I Finally Did It! (I hope he will call?)

Originally Posted by twinkle

In response to the psychic (aka negative energy remover), I think you must take matters into your own hands or nothing will happen. I mean nothing will likely happen within a month (the time you have left at work) if you do nothing. I think these scam psychics like to feel powerful by holding people back in life.

Yea, I am so happy for you that you kinda told him. I can't say he thinks it is anything more than friendship since he does not know you are gay- at least you have not told him. But it is a very good sign he brought up coming over to go to the Farmer's Market on his own. And he tapped you on the shoulder! :)

Yea, I wanted to use some wisdom in it and not put myself out there too much. But this is further than I have ever gone. And at least he knows I'm interested in him as a person now. I really don't think it's necessary to tell him I'm gay. My actions and body language should be enough for him to at least suspect it. And I'm sure that it will eventually come up in one of our future conversations if we hang around each other long enough. I'm just glad that he knows for a fact that I'm interested in him now so he doesn't have to feel uncomfortable, nervous, scared... And I threw in the "I see something in you" (which I do) so he wouldn't think I just want something from him. I meant every word I said. ...Oh and when I said "dap" that's when guys fist bump each other.

And I agree about the psychics. That was only part of our long dialogue. She kept reassuring me that he would come to me on his own, and that I should step back completely. But no matter how much she stressed it, I couldn't see how it made any sense. I just think she wasn't seeing anything about us and was just telling me what she thought I wanted to hear. She kept changing the time-frame and then lastly told me that there was no way of knowing when he would come around. So, basically, all my faith was in her. And judging by her two negative reviews, I couldn't take a chance on her like that and possibly miss out on happiness because of her, while she's sitting comfortably at home probably with her significant other. I believed the whole time that she was simply telling me to be patient because she thought he didn't like me but didn't want me to give up (false) hope; She probably was just stringing me along to get money out of me. She knew I wouldn't be at the job long enough for him to come around---or not come around, and when he wouldn't she could just use the excuse that "someone has put negative energy around you, so there was only so much I could do... Well, got another client, gotta go!" like 95% of the psychics I've spoken to use. They are full of mind games.

[twinkle]

As far as love matters go, I am staying away from psychics. They will only make things more confusing than they are!

Originally Posted by Fire7

Yea, I wanted to use some wisdom in it and not put myself out there too much. But this is further than I have ever gone. And at least he knows I'm interested in him as a person now. I really don't think it's necessary to tell him I'm gay. My actions and body language should be enough for him to at least suspect it. And I'm sure that it will eventually come up in one of our future conversations if we hang around each other long enough. I'm just glad that he knows for a fact that I'm interested in him now so he doesn't have to feel uncomfortable, nervous, scared... And I threw in the "I see something in you" (which I do) so he wouldn't think I just want something from him. I meant every word I said. ...Oh and when I said "dap" that's when guys fist bump each other.

Don't fool yourself, stop living in your romantic fantasy world. "I like you" is simply I like you, I feel comfortable around you, or you are entertaining, or make things happen, or keep filling the uncomfortable silences with words, etc. It means very little in terms of having a truly personal interest.

You expect him to read and interpret signals. A sure recipe for long-term failure for a number of reasons. First, our signals are always weaker and less pronounced than what we think. Secondly, signals, especially weak ones are notorious for not being picked up and if they are are likely to be misinterpreted. Third, he is a man and not gay. If he would be gay or bi he would have engaged with you a long time ago.

Working by subtle hints and hidden meanings does not even work in marriages where there is major sexual attraction and love between the partners, how well can it work in your case?

Originally Posted by Rin

Don't fool yourself, stop living in your romantic fantasy world. "I like you" is simply I like you, I feel comfortable around you, or you are entertaining, or make things happen, or keep filling the uncomfortable silences with words, etc. It means very little in terms of having a truly personal interest.

You expect him to read and interpret signals. A sure recipe for long-term failure for a number of reasons. First, our signals are always weaker and less pronounced than what we think. Secondly, signals, especially weak ones are notorious for not being picked up and if they are are likely to be misinterpreted. Third, he is a man and not gay. If he would be gay or bi he would have engaged with you a long time ago.

Working by subtle hints and hidden meanings does not even work in marriages where there is major sexual attraction and love between the partners, how well can it work in your case?

