How Does One Let Go?

[SierraNevadaStar]

I just don't know how I am going to do it - even though my twin has done so much to repel me, to put me off. Yes, to a point where I've been left wondering if he ever was truly the person I believed him to be. He got married to a bad person - perhaps someone who is even his 'false twin' - some months back. Despite all of the above, I still find myself thinking and worrying about him often. I'll sometimes go seeking out info on what he's been up to (via online 'stalking' I suppose) and input, on occasion, from a mutual acquaintance of ours.

Anyone with any common sense would probably tell me that he's 'no good' and that I'm 'better off without him' considering everything. And I, honestly, want the absolute best for myself. I once thought he was 'the best,' 'the ultimate,' and now - now I guess I was wrong. I don't even think like him anymore - though, somehow, I still do love him - dearly.

I am keenly aware of this fear in letting him go. I worry if I stop 'chasing' him in my thoughts, or in news as to what he's been up to - and move on with my life, I will lose him forever (although, spiritually-speaking and from a higher perspective, I understand that's not ever going to happen). And yet, I don't know if I can ever forgive him no matter how much heart chakra work I do. I do know, however, that he's my twin. I know this 100%.

He is so lost in this dark, dark wood and I no longer wish to be the same. Not anymore.

How do I let him go? How do I give up a once beautiful, once tangible, dream?

[John32241]

Hello,

Dreams can evolve. My understading is that a twin can run from their, shall we say true love, into the worst set of circumstances they can find. Such is the dynamic in play with these things.

My experience has been that you can make peace with him and his choices. You can elevate your intersts in him to the point where you will move on with your life in a natural way.

These soul bonds are forever. Neither one of you could ever make a choice to alter that reality. However finding ways to make things easier on all concerned would be a good goal to focus on.

John

[Cheshire Cat]

This has been said so many times before, but the solution really is to love and respect yourself more. I think 'respect' is the key word actually. But it's something you don't really understand fully until you suddenly do LOL

[Inika]

hey :)

I worry if I stop 'chasing' him in my thoughts, or in news as to what he's been up to - and move on with my life, I will lose him forever

this is your sword (mental barrier) that is preventing you. it's your reason and excuse to continue putting yourself through unecessary emotional torment.
ask yourself 'what is it I will lose?' what does he give you or offer to you that you will lose if you move on?
This becomes less 'spiritual' and more psychological. The higher perspective understanding is not a reality in this here and now. Being 'forever in love and together'

At some point, you know you're going to have to bite the bullet and move through the pain rather than waiting for him to return so the pain goes away.

Shift your focus from him, his life, his wife and move more into loving your own life and yourself. No rush. take your time in doing it.

took me years lol. Even still, I miss. But it'sa merry go round that never stops unless I move off of it.

At some stage, we need to realize. it's not 'their choice' but ours. What was their choice? us or someone or something else?
Now you make your choice. Put you first :)

[Ariaecheflame]

It is difficult to express to another how one let's go for truely there is no seperation from the eternal.

Letting go of the dream is probably more like it... and getting back to the other dream... the dream of your soul in partnership with spirit.
This dream is the only dream which is not reliant on another human being with the free will to travel the path they decide to travel.

Letting go is a process. When you let go of of something you allow room in for something else. Each time I let go another aspect of a dream which relied on another to manifest.. I opened up myself to recieve more of my true self.

That is the beauty of letting go...
How to do it though?

Jump into it- surrender to it - trust the process - know that it serves the highest good and trust that it will open you up to more... more freedom, more love.

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by SierraNevadaStar

I just don't know how I am going to do it - even though my twin has done so much to repel me, to put me off. Yes, to a point where I've been left wondering if he ever was truly the person I believed him to be. He got married to a bad person - perhaps someone who is even his 'false twin' - some months back. Despite all of the above, I still find myself thinking and worrying about him often. I'll sometimes go seeking out info on what he's been up to (via online 'stalking' I suppose) and input, on occasion, from a mutual acquaintance of ours.

Anyone with any common sense would probably tell me that he's 'no good' and that I'm 'better off without him' considering everything. And I, honestly, want the absolute best for myself. I once thought he was 'the best,' 'the ultimate,' and now - now I guess I was wrong. I don't even think like him anymore - though, somehow, I still do love him - dearly.

I am keenly aware of this fear in letting him go. I worry if I stop 'chasing' him in my thoughts, or in news as to what he's been up to - and move on with my life, I will lose him forever (although, spiritually-speaking and from a higher perspective, I understand that's not ever going to happen). And yet, I don't know if I can ever forgive him no matter how much heart chakra work I do. I do know, however, that he's my twin. I know this 100%.

