How to respond to mean people?

[SaraTherase]

When one withholds the need to express themselves one can become quite unwell. Shut down your feelings and emotions and it will start to effect you mentally in a negative way. Keep doing this for a long period of time and it will start to take a toll on your health physically also.

I suggest trying to express how you feel be it in a good or bad way, for in doing so you are releasing all those hard and heavy emotions and feelings that are a hinderence to your mental health and well being. Once you have done this and allowed the other person the opportunity to respond and perhaps explain themselves or their actions you might be able to come together from a place of compassion and understanding to have a conversation allowing balance and a closure of sorts. From here you have a choice to forgive and farewell, ignoring them in future or to forgive and wipe the slate clean being open to having a fresh start with one another.

Forgiveness is the real key here as we are all born to make mistakes and learn from them simultaneously. No one is perfect and we all trip up at times but you really just never know what that other person has experienced, what has perhaps scarred or crippled them ultimately causing them to choose to be a mean person at that time or in that moment.

Rise above and choose empathy if you can.

[Jyotir]

Why single out mean people?

Every interaction is an opportunity for self-perfection if you are spiritually aspiring. ...And something else:

Practicing detachment and equality in this regard is instantly revealing, clarifying, and informing of how to handle mean people!


~ J

[SaraTherase]

Originally Posted by EdmundJohnstone

Hi and cheers for your reply.
I realised that if I don't counter their mean attitude, and hold the negative emotions inside me, it just makes me feel worse over time as the negativity and frustration builds up. The mean person gets away with it, not caring (some might feel good that they harmed) and I tend to frustrate and harm myself mentally because of holding in the frustration and negativity as I feel bullied mentally(emotionally)

At my working place, there is a guy who is in a higher job position than me, he is assigned as my mentor but he always tells me "Oh that's incorrect" or "You're wrong" , every time and he says this while he is laughing at me and others are around me. He seems critic towards me every time, there is no encouragement out there, despite him being my mentor. Don't get me wrong. I love doing mistakes, I love learning, but his attitude is a bit obnoxious(from my perspective), in the way that I perceive it as bullying and I dislike it

His duty is to teach and mentor me, instead he gives me tasks and then he just criticizes me.I feel frustrated because of that. Maybe I am too sensitive but I can feel him being mean and trying to show superiority

In this situation your mentor seems to enjoy this position of authority that he has and it's triggering his already blossoming ego. Your strength of character and patience is being tested and I get the sense that you have a habit of ending up playing the push over due to your resistance to speak up or approach possible conflict. I also think that your ego is feeling a little bruised due to his insistence on constantly correcting you and chastising you with his sarcasm. His behaviour is passive aggressive and you are being tested and challenged in this situation.

You could either approach him man to man next time he belittles or outright offends you as long as he is crossing a boundary professionally and not just poking a bear so to speak as in doing so you may very well gain his respect or you could see him as simply a co-worker in a higher position than you whom allows the little bit of power that he has been given to go to his head and see him as an example of who not to be and how not to behave in positions of power when granted them. Remind yourself that it's not personal as he would do this to anyone and that your ultimately going to learn to become a much more humbled, patient, tolerant and resilient man under his mentorship.

It may help you to use physical exercise as a tool to help you release some of this repressed anger and resentment. Negativity can be released by simple writing down everything and every one that annoys, aggravates and ****es you off then simple screw it up and burn it, throwing the ashes outside choosing to let go of all that sh*t. Don't let other people make you feel less than you already do about yourself, something or someone will knock him down one day and he will in due course learn for himself

[hallow]

Originally Posted by inavalan

:) Your truth ... isn't the absolute "truth".

Reasonable people assign different truths to the same variable. One's "true" is another's "false". You can't assume that your truth is the "truth". especially when facing another's different truth. In my opinion ...

An individuals truth is often only what they want to believe. And how often is that really true? There is a difference between truth and being honest. A lot of people don't like the truth unless you're honest with yourself.

Originally Posted by EdmundJohnstone

How should someone respond to mean people? There are multiple options such as being mean back to them as well, not being mean to them and keeping the bad feelings and emotions inside, which in time will start to hurt, or being indifferent and try not to keep the emotions inside (sort of hard for myself)

Lots of perspective at play in these situations.
I grew up in a large family where touch feely was not part of the mix so I had to develop a pretty thick skin. We all tend to think others are like us so I am sometimes surprised how people can take things so hard when to me they are just a passing jest. Part of being human I guess. I suppose the shell of your egg could be a bit fragile... don't know you but that is always in play.

