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  #11  
Old 24-12-2019, 08:56 AM
Evangeline 77 Evangeline 77 is offline
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 22
 
Thank you for the replies everyone!! I really appreciate them, a lot of good answers, a lot to think about.

Happy holidays!!
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  #12  
Old 24-12-2019, 11:17 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 10,433
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangeline 77
I keep hearing this recently but what if I've always been alone. Others joined me for a short time only.
My family was not loving, not close to each other, practically I grew up on my own, they only provided me with food and bed but no love.
In school, I didn't have friends, I was bullied for being fat, that was the main reason when someone talked to me and for a year nobody in my class talked to me.
The same thing happened at my first workplace, 2 older women got angry at me for no reason and they stopped talking to me( it was a good thing though)
I never fit in, the people I thought they liked me, they were only around me until they got what they wanted then they disappeared, others just spent time with me when I asked otherwise they didn't care.
I had enough of this and I just stopped talking so you can guess, now I'm completely on my own, only talking to my brother sometimes.

I have never been in love and have trouble attracting men. It's like I'm invisible for them.

It's not even that I'm attracting negative people in my life. I'm attracting hardly anybody.

What can be wrong with my vibe? Any thoughts would be appreciated as I'm in the dark here and I want to do something. Thank you!!!!
Sometimes we are born into the "wrong tribe" and this establishes the whole "bad vibe" to start with.

We can either see that as a punishment or as an opportunity for spiritual growth...but that is mostly in hindsight. I have been through what you have experienced, but not in exactly the same way.

I am not sure whether you "choose" your parents as part of a "soul contract" or something...I don't know about those things.

All I know is that I cannot change the past, but what I CAN do is look for the tribe I would have chosen to "belong to" and if you hide in a cave, your "tribe" ain't gonna come looking for you, isn't it?

Instead of "feeling lonely", what about doing things you find pleasurable with others who feel likewise? Sometimes we are our own "tribe" looking for itself...looking for a mirror to be reflected in as parts of a greater whole.

It becomes easier to let the past go when you, as a "creator" start with the new "creating".

Listening to Binaural beats and solfeggio frequencies are helping me right now. Also, I enjoy Matt Kahn's "All for Love" series and getting into Qi Gong.

I still need to learn how to "socialise' a bit more and not get too attached/enmeshed in this world and not let it "get to me" but that is still a work in progress.
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  #13  
Old 26-12-2019, 02:09 PM
Evangeline 77 Evangeline 77 is offline
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 22
 
I was thinking a lot about the replies I got and while I was meditating I remembered something from my childhood.
As I said I had a very cold family and I was bullied too and yesterday I remembered that when I was around 13 I wished that people would leave me alone and not notice me so I could have some peace.
I'm still in shock actually, it seems I'm better at attracting what I want than I thought.

Thanks for everyone again and happy holidays!!
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  #14  
Old 26-12-2019, 04:09 PM
BigJohn BigJohn is offline
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Location: अनुगृहितोऽस्म
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangeline 77
I was thinking a lot about the replies I got and while I was meditating I remembered something from my childhood.
As I said I had a very cold family and I was bullied too and yesterday I remembered that when I was around 13 I wished that people would leave me alone and not notice me so I could have some peace.
I'm still in shock actually, it seems I'm better at attracting what I want than I thought.

Thanks for everyone again and happy holidays!!

It appears that at a young age, you learned on your own something most people never get to grasp in a lifetime.

Now having said that, meditate on harnessing what you already have.
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..
.

He dipped the pen into the ink and then faltered for just a second. A tremor had gone through his bowels. To mark the paper was the decisive act. In small clumsy letters he wrote: ........... April 4th, 1984.
..................
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  #15  
Old 14-02-2020, 10:05 AM
symmetricalsnowflake11 symmetricalsnowflake11 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Down under
Posts: 59
 
Hi Evangeline, a lot of others have given similar answers already, but it starts with working on loving yourself first. Using really negative statements like 'i never fit in' or 'i'm always X', those specific words 'never' and 'always' - you're telling yourself these very negative things are true. Try to make a list of specific times when these things weren't true. If it's all negative, 100% of them, well then there must have been times where you just didn't believe you fit in, so you thought 'i don't fit in'. It's called negative self talk. Work on building your self esteem, hopefully this self talk will get better for yourself, and only then will the 'good vibe' people come.

