Of course, my universal god is a personal god as seen through my perceptions like everyone else. I've searched a long time to find a perspective of god that I can live with, during which time, I removed all notions of the biblical god from my Being. Spirituality most certainly helped me but I wasn't about to believe in a spiritual god as easily and as naively as I have before.
So, over the last 15yrs I have asked a lot of questions and my image of god changed many times. I couldn't settle for god being Love or Consciousness or Awareness, Master, Ruler, or Father because these are humanities needs, not gods. Why would a universal god who is creator of all things have needs? Everything created was a whole picture, not individual ones, as god is not of many parts but a whole Being who cannot create other than itself because there is no Other!
A supreme Being wouldn't have the need to think, plan or listen or do anything at all. Just Being is enough and indeed All there is.
As god cannot be 'other than', is that true of us? We are unique. As god creates from his Being, do we? What if we don't just create from who we are being in the moment but from the whole of our Being in every moment, just like god? Are we made in god's image? Are we equal to god?
On the surface of our existence, we appear to be anything but equal and this inequality has been a major force in my life and the source of heartbreak many times. I've often thought of myself as a she devil because I wanted equality with the very top, with god. Hmm some aspiration but why not? I knew if I am then so is everyone else.
I've clung to my humanity and fought many inner battles to save it but at this point in my life I am going to let it go. I've referred to god in the masculine but it cannot be that either so what do I see that is not human nor godly? I see negative and positive energy creating and destroying everywhere. So is God the male and female energy which together form "One creative energy" and are we? I believe it's possible so how does it work and why does it work?
I am not scientific by any means but over the years, I learned how to go deeper and deeper within myself. I was always self aware as to what I was thinking and feeling but had no idea of the suppressed emotions, my ingrained beliefs, my childhood idealistics notions of how things should be and most of all the internalized trauma. All were determining my life experiences.
Throughout my deep internal journey I became aware of aspects of myself being revealed
out there, mainly on the forums as they still do. Sometimes I am just aware of 'going with the flow'. Most of the time I am led back to the question of god and each time my image of god becomes better.
This is purely my own reflection but I get to experience it. A better version of who I am, maybe even more evolved. So for now, this is the best god I can come up with. God reflects my own emittence of negative and positive energy to create an experience that reflects who I am. Nice one God.
Linear Mode
