Did I Make A Mistake? He's Hurt Me So Much...

[twinflamed713]

I'm having a similar issue with my TF (she's the more masculine). It's been a very painful process but there comes a point in which you just have to surrender and let it go. TFs are never really gone and although its hard not to play into the fear that once we let go they may never return... as the more feminine TF you are going to have to take time away and allow yourself to trust that it will all work out. By continuously letting them walk all over us, we have given them control of our emotions and we are not giving us the worth and self love that we are asking for. Trust me, I am right there with you... I've done a lot of soul work and have been so patient... but I can't force my twin flame to do anything... and sometimes absence and staying true to yourself is what speaks loudest. I've basically let my TF treat me like **** for the last year during this push/pull- runner/chaser.. It's all served a purpose and advanced both of us.. but I'm at the point where I'm just tired of crying and putting up with every excuse she can come up with. Her fear is her excuse for everything.. and I'm quickly getting my bearings as I realize I've done all I can do and just need to take care of whatever soul work is left blocking me and making me feel like a doormat. Nothing I say gets through.. but silence and finding your own strength again.. and allowing yourself to forgive the emotional turmoil that's been caused is what is key in getting all that we desire. I struggle with this so much but we the feminine have to break the pattern and let the masculine figure out his own stuff... even though on a human level I think it's so unfair that I always have to be the one to chase/lead/take the risks first... spiritually I know if we want change, we have to reflect, be that change, figure out what is left for us to work out.

Twinflames signed up for this... there was a reason.. but in the interim find your strength and heal yourself. I know the only way things are going to work out is if I let my TF do what she has to do... I've been through some intense relationships but no one has ever been like my TF. The highest highs and happiest of happy... and also the lowest lows and saddest of sad at times. There will be balance. Just make a promise to yourself to let go and know that the universe has our back and even though it seems dismal right now.. we will be okay if we do our part.



Also.. I follow Alison Lessard on youtube.. she does weekly readings and is very down to earth about the Twin Flame journey. She doesn't pretend like everything is smooth sailing on this journey.. its real and she shares her own journey. I find it helpful even though the forecasts aren't always the things I'm hoping to hear. It makes it a little easier to keep the faith and trust.

Good luck!

Feel free to message me if you want to share/ discuss more. This has been such a rollercoaster and it helps me to talk about it, offer a shoulder to lean on and also know I'm not the only one dealing with broken promises and emotional blocks from my TF after so much.

[anonymous111]

Originally Posted by twinflamed713

I'm having a similar issue with my TF (she's the more masculine). It's been a very painful process but there comes a point in which you just have to surrender and let it go. TFs are never really gone and although its hard not to play into the fear that once we let go they may never return... as the more feminine TF you are going to have to take time away and allow yourself to trust that it will all work out. By continuously letting them walk all over us, we have given them control of our emotions and we are not giving us the worth and self love that we are asking for. Trust me, I am right there with you... I've done a lot of soul work and have been so patient... but I can't force my twin flame to do anything... and sometimes absence and staying true to yourself is what speaks loudest. I've basically let my TF treat me like **** for the last year during this push/pull- runner/chaser.. It's all served a purpose and advanced both of us.. but I'm at the point where I'm just tired of crying and putting up with every excuse she can come up with. Her fear is her excuse for everything.. and I'm quickly getting my bearings as I realize I've done all I can do and just need to take care of whatever soul work is left blocking me and making me feel like a doormat. Nothing I say gets through.. but silence and finding your own strength again.. and allowing yourself to forgive the emotional turmoil that's been caused is what is key in getting all that we desire. I struggle with this so much but we the feminine have to break the pattern and let the masculine figure out his own stuff... even though on a human level I think it's so unfair that I always have to be the one to chase/lead/take the risks first... spiritually I know if we want change, we have to reflect, be that change, figure out what is left for us to work out.

