I want to die.

[TheDivineOne]

Originally Posted by Lynn

Hello

We may not get the life that we want in this lifetime but that does not mean that we get the easy way out of it. We have a journey we must take for the Soul that is within us so do we not owe that Soul to do the best for this life.

I came into this life unhappy to be female, I even tried to go out of ie at birth. I did not get to. Then at 19 I was told I could never have children, so I so wondered what this life was for if I had to be female. WHY no kids.

I have three kids I had them late in life but I have them, so this was part of the life path I would have missed out on. I too now have the most wonderful man in my life, again late in life we found each other but again I would have missed out on this aspect.

I spent 33 years of my now 54 years of life in an abusive relationship and I did not hide from that experience but I grew from it into whom I am now. I now can say to others "I have walked in your shoes" and help them not spend 33 years in that place like I did. I too know now what LOVe feels like and what a gentle touch is like.

I am happy to have life's breath in me, yet there were so many times in my life I did ask for death to find me and take me away from it all. I had a NDE and that too was a lesson event that did not take me out.

Life is not easy and I know that mine still is not easy but it is life. I bless that very breath I take in and out each morning as I wake. Find something small to cherish in life and build upon that and see where the journey takes one. Remember that the next life in could be even worse if we do not maybe do our best in this one.

Lynn

Hello Lynn. Thanks for replying.

I'm really sorry to hear about the things you've endured. I get that life isn't particularly easy. Other than embracing my womanhood after i'm finished my transition, that'll be pretty much all i'll ever appreciate being that i have absolutely nothing else to live for.

At this rate, i still feel cavalier about life itself and feel myself at the point where i still don't feel like living a long life, that me being alive isn't something i appreciate very much, but i do keep telling myself i have my life after transition to look forward to, maybe then i'll have something that makes me happy in life.

And in my next life that i am female, i get that my life won't be easy then but i hope that at the very least it's easier and that i remember that this is what i really, so desperately wanted so then i'll take better care of myself and well-being.

[PeaceLilly]

As I have gotten older and experienced suffering, watched others suffer, I no longer believe in hell, I believe hell is on earth.

For what ever reason we come to earth, some say to learn, experience sensations only possible to feel while we are earth bound, it does make me wonder why.

Reincarnation to earth to face an earth life of suffering? Why, when our life as a spirit is peaceful, loving? What lessons are we looking for??

Many questions.

Originally Posted by TheDivineOne

I guess the point of this lifetime was for me to appreciate being a woman for all it's worth and to not take it for granted. That's what it seems anyway.

The only thing i have to look forward to is finishing my transition, and then in my life after this being a full-fledged female from birth to death, and then repeat.

Edited to add:
People keep saying life is precious. But at this time I don't feel that way. Living this life is something i take for grated. I don't appreciate life when I've spent 20-something years of my life being somebody i'm not. Only when i am a girl is then when i will appreciate life for everything it's worth. But until then i don't mind maintaining my cavalier "I've learned my lesson, so can i go now?" attitude.

Hmmm... that is a bit of a gamble. If you are right, and you really have learned all that this life experience has to offer, then perhaps you are better off dropping out of school. On the other hand, if not, then the life you have to repeat may be rather similar to the one you are living now. Most people I know who dropped out of school ended up struggling later on... but there are those stories of drop outs who became entrepreneurs and billionaires, so who knows.

I do think that regardless of what lesson(s) life has to teach us, believing we already know it will make it harder to learn. Perhaps suffering is what it feels like when life is trying to bestow a bit of wisdom on us and we, thinking we already have it, are resisting. Perhaps many things in life have to be learned the hard way, and that way just keeps getting harder and harder until we realize we don’t really know what we thought we did and we open ourselves back up and let life teach us.??

I suppose it is possible that you are a fast learner and have learned everything this life story has to teach you and you can now not pay attention, skip class, or just drop out. But that is a bit of a risk... you would not want to find yourself in a women’s body in the next life convinced life would be prefect if you could just be a full-fledged man. Anyway, it’s your education, I expect that one way or another we eventually gain the wisdom our souls need and desire.

[lauterb]

Dear TheDivineOne

Sorry to say but everyone has their lessons to learn during it life time! How can you be sure this lesson you mentioned is the only one you have to learn and you can go to the next lesson in the next life?

Dont waste your time! Our life is precious because it was given a certain time to: pay our debts (and this is what I feel from what you told here), to change our behavior (from bad to good), do good for others, grown in knowledge and morally! This is the basics!

Dont loose e the opportunity to do as much as possible now and dont let for later. Later could be more difficult!

Great that you have learnt this lesson you mentioned but there so much to do.