Perhaps there are also people with good vibes around you but you think you're not worthy, so you think they're rejecting you? Or maybe you can give others more of a chance to get to know you. There are good people out there.
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*** A wondering soul just trying to get through life as peacefully as possible. Accept your Yin & Yang instead of trying to fight it. Peace & love will conquer all ***
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  #16  
Old 14-02-2020, 10:06 AM
symmetricalsnowflake11 symmetricalsnowflake11 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Down under
Posts: 59
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangeline 77
I was thinking a lot about the replies I got and while I was meditating I remembered something from my childhood.
As I said I had a very cold family and I was bullied too and yesterday I remembered that when I was around 13 I wished that people would leave me alone and not notice me so I could have some peace.
I'm still in shock actually, it seems I'm better at attracting what I want than I thought.

Thanks for everyone again and happy holidays!!

Hi, I have a similar family to you, and i also (still, in middle age) tend to push people away and keep people out. it's a hard road but you can learn to get better.
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*** A wondering soul just trying to get through life as peacefully as possible. Accept your Yin & Yang instead of trying to fight it. Peace & love will conquer all ***
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  #17  
Old 14-02-2020, 01:39 PM
7luminaries 7luminaries is offline
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Evangeline, hello there!
I think you've got quite a bit of good advice here from others.
It's a good thing to have friends and family you can rely on and confide in. Sometimes folks find their family is more one of their own making. There are also a few reliable group supports that many have historically relied upon, such as faith-based groups and support groups, either of which may have some real support to offer you. With faith-based groups, you may need to find your own niche or subset here as often the hierarchy is stifling, but there can be very open-minded folks lurking within

One caution and others have said something similar...while we do all need support and kindness on our journey, I do caution you or anyone against putting any of your core affirmation for your being in the hands of another person. That is way too much power for anyone else, they've not earnt it, it's not theirs by right -- and for all these reasons, it's likely to be abused if you do hand it over.

I also think in general, there's far too little discussion about the emotional fallout of what I'm going to loosely call "partner relationships".
This is where you currently feel invisible and there are certainly plenty of ways to make yourself more visible -- regardless of current size shape.
Packaging is a very superficial thing but it is highly effective toward that end.

Clearly, a marriage or any longer-term relationship can leave real scars, the deepest of which often never heal and we simply adapt and heal around them, so to speak...and if we gain any wisdom from these things, we proceed much more carefully going forward, and with a far greater and deeper consideration for the hearts and minds of both ourselves and others.

However, I think what we often don't speak of are all the nasty and cruel wounds inflicted in the chaotic, predatory "dating/hookup" landscape, where predators exploit, use, abuse, and discard the prey...i.e., the weaker and the more vulnerable.
In many cases, egregious deceit entails, whereby lies and intentional misdirection routinely form the basis for engagement and for sexual demands made.
Our mainstream society and our social norms promote a toxic environment based on amoral utilitarianism, and it's not meant to foster growth.
It's meant only to momentarily and continuously satiate the predators.
You are a woman, and (unless you are a bent female predator, which you are not), therefore you will be amongst the weaker and more vulnerable.
Because you lack experience, you will be the first to be exploited and used for casual sex -- because the predators will smell not only your physical weakness but your emotional vulnerability.
So whilst everyone needs to take care, you in particular will need to do so, to protect your humanity and your hard-won gains on your own behalf.

I am here to bluntly tell you that currently, it is almost impossible to get to know someone well enough to say you love them as a person and as a beloved friend and partner, before someone demands or requires that you have sex with them "to get to know them". The argument goes, they must penetrate you before they take the time to engage emotionally, in order to know if you are really desirable to them i.e., if there is some basic "chemistry" in place to pursue the relationship. However, I have said many times to men that this is not true -- and for 2 reasons...1) women will largely never feel a deep and enduring sexual attraction to someone they've not mutually got to know and love over some time, and 2) men know if they are physically attracted simply if we kiss or make out a bit.

Men don't have to penetrate you to know if that basic level of attraction is there. Every single man has agreed that my assessment is correct -- but for most, it's just not what they want to hear. Most want what they want, and having feelings for you or getting to know you before making sexual demands is not a part of that. So I caution you against this tedious "rationale" because so many have put it forward to me and many others.

