Holding our dead ones close to us

[PeaceLilly]

Do you think we hold the spirits of our deceased loved ones close to earth by our grieving? Does it hurt them when we can't move on? My family lost a young member and I have family members that are stuck in grief (they are in counseling). The pain of loss of so many has to affect the spirits.

[baro-san]

Originally Posted by PeaceLilly

Do you think we hold the spirits of our deceased loved ones close to earth by our grieving? Does it hurt them when we can't move on? My family lost a young member and I have family members that are stuck in grief (they are in counseling). The pain of loss of so many has to affect the spirits.

Based on my regressions: that isn't the case. When you pass on is like you wake up from a dream.

Sorry for your loss.

I experienced the pain of losing somebody you love. One of such losses started my quest to find out what's happening.

[Miss Hepburn]

I also substantiate that ... when they see you grieve they understand it
is for you.
They are on their own new adventure... 'they' know it is all timing...some are in grief/some are experiencing something else...all
is perfect at each station.

I must say once my grief was so profound...the tears/sobbing lasting for months...that somehow 'someone'
...angels, God, my loved one...
infused the entire room and my being with what I could call
"Heavenly Stardust' falling on me and filling my lungs and chest...the ceiling transforming,
another dimension opened....but, it would not have if the chemistry of tears had not opened the Doors of Perception in my brain...
compassion extraordinaire showered on me and uplifted me.

I hope this was not inappropriate to say...but, in everything there is a reason...our grief/their passing over...everything, the good, the bad and the ugly ...here ...over 'There'...all is as it should be.

But, those are only words until you exp it for yourself. We are gifted with
some insight of this on the Other Side.
Your loved one is fine...grieve long and deep...it's ok.

[MergingWolf]

in my opinion in the beginning yea they stay to mostly say their goodbyes if they hadn't already,but also no, so it really depend on the spirit. I've never got over my moms or my grannys deaths, but they seemed to have moved on gracefully, and come back to visit at times, i'm in a long term depression over their deaths, I greive over them a lot, specially when I see sad things that remind me of them.

I try not to watch certain sad movies and shows, cause I don't really cry for the characters, I cry over the memories they bring with certain action they do and I always wind up thinking of my mom and granny. it happens more often than not.

[*Red-Bird*]

Hello PeaceLilly, it is my understanding that it can indeed hold them here and hinder their own spiritual progress. They care for us and love us as much on the other side as they did in the physical and it pains them to know we are feeling despair, loss and suffering here caused by their physical death. I feel they would like us to understand that they are perfectly fine where they are but they hang around close to us on this lowly plane because they love us and want to somehow sooth us and take away our suffering.

Some cultures view death as a celebration, a celebration of the life lived here on Earth and of the returning back 'Home'. I believe part of our spiritual growth here on Earth is to view death in that manner - they've gone Home! We ought to be happy for them! We will meet them again some day and in the meanwhile it is okay to miss them and to wish they were still around - that's natural, but to feel as if our lives are destroyed because of their loss isn't constructive for them or us.

I had a reading some years ago by an incredibly gifted medium and he had a message for a friend whose husband had passed (he was so good, he actually gave me both their names) - the husband said I was to tell my friend that she had to stop grieving his death, she had to get on with her life and enjoy it because for as long as she was feeling so much despair over his death, he wouldn't be able to move on.

I'd like to say I am sorry about your loss too. Same thing happening right now in my family.

[PeaceLilly]

Thank all of you for your kind responses.

It is so difficult in my family and the person had a huge circle of friends. When we had the viewing people were lined up in the street for over an hour to get inside the chapel and we (the family) were at the viewing for a really long time. So many came to pay their respects, the last time I remember that many people was at my father's wake. Both decided to pass at an early age.

I had discussed with my husband, when a much older relative had out lived almost all of his close family and friends, the wakes are so different for the young compared to the older. The young passing are viewed as a tragedy, the older as a natural part of life.

No one in my area (Southern Bible Belt lol) shares my beliefs of having a life plan before we come to earth. I have learned not to share my views as it can sometimes start an argument!

My young relative and I had a discussion before she died about a mutual friend losing her husband at a young age, she told me *M* must get over the death and go on with her earth life.

I know she is happy and wants us to move on, but it just isn't happening for so many in my family. So many lives are at a standstill because of this death.