Twinflames signed up for this... there was a reason.. but in the interim find your strength and heal yourself. I know the only way things are going to work out is if I let my TF do what she has to do... I've been through some intense relationships but no one has ever been like my TF. The highest highs and happiest of happy... and also the lowest lows and saddest of sad at times. There will be balance. Just make a promise to yourself to let go and know that the universe has our back and even though it seems dismal right now.. we will be okay if we do our part.



Also.. I follow Alison Lessard on youtube.. she does weekly readings and is very down to earth about the Twin Flame journey. She doesn't pretend like everything is smooth sailing on this journey.. its real and she shares her own journey. I find it helpful even though the forecasts aren't always the things I'm hoping to hear. It makes it a little easier to keep the faith and trust.

Good luck!

Feel free to message me if you want to share/ discuss more. This has been such a rollercoaster and it helps me to talk about it, offer a shoulder to lean on and also know I'm not the only one dealing with broken promises and emotional blocks from my TF after so much.

Thank you for letting me know. I feel like you're the only one who understands me as people are making it seem like I did something wrong by finally letting him go. TF or not, we have to take care of our own emotional health and we can't keep putting up with somebody who treats us like dirt in the name of unconditional love.

He says he has feelings for me, and he started ignoring me because he was trying to avoid them. I thought something would change and it didn't. If he's not showing me that he has feelings, and all he keeps doing is hurting me, how can I continue to stay? I love him. He said he loved me once over the phone whilst he was drunk and a few other times (said it back as well). Although we don't say it to eachother often, everytime I looked into his eyes, I could just feel it.

But I can't keep putting up with his excuses and neither should you. Everytime I've confronted him about it, he's said he was scared, and I believe him. Sometimes he'd throw in a "I was busy at work" which I knew to be a lie (won't get into that though). I told him if he was busy, then he didn't have to speak to me and he can prioritize other issues, and he told me he was making time. I also told him that next time, he should just tell me he's busy instead of making me feel like I was being ignored, and he said he would. Lastly, I told him to talk to me about his feelings next time and not ignore me because I'm not screwing him over at all and it leaves me extremely confused. He said he was being childish and he would. Everything was just "I woulds" and broken promises.

If I know my worth, I can't allow myself to be a doormat and sit here anymore. I guess in a way this relationship has served me because I've finally almost cleared my codependency issues which were causing me to stay with him no matter what he did in hopes that I'd get some crumbs of affection.

Just one and a half weeks ago, he himself admitted that he wasn't treating me right and I deserved better. I told him to stop putting himself down. But the cycle still continues.

I suppose for the time being this separation needs to happen. I also asked for my spirit guides to help me last night before bed--during my dream I was told by them that my TF and I both need to focus on ourselves before we can reunite and end the separation, so I'm taking their advice. It's painful because I still love him so much and still want to be with him, but when someone isn't treating you right despite the fact that you've done nothing to them, and if you ever hurt them it was completely unintentional, you have to let them go. That's why I did it.

And although I do regret being a tad harsh and I know I let my ego get in the way a bit, I guess what's done is done... He's going away in a month anyways and the last time I saw him and really spoke to him in person was June 8th.. so I guess it was only time for another separation. Time to focus on myself.

[ForgedInFire]

Originally Posted by anonymous111

You're right about lack of communication... However the treating me like dirt part isn't because we're not official--he literally treats me horribly now, and I don't know when this happened because everything used to be so nice. I've already accepted that we're not official, I'm not pursuing a title anymore, so tbe problem isn't that. Also, about the past issues--I don't hold onto past issues, I kept forgiving him very quickly, and even after he felt guilty, or at least said he felt guilty for ignoring me for two months, I forgave him VERY quickly. Basically the instant he began speaking to me. One of the problems now is not me holding onto past issues, but him constantly repeating them...Of course I have stuff to work on myself still, but I've already cleared most of my issues with myself. He still has a lot of work to do, which is why I cut him loose. Also, with the texting thing, he quickly realized that he did the same exact thing we spoke about the last time we talked, which he said he wouldn't do again because I told him how confusing it is. I didn't bother explaining anything this time around because it would be the same conversation we've had countless times before. I just took it as he didn't want to change, so it's time for me to break the cycle.

