So many questions, so confused - Page 3

Silver · #21 23-12-2010, 03:13 AM

This is something I posted on the other forum I frequent just the other day > > >

I let myself cry when I'm home, all I want, and I talk to myself about it, working things through with myself, lol. I think one of THE most important things that a grieving person can tell themselves is that their loved ones would want them to do as well as they can in life, and ENJOY it. I mean, what point would there be to crying beyond all reason or getting yourself into such a funk you can barely pull yourself out or drag yourself around and being a mess all the time. I want my son to be proud, looking down on me and my life. I'm going to live as if he is watching and seeing how I operate, how I behave. Am I going to be a wretch or can he look down and genuinely SMILE at what I'm doing (and I smile back) and how I'm getting along without him. I don't think there's anything more important than this. (It's not always easy, of course.)

{As I read this thread, I had to bow my head in pain/sorrow because I realized how much I've 'grown' / gained incredible insight into life between the time my mom passed from a massive stroke in March of 1983 and now, after my son, almost 23, died suddenly in his sleep on Valentine's Day of this year and coming through it all thus far. I was blown away by my mom's death and the impact seemed worse somehow and yet not. I know that doesn't make much sense and doesn't seem particularly helpful, perhaps. I do feel stronger at this point, but it still is far from an easy thing to cope with. I think the one thing that is different, is that I am better at allowing the worst of the worse crying spells and deep down grievings just happen and flow. I think when my mom died, I was far more bewildered and yet maybe because I was so much younger, I don't know how to explain this. Another thing is, my 'family' (half bro, sil) were about my only family and they weren't much, I always despised her, so there really wasn't much of anyone to lean on. At my son's passing, it was the people at work who were my champions and far better than the family I had at my mom's passing. So, who is around to really be there for you is crucial and critical and so very meaningful.

My 2 cents.

NightSpirit · #22 23-12-2010, 05:52 AM

Out of all of these posts, what's jumping out for me at the moment, is the need for support and how important that is to help you through. It doesn't matter how or where it comes from, but that you have it. You've come home to SF family here and you'll find a large support circle here, even if its not physical hugs...the energy you will receive is the same. I'm glad you were guided here Mike.

You might eventually meet up with our infamous Psychoslice here. I was very fortunate in knowing Slice as a 3D friend before I lost my husband (and before our finding SF), and I am extremely thankful for Slice's loving and close support throughout my grief. He helped me through the tough times....reminded me constantly of the spiritual aspects through my haze....and wrote me songs. I was also lucky to have good family support. So I cannot stress enough about support through grief.

Keep in touch with us Mike.

#23 23-12-2010, 09:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rumar

One thing to keep in mind, Heaven and Hell, there's a lot more out there than just those two places. She could be wandering around, she could be in one of those two places, she could have reincarnated, she could be hanging around the house. You can channel her, you can pray for her, you do whatever you want, what I personally would do, is astral project and hunt them down.

I am absolutely certain she is not in hell!

And from what I have been told she is indeed in heaven waiting for me, If she is about the house watching me then I will work hard to try and see her.
Mike

#24 23-12-2010, 09:33 AM

Thanks all, some really kind posts there.
I am late shift now but will check in as soon as I can :-)

astralsuzy · #25 23-12-2010, 09:57 AM

I am sorry about your loss. I read a bit of it but I could not read anymore as it was too sad. A lot of people are in your situation and I know that does not make you feel any better. I spoke to someone once. I said how do you cope with the loss of your husband and your mother. She said I get on with it because I have to. I am not saying for you to get on with life. I think it takes a long time to get on with things. If you are able to make yourself busy then it may help.

#26 23-12-2010, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by astralsuzy

I am sorry about your loss. I read a bit of it but I could not read anymore as it was too sad. A lot of people are in your situation and I know that does not make you feel any better. I spoke to someone once. I said how do you cope with the loss of your husband and your mother. She said I get on with it because I have to. I am not saying for you to get on with life. I think it takes a long time to get on with things. If you are able to make yourself busy then it may help.

Hi

Oh dear! I fear I have been rather selfish I did not want to upset others with my posts, sorry for that

I do try to keep going, and am very busy with work but its like I carry a big bag of sadness with me all the time no matter what I am doing.

To the admins, do you feel it would be better to edit my posts down so they may not cause distress?

astralsuzy · #27 23-12-2010, 10:40 AM

Please do not feel bad. I did not intend you to feel that way. You are not selfish. I feel other peoples pain, even when I do not know them. It is just the way I am. I cannot help it. You do not need to tone it down. I wish my emotions could be toned down.
It is good that you keep yourself busy. When you loose someone it is very painful. You will feel sad for a long time. I do not think anything really helps with grief when you lose someone close to you. The only thing I think helps is time. The more time goes by the easier it is to cope. I think it helps when a lot of time goes by. You will still feel for her but you will be able to cope better.

#28 23-12-2010, 10:47 AM

No, don't change, if the world had more sensitive people like you it would be a far better place.

Thanks for your care :-)

Xan · #29 23-12-2010, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HalfaMan

Oh dear! I fear I have been rather selfish I did not want to upset others with my posts, sorry for that

I do try to keep going, and am very busy with work but its like I carry a big bag of sadness with me all the time no matter what I am doing.

To the admins, do you feel it would be better to edit my posts down so they may not cause distress?

HalfaMan... Please allow us to feel our own feelings without trying to shield us from them. Although empathy is sometimes uncomfortable, along with this comes the depth of caring sympathy and feeling ourselves supporting you.

blessings
Xan

Silver · #30 23-12-2010, 05:56 PM

I'm fine with what you wrote, if there is ANYplace to express the types of things you need to, this is the place. As this Forum ages, along with the rest, we have more people coming here with losses such as yours ~ and mine. And we have so many wonderful members here, and we help each other out as much as we're able. Unless someone comes to us, we let 'em take what resonates and leave the rest.