He is so lost in this dark, dark wood and I no longer wish to be the same. Not anymore.

How do I let him go? How do I give up a once beautiful, once tangible, dream?

It is difficult to let go, I'm going through the same thing myself and I feel I am making progress, finally! He still is in my thoughts regularly, but less prominent and I do feel i'm getting ready to move on. And getting ready to venture out there again soon to find new love. I'm not in any hurry with that though. But I do feel I'm beginning to get ready for that, whereas not so long ago even the thought of dating / dining / having fun / kissing another man felt off. I couldn't see myself doing that with any other man than him.

In any case, what I pick up from your story is that you have to stop thinking for him and filling things in for him. His wife is a bad person. Really? YOU may think so, although it would be worthwhile to think about why you feel that way (jealousy, envy, heartache, in other words: ego?). And even if she is a bad person, it is none of your business whatsoever. She's his wife.
You also have to stop worrying about him. That is also not your business. He's an adult, he can take care of himself, and even if he's to make 'bad' choices, those are his to make, part of his learning and growing here on Earth. It is not your path to worry. Try to see him as an equal, not almost like a child you have to care for. His well-being is NOT your responsibility. if he's lost in the dark, his path, then he's in there for a reason. Everything is in divine order and he's taken care of by Spirit as much as you are. Let that go. And again, it's your perspective that he's in the dark...

Also, stop stalking him online. Cut that out right away. As long as you keep tabs on him, you will keep his vibe -and with that the pain of separation- alive in your vibration.
Start focusing on your own life.
And people saying "he's not right for you", blablabladibla. People say that because they're concerned about you. But that doesn't make him a bad person. It means they're worried, don't know what to do about it, and then they throw that cr@p at you, lol. Such comments have never helped anyone.
So you don't have to believe he's bad, you just have to stop living your life for him, and start living your life for you again.
And trust me, the minute you do that, it will begin to get better. but you yourself are keeping this misery alive by stalking him, worrying about him, talking about him, focusing on him way too much.

Two weeks back I came close to doing what SSDM once said she did: put a rubber band around your wrist and each time you find yourself thinking of him, you snap that rubber band.
I got very close to doing it, as I think it will help you to associate thinking about him with pain and thus help you stop doing it. But I figured my wrist would fall off within a day, haha.
Nevertheless, the willingness to go there helped me to let go a bit more.
Also focusing on my own dreams and future. That is keeping me so busy at the mo, and brings me so much joy, that even if I do think about him it doesn't affect me so much anymore.
And to be honest, I don't think I even want him back anymore, if he hypothetically speaking would want that.
The worst thing, I find, is the fact that he left me for another woman. That was a serious blow. Not jealousy or ego so much, but more that he damaged this intensely deep connection we had and still have. Difficult to explain, not going to try either.

Good luck!

[happyhaunts03]

Letting go is nearly impossible. I don't see it as letting go as much as looking at it another way. I moved on in the sense that I am happily married to a man who is most definitely not my TF. But, I think in a true TF relationship, you can't ever fully let go. Instead, you realize that the connection you have is a beautiful thing and that you don't need to be romantically involved to have that connection. You start to work on yourself and stay away from your TF. You discover what makes you special and start spreading the energies you've experienced to others.

Good luck. It's hard, but if you're determined, you'll get through.

[ssdm1]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

It is difficult to let go, I'm going through the same thing myself and I feel I am making progress, finally! He still is in my thoughts regularly, but less prominent and I do feel i'm getting ready to move on. And getting ready to venture out there again soon to find new love. I'm not in any hurry with that though. But I do feel I'm beginning to get ready for that, whereas not so long ago even the thought of dating / dining / having fun / kissing another man felt off. I couldn't see myself doing that with any other man than him.

In any case, what I pick up from your story is that you have to stop thinking for him and filling things in for him. His wife is a bad person. Really? YOU may think so, although it would be worthwhile to think about why you feel that way (jealousy, envy, heartache, in other words: ego?). And even if she is a bad person, it is none of your business whatsoever. She's his wife.
You also have to stop worrying about him. That is also not your business. He's an adult, he can take care of himself, and even if he's to make 'bad' choices, those are his to make, part of his learning and growing here on Earth. It is not your path to worry. Try to see him as an equal, not almost like a child you have to care for. His well-being is NOT your responsibility. if he's lost in the dark, his path, then he's in there for a reason. Everything is in divine order and he's taken care of by Spirit as much as you are. Let that go. And again, it's your perspective that he's in the dark...

