growing pains

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by django

Do tell us how it goes

Yep, will keep you all informed.

I do realise however that I require a soul/destiny retrieval from a shaman and perhaps some Reiki on top of it.

This is the limit of modern medicine. They can treat the physical symptoms when it has a physical cause and that is the whole of it yet they downplay and discredit the role of alternative and traditional practices to treat anything else.

Yeah, so mum just phoned me with a 'what did the doctor say?' and I told her...then she goes 'what is up with you then?' and I just blurted it out "I rose my energies the wrong way during meditation a year ago" and she's like "well, raise them the right way then!"...god love her. lol

[Shivani Devi]

So yeah, just sent off an e-mail to my 80yr old mother, trying to explain what kundalini syndrome is...I started with "so you know what the chakras are right?" (she does) and I took it from there.

First time I have opened up to anybody else outside this forum about it.

[running]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

Yeah and the next stage of this adventure is gonna be fun.

He has just given me a referral to see a psychiatrist, saying "it is possible that anxiety is behind all of this" and inside, I am going "anxiety my left toenail! I am the least anxious person there is! I have no worries, nothing is bothering me (except for all of these physical symptoms)".

I wonder how it's going to be...the shrink going "you are anxious" and me going "nope, I am not" and the shrink going "you may not think you are, but you are and I know it because I am the shrink" and me going "I have a much better explanation for what's going on here...ever heard of kundalini? well, I have raised it".

They should do a 'case study' on me. lol

i dont mean to sound preachy. and i get why most of us dont want anybody helping us. but i have to say from experience that sometimes meditating with a guru, avatar or whatever they may call themselves helps put everything in balance. and a lot of the stuff gets settled down. im not or wish to tell anybody what to do. but i have to mention it when i feel i should for the sake of my integrity. meaning i wouldnt feel right having not mentioned it. good luck with it all

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by dryad

Yeah I've been through a few of those doors myself. When you go through two more it gets really interesting. Awareness of the whole is a big thing. The ego can't do anything much on its own but it is the centre of action. I compare it to dominos a lot. The ego decides what to do and pushes the first domino. Whether or not your subconscious and higher self and soul etc is able to fill in the rest of the dominos in a way that completes the desired pattern or not depends on how connected you are. If there are gaps in your awareness then there are gaps in the domino trail too and things won't get through. And of course it goes both ways as you mentioned... The higher self will tell you what you need to do (where you need to put the dominoes) to fill in the gaps and stabilise everything.

And the lack of entanglement with others is interesting too. I think you mean other people not your own aspects this time? If I understand you correctly its almost like the less separation you have within the more separation you get from others? But in a good way. Like detachment. You can see others more clearly without being influenced by them. Then you can become a source of positive energy and change for them. Just make sure you keep your energy balanced. You don't want to fry them.

What do you mean when you go through two more it gets interesting? I don't count doors now but I can notice them as such if needed.It's actually like a flow of life and movement more so I would say now. Aware of heightened energy shifts but working with the whole integration as one movement. It's interesting because with this topic as it is for some relating here about their experience, I am now seeing that when your moving through a more complete awwareness of yourself within all movements of your own body and taking action to bring yourself back into full alignment through the energy moving in you, there is an opportunity to listen to the whole movement and become more consciously aware of an overall letting go and awareness of body needs as one. In the whole movement your listening to your mind body spirit as one source, so the energy if listened to deeper as you, can be open, clear and balanced more holistically. For me the shifts signal everything in process and when I take action to address things in myself, to support a natural state of balance, the energy aligns and balances faster. And if your not listening to the whole through the kundalini energy it will continue to expand you till you actually listen more complete to yourself.

You could say right now I am very aware of others where the are within their process and very conscious through discernment how I engage myself. I wouldn't call it detachment alone, more trying to be myself without attachment to what flows and allow the external to receive without attaching to that. At present I am still practicing more mindful awareness to deepen more freely as that. I had major attachments so on this side I am just aware to be mindful of others as they are. I know that in time holding my own presence will be more natural without need to be as 'focused aware'. My recent reflections to hold my space through all my core fears rather speedy all intermingled,was showing me
Where my next stage would be heading. "Clarity through the whole conditioned self" which ultimately can lead to my "union" within no longer "moved" in old reactions (mind &body). But open and flowing more freely.