So please don't think it's all down to your appearance, or that you are somehow lacking in some fundamental way. There are loads of YouTube vids for all that, if you need to repackage yourself at any stage of your journey My point is, you could be the queen of Sheba herself and unless you put out sexually after say a handful of dates, probably only a very small % of Western men would continue to date you. Sadly, those are most typically men who are from religions &/or cultures where casual sex is not expected of women AND they will allow you that same courtesy -- but those situations may also be difficult in other ways. We are not yet as a culture at a place where most Western men much past university age (the age of innocence) will meet you on the level of your humanity and your dignity in a potential partnership, and refrain from constant demands for casual sex. Not unless some external tradition or their own separate cultural norms are telling them that it's wrong to use women for sex when they know their intentions are just that.
Because the mainstream norms of Western culture promote amoral utilitarianism...and if we engage under these "rigged" conditions without setting healthy boundaries, the losers here will always the weaker and the more vulnerable.

And this leads to my other point, which is that your emotional, mental, and spiritual wellbeing is at a premium. I do feel you need to weight that very strongly in all decisions you take going forward. Yes, X, Y, or Z gent will have sex with you or hook up with you, perhaps regularly, once you have tweaked the packaging and put out "the signals"...but when you realise that you feel used, you will need to consider YOUR wellbeing first and foremost, and not pleasing the gent. Figure 98 or 99 times out of 100, if you're not on offer then he can find someone else to have at, and often he will do and he won't think twice. But when you offer your body, your time, your attention, and your presence and your very being, it absolutely means something -- and IMO all these things really are treasures best not squandered egregiously.

There is a saying about not throwing your pearls to the swine as they will eat any old grub and could care less. That saying applies equally to you and to the Queen of Sheba, so don't sell yourself short. It applies basically anytime and anyplace we're banging without having taken time to get to know and love one another as people and as beloved friends and partners. You've got your pearls but pigs prefer slop and don't care about the pearls in the mix, unless they've taken time to know and love you as you are as evolved men, as men of character and integrity. And under our current mainstream social paradigm [rooted in amoral utilitarianism], that is still all too uncommon.

Only a man of real character and true integrity will refrain from pressing you constantly for sex (or just moving on in a flaming huff ) when you say you've got to get to know and love him first as he is, so that having sex is loving and doesn't feel cold or forced. Because they know this means several weeks or months, and not just several "dates" before the shagging commences. Because they know that means everyone counts and not just them whilst you or whomever does as they say...and that's a really big leap and a huge stretch for any of us on our journey, considering the humanity of the other equally to our own -- and also (this is for you esp.) considering your humanity equally to all others.
The Creator did not make you as you are to be used or exploited without consideration for all your pearls, which are unique and which are not interchangeable and replaceable.


As you find your footing, just keep this little Kabbalistic saying in mind to help you stand your ground and stand for yourself: "No more than my space, no less than my place"

Peace & blessings
7L
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Bound by conventions, people tend to reach for what is easy.

Here we must be unafraid of what is difficult.

For all living beings in nature must unfold in their particular way

and become themselves despite all opposition.

-- Rainer Maria Rilke

Last edited by 7luminaries : 14-02-2020 at 02:45 PM.
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  #18  
Old 15-02-2020, 07:56 PM
Truth307 Truth307 is offline
Pathfinder
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 65
 
Therapy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangeline 77
I keep hearing this recently but what if I've always been alone. Others joined me for a short time only.
My family was not loving, not close to each other, practically I grew up on my own, they only provided me with food and bed but no love.
In school, I didn't have friends, I was bullied for being fat, that was the main reason when someone talked to me and for a year nobody in my class talked to me.
The same thing happened at my first workplace, 2 older women got angry at me for no reason and they stopped talking to me( it was a good thing though)
I never fit in, the people I thought they liked me, they were only around me until they got what they wanted then they disappeared, others just spent time with me when I asked otherwise they didn't care.
I had enough of this and I just stopped talking so you can guess, now I'm completely on my own, only talking to my brother sometimes.

I have never been in love and have trouble attracting men. It's like I'm invisible for them.

It's not even that I'm attracting negative people in my life. I'm attracting hardly anybody.

What can be wrong with my vibe? Any thoughts would be appreciated as I'm in the dark here and I want to do something. Thank you!!!!

You need therapy. Youíve been bullied and abused and itís affected you, see a psychologist.
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  #19  
Old 16-02-2020, 08:42 PM
Toe-Knee Toe-Knee is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: Manchester/Leeds UK
Posts: 44
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"your vibe attracts your tribe"

Does it though? I think not lol
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