Spiritual Grandmotherhood

I've undergone a pretty interesting year so far. Let my hair go grey for one thing. Just got tired of colouring it every month. It has really transformed how I see myself and my purpose in this stage of my life.

Ran into a long-time friend and one of the first Elders I ever learned from, M.L., a few weeks ago. It was definitely a divine intervention on Creator's part, I had been thinking about her so much lately and then - ping! There she is at a downtown Indigenous co-op shopping for a new dress while I went there to pick up some food for a ceremony feast.

We had lunch and I told her about the transformation I had been undergoing not only physically but emotionally too - I've been feeling more "grandmotherly" toward the children I work with, and while it's been meaningful it's also felt a little strange. Why now? I don't have children of my own - what is going on, I asked her.

She asked me my age and when I told her, she said, "When women reach the age of around 52, they transition into the role of the spiritual grandmother."

So it totally makes sense why I've been feeling the way I do lately around children - they make me so happy with all their moods and impulses, they amaze me with their resilience and wisdom, and they soften my heart with their tears.

I like being a Kookum!

[Tobi]

Dear Raven Poet,
I am also letting my hair go grey. It matches my new wrinkles! LOL! Well....why not? Why do women have to look like they are eighteen all the time? There is so much stress and unhappiness attached to those things.

I am not Native American, but completely empathise with the sacredness of the "grandmother" or "Crone" aspect of womanhood. This modern culture does everything it can to avoid it! Why I wonder??

[Shaunc]

Originally Posted by Tobi

Dear Raven Poet,
I am also letting my hair go grey. It matches my new wrinkles! LOL! Well....why not? Why do women have to look like they are eighteen all the time? There is so much stress and unhappiness attached to those things.

I am not Native American, but completely empathise with the sacredness of the "grandmother" or "Crone" aspect of womanhood. This modern culture does everything it can to avoid it! Why I wonder??

I'm not native American or female but what you just wrote reminds me very much of Buddhism.
The Buddha stated that there are 4 things mankind can not avoid.
They are suffering, sickness, old age and death.
I wonder why in my culture (western 1st world culture ) these 4 things are avoided as much as possible.
Even in things like employment, older people are often overlooked despite often having more experience and a greater sense of loyalty than younger applicants.
Yesterday was my wife's birthday, and it affected her when she started looking at old photos from before we had kids and were married.
Things are back to normal today, well as close to normal as it gets around here.

Originally Posted by Tobi

Dear Raven Poet,
I am also letting my hair go grey. It matches my new wrinkles! LOL! Well....why not? Why do women have to look like they are eighteen all the time? There is so much stress and unhappiness attached to those things.

I am not Native American, but completely empathise with the sacredness of the "grandmother" or "Crone" aspect of womanhood. This modern culture does everything it can to avoid it! Why I wonder??

Hey there, Tobi! Good to hear from you.

Yeah, it doesn't matter what our cultural or ethnicity is, each world culture seems to have special teachings about Elderhood.

But you're right - these teachings do get buried under a huge wave of age-phobia. Which is so ridiculous because aging is going to happen to everyone who gets to this stage in life. And women have a particular pressure to resist aging and its related appearances.

But we'll keep it real, hey? Surrender to all stages of life as part of this sacred path.

Originally Posted by Shaunc

I'm not native American or female but what you just wrote reminds me very much of Buddhism.
The Buddha stated that there are 4 things mankind can not avoid.
They are suffering, sickness, old age and death.
I wonder why in my culture (western 1st world culture ) these 4 things are avoided as much as possible.
Even in things like employment, older people are often overlooked despite often having more experience and a greater sense of loyalty than younger applicants.
Yesterday was my wife's birthday, and it affected her when she started looking at old photos from before we had kids and were married.
Things are back to normal today, well as close to normal as it gets around here.

Hi, Shaunc. I love hearing my SF friends make connections to other world beliefs and cultures. So many similarities.

Yeah, western/developed nations are so terrified of the natural phases of life. No wonder your wife was affected - we hear so many messages subliminally every day about how horrible suffering, sickness, old age, and death are. Those sacred teachings from Buddhism and other spiritual views disappear beneath all the frenzy to look good and stay young. To believe the lies about aging and death would terrify us when we first notice this natural process is happening to us too. When I first really stopped and looked at the grey on my head, it was a moment of humility - I realized that I am not immune to this biological destiny of human life.

It just makes the suffering all the more harder, if you ask me. Because Buddhism also teaches about surrender, right? I love the Dalai Lama - whenever I can, I like to listen to his teachings. And there is something powerful in the act of surrender. Not always easy to do, but when you go through it, life just seems to be easier.