It sounds to me that he is conflicted within himself. And he may be putting that onto you as the source for it.. which you really arent..as this is within himself. It's like he has some runner tendencies so he does have work to do. But dont think that he is still the only one who needs work.. you do too.. he may have more to work through but to to say its all solely on him isnt the way to go.. youll just have to look deeper withing yourself. you will find it it just hidden more and harder to find. remember whatever lesson you learn in turn mirrors back in him so perhaps complete separation isnt the best way to go.. just check in with him once in a while to see his progress. its better then guessing and it does make things more difficult when you have no idea whats goin on on his end. thats how youll know if more self work is needed or if your on the right track.

[anonymous111]

Originally Posted by wraithklewn

It sounds to me that he is conflicted within himself. And he may be putting that onto you as the source for it.. which you really arent..as this is within himself. It's like he has some runner tendencies so he does have work to do. But dont think that he is still the only one who needs work.. you do too.. he may have more to work through but to to say its all solely on him isnt the way to go.. youll just have to look deeper withing yourself. you will find it it just hidden more and harder to find. remember whatever lesson you learn in turn mirrors back in him so perhaps complete separation isnt the best way to go.. just check in with him once in a while to see his progress. its better then guessing and it does make things more difficult when you have no idea whats goin on on his end. thats how youll know if more self work is needed or if your on the right track.

Oh trust me, I still have a lot to do--pretty messed up issues that stem from my childhood :) I think for now complete separation is the best for me at least because I know that when it comes to him, I need to be more objective and see things from an outside point of view and it's really hard to do that when I'm speaking to him... I guess I'm just too naive and think things will change when they won't. I'm just going to continue focusing on my issues for now, hopefully he does too... I'm not blaming it all on him because I certainly have to work on a few issues like my tendency to bottle up all my feelings and not say anything, which I've been getting better at or my fear of abandonment... Looking back into my childhood really helps with this too. But thank you.

[ForgedInFire]

Originally Posted by anonymous111

Oh trust me, I still have a lot to do--pretty messed up issues that stem from my childhood :) I think for now complete separation is the best for me at least because I know that when it comes to him, I need to be more objective and see things from an outside point of view and it's really hard to do that when I'm speaking to him... I guess I'm just too naive and think things will change when they won't. I'm just going to continue focusing on my issues for now, hopefully he does too... I'm not blaming it all on him because I certainly have to work on a few issues like my tendency to bottle up all my feelings and not say anything, which I've been getting better at or my fear of abandonment... Looking back into my childhood really helps with this too. But thank you.

ok do whats best for you to be doing.. just please dont do the blocking on social media and etc.. as all that really does is put an additional block between you both that would have to be dealt with later. it doesnt really matter who does it.. if one side blocks the other returns in kind.. well if he dont want to talk to me..then i dont want to talk to him! its just fuel for the ego. leave things open but keep the focus on yourself at this time.

[anonymous111]

Originally Posted by wraithklewn

ok do whats best for you to be doing.. just please dont do the blocking on social media and etc.. as all that really does is put an additional block between you both that would have to be dealt with later. it doesnt really matter who does it.. if one side blocks the other returns in kind.. well if he dont want to talk to me..then i dont want to talk to him! its just fuel for the ego. leave things open but keep the focus on yourself at this time.

Yes, I'm not blocking him... Made the mistake of blocking him on Snapchat last time--I still regret it.

[Akira]

Originally Posted by anonymous111

Few hours ago, TF texted me...

Last Monday night he texted me apologizing for ignoring me, and opened up. Thought something was gonna change, but once again nothing did. I didn't hear from him until today.