It is difficult, especially when they leave us at a young age. When I meditate I send out compassionate loving thoughts to the universe for all that are grieving. Hopefully, some are received lol!

[lauterb]

Dear PeaceLilly

Sorry for your loss.

This is a common type of obsession, one from several types.
Yes this grieving, stablish a connection with the deceased spirit and block him of doing several things, strenghning the pain he feels for those who remained in this side. Everybody loses during this process.

A very simple analogy wold be you (spirit) at work receiving phone calls all the time from your mother (incarnated) telling her problems again and again. You cannot concetrate in your job and become improductive.

They must continue their life, besides the pain, they must pray for the deceased, mentalizing that he is fine, all relatives (from the other side) are taking very good care of him and soon he will be healed.

More details ypou can find at THe Mediun´s Book from Allan Kardec, chapter XXIII ( you can freely download pdf file from internet)

Good study!

[PeaceLilly]

Thank you!

[Colorado]

I think if a spirit is still emotionally or spiritually tied to the earth...then yes, that can be a problem. I have past life memories of being tied to loved ones...days after my death, and watched horses pull my wooden coffin, with people in town walking behind it, on a dirt road to the cemetery. I went to my own funeral. Their thoughts, when they would cry, grief would bring me back to them instantly. I remember sitting next to my girlfriend, while she was lying in her bed crying that night after the funeral.. I was right next to her with my hand on her, but she didn't see or feel me there. One of the most beautiful past life memories was of her....and that moment. She was praying to a star, that she would get to see me again. I remember being alone those first days after my death, so I was still closely tied to the earth. Sometimes complete darkness like death, other times, clips of my grieving loved ones and being there with them as they grieved. Time really was irrelevant...but is measured in these memories for you by earthly time. A young kid dying in war, probably made it a bit harder to grasp and come to terms with my life ending there.

She was about 17 years old when I died ...I was 20 years old.

I think each soul is different, the days after a death are the hardest for a soul like that. I've heard other souls can take a lot longer, and won't let go of their earthly lives...they would feel that grief and sadness more so, than a spirit who has transcended to a higher level of light and vibration. I felt shocked, confused, guilt ridden, and tied to my life there...that's why I hung around those first few days.

I had no idea going into this war that I was going to die. I didn't even think that way...it was a heroic thing to do. We were all going to be heroes...and come back to our small town as heroes. My memory, the day before I died was the worst. That night, I saw a lot of death...and I was scared as hell. It was dark, but we were still fighting. I remember being in a ditch or trench, that night, for the first time, wondering how the hell did I get into this. I still did not think I would die in that war. I knew I was going to get out of there. As the night went on, the fighting slowly started to subside, and things had gotten quieter, and looked calm. We were so scared, and shocked, that we stayed in our trench until later mid mornings the next day, not knowing if it was safe to come out. It was sunny and beautiful out...and slowly, we got out cautiously....and set out with what troops we had...we only made it about a couple hundred yards...and it was then that we were attacked and I was shot in the back of my head. I never even saw who did it. It was a sneak attack...or sniper like attack. I believe this was this civil war. My uniform was some old tan looking thing, but I was so proud of it. I walked to a mirror and admired myself in it when I first got it.

[Tobi]

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

I also substantiate that ... when they see you grieve they understand it
is for you.
They are on their own new adventure... 'they' know it is all timing...some are in grief/some are experiencing something else...all
is perfect at each station.

I must say once my grief was so profound...the tears/sobbing lasting for months...that somehow 'someone'
...angels, God, my loved one...
infused the entire room and my being with what I could call
"Heavenly Stardust' falling on me and filling my lungs and chest...the ceiling transforming,
another dimension opened....but, it would not have if the chemistry of tears had not opened the Doors of Perception in my brain...
compassion extraordinaire showered on me and uplifted me.

I hope this was not inappropriate to say...but, in everything there is a reason...our grief/their passing over...everything, the good, the bad and the ugly ...here ...over 'There'...all is as it should be.

But, those are only words until you exp it for yourself. We are gifted with
some insight of this on the Other Side.
Your loved one is fine...grieve long and deep...it's ok.

What you said is so beautiful Miss Hepburn....and something I have also personally found to be true. Bless you for saying that.