Confronting or going to HR run their own risks, you could get a "sorry I didn't realize", or a "what a baby" reaction, hard to say, but management does tend to naturally stick together so there is always some risk there. How long do you have to be mentored by this person?

As far as dealing with internal emotions, I think looking for compassion is the way to go... I know, easy to say, hard to do. Anyway, I won't write a treatise on this as others have already gone into why some people bully and abuse power over others, it is generally a low self esteem issue. Unfortunately, people with low self esteem often seek power, title, and position, to show to themselves and the world that they are not as they themselves feel they are, and / or as they feel others view them. Many of them eventually get into positions of power if for no other reason than they try harder as they are driven by this need to prove something. Also, they have become good at creating and promoting false fronts, to themselves and the world. Despite the appearances they create, they are often torchered on the inside, whether they are aware of it or not. Watch them and get to know them and this often becomes glaringly apparent. Knowing this can help to generate some compassion to quench the anger and hurt you feel, and perhaps help you get through this and out the other side.

[Starman]

Originally Posted by EdmundJohnstone

How should someone respond to mean people? There are multiple options such as being mean back to them as well, not being mean to them and keeping the bad feelings and emotions inside, which in time will start to hurt, or being indifferent and try not to keep the emotions inside (sort of hard for myself)

I guess it would matter why you consider a certain person to be mean. How we define something, or someone, is how we will approach them.
I choose to substitute the word “mean” with the word “difficult,” and I have known some difficult people. People who are difficult for me to interact with.

So the next question is why is it difficult for me to interact with certain people. I can not change others but I can change how I choose to see others.
Sometime ago a woman who I did not know very well asked me a question and I told her the truth as I saw it, she responded saying that I was being mean.
But I told her I was not being mean, I was just being honest.

People who are mean, or difficult, usually have a pattern, they are consistently mean or difficult. They are uncompromising. The first thing is to assess your
relationship with such people, and if you value your relationship and they value the relationship they have with you, then there is room for understanding,
sensitivity, and learning may take place.

Now if I witness someone being mean to someone else, and I do not have a relationship with either of the people involved and they are both strangers to me.
Should I intervene? In my opinion you have to feel this out because you could end up being attacked by both people. If there is violence involved, or a child
involved, I would take a picture, or video, and call the police. I most likely would physically get involved myself if a child is involved or if there is violence involved.

But I have seen people who tried to step in and help two adults who were arguing get attacked by both the person dishing out the mean-ness and also the
person who was on the receiving end. One of the most dangerous calls for police officers are domestic violence calls, especially domestic violence calls from
those who are not directly involved. Because sometimes the person on the receiving end of the argument will vigorously defend the perpetrator, and both will
end up being arrested.

I saw this sort of situation when I was and ambulance paramedic. As a rule I try to feel intuitively whether or not I should intervene. Most often I will just ask
the person on the receiving end if they are okay, or do they need any help, but even that could escalate the person who is dishing out the mean-ness. I think
it all depends on the environment, if there is law enforcement or a security guard near by, etc. I think we have to very quickly go through our options with every
situation. It really upset me a number of years ago when a University of California student saw his friend was going to rape a young girl, he walked away, saying
it was none of his business.

[ocean breeze]

Normally i would ask myself "what would Jesus do?" then i'll quickly receive my answer. Which usually results in me punching the other person in the face.

[WhiteGull]

I believe that once you conclude you're being treated meanly, you then move into decision making mode. You can either stick around and take the "meanness" or you can walk away from it/hang up on it/disengage from it. It's your choice to either subject yourself to it (which is you being mean to you) or exit right and get on with your day.

Have you ever read the Four Agreements? One of those agreements - if you decide that you agree with it - is to Never Take Things Personally. Nothing other people say or do to you is really about you. It's about them...

[JosephineB]

How's it been going these past few days OP?

Originally Posted by ocean breeze

Normally i would ask myself "what would Jesus do?" then i'll quickly receive my answer. Which usually results in me punching the other person in the face.

That's right sheeples, he's back for another shot at the title, he's ****ed off, and this time he is not taking any ****, and he is taking no prisoners.
Magdalene! Magdalene! I did it! Magdalene!

J man, have you been working out?