Spiritual Forums

Home


Donate!


Articles


CHAT!


Shop


 
Welcome to Spiritual Forums!.

We created this community for people from all backgrounds to discuss Spiritual, Paranormal, Metaphysical, Philosophical, Supernatural, and Esoteric subjects. From Astral Projection to Zen, all topics are welcome. We hope you enjoy your visits.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest, which gives you limited access to most discussions and articles. By joining our free community you will be able to post messages, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload your own photos, and gain access to our Chat Rooms, Registration is fast, simple, and free, so please, join our community today! !

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, check our FAQs before contacting support. Please read our forum rules, since they are enforced by our volunteer staff. This will help you avoid any infractions and issues.

Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 15-07-2013, 09:54 PM
Fairyana Fairyana is offline
Experiencer
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 464
  Fairyana's Avatar
I've always been somewhat desperate too, always having a crush on someone and it never worked out. Then I had relationships and I found myself not happy also. I guess it was having non fulfilling relationships that kind of had me saying "You know what, I'm great by myself". But even so not much time passed after that and I was having crushes all over again. Perhaps the "desperation" is a normal part of life for most people. And though finding happiness is not going to keep you from wanting someone it's gonna make life a whole lot easier.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 15-07-2013, 10:50 PM
Gem Gem is offline
Master
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 22,073
  Gem's Avatar
I don't know how to come to terms with being single, and I'm not really in the advice business at all. I know what you're saying about all the cliches and that you don't want relationship advice, and you are asking about being content with singledom. At the heart of it is a love issue, and 'just sex' is more like it's nice when someone wants you even at a superficial level, hence engaging sex work services doesn't fulfill the current need.

It's very easy to choose to be single, but it's not a choice to be in a relationship because of the mutuality involved. People even get trapped in relationships out of mutual dependence. Relationships can be heaven or hell.

In my mind, singledom offers a lot of learning as the yearning can give us a lot of personal insight about ourself, and I think it's good to observe the feeling more objectively (where it used to be overwhelming) for the sake of self knowledge.
__________________
Radiate boundless love towards the entire world ~ Buddha
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 15-07-2013, 11:16 PM
Mazulu
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fairyana
When you are happy with yourself, a person will come who is drawn to your happiness. If you are not happy with yourself and put into someone else's hand the key to your happiness, that's not a very solid base for a relationship. It puts a lot of pressure on that person and ultimately we are responsible for our own happiness... always!
I wish I knew the secret to happiness. I'm in a relationship with someone I care about very deeply. But my problem has nothing to do with the relationship. My relationship is what keeps me sane.

I knew a lady a long time ago (she is the cousin of an old girlfriend I once had). She was perfect. She was beautiful. She was smart. She worked at Microsoft. She had a big beautiful home. She worked with starving children in Africa. She was perfect.

She made it her purpose not to settle down until she met the right man. The problem was that she was entering her forties and the men she was dating, football stars, were dogs.

Sometimes you can wait too long to find the right one.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 17-07-2013, 07:01 PM
dreamt
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spectrum
I am a 28-year-old man who am having trouble with girls. I have been attempting to find a relationship (or just sex, for that matter) for a good while, with little success.

I know that one of the most important factors that keep me from getting the girl(s) I want is the fact that I want it so much. I hate being single. I am desperate, and that scares people away. In "Law of Attraction" terms, I am "out of vibrational alignment" with the relationship I want.

Countless times this last year I have told myself that I want to come to terms with being single and learn to accept and appreciate my situation as it is. But I have not made any progress in that area. I have read many books, taken up a meditation practice and even taken a longer break from pursuing girls at all, in an effort to learn to accept my situation. To no avail. I still resent the **** out of it.

I have tried to focus on the good aspects of being single and enjoy those, but I simply can't find any. (People come up with all sorts of examples of how being in a relationship can be bad, but none of them match my experience. The arguments may be very true, but I cannot relate to them, so they have zero emotional power with me. In my experience, having a girlfriend is better than being single in every imaginable way.)

Can anyone give some advice? What can I do to learn to accept and appreciate being single?
You can accept it for the short-term, but knowing that you won't be single in the long-term - you have a strong desire to be in a relationship, so this means it's bound to happen at some point.
In the meantime then I'd say to just develop your own self, becoming the best person you can be (pursuing your own individual interests, and separate from the idea of attracting someone). It will be more likely then that the person you meet will be right for you, and that it will work out long-term.
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 17-07-2013, 07:38 PM
Spectrum
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamt
You can accept it for the short-term, but knowing that you won't be single in the long-term - you have a strong desire to be in a relationship, so this means it's bound to happen at some point.
In the meantime then I'd say to just develop your own self, becoming the best person you can be (pursuing your own individual interests, and separate from the idea of attracting someone). It will be more likely then that the person you meet will be right for you, and that it will work out long-term.
Thanks for the advice. I will try.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 20-07-2013, 10:50 PM
doubledecker
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spectrum
Hi.

I am a 28-year-old man who am having trouble with girls. I have been attempting to find a relationship (or just sex, for that matter) for a good while, with little success.

I know that one of the most important factors that keep me from getting the girl(s) I want is the fact that I want it so much. I hate being single. I am desperate, and that scares people away. In "Law of Attraction" terms, I am "out of vibrational alignment" with the relationship I want.