So in this view detachment/discernment becomes connection more open and without need to notice what is moving within the whole, more being the whole and just being me and moving me..:)

And your mention of "keeping balanced " that is how I see I need to focus right now. As for frying them lol, my fire element has been integrated so they are lucky haha.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by naturesflow

What do you mean when you go through two more it gets interesting? I don't count doors now but I can notice them as such if needed.It's actually like a flow of life and movement more so I would say now. Aware of heightened energy shifts but working with the whole integration as one movement. It's interesting because with this topic as it is for some relating here about their experience, I am now seeing that when your moving through a more complete awwareness of yourself within all movements of your own body and taking action to bring yourself back into full alignment through the energy moving in you, there is an opportunity to listen to the whole movement and become more consciously aware of an overall letting go and awareness of body needs as one. In the whole movement your listening to your mind body spirit as one source, so the energy if listened to deeper as you, can be open, clear and balanced more holistically. For me the shifts signal everything in process and when I take action to address things in myself, to support a natural state of balance, the energy aligns and balances faster. And if your not listening to the whole through the kundalini energy it will continue to expand you till you actually listen more complete to yourself.

You could say right now I am very aware of others where the are within their process and very conscious through discernment how I engage myself. I wouldn't call it detachment alone, more trying to be myself without attachment to what flows and allow the external to receive without attaching to that. At present I am still practicing more mindful awareness to deepen more freely as that. I had major attachments so on this side I am just aware to be mindful of others as they are. I know that in time holding my own presence will be more natural without need to be as 'focused aware'. My recent reflections to hold my space through all my core fears rather speedy all intermingled,was showing me
Where my next stage would be heading. "Clarity through the whole conditioned self" which ultimately can lead to my "union" within no longer "moved" in old reactions (mind &body). But open and flowing more freely.

So in this view detachment/discernment becomes connection more open and without need to notice what is moving within the whole, more being the whole and just being me and moving me..:)

And your mention of "keeping balanced " that is how I see I need to focus right now. As for frying them lol, my fire element has been integrated so they are lucky haha.

Exactly! and this is what I am learning at the moment (and the hard way).

It's too convenient for me to just reach for the paracetamol when I get energy migraines, to get grumpy and irritable when I feel like my spine is a flaming whip, to have about 6 cold showers a day just to try and cool my body down (that makes it much worse btw and the relief is only temporary) and to go to the doctor because I just can't handle the pain anymore, but I realise I'm only putting up resistance to it because my body wasn't meant to handle this...but I also know that the universe doesn't give us more than what we can handle...it's just that most days, it doesn't feel like it.

Suffice to say, my fire element hasn't been integrated yet.

I have learned that I must listen to it. I used to love coffee I would drink 4-6 cups a day, but now, I cannot even smell it without throwing up. I used to be able to wear perfume, use soap in the shower, use bleach and cleaning products but now I break out in rashes with even the slightest exposure.

I posted on another thread about Craig Holliday and his Youtube videos talking about it and that's where I'm at right now.

Over a year ago, I was diagnosed with Functional Neurological Disorder. It got so bad, I couldn't walk - my arms and legs wanted to do their own thing independent from my body. I realised this happened a week after I first raised kundalini. Yet the doctors do not know what causes FND...I do...NOW!

I'm slowly becoming aware of the need to integrate this, but it's like going through hell, walking through the 'shadow of death' and there's really nobody out there in the 'real world' who can help me and I know it.

[Shivani Devi]

...and so it was...my mum just phoned me after getting my e-mail and doing some 'homework' online...I was wondering (worrying) how she was going to take the news:

Mum: "So, you mean to say that you have awakened the sacred fire within and rose it up your spine?"

Me: "yep"

Mum: "You need to see a Reiki master right away!"

Me: "Tell me something I don't know" *laughs*

Mum: "What does it feel like?"

Me: "It feels like giving birth to Satan - like trying to squeeze a burning watermelon through the eye of a needle".

Mum: "oh...my...god...are you okay?"

Me: "yeah, I am fine...surviving as best I can".

Mum: "Did you also get the bliss?"

Me: "yep, got that...I got the ecstasy and the agony...it comes with it".

Mum: "oh wow, does that mean you have reached nirvana now?"

Me: "pretty much, but there's still a lot I need to learn".

Mum: "how did it happen to you?"

Me: "It was during intense devotion to God about a year ago. I lost all sense of who I was apart from Him, I had no self, no ego...I cried years worth of tears I held inside...I cried for hours, felt nothing but unconditional love for the Divine, and then it was like a volcano erupted inside me".

Mum: "why didn't you speak of this before? you should have told me".

Me: "I was afraid you wouldn't understand...you would laugh and scoff at me like you usually do".

Mum: "I am so sorry I never listened to you! can you ever forgive me? I love you".

Me: "yeah, I forgive you and I love you too...it's okay and I'll be fine, but at least you know now".

Mum: "I still don't really understand it, it seems very complex and uses a lot of Indian words that I don't get - how long have you known about the existence of it?"

Me: "Ever since I was a kid, but I never, in my wildest dreams, thought it would happen to me".

