tf breaking up other relationships

Hibiscus · #1 07-05-2016, 07:25 AM

Did you meet your tf while one or both of you was with someone else? I met mine while we were both dating other people, this was high school so it's not like we were ruining marriages or something... But we started spending time together and there was no denying what was happening between us. It was so much more than sex and the connections with our so's at the time came nowhere close to comparing. But it was still wrong and eventually the guilt got the better of us and we both broke up with our current relationship partners. That was a turbulent and dramatic time so being together after that just didn't feel right. A few months later he jumped into a relationship with a new girl. I was heartbroken but something kept telling me it wouldn't last... I also found a new boyfriend but we were wrong for each other on so many levels. Fast forward a couple years and we start talking again, borderline emotional cheating or at least crossing a line due to our history. I tried but I couldn't fully let it go cause I kept literally picturing him hanging out at my place, like I just knew we'd see each other again. And sure enough he broke up with his gf a while later and we started talking again. I was still in my dysfunctional relationship, although I didn't tell him that right away. He finally agreed to meet up with me in person and I had to be honest and tell him everything. He wasn't very pleased and I thought that might really be it for good. Either way though I couldn't stay with this other guy. So this is the second time I'm ending a relationship because I've seen what's really out there and nothing compares.

I spilled my heart out to my tf but heard nothing until he found out I'm really ending things with this guy. He's open to reconnecting now. Except this time I'm over the expectations and ego and the demand for answers on "where things stand". If you really love something set it free.. we've already saved each other from potentially unhappy futures with the wrong people, it's hard to not have definite answers but I have to trust there's a process going on here. We wouldn't keep coming back into each others lives if there's no reason

So anyway that's my rant, thanks for listening. Let me know if anyone can relate?

Hibiscus · #2 07-05-2016, 03:41 PM

Now I'm wishing we could delete or edit posts cause I was feeling a bit too honest yesterday and don't know why I even wrote this, sorry...

ForeverRestless · #3 07-05-2016, 04:01 PM

Hibiscus, you can edit posts if you are more active on the forum. We get different permissions based upon our contributions.

H:O:R:A:C:E · #4 07-05-2016, 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hibiscus

Now I'm wishing we could delete or edit posts cause I was feeling a bit too honest yesterday and don't know why I even wrote this, sorry...

you might be able to have this thread deleted.
i don't know.
ask/message a moderator.

honesty is good.
be your authentic self and take pride in that authenticity.

#5 07-05-2016, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hibiscus

Now I'm wishing we could delete or edit posts cause I was feeling a bit too honest yesterday and don't know why I even wrote this, sorry...

What's wrong with "a bit too honest." If you're hoping for sincere responses that would seem the way to go.

Hibiscus · #6 07-05-2016, 08:20 PM

Thanks for the replies, I suppose since its already out there I'll just leave it up.

And I guess if I'm honest with myself I was sort of just hoping someone would tell me I'm not a terrible person? Obviously even if someone is your "tf" there's no excuse to cheat. And the next relationship I got into was abusive (I'd never been in that situation before) but the guilt was so strong that I think on some level I thought I deserved it.

That was my dark night of the soul, I found spirituality and became more convinced than ever this tf/sm had come into my life to teach me something (he was "awake" before I was).

Now everything is changing once again and idk if there's really a shot with this guy but if we've made it through all this time and craziness and are still able to just pick up where we left off I think there's still hope.

So I guess I was also just curious, you hear a lot about runners and unavailable partners in these tf stories but has anyone else actually met their tf/sm and caused the end of a relationship they were formerly in? I feel like a homewrecker just saying it, but in my case he was too and it was for the best in the end. Soon idk all is fair in love and war....? Or no? I'm open to any thoughts/opinions!

wolfgaze · #7 07-05-2016, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hibiscus

I was sort of just hoping someone would tell me I'm not a terrible person?

For what it's worth, I certainly do not perceive you in that light based on what you describe experiencing.... Life places us in rather challenging and complex circumstances at various times - and we try to cope with and navigate our way through those circumstances as best we can with the state of Awareness we are experiencing at the time...

You live, you experience, and you learn (consciously evolve).....

Hibiscus · #8 07-05-2016, 11:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolfgaze

For what it's worth, I certainly do not perceive you in that light based on what you describe experiencing.... Life places us in rather challenging and complex circumstances at various times - and we try to cope with and navigate our way through those circumstances as best we can with the state of Awareness we are experiencing at the time...

You live, you experience, and you learn (consciously evolve).....

Thank you wolfgaze :) I've learned some rough lessons include and love lately but I'm ready to put a lot behind me and start a new chapter.

I might have another chance with this tf guy and I'm much more aware now of how these connections work now. Instead of smothering it or playing games I'm just going to make room in my life and let him know I'm not interested in anyone else...

Sounds like common sense but it's taken 7 years of running and chasing to get to this place. So not that my story is anything to look up to, but there's no shame in having persistence if you feel something is really right, regardless of what you call it

Somnia · #9 08-05-2016, 07:25 AM

First, I want to say there is nothing wrong for posting thoughts from an honest and genuine mind...Even if later down the line you reflect back on what you've posted and may have a new/different perspective on the thoughts you've posted, there is no shame in posting what you are feeling *in this moment* because what you are posting right now is authentic to you, here in the Now...

One thing I would like to stress is when it comes to pursuing potential romantic relationships, I believe it's wise to make a clean break with your current partner if there are existing problems within the relationship that can not be worked on, independent of external influences from other individuals...If you break up with someone for the primary reason of starting a new relationship with someone else, you may carry the same "baggage" with you into the new relationship and the cycle may repeat itself until you clear the "baggage" you hold within you...

selene · #10 08-05-2016, 07:49 AM

Nothing in your post indicates you being a terrible person Hibiscus.

I can relate in a different way... people in my circle do push me to enter a relationship, any relationship... in the year since TF left, I have gone out on dates with a number of guys and I have honestly tried to move on... and yes, I can agree that once you've seen 'that', everything else is coming short. For me, it's impossible.

It's amazing that you have come to the point when you can tell him that you want him in your life. For what it's worth, I only recently was able to tell him that we are 'twins' indeed without him prompting me. I keep thinking lately that I need to ask him to 'come back, please'... and despite all my progress this past year, I cannot seem to be able to do it.

Good luck! <3