A million ways to cope with depression

[SoulsInMotion]

And I was just elaborating. :)

[Louisa]

Thanks for all the comments. Many good ideas. SoulsInMotion, your story sounds similar to mine in some ways, and I have gone through much stuff similar, though it's good for me to remember some of it, even though it's not that far behind me. I have a tendency to forget or not think of certain points when writing stuff. My mind can be, ha, scattered might be the nicest way to put it, at times.

Great points, all.

I may say more later, but I've got atrocious allergies and the lingering remnants of a flu at the moment, so it might be a little delayed if I do. Otherwise, generally, I agree and am so glad that you all took the time to share.

I love sharing our stories about things like this, because it helps me to remember and more clearly say and understand things, even if it's something I already experienced myself. And when it's different from my experience, that is good, because yes, it can be so different for each individual. So it's good to look at all the ways it can play out and what might work for different people.

I also was harmed by psych meds, but the doctors kept telling me that I had to keep taking it and give it time, try tweaking it. I was on many different combinations, usually 7 or 8 different meds for about 5 or 6 years, teens to early 20s.

Ahh.. Maybe that's why I'm so crazy and scattered. I seriously think it might have changed my personality and imbalanced my brain a bit, but oh well, I don't know. Well, maybe it's just natural for me to be this way, and so I hope for the best. ha But I think I might have bipolar and I was put on depression meds instead. And now they don't even put teens on the stuff I was on, 20 years ago, because they know it can make them more prone to suicide. Blah. So much for medicine, hm? haha (But maybe it helps some and that's fine, but I'm certainly not eager to try any more meds).

Yeah, I think too that I could have dealt with my own issues much faster if I'd had a better environment and people who knew where and how to lead me, but I was lost, and they were lost in helping me so I wandered alone in the wilderness so to speak, for 20 years. I hope it helped me though because I had to learn ways to manage really bad, persistent, ingrained depression and psychological and spiritual issues that all kind of snowballed for 20 years, a life continually under flood, rebuilt again and again, and flooded again and again till I found a lot to help me cope with so many different issues.

Still a work in progress, though.

[Louisa]

If anyone else would like to receive my ideas and information about the coping methods that helped me, you can reply here or pm or email me. I will get back to you, Tridek, soon, but I'm trying to decide where to start on all this. So many things that I have in mind and my mind's not the most organized always, and so, yeah, sick too and that's kind of making me scattered and tired and loopy.

But I'm really so glad that I will have someone to share these things with. Hope it will do some good. I might post it on a public thread once I get enough ideas and momentum of the ideas I want to write about and the order to write them.

[SoulsInMotion]

Oh, yeah. Lots of stuff can change our brain chemistry. Another thing that I didn't get to mentioning was the role of traumatic brain injury and how often it goes undiagnosed. Recently I sort of put two and two together regarding why I experienced a sudden change in personality in my late teens, and early 20's. I suddenly had a very difficult time speaking to people without getting incredibly self conscious and flustered. Around a period of a few years, because of sports activities mostly, I had hit my head on no less than 3-4 seperate occasions. After watching some interviews of pro hockey players who experienced depression and anxiety after severe concussions, as well as one Joe Rogan Experience podcast, I realized that this must actually be quite prevalent.

Most of these things that change our brain chemistry can eventually be reversed to some degree naturally, the biggest problem is really when we don't realize what happened to us in the first place so obviously we can't treat the real problem, only go to doctors and psychologists that take wild shots in the dark. The best person to treat our problems is ourself.

Get better soon. :)

[Louisa]

That's another thing I didn't know about the head injury thing. Very good to know these things. Even if it can feel overwhelming. I guess, a bit of info at a time, only as much as one can manage without feeling too overwhelmed, start where you are, baby steps. All that. Live with the symptoms as best you can, till you find how to heal them (b/c for some that takes a long time). Sometimes, the treatment is worse than the disease, I've found, for me.

