Vast Disconnect

Originally Posted by Enigmatic

SerpentQueen's post is incredibly insightful and helpful - I believe we are being pulled back to self, plus the retrograde it forcing all the last minute stuff to the surface and/or halting motion... whatever is needed.

There are huge things going on in the world right now, and if you and your TF have manifested in the physical during this time, you both have a chance to be part of the change that's coming.

As difficult as it can be, try to breathe, step back and trust that whatever is happening is for a very good reason. The more you try and flow with the motions, the easier it is to remain within divine love along the way.

Hey lovely - nice advice :)

[DARKEST_HOUR]

Originally Posted by ShiningStar

That's exactly how I feel. The grieving is gone, thank goodness, but he's always there in the back of my mind. He may not be the first thing I think about when I wake up, but give it time, it eventually comes as maybe the
3rd or 4th thing that comes to mind. I also assume some day it won't be there any longer. Part of my fear is if I let go he will go completely from my mind, thus no interest in him if he comes back.....dunno if that is fear ego or not. Maybe I haven't surrendered enough to it.

I too am scared to see him only because I know how he is, in that he has no idea how to explain to me what he's been going through. I am told he misses me but can't bring himself to make contact and explain. He has lots of fear he needs to work on. I think my fear of talking to him is just his reflection of his fear bouncing back and forth. I am ready to talk to him, even as just a friend, and I have opened the door for him to do make the effort, but he won't walk through it.

I think most of our fears is letting go completely and having them come back when we don't feel anything for them anymore. The way I look at it, is if they aren't fearing losing us forever than why should we? Life is to beautiful to be subconsciously waiting for their return. ItS hard, I know it is, as I guy I never imagined myself in a situation like this, but I'm coming to terms that Perhaps we weren't meant to be in this lifetime. Think about it, do you wanna be with someone whom you'll always have to worry about wether they'll run out on you again? Even if they don't realize what theyre doing, I'm sure they realize they're runnin away from Love. And If they really mirror us, why didnt we run as well?She may be in my thoughts all the time, but my mind is set that I can't continue to live like this. If the universe sends me someone else, I won't hesitate to love that person and move forward with my life. TF or not.

[Quest]

Originally Posted by DARKEST_HOUR

Can you describe what you mean when you say "he's just gone" ? Like is he not in your head anymore of what? And how long have you been separated? In my situation she's still in the back of my head, but I'm mostly over the grieving part. Kind of like I got used to the fact that shes there, and someday I'm assuming it won't be there anymore or something. I don know I guess it's just my ego since I'm quite frankly fed up with everything. Just the other day I was asking myself what would I do if she called me out of the blue and told me she wanted to see me?? In a way im kind of scared of seeing her because I don't know what to expect and I don't even know if I'm ready.....Everything just feels ruined cause of this separation, does anybody else feel this way?

Yes, I feel the exact same way, except for being done with the grieving part. I believe my TF moved away yesterday, ie he is still driving ; ) and it bugs me to no end that I don't even know for sure that he is gone or whether he reconsidered his decision. He didn't phone or email or anything, no good bye, he just stormed off last time I saw him. It hurt so badly that I don't even want to see him right now. I was asking myself until today how I would react if he phoned and asked to see me so he could say good bye. I still probably would have said yes, but I would have had to think about it cause it would have torn my wounds wide open again. I'm sure he picked up on this which is another reason why he didn't say good bye to me.

It took a bit of strength to not send him an email wishing him a safe drive home (3 days of driving) but I can't continue to be there for him all the time if he keeps rejecting me. I know he has a hard time with the fact that I'm still living with my fiance, but he knew that I'm moving out, so there is no excuse for him. He could have stayed and not been in touch too but I honestly think he didn't have it in him to wait. He got scared because of the intensity between us.

Anyways, I have really discovered a bunch of superfoods like turmeric, reishi mushroom and other things which are helping me keep my balance. I felt so giggly all day yesterday and after having the mushroom for the first time, I felt like source was pulsing through my body. I could feel the vibrations of my cells, not in an anxious way, just a higher energy vibration, very pleasant.

Good nutrition and exercise as well as meditation, letting go, has really helped me get through this. Focussing on myself, seeing an energy healer, reading books on spirituality, watching inspiring movies, etc. Maybe it's just a time for us to turn inside of us instead of looking for outside gratification and fulfillment. I have certainly been very aware that this is currently the path I'm on. It's not as much fun as it was with my TF, but so be it. It's still part of life, and I'm experiencing it just as much, whether he is physically with me or not.

I have actually stopped dreaming about him since we've been separated which is interesting. I used to get messages from him when I was in a lucid state mostly, but they have all stopped recently. I think it is a symbol of him trying to let me go too...

Originally Posted by Suikagirl

Nahhhh Icke was realiable when he came out, but now wanting to or not he has turned into a Disinfo agent...
Or so I've heard from too many people.

