Hello to all. I am in need of guidance

[Adoerner]

As a child I remember being able to sense presenses in the house that didn't belong to members of my family and could even hear them walking around and rocking in rocking chairs at night after ever one went to bed. I have also always been able to sense what other's are thinking and to my surprize most people think very little of each other. Some have mastered the art of making others think they really care when in reality they cannot wait for them to leave. I never could understand, why pretend, but O well. I attended Somerville Church with my family. I tried, but could never really get into what the preacher was saying about God. He said God was a vengeful God. Something inside of me knew that couldn't be true. I tried to explain to my Mom but was told I wasn't to talk that way because God wouldn't like it. I all but buried that part of me.
When I grew up I married my childhood sweetie and we had 3 beautiful kids. I remember my mother telling me once that my purpose in life was to have those 3 kids and raise them. Although I loved my children equally I began to realize that that my middle child and I had the most in common. I watched her as she grew into the women she was to become for the rest of her life. I was proud her, she never studied but was a straight A student. She had a photgraphic memory. She had something in common with her siblings they were all popular with the other kids. Maybe because they really did like everyone. For years my home was filled with children. We attended church every Sunday. At the age of 10 she let me know she didn't believe what the preacher had to say about God. She continued to go to great lengths to broadened my horizon on spirituality. At first I was reluctant to believe her way of thinking in regards to the Creator. But, I knew in my heart and soul that what she was describing to me in regards to reincarnation, spirit guides, angels and reiki as well as her belief that I had physic abilities in reality had hit the nail on the head.
She started collage and I realized that we had grown very close, best friends as well as mother/daughter. She got married and our closeness caused jealousy from her husband towards me, This really hurt her and I knew it was the cause of many of their fights. My daughter and her husband blessed me with a grandson who will turn 6 in Aug. He is very kind and thoughtful about life and he truly was born with an old soul.
My daughter and I got into it over something silly, which hind sight has shown me wasn't even important. Her husband feed off it and no longer wanted her or the boy around me. But we had begun messaging each other again. Around about that same time I started having a reacquiring dream that I couldn't recall but made me feel dreadful for hours after awakening. One day while I was getting into the shower I smelt an odor of some sort and a memory of my daughter flashed through my mind. I knew it was apart of the dream. I got sick to my stomach and wondered if I would pass out.
We continued messaging back and forth for several months and finally the message I had been waiting on from her came. She wanted to see me and I wanted to see her too! So, we planned on meeting, the next day, at our old homestead. I was so excited that I had a hard time falling asleep that night.
The next morning I was awakened early to a loud knocking at my door. I sleep upstairs so I stood and looked down at the door and saw that it my son and his wife. I threw my robe on as I hurried to open the door. My smile vanished as I saw and recognized the barer of bad tidings. I whispered; "which one"? His lips spoke her name and in disbelief I asked; "How?" He responded; "She hung herself last night in the bathroom of her home." He grabbed me as I began to shake: I cried out in agony like I had never cried before, stomped my feet screaming NO, NO. From the very core of my being came sounds I had never heard before. My son held on to me until the storm settled.
Now I set here all alone and my mind continues to fill with many unanswered questions. With all my heart I believe that there is someone out there who is reading this right now who contains the know how needed to contact my daughter.. If you could help me figure out what I need to do to enable communication with her then please, I beg you, share your knowledge with me. I would be so appreciative. And thank you in advance.