Falling out of love?

You're welcome. I wish you the best.

Hey,

Keep in mind that as hard as it is its important not to judge your boyfriend atm ...he's got a mental illness which is going to impair his functioning...just like a stroke can impair someone physically, depression can impair peoples thought processes, emotions, levels of ambition etc (this doesn't make them lazy...just sick). I see people having to take time off study and work all the time because their energetic systems are running on low due to depression and it's actually a good thing often. It's a chance for them to recouperate and deal with the toxins/ emotions which need to processed which stops other problems developing down the track. Besides that thought, in relationships it's really important not to have expectations of people, rather try to accept what is and decide whether or not thats right for you or not. I do get the impression psychically like the others said that it's time for you to move on. Rather than blamming it on him though, perhaps realise that you've just matured and want to have a different experience now:) It's okay for you to want that and you don't need to beat yourself up for it...nor do you have to stay with him out of fear:). I experienced a similar situation a while ago so I know how difficult it can be:). You'll probably need to have an honest conversation with your partner soon though.

i agree with laura - the lives i've been male i've made a lot less progress spiritually / maturity wise than the lives i was female. hmm never thought of that before!

Genuine long lasting love is different than the initial wonderful heady feeling of being IN love. If it is the real deal it will survive a long distance relationship.

If it is time to move on or the distance has made you realize that he is wonderful, but not a permanent relationship, TRUST your gut feelings.

You shouldn’t let his issues such as depression guide your life. You may not be doing him a favor to keep the relationship permanent if you realize it isn’t going anywhere. He may not have the strength to end it, but surely he also senses that it is lacking. Let him go to find someone who can be fully in it. His depression could benefit from having someone to connect w/ romantically where he lives.

BTW, there are some excellent supplement neurotransmitters for depression. 5-HTP raises seratonin levels. PharmaGABA & SAM-E are also useful. EFT can be a powerful energy medicine technique.
This isn’t medical advice.

If the 2 of you have never discussed having an exclusive relationship then you are free to date others w/o discussing this w/ him. If the 2 of you have established an exclusive relationship it would probably be useful to clear the air before dating others.

[innerlight]

Originally Posted by Illumine

I don't feel that I have anyone to talk to offline about this so I was wondering, since you all seem much wiser than I, I'd appreciate your thoughts :)

I feel like I may be falling out of love with my boyfriend. We've been together nearly two years and it is long distance (but that has not really posed as much of a problem to me, as I've been in one before). He came to visit me over summer and I just feel that something in me almost snapped, like a light switch to my feelings towards him just turned off. Is it worth me really trying to make an active effort to "love" him again or do you think that once it's gone, it's really gone?

I just feel at a loss as to where to go in regards to this relationship. I feel that I just don't know what I want anymore, our communication has been strained since he got home from the summer visit and I just feel very lost and confused. It's very difficult to talk to him about these things because he has depression and is extremely sensitive to any kind of conversation like this so.. anyone have any words of advice for me?

No matter how hard we can try we can not force ourselves to love a person. It will not happen. In the beginning of a relationship things are in what many call the puppy dog stage. In that state we do not notice many things outside of what is going on in front of us. We are locked onto the feeling that we have with each other at that moment. Without actually seeing more of the picture. We don't need to. At that time we are completely happy with how things are. There is no need to change them.

It's only after we move pass that stage we start to notice the bigger picture and we start to see everything in the relationship. In some cases this only expands the love that the two have. In some cases it breaks the love because they never noticed everything. Or realized once they got past the initial stages of the relationship. That they did not have much in common.

When a person is in a long distance relationship it's easier to not notice a lot of things about the relationship. As you are really just focusing on the brief fleeting moments you get to share with each other. That when you finally do get to meet up again you may notice what was missing. Sometimes you don't notice it at first as you are enjoying being with each other after a long absence.

With your last paragraph you talk about you don't know what you want anymore. That can make it hard to have a relationship work if you are not sure of what you want. Your likes, or interests end up changing, and what you may of liked about your partner before may not meet up with your current mindset. The only thing we can really do when we are in those shoes is to sit down with ourselves and see what it is that we really want. When we are able to define that question we can better understand what we want from a relationship and then see how that question can be answered within our current relationship and if they can continue to grow with us in our new venture in life. Sometimes they can continue with us during our new transitions in life. Sometimes they can not.

I can fall in love with random household objects in seconds.

So yes, you can fall in love with him again. The big question is whether you want to...

[Illumine]

Thanks for all the replies everyone :).

About what I said innerlight, I am wondering if I've got some "issues" of my own to resolve. I know I explained a lot about my partner but I didn't give much thought to me.. I've just graduated from a full time three year course at uni which was intense and I've felt a bit.. deflated ever since I finished actually. It was such a huge part of my life, the effort I put into getting that degree was enormous and for it to not be there anymore, I guess has left me questioning everything I am, all I want.. everything really. In exactly three weeks I'm heading back to uni to do a Master for another year but it won't be all day everyday, I'm hoping that can give me some "me" time because I've felt extremely lost for quite a while now. It's very unnerving and I suppose that is straining my relationship too without my even realising it.

In a way, I guess that is exactly why I ended up on this forum actually.. looking for myself, for answers, looking for something.. I must sound so silly and confused :P

[innerlight]

Originally Posted by Illumine

Thanks for all the replies everyone :).

About what I said innerlight, I am wondering if I've got some "issues" of my own to resolve. I know I explained a lot about my partner but I didn't give much thought to me.. I've just graduated from a full time three year course at uni which was intense and I've felt a bit.. deflated ever since I finished actually. It was such a huge part of my life, the effort I put into getting that degree was enormous and for it to not be there anymore, I guess has left me questioning everything I am, all I want.. everything really. In exactly three weeks I'm heading back to uni to do a Master for another year but it won't be all day everyday, I'm hoping that can give me some "me" time because I've felt extremely lost for quite a while now. It's very unnerving and I suppose that is straining my relationship too without my even realising it.

In a way, I guess that is exactly why I ended up on this forum actually.. looking for myself, for answers, looking for something.. I must sound so silly and confused :P

So it seems then that all that time in school at at uni was how you had defined yourself. You set a goal or what you wanted to accomplish as being you. You were the learner bettering yourself, etc. Now that you have reached that goal you have no definition of who you are anymore. You reached your mountain top. Your climb in that journey is over.

Now it's up to you to define yourself into something new.

[Illumine]

Originally Posted by innerlight

So it seems then that all that time in school at at uni was how you had defined yourself. You set a goal or what you wanted to accomplish as being you. You were the learner bettering yourself, etc. Now that you have reached that goal you have no definition of who you are anymore. You reached your mountain top. Your climb in that journey is over.

Now it's up to you to define yourself into something new.

This is true but I didn't realise how true until I graduated. I guess I should really start looking inwards at myself and re-evaluate what I want/where I want to be. I think it's difficult to see the bigger picture alone and sometimes you just need someone else's perspective to open it up. Thank you, I do really appreciate it :)

[innerlight]

Originally Posted by Illumine

This is true but I didn't realise how true until I graduated. I guess I should really start looking inwards at myself and re-evaluate what I want/where I want to be. I think it's difficult to see the bigger picture alone and sometimes you just need someone else's perspective to open it up. Thank you, I do really appreciate it :)

It can be very hard to see the bigger picture in our life. Most days we go about our lives normally and never get the chance to see something different. Sometimes we fall into routine and do the same thing over and over. It's only when something becomes amiss do we stop and go, how did that happen?

It's these fleeting moments while they may be painful at times they help us to reevaluate our life and see where we are and where we want to be and then do what we need to bring ourselves to that spot.