Also, stop stalking him online. Cut that out right away. As long as you keep tabs on him, you will keep his vibe -and with that the pain of separation- alive in your vibration.
Start focusing on your own life.
And people saying "he's not right for you", blablabladibla. People say that because they're concerned about you. But that doesn't make him a bad person. It means they're worried, don't know what to do about it, and then they throw that cr@p at you, lol. Such comments have never helped anyone.
So you don't have to believe he's bad, you just have to stop living your life for him, and start living your life for you again.
And trust me, the minute you do that, it will begin to get better. but you yourself are keeping this misery alive by stalking him, worrying about him, talking about him, focusing on him way too much.

Two weeks back I came close to doing what SSDM once said she did: put a rubber band around your wrist and each time you find yourself thinking of him, you snap that rubber band.
I got very close to doing it, as I think it will help you to associate thinking about him with pain and thus help you stop doing it. But I figured my wrist would fall off within a day, haha.
Nevertheless, the willingness to go there helped me to let go a bit more.
Also focusing on my own dreams and future. That is keeping me so busy at the mo, and brings me so much joy, that even if I do think about him it doesn't affect me so much anymore.
And to be honest, I don't think I even want him back anymore, if he hypothetically speaking would want that.
The worst thing, I find, is the fact that he left me for another woman. That was a serious blow. Not jealousy or ego so much, but more that he damaged this intensely deep connection we had and still have. Difficult to explain, not going to try either.

Good luck!

Instead of thinking of "letting go" try thinking of this as "surrendering." You surrender to what the twin flame relationship is and learn to accept it and just let it flow. You're not "letting go" of the person, just the expectation of being with them.

The part I highlighted above really does work. Decades ago it was the only way I was able to get him off my mind and free myself to be able to move on.

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by ssdm1

Instead of thinking of "letting go" try thinking of this as "surrendering." You surrender to what the twin flame relationship is and learn to accept it and just let it flow. You're not "letting go" of the person, just the expectation of being with them.

The part I highlighted above really does work. Decades ago it was the only way I was able to get him off my mind and free myself to be able to move on.

Yes, it's an excellent idea, simple but effective. It doesn't differ much I suppose from this experiment with the dog and the bell (or was it a monkey?).

As for the letting go of the person vs the expectation, I want both. Maybe that will change in the future. But I think keeping him in my life, even if it's in the background, will be more difficult than not having him in my life at all anymore.
As TFs, I think each moment of contact will bring back the feelings of what we are not having anymore while we know how good it is to have it.
I'm taking small steps in this, it's a process. I've archived our chat history on my phone a few weeks back so I don't see him in my contact list anymore each time I open WhatsApp.
Then last week deleted his phone nr. That was hard. I cried. But it felt good, liberating. Next step will be unfriending him on FB. That is difficult, as I cannot undo that. But it'll come.

[ForgedInFire]

Wow.. amazing some of the DF are the most unawake there is. Keep on blaming your mirror who shows you all your wounds. Im sick of the professional victim status members crying for attention they dont deserve. You wont get anywhere. And way to go DF with blameshifting and still doing the most immature things that you will regret later.. Its just so fun to get on the The DF pity party forum anymore. WAH my twin flame.. he shows me all my wounding.. its all his fault and he is such a bad person.. wah delete his number wah delete him from facebook wah hes a narcissist. wah hes YOUR MIRROR REFLECTING YOUR TOXICITY AND WOUNDING.

DEAL WITH IT.

Do any DF realize why you are the ones who learned about twin flames and not the DM? Because you are the ones who chose to be the heavy healing workers in this lifetime.. but fail to do so. And do nothing at all but whine and complain on here for sympathy. All you do is complain about your twins and yet do nothing concerning yourself. The obsession with the who what where when why and how divine masculine is repulsive. Its no wonder why they dont want anything to to do you. You wont even pay attention to yourselves either! So why should they be forced to do something you all wont even do?

The DF who complain the loudest about their twin flame are the ones who are in reality complaining about themselves. .

And never take the advice from runners either.. they know nothing but separation and living a life filled with lies.

To the OP.. you want to know how to move on/let go from yourself? You cant. Face your issues you are being show and heal them or you will not get anywhere but suffer needlessly. Stop blaming your twin for your problems and wounding and heal them.

It should be obvious by now that whatever you have been doing to this point isnt working so how about change what you do?