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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #21  
Old 02-02-2020, 11:49 AM
beginners_mind beginners_mind is offline
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"I try to approach my problems from a law of attraction point of view, as in, what you focus on in your life gets amplified...Should I be trying to change my perspective on the way I am treated or change how it affects me?"

The middle way is not to try to change him or change how you react, but to go deeper. Have you tried to communicate your deeper inner feelings to your partner? Not "I feel you're ignoring my needs" which is not a feeling, but more like "when you don't talk to me I feel lonely and worthless." It's true that what you focus on gets amplified, so if you focus on communicating your inner feelings this reality between you both will also be amplified, and he just might start asking himself "well what the heck am I feeling here." Our reactions tend to repell other people whereas our feelings tend to attract people.

The other thing is what first attracts us to another (in your case his earthiness perhaps?), after time, often becomes the thing we grow to hate about the other person. This is because we are often attracted to people who have qualities similar to (not identical to but similar to) one of our parents, and this happens because it is only by being in a similar situation to our childhood that we can heal ourselves. We do this by getting in touch with all the deeper feelings the current relationship is bringing up and communicating this to our partner. Many of them will be feelings we had as children with our parents. Conversly, our partner will also find themselves in a relationship which mirrors to a large degree their relationship to their parents.

The healing of the relationship is of course not guaranteed and the other person may not be ready for the challenge, but in learning to communicate our deepest feelings which we could never do as children, we will bring about a healing of sorts in ourselves.
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  #22  
Old 02-02-2020, 07:18 PM
Tobi Tobi is offline
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I think it helps to start with never shifting the blame to someone else for the way you respond, and your own emotional reactions. It is possible to do this without "gaslighting" yourself.

It is a tough situation. Sometimes we can't expect to be roses and rainbows under conditions of everyday life. But what is commonly called a "high vibration" also comes with a deep gut-level compassion for the other person PLUS not taking what they do/say too personally. They are expressing themselves, and their perceptions at the moment, and that does not necessarily reflect the reality of you or any situation.

Allowing them to be who they are and not trying to make them what you would like them to be, and becoming comfortable enough with that to make it workable on a day to day basis.

Wisdom and compassion are also high vibrations; although they may seem quite down to earth, and quite "slow" things inwardly; rarely qualities to do with feeling "high" or extremely joyful, or "Fairies and Angels".....if you know what I mean...lol

However, so is your own compassion for yourself. So if or when anything may get out of hand regarding the other person, knowing when and how to make moves to ensure you will be okay. And how to do them assertively, with wisdom, but with no rancour, bitterness or wish to cause arguments.
Finding areas where you do agree and "gel". That also helps. Sometimes that encouragement can help another person lift up a little bit.

But I of course, don't know what you're dealing with. Only you know that.
Standing aside a little may help, and view the situation objectively. Then with grace, do what you feel would be best.

Is there basically Love present? Is it Love or something else? Take a look. Be careful. If there is, then see what you can do with that as a basis.
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