I knew that you would be a "Debbie Downer" and thought about putting a disclaimer in my post just for you but didn't want to call you out. So thanks for giving me the opportunity to respond to you now.

You have it kind of twisted, bro. First of all, marriages don't need signals because they already know each other. And I don't know if you're just playing a game with me, trying to set me up for a fall..., but you are looking at this situation from a distance; you only know what I've told you but you aren't physically here to see any kind of chemistry that might be there (not saying there is or isn't---I'm just saying). You didn't see his face or hear his voice when he asked me "what are you doing today when you get off?" Communication is 80% non-verbal. Again, you're not gay---out or secretly, so there are some things about this situation that just aren't going to resonate with you!

I'm not saying you're wrong in what you're saying. You might be and might not be. But you're saying things like you know them for a fact, and that is kind of on the arrogant side. But you know what, I'm not going to let you get me down. I take the negative and the positive and consider both sides, in orfer to have a balanced picture. So, thanks for your reply

[Belle]

Well, we will watch this space. And hope for a positive resolution.

But Fire7, stay strong and grounded. This issue has somewhat consumed you for a long time and there is a certain reticence on your part to ignore the cautions and challenges that are placed in front of you - of course we don't know the full story as you tell us what you want to tell us and we are not there, it is always the case.

Appreciate it is a very important issue to you, but I would be happier - much happier - if you focused on your own journey as the route to your happiness rather than connecting with this guy. You have thrown a lot of energy into this guy as being the key to your happiness, and therefore he has a lot on his shoulders.

Just so you know, you will never find happiness with someone else if you cannot find it within yourself.

[twinkle]

Fire7,

How did the rest of the week go with him?

Originally Posted by twinkle

Fire7,

How did the rest of the week go with him?

Remember, I took the rest of the week off after I told him. I'll see him tomorrow (if he comes to work).

[astralsuzy]

Good luck, I hope it goes well.

I can't say that much has changed. I always try to make eye contact with him. Sometimes I walk through a certain area (his station) just to see if he speaks to me, and he always does... it's my subtle way of flirting with him. I don't know if always turning around to catch me looking at him---and saying "what's up" is his subtle way of flirting or not, but at least he speaks.

Since I know he's into video games and he likes the same game I used to like (when I played video games), I asked him if he wanted to come over my place (well, my friends' place actually) and play me in the game. He said he would (excitedly). So, I haven't invited him over yet because I'm trying to learn the game so that I'll be a match for him when I do---so he wouldn't be bored... (of course I didn't tell him this but this is my plan). I stopped playing video games years ago. I'm only getting back into it so I'll have something I can do with him, and since one our favorite games is the same it's not that hard for me to get into it. So, I will come back and update later...

I swear I want to tell him so badly. It just seems like there's nothing I can say that won't scare him away. The spiritual advisors I have spoken to have unanimously commented on him being intimidated by how keen I am, and him being less comfortable with his sexuality... and I can see this even without them telling me... So, it seems that any advance or suggestion that I would make that he could be 'that way' would terrify him! I know how it was when I was around his age and an older guy who was much more comfortable with his sexuality made advances at me; it brought all kinds of conflicting feelings to the surface and really changed my life...!

I don't want to beat around the bush. Because after all of my MA NY hints, he still doesn't get it. And it's still frustrating me. I just want to get it off of my chest once and for all, but I have extended my stay at this job until the end of May, so it would be very very awkward if I make him uncomfortable by being to direct. Yet, I want to let him know CLEARLY what I want from him. I just don't know how to be clear without being too direct.

I still haven't managed to get him outside of work. This past Saturday, he was supposed to meet me at my friends' apartment, at 12:00 noon, to just hang out, play video-games, etc... But just like I thought he would, he backed out at the last minute, telling me that something had come up... He did ask me if I was going to be there later, as he was going to "still try to make it." I told him I would probably be there until 3PM, but at 12:00 I just texted him and told him to never-mind it; I wasn't going to let him get the upper hand again... He speaks to me more at work now, and with more enthusiasm. I'm going to give it another 2 weeks and then invite him over again, if he doesn't come then 1 more time, if he stands me up a 3rd time, I'm just going to give up and come out and tell him, simply to get it off my chest once and for all. I'm just trying to figure out a way to word it that will still be respectful and not make him uncomfortable for my duration at the job.