Requesting some light input on my lucid dreams =)

[Azmond]

From time to time I get lucid dreams here and there, of course, proportionate to the work I put into it. I do realize it must be hard to talk about levels of being consciously awake inside the dreams, and the perception of phenomena like that on its own. I suppose each experience is personal, and only you yourself can really come to understand how lucid dreaming works for you..However, I have been noticing some consistent happenings in my dreams/lucid dreams, and I am interested to see how others perceive that.

The first one I think, is the fact, that there seems to be no real on/off awake state inside the dreams for me. I feel like there are varying degrees of lucidity. Often I am able to say inside my dreams out loud, that I am dreaming, but I do not get lucid at all. I suppose I already am lucid to some extent, but not what you would describe as having lucid dreams. Often while confronted with an unpleasant situation in my dreams, I am able to access the information of this only being a dream, and therefore quickly resolve the situation by giving myself some super powers or in some other way, but I do not get completely lucid. In fact I still stay completely immersed in the dream story and scene.

This alone poses many questions for me, as I feel like, a lot of my dreams are somewhere in between. Does anyone else experience that and cam give me some insight into that?

My last lucid dream occurred on a night with disturbed sleep pattern through all the night. I had something planned in the morning, so I was feeling a bit anxious, which resulted me waking up many times all through the night. In early morning hours, I woke up again, and then fallen asleep. While inside the following dream, I found myself playing with some sand, that was in a broken part of a wall in an unfamiliar room. Suddenly a soft realization swept over me, that I am asleep, because I remembered that I have been waking up all through the night, and that not long ago, I was awoke in my bed, and therefore I must be inside the dream now. However this realization alone was not enough. Nothing really changed. I had this information, but I would not describe dreams at that point as lucid. I was non the less intrigued by this idea however, while in dream, so I stopped playing with the sand and left the room I was in. I opened the door of the house and stepped outside. I said to myself, if this is a dream I am able to fly. I admit, I had to be lucid to some extent there in order to think like that, but it felt minuscule. I did the test, and softly jumped of the ground, and in the moment I was able to levitate (in my dreams I am a very good flyer so I know my flying) I fully realized I was dreaming. At that point I felt a strong vibrational pulse travel all through my body, and picture became clear. it was only in that moment I could say I gained full lucidity. I landed on the ground, and remembered I should try to focus myself more and gain more control, so I tried looking at my hands. My hands were as expected all messed up, but not sure that was a good thing to do, as when I was looking at them, the whole picture started getting darker in front of my eyes, as if I was closing and opening my eyes. I realized I am loosing control so I focused my gaze elsewhere and dream went back to stable. I found myself outside the house I grew in, so I went around to our courtyard. Not sure, what my plans where at that moment, but I was observing the sky around me. It was night, and I could see multitude of stars and planets, which seemed to be really close, as well as many flying lights that were traveling across the sky. For some reasons, my night dream sky is often like that, sometimes even with giant galaxies seen stretching across. it is just mind blowing and hard to describe but beautiful. Funny I don't remember having any plan on what to do or what to test, which is a shame, but I think I was on to something, when suddenly my cat came from somewhere. It was just insistently annoying, and wanted to climb on me no matter what, which is not how she normally behaves. She started climbing up my leg, and at the same time, my mother appeared on the balcony and started talking to me about something. It was in that moment I started arguing with my mum, trying to tell her to leave me alone since I am lucid dreaming, and trying to get the cat off me, angry at it for annoying me at such a crucial moment, that I lost control and fallen back to unconscious state. I realize how pointless it was from me to even engage in that with dream characters, but at the same time it felt like a calculated attempt at sabotage, which succeeded.

I have to say, that in all my lucid dreams, I find actually trying to still follow the dream I am having and not change it or just fly away, very hard. The moment I start talking to dream people, while lucid, I seem to loose control, which is a shame.