Dont pray to death, death dont exist! You will wake up in spiritual world and will regret those things you could have done and let for later!

Sorry again but right now your situation is even worst, thanks to this post... you will not have the benefit to say in your defense : " oh I didnt knew that" or " I never heard about this".

Now things got really serious for you!!!

Although no one can go back and make a fresh start, anyone can start now and make a new end! - Francisco Candido Xavier

[Titortastic]

Originally Posted by TheDivineOne

Hello Lynn. Thanks for replying.

I'm really sorry to hear about the things you've endured. I get that life isn't particularly easy. Other than embracing my womanhood after i'm finished my transition, that'll be pretty much all i'll ever appreciate being that i have absolutely nothing else to live for.

At this rate, i still feel cavalier about life itself and feel myself at the point where i still don't feel like living a long life, that me being alive isn't something i appreciate very much, but i do keep telling myself i have my life after transition to look forward to, maybe then i'll have something that makes me happy in life.

And in my next life that i am female, i get that my life won't be easy then but i hope that at the very least it's easier and that i remember that this is what i really, so desperately wanted so then i'll take better care of myself and well-being.

Can't you see the beauty of it all? We are surrounded by it, woven by it, integrated with it. All of lifes trials are there for a reason. Everything is connected. The moment that led me to comment on this post might not have happened if I didn't have EVERY SINGLE MOMENT in my life. Just as the moment you posted, your life led you to that specific moment...for a reason. All of your connections are being accounted for. Human, nature, animal, etc. Your life is a series of present moments that make both the past and future simultaneously.

Your energy is constantly influencing the energy surrounding you and vice versa. Had I decided not to open my computer today would I have flipping through the spiritual forums and ran across this post? Would I eventually have seen it? Was I destined to write something? Were you destined to have the life you had for a reason? I believe wholeheartedly we decide the value of ourselves...good or bad.

Everything in this world exists because it must exist. You have to decide what to do with the way the world plays out. I choose to see as much beauty as possible because I can sense the connectivity ...I can feel it. The reason we desire friends and lovers is because it is built into our human infrastructure.

You too can choose to look at lifes challenges as necessary rather than obligatory.

Imagine the impact you could have and already have. You've inspired me to devote 30 minutes of my time to your thoughts :) Think about the people you come into contact with on a daily basis. Everything is everchanging and its beauty is inescapable.

[Sugar-n-Spice]

Hmmm sorry I only read the OP and I relate many times but we have to keep living so just wanted to let you know someone else out there understands (except for the start over part in my case...i have regrets yes but start over??? Geez... too much man.)

Find your way in this lifetime ♡ much love to you!

[Golden Eagle]

Originally Posted by TheDivineOne

Death is something I look forward to.

I don't enjoy this lifetime at all.

This lifetime feels like Hell.

I want to die, then reincarnate.

I want to experience what death is like.

I want to experience what reincarnation is like.

I don't want to live long or to grow old.

I want to be born female in my next and in many succeeding lifetimes.

This lifetime feels agonizingly long as I await it's end.

I want to start over and have a redo.

How many more times until you decide to LIVE TRULY?

You have already reincarnated and died many times ......

How many more unhappy lifetimes do you want ..... you will get that.

If your Life completely SUCKS .... AWESOME! Why? Exhausted ..... worn out .... is an Awesome TIME to Truly LIVE!

Let your EGO die so YOU can KNOW LIFE!

Go on a Guided Shamanic Journey WITHIN ~

Or is it LIVING TRUE that truly is what you (ego you) FEARS!??

For EGO is more terrified of LIFE than death ~

Ego survives death if CLUNG too ~

and that makes the next life suck all over again~

A Course In Miracles ~

Time to take the Course ~

[TheDivineOne]

I'm already dead.

[Sugar-n-Spice]

Originally Posted by TheDivineOne

I'm already dead.

So many *hugs*

[MergingWolf]

for the longest of times I wanted the same thing, to die, I wanted it so badly I even dreamt of it every night, and many times became very lucid after being shot in the neck in one of my dreams, but I have a lot i'm looking forward to before I take the plunge , like merging with my higherself and inspiring the masses to follow their dreams and heal the world. I suggest If you want to go thru the motions, and experience what it may feel like to die , do it in dream world its satisfying, maybe you just need to experience it a few times in dream to get your fill then let go.

I still want to die every once in a while when I fail at achieving what I set out to do, Astral projecting, imaging how many fails I go thru and that's how many times I think about death, astral projecting is the one way I can get started on what I mentioned above but I fail at it a lot, but I keep trying, find a passion to pursue, it helps a lot.