Mum: "Well, it is a good thing in that you are enlightened now, a bad thing you're also going through this, but at least you know what it is now and you'll be able to heal".

Me: "yep, definitely working on it. Those doctors know stuff-all about this".

Mum: "too right there. I don't know anything about it and I spoke to Phil (my brother) about it and he's never heard of it either".

Me: "Never too late to learn".

Mum: "Is that why you do all those weird hand things (mudras) all the time?"

Me: "yes, precisely. It's one of the classic symptoms of it".

Mum: "Oh well, good luck with it and I gotta go, love you".

Me: "me too and cya"

[running]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

...and so it was...my mum just phoned me after getting my e-mail and doing some 'homework' online...I was wondering (worrying) how she was going to take the news:

Mum: "So, you mean to say that you have awakened the sacred fire within and rose it up your spine?"

Me: "yep"

Mum: "You need to see a Reiki master right away!"

Me: "Tell me something I don't know" *laughs*

Mum: "What does it feel like?"

Me: "It feels like giving birth to Satan - like trying to squeeze a burning watermelon through the eye of a needle".

Mum: "oh...my...god...are you okay?"

Me: "yeah, I am fine...surviving as best I can".

Mum: "Did you also get the bliss?"

Me: "yep, got that...I got the ecstasy and the agony...it comes with it".

Mum: "oh wow, does that mean you have reached nirvana now?"

Me: "pretty much, but there's still a lot I need to learn".

Mum: "how did it happen to you?"

Me: "It was during intense devotion to God about a year ago. I lost all sense of who I was apart from Him, I had no self, no ego...I cried years worth of tears I held inside...I cried for hours, felt nothing but unconditional love for the Divine, and then it was like a volcano erupted inside me".

Mum: "why didn't you speak of this before? you should have told me".

Me: "I was afraid you wouldn't understand...you would laugh and scoff at me like you usually do".

Mum: "I am so sorry I never listened to you! can you ever forgive me? I love you".

Me: "yeah, I forgive you and I love you too...it's okay and I'll be fine, but at least you know now".

Mum: "I still don't really understand it, it seems very complex and uses a lot of Indian words that I don't get - how long have you known about the existence of it?"

Me: "Ever since I was a kid, but I never, in my wildest dreams, thought it would happen to me".

Mum: "Well, it is a good thing in that you are enlightened now, a bad thing you're also going through this, but at least you know what it is now and you'll be able to heal".

Me: "yep, definitely working on it. Those doctors know stuff-all about this".

Mum: "too right there. I don't know anything about it and I spoke to Phil (my brother) about it and he's never heard of it either".

Me: "Never too late to learn".

Mum: "Is that why you do all those weird hand things (mudras) all the time?"

Me: "yes, precisely. It's one of the classic symptoms of it".

Mum: "Oh well, good luck with it and I gotta go, love you".

Me: "me too and cya"

thanx for sharing such a beautiful experience with your mom!

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by running

thanx for sharing such a beautiful experience with your mom!

Dhanyavad. _/\_

Ooh sooo nice..

Just came out of meditation, smiling despite myself.
Surfing the waves of bliss (ananda lahari),
As they crashed on the shoreline of chitta (consciousness),
Focused deep in chinmudra, breath stops...
At the point where double digits touch,
In the awareness of Brahman absolute.

I am shunya,
I am one without second,
I am two, with my Shakti,
I am the three lokas of chidakasha,
I taught the four (sanatkumaras)
I assumed the five (panchakshara)....

Aham Brahmasmi!
Aham Brahmasmi!

[lighter]

Interesting thread.

Fascinating posts by @Dryad.

Full of knowledge.

[dryad]

Originally Posted by naturesflow

What do you mean when you go through two more it gets interesting?

For me that was a big turning point. You know that saying when the student is ready the teacher will appear. That's when my teacher turned up. There are things your not ready to learn before that. All the skills you develop separately in different areas start coming together and connecting in new ways and you see why you've been doing things that didn't seem to relate to anything else before that. At least that's how it worked for me. That was about a year ago now and so many things suddenly made sense. I realised there were things I'd been doing that I absolutely needed to know to make the next level work but at the time I had thought I was just being stubborn. Even when I had gone against what I was 'supposed' to be doing it turned out to be exactly what I had needed to learn. Let me know when you get there. We can compare notes.

As for frying them lol, my fire element has been integrated so they are lucky haha.

That's interesting but not what I was thinking of. Fire is not the only thing that burns and kundalini isn't actually fire. Elemental fire energy is a bit different don't you think?. Usually you fry someone if you give them too much too quick or if your energy is unstable then you can't adapt it to suit the person receiving it. Watch out after you cross any of these doors as it can take a while for your energy to stabilise at the new level. I only mention it cos people have ended up unconscious when I was not careful enough.