Why did I come back?

I always knew I was a very sick baby, but two days ago, something made me ask my dad what was specifically wrong with me when I was born.

I found out that I coded (died) twice and that they had to send me to another hospital. I almost died again on the way because it just happened to be a foggy night and they determined that it wouldn't be safe to go in the helicopter. So I went by ambulance to a hospital an hour and thirty minutes away.

After I was stabilized in the new hospital, I was exposed to tuberculosis because they gave me another woman's breast milk by accident.

I didn't get TB, but I developed acid reflux which ultimately burned my esophagus and I still have problems today.

I was also left unattended by a nurse in the NICU, and for some reason, the milk didn't go into my stomach, but into my lungs. So I almost drowned.

After that, I was left unattended AGAIN and my lungs collapsed.



I feel like the odds were against me. They even called in a minister to baptize me before I died.

I've always felt different from other people, not in a superior way, but like I was more in-tune with the spiritual world than they are.


You may or may not believe in this, but I recently met my "twin soul". He's passed, but what happens when you meet them is like a total reformation of who you are.
I was self-absorbed and cynical before, now I just feel so much love for people. Just anyone. I want to help everyone. I was like this as a child, but for some reason I became hardened going in my adolescence

The problem I'm facing is that nobody seems to be accepting of that "love". Like in today's society...it's only accepted to cold and superficial and concerned with yourself.
I'm just considered a liberal, hippie, and weird by most people.


So I don't understand what the point of me living was. Why were so many things against me at birth? Was I supposed to die?

[amylou]

The first thing that comes to mind is where did these people go to school? The second thing, who gave them passing grades? To answer your last question, if you were supposed to die, you would have. I've heard from what I would call a reliable source that we get plenty of "exit points" in our lives. These are times when we can die if we choose to, if we think we've done all we need to do here. And we do choose which exit point we leave, whether we know it or not. This explains why many people try to commit suicide and a lot of them fail. They are trying to force it outside of an exit point. Your soul knows that you still have a purpose here. Maybe get in with some people who are more like you so that you don't feel so alone. There are those of us out here that are weirdos (according to everyone else), but we just know what's up. Try to make your gifts work for you. They are a blessing and a curse, but I think if given a poll, most people with gifts wouldn't trade them for being normal.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

Originally Posted by Fetah

I've always felt different from other people, not in a superior way, but like I was more in-tune with the spiritual world than they are.

The problem I'm facing is that nobody seems to be accepting of that "love". Like in today's society...it's only accepted to [be] cold and superficial and concerned with yourself.

You may well be more attuned than those you've encountered.
Your efforts are likely more effective than is easily observable... subtle and unseen.
I think that society is truly more kind than we allow ourselves to see.
At heart, most of us are caring; we just "go along" with the norms we see portrayed on the TV.
As to "purpose", have you see the Bringers of the Dawn videos on Youtube?
Maybe what they say there will resonate with you.

[356]

Originally Posted by Fetah

I always knew I was a very sick baby, but two days ago, something made me ask my dad what was specifically wrong with me when I was born.

I found out that I coded (died) twice and that they had to send me to another hospital. I almost died again on the way because it just happened to be a foggy night and they determined that it wouldn't be safe to go in the helicopter. So I went by ambulance to a hospital an hour and thirty minutes away.

After I was stabilized in the new hospital, I was exposed to tuberculosis because they gave me another woman's breast milk by accident.

I didn't get TB, but I developed acid reflux which ultimately burned my esophagus and I still have problems today.

I was also left unattended by a nurse in the NICU, and for some reason, the milk didn't go into my stomach, but into my lungs. So I almost drowned.

After that, I was left unattended AGAIN and my lungs collapsed.



I feel like the odds were against me. They even called in a minister to baptize me before I died.

I've always felt different from other people, not in a superior way, but like I was more in-tune with the spiritual world than they are.


You may or may not believe in this, but I recently met my "twin soul". He's passed, but what happens when you meet them is like a total reformation of who you are.
I was self-absorbed and cynical before, now I just feel so much love for people. Just anyone. I want to help everyone. I was like this as a child, but for some reason I became hardened going in my adolescence

The problem I'm facing is that nobody seems to be accepting of that "love". Like in today's society...it's only accepted to cold and superficial and concerned with yourself.
I'm just considered a liberal, hippie, and weird by most people.


So I don't understand what the point of me living was. Why were so many things against me at birth? Was I supposed to die?

You came back because it wasnt your time.
Just because there are good natured forces that want you in the world, there are also other entities out there that dont want you here.
You were tested at a young age and you survived, you'll will no doubt be tested again throughout your life. You either stand up and fight or you back off in defeat.
You are connected and different and can feel that 'love', because you have an important purpose.
If you figure out what that purpose is you can create change.
You are capable of showing others great change.
You are here to deliver a message and impact the world somehow.
Listen to your instincts and your guides and they will help you find your purpose all the more faster.