Whatever, something is really changing and for me it has been quite evident the past couple of days.

That's why I said I'm not a devotee. :-)

Regardless, whatever you think about Icke, that particular article lists a lot of facts all in one place. If you can read the article and disregard all the opinion, commentary and Icke's personal conclusions, and only focus on the facts, it's interesting to ponder. For example, it is quite true that there have been mass resignations in the financial industry.

There's been a lot of predictions of doom and gloom, which did not pan out. Disaster averted in the 11th hour, over and over again. I don't know if it's aliens <shrug.. aliens? really? okay...> or what. It just seems to me that more and more "evil" (in quotes, because nothing is really evil) is being exposed all the time, and so blatantly and in-your-face that you have to be in denial --or not just sleeping, but in a coma, to not see it.

I'm not a believer in TPTB, Illuminati, and all that. I think of it all more as a story... with antagonists that are there for our benefit... their purpose is to wake us up to the reality we are in a dream. The dream --- what we call reality --- is just becoming more and more absurd each day. It's more and more difficult to call it "reality" and not instead view it as the dream that it is.

That said, the suffering we've created is still very real for those who are suffering, so it is our personal responsibility to wake the F* up already, and do what we can to help end the suffering. What is in our control? Our own selves.

Time to wake up, and light your inner flame...with or without your twin. Stop waiting on them. Stop procrastinating and ignoring what your mirror is showing you. Stop rationalizing that they are the issue, not you, and work on the log in your own eye. Don't do it because you want to reunite. Do it because the world needs you to do it. No more excuses.

Just do it.

... now where's my lighter fluid?

Originally Posted by Quest

Yes, I feel the exact same way, except for being done with the grieving part. I believe my TF moved away yesterday, ie he is still driving ; ) and it bugs me to no end that I don't even know for sure that he is gone or whether he reconsidered his decision. He didn't phone or email or anything, no good bye, he just stormed off last time I saw him. It hurt so badly that I don't even want to see him right now. I was asking myself until today how I would react if he phoned and asked to see me so he could say good bye. I still probably would have said yes, but I would have had to think about it cause it would have torn my wounds wide open again. I'm sure he picked up on this which is another reason why he didn't say good bye to me.

It took a bit of strength to not send him an email wishing him a safe drive home (3 days of driving) but I can't continue to be there for him all the time if he keeps rejecting me. I know he has a hard time with the fact that I'm still living with my fiance, but he knew that I'm moving out, so there is no excuse for him. He could have stayed and not been in touch too but I honestly think he didn't have it in him to wait. He got scared because of the intensity between us.

Anyways, I have really discovered a bunch of superfoods like turmeric, reishi mushroom and other things which are helping me keep my balance. I felt so giggly all day yesterday and after having the mushroom for the first time, I felt like source was pulsing through my body. I could feel the vibrations of my cells, not in an anxious way, just a higher energy vibration, very pleasant.

Good nutrition and exercise as well as meditation, letting go, has really helped me get through this. Focussing on myself, seeing an energy healer, reading books on spirituality, watching inspiring movies, etc. Maybe it's just a time for us to turn inside of us instead of looking for outside gratification and fulfillment. I have certainly been very aware that this is currently the path I'm on. It's not as much fun as it was with my TF, but so be it. It's still part of life, and I'm experiencing it just as much, whether he is physically with me or not.

I have actually stopped dreaming about him since we've been separated which is interesting. I used to get messages from him when I was in a lucid state mostly, but they have all stopped recently. I think it is a symbol of him trying to let me go too...

Quest, you are in process of leaving a highly codependent relationship. Your twin is simply not going to allow you to fall right into a codependent relationship with him. It is VERY easy to do it -- more so with a twin than anyone else. There's that urge to merge. It is so much more powerful with a twin.

You absolutely need to spend some time without him in your life, learning how to be independent. I would also not be surprised if you spent some time in relationships with different men, learning how to be INTERdependent rather than codependent.

It's a good thing your twin is not even showing up in your dreams. One can become codependent on the spiritual connection just as easily as the physical, in-real-life stuff.

I would expect a long separation, but it will prove productive.

You can do this. Courage.

Originally Posted by DARKEST_HOUR

If the universe sends me someone else, I won't hesitate to love that person and move forward with my life. TF or not.

You know you can ask universe to send you someone else? Just ask. Send out a request. Don't get too specific -- trust universe to send you someone better than you would've ever imagined for yourself.

It's how I met my DH. I asked for another angel, and then the phone rang. Right then and there. Enter harmonious soul mate, stage left....

Does it complicate things today, with TF back in the picture? Only if the three of us want to make it complicated. It really needn't be. Love is love is love.