Better, for me, to take a little chunk at a time, because there is so much info out there about so many things, and it's hard to sort out the reliable info from the not so reliable, especially when it comes to stuff science might not have studied very well, but if you've got mystery problems that don't respond to conventional treatments you pretty much have to go on either folk remedies, or anecdotes, or "science" that is on these alternative media sites, which isn't always so reliable, but there is often some truth.

Still, man, I got so overwhelmed over the years and disillusioned, with conventional and alternative medicine. I am more skeptical towards it all, but also have found ways to take things in baby steps. I have spiritual methods that guide and help me now in ways neither my own reasoning nor science nor folk remedies can equal. So, I surely don't have all the answers, but now with the guidance and spiritual methods, things work way super much better. Such a relief!

Well, better go rest and enjoy my favorite method of coping these days, which is being grateful and listening to the guidance of spirit (in addition to being with my four year old all day ).

[Louisa]

And, ok, so, just in case, if anyone wants to give individualized ideas as for how to deal with my relative's situation, I guess there is no harm in giving a little bit of the situation. I just don't want to give so much detail that it will be possibly be obvious or suspect to someone if they stumbled on this, who I'm talking about.

So,.. Ok.. Well, as I said, her boyfriend is clingy. There may be borderline personality disorder, in her, and her boyfriend, but it's not sure, not diagnosed, she just says she thinks it might be. She is unable to get out, and doesn't want to leave family (financial and job reasons, because they drive her around to a good job),.. And so she relies solely on her boyfriend for all her close social life (except me, but our schedules don't allow us to visit very much and we're a little different in some ways, anyway, .. )

Hm.. She really feels she might feel she can't go on without her boyfriend (but their relationship is rocky). I want to show her she can, but she's just very concerned for her safety, and financial well being, and basically stuck with family who won't teach her to drive, and so she's isolated. So she might have a lot of difficulty making any friends, and that I can agree with, if I was in her shoes, because I'm the same, and it's not easy to make satisfactory friends who like you for who you are when you are just very unusual and very introverted and don't make small talk or share interests with most people... So, yeah,.. I have even offered to move to some city with her, and we can try to socialize and go to events/groups etc. together, but I'm a mom of a four year old, health problems, depression, no job skills, no training that's useful.. lol And she wants her job, her financial security, for now. It's not clear when she'd feel secure to try to seek another job or move somewhere.

It's a kind of wild leap into faith, hope, and the unknown, if she were to try to change anything in her situation... I know why she clings to security,.. But, so it is.

Not that I really was intending for this to be a thread for advice. I'm not so good at replying to advice, but I do appreciate it, I just don't want to get into a bunch of question and answer stuff, because it's really complicated and it's not really my story to be telling so I don't want to distort her story, and give to much info, or have it discussed by others.

I want to preserve her privacy, but I guess this is anonymous and ambiguous enough that no one really could identify it. And, more than that, I don't think she minds the truth being openly expressed, it's just when it's debated and misunderstood by strangers, then, yeah, no, so..

I have put myself on the line with being psychoanalyzed when I had problems, but it's different when I'm doing it for another, so I guess that is as far as I'll go with talking about her.

Just the basics, hope it's understandable but I don't want to get into complicated psychoanalysis of her character, or anything, because it often ends up with misunderstandings and I don't want to take the slightest chance she might read this and suspect it's about her, and feel hurt by anything said that goes too deep or too close.

[SoulsInMotion]

Perhaps there is some other activity that she could get involved in to start gaining self-worth and confidence from something other than her boyfriend or making new friends. To me that sounds like the best option, but obviously without knowing the person it would be difficult to be more specific. If she is able to do this, she might gain the courage to get out of any toxic situations on her own. The alternative is that if it really is a bad match, it will fall apart sooner or later and she'll be forced to deal with it sooner or later. Things will get harder for a bit, but you'll be there to reassure her that they will get better.

