Struggling to find work that fits me, issues with mental health

[Lucky]

You are so not alone. I've worked since I was 14, I was never afraid to work until around 18 I started getting panic attacks out of the blue. I'd have to leave work when they came on, I just couldn't bear to be around anyone. These episodes came and went sometimes with years in between. My most recent job had me driving to any of ten retail stores in my territory, over bridges and through tons of traffic, all while taking calls from my two bosses who didn't like each other and represented different companies (I was the liaison). Once I arrived at my store the people, lights, phone calls and training staff while helping customers and juggling a million other things was way overwhelming to say the least. I frequently suffered dizziness, heart palpitations, headaches and mysterious aches and pains with no diagnosis when I'd see a doctor. I stuck it out at that job for five years, and when my position was cut due to restructuring, yet I was invited to apply for my "restructured" job days later my body shut down. They gave me an end date a month and a half out, and I called out "sick" for about three of those weeks. I felt so drained mentally and physically not to mention the emotional part of losing a job right before my wedding.

That was four years ago. I haven't worked since.

I suffer on and off from anxiety and dizziness, along with bouts of depression and mystery ailments, like when you feel like you're sick but you're not. I could be fine one minute, then walk into a big store and get really dizzy suddenly. Despite not having health insurance I recently had a complete blood test and everything was normal. Add onto that, I have horribly painful bunions made worse by standing too long or wearing anything but sneakers with orthotics, so my days of wearing nice professional shoes are over. So are my days in my old profession or area of expertise.

Over the past four years I've discovered I was an empath, or clairsentient and dove right into learning all about what that means...which gave me a lot of answers as to why I've felt so ****** particularly in the workplace. I got into reiki and a self healing journey with all the things I've learned and it's helped me to get away from isolating myself from others, although I do LOVE my alone time. But I'm still not quite there yet. What I want to do can be done from home but I'd be an entrepreneur starting my own thing and it's uncharted territory for me and I'm scared.

Oh geez, enough about me! While I can't give you advice from a position of "I've been there too and I overcame and look at me now!" I CAN tell you to explore what your passions are, what makes YOU happy, and how can you share your passion for that with others? This may give you a starting point. Also, there are so many ways people are making a living sitting behind their computer at home on their couch. I just missed the generation where technology took over, hence the apprehension in starting my own online business. I do like the idea someone here mentioned above about working with animals, also what about a greenhouse or a garden center?

Hugs to you..you're not alone

[AstraeaLunaAvani]

Originally Posted by Baile

That's great to hear. Years ago it was often tough to do. Then, after decades of being beaten up, it got to a point where I just did it without thinking about it, because my survival depended on it.

Wow! Well good for you!

[AstraeaLunaAvani]

Originally Posted by Lucky

You are so not alone. I've worked since I was 14, I was never afraid to work until around 18 I started getting panic attacks out of the blue. I'd have to leave work when they came on, I just couldn't bear to be around anyone. These episodes came and went sometimes with years in between. My most recent job had me driving to any of ten retail stores in my territory, over bridges and through tons of traffic, all while taking calls from my two bosses who didn't like each other and represented different companies (I was the liaison). Once I arrived at my store the people, lights, phone calls and training staff while helping customers and juggling a million other things was way overwhelming to say the least. I frequently suffered dizziness, heart palpitations, headaches and mysterious aches and pains with no diagnosis when I'd see a doctor. I stuck it out at that job for five years, and when my position was cut due to restructuring, yet I was invited to apply for my "restructured" job days later my body shut down. They gave me an end date a month and a half out, and I called out "sick" for about three of those weeks. I felt so drained mentally and physically not to mention the emotional part of losing a job right before my wedding.

That was four years ago. I haven't worked since.

I suffer on and off from anxiety and dizziness, along with bouts of depression and mystery ailments, like when you feel like you're sick but you're not. I could be fine one minute, then walk into a big store and get really dizzy suddenly. Despite not having health insurance I recently had a complete blood test and everything was normal. Add onto that, I have horribly painful bunions made worse by standing too long or wearing anything but sneakers with orthotics, so my days of wearing nice professional shoes are over. So are my days in my old profession or area of expertise.