Originally Posted by SerpentQueen

That said, the suffering we've created is still very real for those who are suffering, so it is our personal responsibility to wake the F* up already, and do what we can to help end the suffering. What is in our control? Our own selves.

Time to wake up, and light your inner flame...with or without your twin. Stop waiting on them. Stop procrastinating and ignoring what your mirror is showing you. Stop rationalizing that they are the issue, not you, and work on the log in your own eye. Don't do it because you want to reunite. Do it because the world needs you to do it. No more excuses.

Very well stated. Espeically the part about the suffering we've created is still very real for those who are suffering...time for an ego check.

Originally Posted by SerpentQueen

Here you go:

http://divinecosmos.com/start-here/d...eintervention1

Why thank you!! I liked this:

"March 13th was also when the ancient cycles of the Mayan Calendar went into full lock-step synchronization."

Bring on the synch!!!

Originally Posted by DARKEST_HOUR

Can you describe what you mean when you say "he's just gone" ? Like is he not in your head anymore of what? And how long have you been separated? In my situation she's still in the back of my head, but I'm mostly over the grieving part. Kind of like I got used to the fact that shes there, and someday I'm assuming it won't be there anymore or something. I don know I guess it's just my ego since I'm quite frankly fed up with everything. Just the other day I was asking myself what would I do if she called me out of the blue and told me she wanted to see me?? In a way im kind of scared of seeing her because I don't know what to expect and I don't even know if I'm ready.....Everything just feels ruined cause of this separation, does anybody else feel this way?

I have grown accustomed to feeling as if he is sitting next to me all the time... and the past two weeks I just haven't felt that. As if the switch labeled HIM has been flipped to OFF. We've been apart almost 3 months.

For my own weird reasons, I have been thinking about what if he just calls out the blue too. I'm fairly terrified myself. I know it will be wonderful.. but only after a very uncomfortable conversation that must occur to clear the air before we could proceed. I very much want to have that conversation, but I am still scared of it.

I don't feel like everything has been ruined because of our separation, way too much purpose for it has become apparent since then. But I still miss him to bits and am weary of this!

[Quest]

Originally Posted by SerpentQueen

Quest, you are in process of leaving a highly codependent relationship. Your twin is simply not going to allow you to fall right into a codependent relationship with him. It is VERY easy to do it -- more so with a twin than anyone else. There's that urge to merge. It is so much more powerful with a twin.

You absolutely need to spend some time without him in your life, learning how to be independent. I would also not be surprised if you spent some time in relationships with different men, learning how to be INTERdependent rather than codependent.

It's a good thing your twin is not even showing up in your dreams. One can become codependent on the spiritual connection just as easily as the physical, in-real-life stuff.

I would expect a long separation, but it will prove productive.

You can do this. Courage.

Sigh, the no dream phase has ended since I had TWO dreams last night. I woke up after the first in which he came to my door, gave me a huge hug and kiss and said he wanted to say good-bye to me before leaving. We just hugged and held each other and he told me he loved me...
I woke up and then drifted off again, only to dream about him again. We were in my home country, sitting on a couch cuddling and caressing each other and telling each other how much we loved each other. I felt warm and fuzzy waking up this morning, in fact I didn't want to wake up. The dreams both felt so real and even now I feel like this really happened...

I get what you are saying. I'm ending a codependent relationship and don't want another one to be based on the same dependency. My TF and I were both worried that we'd follow that same path and we talked about it openly when we were together. Even just simple things like him helping me to feel better, calming me down after work send alarm bells off in him cause he thought this was leading to a dependency... Part of it was that he thought he had to do something to MAKE me feel better when in reality, I was quite fine feeling stressed and going through it, letting it pass on its own.

Anyways, you may be right that there is a long separation coming. I'm not open to a relationship with anyone else since I need to be on my own for a while. It may take me a long time to be ready to start anything with someone else. It hurts but that's what I see in my future. My fiance and I did the long distance thing for the first few years of being together, and I moved to different places for work where I knew no one and had to start all over again. So it's not like I don't know what it is like to be on my own. He was also my first boyfriend, and I was already in my mid 20s at the time, so I have spent most of my life on my own. I'm not afraid of that anymore, like I was maybe a few weeks ago. But I feel like I have come a long ways even in the past couple of weeks only. Since I am so wide open to experience life, it seems like I'm learning my "lessons" fairly quickly too. But not everyone is like that, and it may take him longer to learn what he needs to learn to be ready for us to reunite. I can't reunite with him if he isn't able to speak the truth, and look me in the eye. In a way I'm putting conditions on reuniting with him, and that's a conflict I haven't managed to resolve internally yet since I want to love unconditionally (I do that in the spiritual world but the physical world seems to be a different story for me). I simply know that he has work to do to be ready, and I'm simply not willing to reunite if he hasn't done the work. That's why I have not reached out to him anymore either.