[Louisa]

That is a good idea, even though she is kind of resistant to anything she doesn't think of on her own, it seems to me. She's open but not very. Not to anything big or very different from her own ideas. It seems to me she is very cynical.. About society. And, about human nature, even children. About the world, even nature, animals (though she loves them, not enough to live for them or work for a cause for them).. Etc.

And, I don't blame her, because,.. Yeah.

I used to be like her and the only thing that got me out of it was to be a mom, unexpectedly,.. and unpreparedly, but it transformed me, even if it wasn't fair how it happened (but I don't want to get into that or anything, at all)... So, yeah.

That transformed my sense of self worth and of worth in the world, however deluded the "society/world" is. Worth of human nature, too, however deluded or basic, and childlike it tends to be.

I think, self worth only matters if others are worth someting too, or else the world feels too lonely so it's also that but maybe I can find a way to help her feel that way.. The world is less lonely, worthy of her love too and loves her back..

Children really wake you up, with their basic, innocent desperate need, which isn't really comparable with anything else, much, and yet, maybe I'll help her feel needed, wanted, loving, loved, and motivated by life, somehow..

Like I was with my little child, who needed me.

How to help her see the innocence and desperate need, in a world far less innocent, cute and harmless than the child who taught me...

Because, yeah, it seems to me.. Kids aren't more innocent, just less complex.. Less learned problems and less ability to cause pain.

[SoulsInMotion]

That's pretty darn cynical - doesn't sound like much to work with ;)

My wife really doesn't want to have children, not because she doesn't like them, but because she doesn't want to "contribute to the problem". She isn't confident in her ability to raise someone who will become a stable and wise adult. But throughout our relationship we have taken baby steps in improving our lives and situation. Both of us have similar issues, and yet, we have managed to also be strength to each other through open communication.

Eventually we got to the point where she was confident enough to try getting a couple of cats. Just barely, but we did it. It's a pretty big deal cause she didn't even trust herself to be able to take care of plants, let alone two creatures. And it's interesting how much I see a little leap of faith like that transforming our lives, it gives purpose and also the "unconditional love" (or acceptance) of another being, which is enough to set things in a different direction.

Usually, people who are cynical of humanity find solace in nature and animals, at least certain kinds. So perhaps a cause isn't necessary, but even a simple step like pet ownership can do something. Though it's possible she already has one. And true, I've also seen situations where owner and pet can be terribly mismatched.

[Louisa]

I didn't mean to go into it.. Geez. . Sorry. Just, egh..

Bringing up all the junk in me.

I can't live without this relative, or I can, but.. Hm
Yeah.

Maybe I can, ..

Yes, cynicism.

Yes, emptiness.

Geez, lol Who wants to learn about how to avoid or cope with depression from someone who is going on like I am?

I often feel much better, but I guess it's clear that' I'm not all 100% better.

My relative is my hope in the world.

Cynicism? Yes, but.. I mean? It's more than that, because it's like being a different species and no one knows how to care for you, like you belong on a different planet. That is how I felt. That I think might be how my relative feels? Not sure..

Whatever. Hm.

Yes, my relative has pets, and loves them very much, but feels more need for people to relate to more deeply than she does or can. I can only hope that maybe if I can find a way to relate to her better then she might feel less alone (and I might feel less alone. Since she is my one hope too.. almost).

Yeah, .. Sorry..

I guess I felt a need to break down, just in case, in case it would help me put myself back together better yet.

But, no fears, I think I'll put myself back together just fine. lol

And whether I can help her put herself together again? I don't know.. But.. Oh well..

I do what I can. We do what we can. And oh yeah... Ugh. Sometimes cynicism is quite appropriate.

Love is there, but it's hard to grasp sometimes, when it seems so beyond your understanding, so basic and just selfish and cold.

But, really, having a baby made me realize.. ha. A baby is selfish and cold, because all they care about is being fed and cared for and it was an exercise in learning to accept the selfishness of others as just natural and..

That, really..

Yeah, as crazy as it sounds, ha well that, transformed EVERYthing! for me..

Hmm... The world is so weird! But it can be lovable, just not with logic or judgment.