[CrystalSong]

There's a theory out there that some of us choose to have a very rough entry in life to get the bulk of the pain which is instrumental in shaping us out of the way early in life so we can spend the rest of life working on whatever reasons we came here for.
Now this may or may not be the case.

But having said that I do see a vein of truth in it. I grew up under very physically abusive circumstances and was considered the 'bad apple of the bunch'. Many family members agreed on this in unison. In other words I was by their account, the least likely to experience union with Divinity and most likely to go to hell in a hand-basket. So I grew up thinking I was somehow broken and deserving of the stripes of blood lacing my young body.

Fast forward to now, I had a rather large spiritual awakening and new Hope and Love is my companion while my family seems immersed in varying layers of personal hells and numbness.
In visiting various online forums I've noticed a number of awakened people also share traumatic childhoods so can not help but believe in someway we authored this sort of entry for a very distinct reasoning having to do with a later awakening of consciousness.

Whether this is true or not, being able to see it from that possible view point is very helpful in accepting that which has already happened and is unchangable and embracing the day one is in with gratitude and appreciation.

You lived not only to do something great in your life, but to also bring us all that moving story. Everything you do is in the great Web of life, and everything affects someone else. So, without you alive right now, many many things would not have happened that had.


I'm so glad you're with us. If you need a good listener, for anything, go ahead and PM me.

[Silver]

I feel the same way, Draenevyre, well said.

[fire]

Hang in there, love. You are right in your perceptions. As has been mentioned, the trials you have been through are not of a coincidential nature. Your life may be different from those around you because you are foremost ruled by love as your heart, whereas the majority of society is primarily ruled by consciousness as the mind.

It is important that you nourish your connection with your heart, as your spirit, as love, source. You can foremost only trust yourself and what you feel from that connection, but with slight care, still.

As you are in this world, you are still affected by consciousness as the mind, which means that the matrix may target your programs to distract you with redundant drama, or amplify issues that lead to depression. But you can always stand stronger than this and also request support from your spirit.

If you don't mingle well with people, don't let it get to you. It is far more important that you protect yourself and your well-being. And your well-being really is the key too, because it is your indicator of being in alignment with your heart, as your spirit.

If you can manage to nourish yourself into a general state of well-being and joy, and reject the drama llama when it spits at you, you have the greatest advantage there is in this life.

Let's stand as this together and unfold our true selves persistently.

[Jatd]

Originally Posted by Fetah

I always knew I was a very sick baby, but two days ago, something made me ask my dad what was specifically wrong with me when I was born.

I found out that I coded (died) twice and that they had to send me to another hospital. I almost died again on the way because it just happened to be a foggy night and they determined that it wouldn't be safe to go in the helicopter. So I went by ambulance to a hospital an hour and thirty minutes away.

After I was stabilized in the new hospital, I was exposed to tuberculosis because they gave me another woman's breast milk by accident.

I didn't get TB, but I developed acid reflux which ultimately burned my esophagus and I still have problems today.

I was also left unattended by a nurse in the NICU, and for some reason, the milk didn't go into my stomach, but into my lungs. So I almost drowned.

After that, I was left unattended AGAIN and my lungs collapsed.



I feel like the odds were against me. They even called in a minister to baptize me before I died.

I've always felt different from other people, not in a superior way, but like I was more in-tune with the spiritual world than they are.


You may or may not believe in this, but I recently met my "twin soul". He's passed, but what happens when you meet them is like a total reformation of who you are.
I was self-absorbed and cynical before, now I just feel so much love for people. Just anyone. I want to help everyone. I was like this as a child, but for some reason I became hardened going in my adolescence

The problem I'm facing is that nobody seems to be accepting of that "love". Like in today's society...it's only accepted to cold and superficial and concerned with yourself.
I'm just considered a liberal, hippie, and weird by most people.


So I don't understand what the point of me living was. Why were so many things against me at birth? Was I supposed to die?

first of all I want to say that I love you. I love you because we are alike. I have also felt that I was different my whole life but just blamed it on ADHD or immaturity or whatever. Now I know that I'm different for a reason. I also met my twin soul and it changed me from the inside out. Everything I do is guided with and by love. I have SO much love that sometimes I feel like my heart will explode. But others are very unaccepting of it and they don't understand it. They try and make me feel weird but I accept myself the way I am. Its for this reaosn that i spend ALOT of time alone, in the woods, on my swing, reading ... I just can't handle all the negativity. Anyway, bless you for sharing your heart. You are not alone!

[Wandering_Star]

One thing I'd like to add, here: we don't come into these bodies solely for our own sakes. We come to assist other souls in their growth, just as others agree to assist us.

So one possible explanation is that you agreed to that rough start as an act of service to other souls. Maybe it was to your parents, or to some of the health care professionals involved. And maybe, as someone else already mentioned, you had those experiences and lived so that you could one day tell others about them. You never know what effect hearing a story like that will have on somebody; it may be part of their own awakening here.