Anyways, today he texts asking for me to hang out with him... I asked him what his problem was. He said "What?" as if he had no idea what I was talking about so I just opened the message and left it unanswered. Few minutes later, he texts again-- "Ok sorry"

I just feel like he keeps on hurting me in the same way so I told him I don't know what to say to you don't text me again and good luck with your life (not meaning it in a b*tchy tone, but just kind of like seriously wishing him good luck)

And all he replied was "Oh Sorry again I'll miss talking to you"

That was the end of that. Directly after, I saw a sign that read his old contact name and felt pain in my chest. Then saw on my social media feed of him flirting with this girl. Once again--painful.

Hi Anonymous111
You could be talking about my experiences. I know how you feel and I know where you are at. For me it was exactly the same, it's this thing, it's like they know that you will always be there so they mistreat you. I remember my friends saying to me back then, what are you doing? I just wanted to be with him even if it had taken him four weeks to call me back!!! We didn't have text back then and when he phoned he'd say stuff like I am not obligated to you, when I got upset that he didn't call... Then he’d apologise and then another 2 weeks would go by!!!

Originally Posted by anonymous111

I don't think his fear should be used as an excuse to constantly hurt me. I'm not going to stick around and be a doormat anymore--he can't just decide when to speak to me and when not to speak to me. I'm not going to keep taking him back anymore.

So I completely understand when you say this part here... This is also exactly what I did. Your right and so was I standing beside someone that really appears not to have the time for you is draining and unnecessary. You deserve to feel fantastic and I know that this experience does not do that. I used to lie in my bed and cry as I couldn't understand why he was there one minute and gone the next and for a while I actually thought I was the runner!! I understand now that I wasn't and that he exhausted me...

On the upside walking away not being a doormat and being super clear that excessive disappearing acts are not acceptable will help you to spiritually align and grow into wherever you are going to go next...

I wasn't super clear when I left in fact I told him something so as not to hurt him, mind you he was going through a hellish time when I did it... I look back now and understand that I should have just said we're not doing this anymore...

Good Luck ... you are worth it and you don't need to make excuses for wanting to walk away from pain. He'll never be absent; in fact I believe that me and mine helped each other even when we were apart.

[anonymous111]

Originally Posted by Akira

Hi Anonymous111
You could be talking about my experiences. I know how you feel and I know where you are at. For me it was exactly the same, it's this thing, it's like they know that you will always be there so they mistreat you. I remember my friends saying to me back then, what are you doing? I just wanted to be with him even if it had taken him four weeks to call me back!!! We didn't have text back then and when he phoned he'd say stuff like I am not obligated to you, when I got upset that he didn't call... Then he’d apologise and then another 2 weeks would go by!!!



So I completely understand when you say this part here... This is also exactly what I did. Your right and so was I standing beside someone that really appears not to have the time for you is draining and unnecessary. You deserve to feel fantastic and I know that this experience does not do that. I used to lie in my bed and cry as I couldn't understand why he was there one minute and gone the next and for a while I actually thought I was the runner!! I understand now that I wasn't and that he exhausted me...

On the upside walking away not being a doormat and being super clear that excessive disappearing acts are not acceptable will help you to spiritually align and grow into wherever you are going to go next...

I wasn't super clear when I left in fact I told him something so as not to hurt him, mind you he was going through a hellish time when I did it... I look back now and understand that I should have just said we're not doing this anymore...

Good Luck ... you are worth it and you don't need to make excuses for wanting to walk away from pain. He'll never be absent; in fact I believe that me and mine helped each other even when we were apart.

Thank you so much, I'm so glad you understand... It's not that I wanted to leave him or stop talking, but I know my worth and I know that I shouldn't sit here and let myself be mistreated... I was pretty clear--I flat out told him not to contact me again, which was so harsh and I immediately regret being so harsh, but it had to be done... I hope we can both grow spiritually and finally reunite

[Akira]

Yep Anonymous I know, you gotta do what's right for you though.
And on the plus side I did it and we're back together now. It did take years, but you know what I wouldn't change a thing and he treats me as he should now...

When we re-connected he said: 'I see you now' ... I think he wasn't awake before maybe or he didn't want to admit his feelings. He did say that way back then he struggled because he felt that it was too much too soon!!