Countless times this last year I have told myself that I want to come to terms with being single and learn to accept and appreciate my situation as it is. But I have not made any progress in that area. I have read many books, taken up a meditation practice and even taken a longer break from pursuing girls at all, in an effort to learn to accept my situation. To no avail. I still resent the **** out of it.

I have tried to focus on the good aspects of being single and enjoy those, but I simply can't find any. (People come up with all sorts of examples of how being in a relationship can be bad, but none of them match my experience. The arguments may be very true, but I cannot relate to them, so they have zero emotional power with me. In my experience, having a girlfriend is better than being single in every imaginable way.)

Can anyone give some advice? What can I do to learn to accept and appreciate being single?

Important note: I am not asking for dating advice. Please do not give me dating advice. Please do not tell me "just be yourself", "the right one is out there", "just have fun", etc. I have heard it all before, and it just makes me feel worse. This thread is not about how to attract women. This thread is about learning to accept the situation of being alone.

Thanks in advance. :)

you are, in effect, like the sorcerer who says the forbidden words and thus creates his own destruction


you sound like a 'rebel' type of personality and this is where you are going wrong


if you seek 'love' them you must face some kind of surrender to it


but being a rebel this will be alien to you
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 20-07-2013, 11:38 PM
Celera Celera is offline
Knower
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 118
  Celera's Avatar
Some people really do prefer to be part of a couple. Some, like me, really prefer being single, unless we are with just the right person. Even in my marriage I need quite a bit of solitude and independence.

Reading books is fine, but maybe reading books about being single is just picking at the scab. Meditation is fine, but if you are trying to just meditate away your loneliness that again may be less helpful. I think the better answer is to focus on something else entirely. Read books on some other subject. Get involved in something. Use meetup.com to find groups of people doing something that interests you. Don't look at it as a way to meet girls, you'll meet them or not. Make your life and yourself interesting and useful and then some of that "smell of desperation" will wear off.

Or -- try online dating. I know you don't want dating advice, but I also had trouble meeting people who were available/interested, and the online venue helps a lot with that. I met a lot of people, and even the ones I didn't date were nice guys that I enjoyed chatting with over a lunch.

There are a lot of ways to meet one's need for intimacy. And the more you feel good about yourself and believe you have power over your own life, the more women will be likely to take an interest in you anyway. In AA they say "fake it 'til you make it." Sometimes, by believing and acting as if you are a happy and self-sufficient person, you will find that eventually you aren't faking it at all.
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 21-07-2013, 06:18 AM
DelilahD DelilahD is offline
Pathfinder
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 77
 
this is a very interesting topic. For all my younger years i was not aware of my needs and wants. 5 years ago, some crazy love relating things shook my sleepy world and got me stand up and find the reason why am I not happy in the way I am! They say the awakening comes through some kind of pain and that is how it came to me. Now all the point is to find the ways to heal and deal with it.
I do believe in Self love to be a great starting point. And then Surrender to what IT IS makes me calmer and relaxed. Appreciating what I have in life more than missing what I don't is absolutely important to be happy and content. Just sit down and think one by one all you have and imaging you wouldn't have them ?? So be grateful !! Also feeling comfortable with your own skin at all the situation this is the key. Myself I am trying to understand what is it that when others gives me lot of attention i run away, but if they are challenging, hard, self confident, i fall for them but still would't. I know there are still missing puzzle but hey cheer up and enjoy the ride because this is one life which we could either make it or brake it. Happiness is a choice. and if the sadness come on the way, just look at it, accept it, let it go through, and know that tomorrow is not gone keep bothering with you again because you didn't resisted. Choose to be happy no matter what. A girlfriend is not going to give you this. you has to find it in you and share it with her.
well I was talking to me more than to you, but hope this helps you to :)
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 21-07-2013, 07:51 AM
Selbor13 Selbor13 is offline
Experiencer
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: San Diego, California
Posts: 452
  Selbor13's Avatar
What worked for me is realizing that my happiness did not depend on someone else, that and having no issue with loneliness. At the end of the day the only person that is there for you is you so make peace with yourself. People say it's easier said than done... I really don't see the difficulty, then again I have read a bunch of self help books and spiritual stuff which most likely helped me see everything from a different perspective. Plus the fact that society bombards you with the idea that you must be in a relationship; movies, tv, media they all give that sensation of not wanting to be single.

Talk to yourself, get to know your internal self. If you get to know yourself you will no longer feel such loneliness which will help you come to terms with being single.
__________________
{{{OM}}}
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 21-07-2013, 09:28 AM
Spectrum
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by doubledecker
you are, in effect, like the sorcerer who says the forbidden words and thus creates his own destruction

you sound like a 'rebel' type of personality and this is where you are going wrong

if you seek 'love' them you must face some kind of surrender to it

but being a rebel this will be alien to you
I think you are onto something here. I do have a fear of "surrendering" and "submitting" to things.

These feelings also mean that religion is repulsive to me. I resist the notion that I should "submit" to a "god" and accept being under its power. Hence I shy away from traditional religion, and I cringe when I see the word "God" in spiritual literature.

It is a kind of pride, I guess, which covers a fear of being powerless.

Do you have any more thoughts on this subject?
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:28 PM.


Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) Spiritual Forums