Over the past four years I've discovered I was an empath, or clairsentient and dove right into learning all about what that means...which gave me a lot of answers as to why I've felt so ****** particularly in the workplace. I got into reiki and a self healing journey with all the things I've learned and it's helped me to get away from isolating myself from others, although I do LOVE my alone time. But I'm still not quite there yet. What I want to do can be done from home but I'd be an entrepreneur starting my own thing and it's uncharted territory for me and I'm scared.

Oh wow, sorry you have suffered so much with all that! I haven't had anything that bad come up physically, just mentally. Other than slight panicking and fear symptoms like getting really hot suddenly and racing heart. And I understand how it is scary becoming an entrepreneur, that is one thing i've been researching and trying to do but it just hasn't worked out.

Oh geez, enough about me! While I can't give you advice from a position of "I've been there too and I overcame and look at me now!" I CAN tell you to explore what your passions are, what makes YOU happy, and how can you share your passion for that with others? This may give you a starting point. Also, there are so many ways people are making a living sitting behind their computer at home on their couch. I just missed the generation where technology took over, hence the apprehension in starting my own online business. I do like the idea someone here mentioned above about working with animals, also what about a greenhouse or a garden center?

Hugs to you..you're not alone

I have spent more time exploring my passions than anyone I know. I have at least 10-15 of them. So that isn't the problem. I just can't seem to get any of them to work out as a job. I would love to work in a greenhouse and have applied to a few of them but I can't work mornings due to a circadian rhythm disorder, and I have no degrees or experience working with plants, other than growing some herbs at home but they always die before I get much use out of them. I like cats but not really any other animals. I would love to be a housesitter or catsitter but those aren't jobs, they don't pay you because you get to stay there for free.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by AstraeaLunaAvani

I can't work mornings due to a circadian rhythm disorder, and I have no degrees or experience working with plants

Holistic healing is all about healing that sort of issue. When I say holistic healing I am not talking about herbs and teas. I mean taking real, practical steps -- sometimes drastic steps -- to transform old patterns of behaviour and life-outlook that no longer serve, and that keep one trapped in those old patterns. The longer these patterns continue and are not consciously addressed in some way, the greater the chance they morph into disorders and illnesses.

You can't possibly work with a disorder like that and so it needs to be addressed, just like any regular sickness or illness requires attention. I will share (not meant to preach, just as examples) a few small, big and drastic changes to my life that I made in the past 20 years, all as part of my holistic healing program:

-Moved 3000 miles, away from stressful karmic relationships
-Changed my lousy diet over several years and am now organic vegan
-Eliminated stimulants (alcohol and drugs) and pharmaceuticals
-Got rid of my TV, and stopped listening to the radio or music in the car
-Started a number of intentional, conscious daily rhythms and routines
-Am on "nature cycle" -- up at 3 am, bed at 9 pm -- for many years now
-Listen to classical/choral music 99% of the time, with the occasional rock-night (well, rock-30 minutes, that's about all I can take anymore)

Rhythms are healing. That can be a great first step. Feed the birds every morning at 7 am. Just try doing that much. And how about taking one online course per semester in something of interest to you, to address the education aspect as well?

[AstraeaLunaAvani]

Originally Posted by Baile

You can't possibly work with a disorder like that and so it needs to be addressed, just like any regular sickness or illness requires attention.

The disorder I have has no cure, there are only ways to manage it, one being to just sleep when the body will sleep and be up when the body wants to be up. So that has meant my entire life I can't get up in the mornings and I can't go to bed before about 2 am (I found out this after I quit my job and tried to make my schedule more normal, but with this disorder, you can only go so far).

I will share (not meant to preach, just as examples) a few small, big and drastic changes to my life that I made in the past 20 years, all as part of my holistic healing program:

-Moved 3000 miles, away from stressful karmic relationships
-Changed my lousy diet over several years and am now organic vegan
-Eliminated stimulants (alcohol and drugs) and pharmaceuticals
-Got rid of my TV, and stopped listening to the radio or music in the car
-Started a number of intentional, conscious daily rhythms and routines
-Am on "nature cycle" -- up at 3 am, bed at 9 pm -- for many years now
-Listen to classical/choral music 99% of the time, with the occasional rock-night (well, rock-30 minutes, that's about all I can take anymore)

I have also done most of those! I moved away from my parents, improved my diet (which is a neverending improvement), stopped drinking alcohol and have never taken pharmaceuticals, stopped watching tv about a decade ago, started listening to educational stuff in the car and pretty much every waking moment, even while i'm in the shower!

