdom, and inner wisdom and coping methods and connection to spirit and all that.. Maybe.. I haven't tried living on my own yet, with all these newly gained tools.. I will see, if that ever happens.

But, that is my take on it. Based upon much personal experience.