Problems with in-laws

lbeanie · #1 16-01-2019, 07:01 PM

My in-laws are very toxic people but my husband will not cut ties with them. At least once a week they are at our house with our children. I have very strong negative feelings towards them for a number of reasons. Normally I am very good at processing my emotions and can often seperate myself from the negative energy just by reminding myself everyone is on their own journey, or I am taking something away from this experience that my soul needs, etc... but with them I just can't seem to let the hatred go. I don't know if its because their energy impacts my kids or what but no matter what I do I can't process it and diffuse it. I don't do well holding onto anger and hatred, it really disrupts my balance so it eats away at me that I can't figure out how to process this. Any advice is appreciated

Sapphirez · #2 28-01-2019, 10:55 PM

hi youngie. I want to reply to your thread so perhaps you can talk more about this and that might help you.

Lynn · #3 09-02-2019, 01:01 AM

Hello

its a fine line when you get married and inherit the in laws. I know well what toxic one's are like but too I know well that asking to have the ties cut will not stop them from being a part of your world. My former Mother in Law was so bad that when we announced we were going to give her a grandchild, she said that there was a "Procedure" for that. (abortion) and that she did not want to ever be called Grandma as she was too young. (trust me she is not young).

I had to have the "visit" every year, and I had to put on that "happy family" face with it all. I was treated like I as a "servant" not a family member. I made an agreement that as my Mother was toxic that we (the ex and I ) would both cut ties with the family. Well i did my part but the EX never did his part, as there was money in the line. Not seen any and never will.

So that part gave me freedom from my Mother but not his family.

I got free from the ex and the abuses I got the kids free from him. I too am not free from the EX or his parents and siblings. The internet gives them access to me, and I am open and honest about how life was.

Your not going to get free your going to have to go into that survival mode and deal with it. To show negativity to the kids (their grandkids) is not fair as they need to see for themself what is happening. I learned this too, so I would find ways to avoid the amount of time they could have solo access to me, I would find buffers.

I was never good enough no matter what I did and I am the toxic one now. I am the bad guy but I am free from abuse. Yet I am not free from family never will be. Ex lives a couple of blocks away, inlaws and siblings visit him. I know that I am watched and monitored. So be it I embrace I am stronger with them than without them as I am a survivor and I know I am a good person. See yourself as being PERFECT in their imperfections on how they see you.

Lynn

Native spirit · #4 09-02-2019, 10:23 AM

My in laws were lovely I couldn't have asked for better ones but a friend had a bad mother in law nobody was good enough for her precious son he was not a likable person at all.
when my friend had three sons according to her ex mother in law they were her sons kids.she had nothing to do with the process,
she used to go shopping for her sons underwear. if my friend bought them she would throw them away.
my friend finally saw sense and got shot of him and his mother also, but she got her wish he went back to live with her. by then he was drinking all the time,

Namaste

blackraven · #5 16-02-2019, 11:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lbeanie

My in-laws are very toxic people but my husband will not cut ties with them. At least once a week they are at our house with our children. I have very strong negative feelings towards them for a number of reasons. Normally I am very good at processing my emotions and can often seperate myself from the negative energy just by reminding myself everyone is on their own journey, or I am taking something away from this experience that my soul needs, etc... but with them I just can't seem to let the hatred go. I don't know if its because their energy impacts my kids or what but no matter what I do I can't process it and diffuse it. I don't do well holding onto anger and hatred, it really disrupts my balance so it eats away at me that I can't figure out how to process this. Any advice is appreciated

lbeanie - I'm not suggesting you do what I did, but I didn't want the negative dysfunction of my family of origin at the time to affect my young son. I reluctantly showed up once a year with my family to fulfill the usual holiday obligation. Other than that though my actions communicated and prevented negative people from being around and influencing my son. He's grown now and I'm happy to say he has a positive nature, I believe, because I was selective with exposure to people I felt would mold him in a negative way. Best of luck to you.