And how about taking one online course per semester in something of interest to you, to address the education aspect as well?

Oh I do that too! I've lost count how many classes I have taken and I still have 2 more that I paid for that I haven't had time to even start. They aren't directly going towards me earning money, that's why they're not a priority right now.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by AstraeaLunaAvani

So that has meant my entire life I can't get up in the mornings and I can't go to bed before about 2 am.

So bartender or pub waiter or late-night restaurant worker... sounds like those jobs would fit.

Originally Posted by AstraeaLunaAvani

The disorder I have has no cure, there are only ways to manage it, one being to just sleep when the body will sleep and be up when the body wants to be up.

You obviously know best. The little bit I read online says the opposite really... to manage it, resist the urge to sleep; do not nap or sleep during the day; and go to bed at the same time every evening, which is what I was saying about the alchemy of establishing rhythms in one's life.

FYI, holistic healing experts generally agree all illnesses are psychosomatic, including cancer, and can be cured via changes in one's consciousness and lifestyle. That includes changes in one's self-image and general life-outlook. Changing unloving thoughts to loving thoughts, essentially. Cancer and other illnesses are symptoms; self-hate, and hate directed at the world, is the disease.

Originally Posted by AstraeaLunaAvani

They aren't directly going towards me earning money, that's why they're not a priority right now.

I made that suggestion thinking you might want to look into courses that can go toward a degree in an area of work you can make money at. There are online courses in horticulture, gardening, landscaping, you name it.

[AstraeaLunaAvani]

Originally Posted by Baile

So bartender or pub waiter or late-night restaurant worker... sounds like those jobs would fit.

I hate dealing with customers though, I need something where i'm working alone or just with coworkers. I worked in the food industry before and it's very stressful, too fast paced for me.

You obviously know best. The little bit I read online says the opposite really... to manage it, resist the urge to sleep; do not nap or sleep during the day; and go to bed at the same time every evening, which is what I was saying about the alchemy of establishing rhythms in one's life.

Those don't apply to my disorder though, and my sleep specialist even said the same thing, you can try to alter your schedule to be more normal but it only results in sleep deprivation and your body will go back to it's default mode.

I made that suggestion thinking you might want to look into courses that can go toward a degree in an area of work you can make money at. There are online courses in horticulture, gardening, landscaping, you name it.

That is kind of what my goal was with these classes, but so far I haven't found any jobs in those fields that let you work in the evening or nighttime hours. So I realized I am just going to have to use that knowledge for my own personal use with growing stuff.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by AstraeaLunaAvani

so far I haven't found any jobs in those fields that let you work in the evening or nighttime hours.

Vampire coffin security guard... you know, keeping an eye on their stuff while they're out and about at night?

Hoo boy, I see the issue.

You need a self-employment gig. It sounds like you are in the US, which would be too bad. The US has this weird thing about nobody getting anything for free. Including heath care, which is a basic human right in every other country.

There is no shame in collecting government assistance. Many many people require it, out of no fault of their own. Again, most other countries accept this as a natural part of caring for and looking after its citizens. The US mindset: is it sad or is it sick? I don't know which. Both obviously I guess.

[AstraeaLunaAvani]

Originally Posted by Baile

Vampire coffin security guard... you know, keeping an eye on their stuff while they're out and about at night?

LOL That would be awesome if such a job existed!

You need a self-employment gig. It sounds like you are in the US, which would be too bad. The US has this weird thing about nobody getting anything for free. Including heath care, which is a basic human right in every other country.

There is no shame in collecting government assistance. Many many people require it, out of no fault of their own. Again, most other countries accept this as a natural part of caring for and looking after its citizens. The US mindset: is it sad or is it sick? I don't know which. Both obviously I guess.

I do have free health insurance right now, I get it through the county. I have been trying to do the self employment thing, I do have lots of ideas but so far none of them check off all my criteria. Although I still plan to try the affiliate marketing thing, so far that one seems the most do-able. The only drawback to it is most people say it takes a few years to earn a steady income from that. So we'll see.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by AstraeaLunaAvani

LOL That would be awesome if such a job existed!

That's right... awesome until they show up back home at 5 am and haven't scored that night.