Spiritual Forums

Home


Donate!


Articles


CHAT!


Shop


 
Welcome to Spiritual Forums!.

We created this community for people from all backgrounds to discuss Spiritual, Paranormal, Metaphysical, Philosophical, Supernatural, and Esoteric subjects. From Astral Projection to Zen, all topics are welcome. We hope you enjoy your visits.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest, which gives you limited access to most discussions and articles. By joining our free community you will be able to post messages, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload your own photos, and gain access to our Chat Rooms, Registration is fast, simple, and free, so please, join our community today! !

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, check our FAQs before contacting support. Please read our forum rules, since they are enforced by our volunteer staff. This will help you avoid any infractions and issues.

Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Death & The Afterlife

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 19-03-2014, 08:04 AM
Belle Belle is offline
Master
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 8,227
 
Grief - how long

I feel a bit indulgent with this - but nearly 2 years on - and I still grieve my dad. It wasn't that we had the closest relationships, it was one that was complicated but I'm filled with happy memories (rose-tinted glasses perhaps as i forget the difficult times ), but a phone call at the weekend with people who had known him who were talking about him and I found myself filling up.

Yes, I get on with my life, yes - it was better for him to have passed, he was old and infirm and had dementia. He had had it for 3 years and been frail before that - so I sort of "lost him" many years ago - 5 or 6 years.

I simply don't understand why it is so very very raw still, how tears can so easily be triggered. Yes, I accept it for what it is, no - I am not hard on myself for feeling this way as it is what it is. I don't know if the wrench is because it's a human condition of grief, or if he's trying to reach me and I can't hear him.

I wish I would move on - not just for my sake but for those I come in contact with as mostly I've avoided awkwardness when the tear trickles down. It's not that I want to stop missing dad, but I want to stop the emotional reaction, or manage it bettter.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 19-03-2014, 08:24 AM
LPC LPC is offline
Ascender
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: France
Posts: 880
  LPC's Avatar
I am so sorry that you still feel grief at the passing over of your dad. However, it is easy for "little things" such as a casual conversation or some memento to act as a reminder of happy times with a loved one. In my father's case, if I heard a piece of Glenn Miller music (of which he was an avid fan), then it would make me emotional. These things can take years to settle down.

Ultimately, however, the best way to put things into perspective is to remember that your loved one has not "gone away" never to be seen again, but is rather in a different dimension, and indeed can be contacted if you wish. Just send him your love and he will surely sense it. Think of it like phoning a relative in a distant country! You will meet again, in due course.

You said above, " I don't know if the wrench is because it's a human condition of grief, or if he's trying to reach me and I can't hear him.". Either or both of those could apply in your case. Some people take longer than others to recover from the passing of a loved one. There are no "rules" for length of time to regain composure. As for whether he is trying to contact you, that is of course possible. If you are still thinking about him often, or see him in dreams, then perhaps that his way of trying to contact you to say, "It's OK, I'm fine now".

Every best wish to you!
__________________
Do animals have souls?
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 19-03-2014, 08:50 AM
Silver Silver is offline
Master
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 20,100
  Silver's Avatar
Lightbulb

Hi Belle,

As you probably are aware, I lost my one and only son 4 years ago and I still grieve him very much so. The 'personality' of the grief will change over time, as I have noticed, and gosh, I think people grieve for more than just the person, but for the temporariness of life on planet earth?

Yeah, the tough part is that so many things will pop up -- those everyday things that will remind us of them. It's sweet and sentimental that we fill with emotion at those memories, and I think that it's healthy. I think there is such a thing as 'enjoying' these seemingly everyday reminders - because it reminds us we are still alive and enjoying the gift of Life.

I have this as my signature at another forum:

Grief never ends…but it changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay.
Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith…it is the price of love.
~Author unknown~

__________________

Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 19-03-2014, 08:55 AM
Ecthalion
Posts: n/a
 
Belle, 2 years is not very long.
I lost my dad 24 years ago, and though the pain gets more bearable, it never goes away.
The grief you feel will change over time, but you will never be truly free of it.
Have a hug if that helps.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 19-03-2014, 09:26 AM
Native spirit Native spirit is online now
Administrator
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 11,136
  Native spirit's Avatar
Belle,


Two years is no time grief can take a long time to come through, it can take many many years, your dad wouldnt want you to grieve for him now he would want you to enjoy your own life

Namaste
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 19-03-2014, 02:22 PM
pgrundy
Posts: n/a
 
The death of a parent is a major loss. Don't be so hard on yourself. I was still very raw two years in. My dad has been dead 35 years and my mom almost 20 and grief still can pop up.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 19-03-2014, 04:28 PM
fennel fennel is offline
Knower
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 233
  fennel's Avatar
My FIL passed away nearly two years ago, and my tears are still right there, just beneath the surface. I know that when my dad died (16 years ago) it also took quite a while for me to get past my grieving. Give it some time...
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 19-03-2014, 07:14 PM
loved48 loved48 is offline
Knower
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 169
 
I lost a nephew 4 years ago.. This year I am able to think of him without my spirit weeping. I still get a sad feeling, but the weeping has stopped.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 19-03-2014, 07:24 PM
vespa68 vespa68 is offline
Master
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,206
 
I'm greving too and i think there are some days, weeks you think you are better and then there is a trigger that brings it all back again.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 19-03-2014, 07:44 PM
muileag muileag is offline
Deactivated Account
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 3,834
  muileag's Avatar
It will be two years since my dad died this April 22nd. He also had a slow decline and became very frail and weak for a few years before his death. I'm so grateful for the times he comes to me in dreams and I can actually hear his voice again! Some days I'm able to be more objective, and like you I'm glad our loved one's pain is over. But some days, I just want to talk with him again. No matter what your reality of your relationship with your dad (I also own a pair of rose-colored glasses), you're also grieving the passing of all your perceptions of what a father is -- in my case, some one who always took care of me physically. When he was so ill, and since he has died, I've had to come to grips with several fears surrounding my own eventual leaving, how I've lived my life so far and changes I want to make so I don't "waste" my future, and the truth that in many ways I'm "alone."

Be gentle with yourself
__________________
"And, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." McCartney
"Once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right..."Jerry Garcia
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:33 PM.


Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) Spiritual Forums