Healing The Ego: Towards 2012
By Deborah Ann McCrea
Many of us walking a path of spiritual and personal growth have wrestled with how to work with the ego. While we can't see or touch the ego, we've all had an experience of being on the receiving end of its antics - our own, or another's.
We've been taught that egos can be too big and even too small. To ignore, to criticize, or even be secretly ashamed of what we all have - and yes even to
"kill" the ego. All this negative attention and firepower aimed directly at neutralizing the ego hasn't exactly met with stellar results.
How often do we instead approach the subject of ego with the desire to "heal" it or even, integrate it back into the whole? On the threshold of 2012, where we are making a paradigm shift from a materially based existence to a consciousness based one - perhaps it's time our approach towards the ego underwent a paradigm shift, too.
How can we return to a sense of wholeness without reclaiming the energy and consciousness tied up in the split off part of us that we refer to as the ego? Wouldn't that be a wasted recycling opportunity?
I don't believe the Creator got it wrong, or that we get anything for the journey that isn't necessary. We all seem to have an ego [at least everyone I've met thus far on
my journey]. And ego doesn't seem to be a cultural phenomenon - there is an equivalent word in all the languages I've come across. Nor does it seem endemic to our times. Spiritual texts have been talking about this struggle for centuries.
Could there be a simple, basic purpose that the
healthy ego was meant to serve? Could it be necessary at the
beginning of our path of growth to serve as a container for the developing psyche and personality until we mature and evolve to a level of consciousness that ego is no longer necessary in that way?
Rather than seeing the ego as something that opposes growth - perhaps it's time to shift towards seeing the ego as a necessary
catalyst in the early stages of our growth. Or, as guidance suggested:
Quote:
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"INSTEAD, SEE THE EGO AS THE GRAIN OF SAND THAT COMPELS THE OYSTER TO CREATE THE PEARL."
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This may seem utterly simplistic but I believe that the beginning of all healing is ultimately very simple. We as human beings, complicate matters with our resistance to change and growth.
As I mentioned earlier, I believe that the ego is meant to provide a protective container for the parts of our developing psyche and personality as they grow, mature and evolve. The trouble begins if the ego container rigidifies and stops growing
with us. And it has a tendency to do that at any age that we've experienced a trauma.
I wonder if it's just a coincidence that the words ego and egg are so alike. The ego acts as a container similar to the way that the shell of an egg provides a protective vessel to hold the unformed embryo until it becomes a fully formed being. Without the protection provided by the shell, the unformed potential would leak out and cease to exist. Inside, the embryo continues to grow and evolve until, fully developed, it's strong enough to break free and transcend the simpler container it has outgrown. It emerges with its next container fully intact, more flexible and sophisticated; an envelope of flesh that permits a whole new range of movement, life experiences and possibilities.
Now imagine the opposite scenario and what would happen if the shell did not give way; if what was inside couldn't break free. Or what if the old container had so rigidified or calcified as to make growth or escape impossible. What's inside becomes stagnant, distorted and eventually dies. Overprotection becomes a prison to the potential of what's inside.
To prevent stagnation and death, life will draw to itself a crisis to act upon the walls of the prison and enable what's inside to break free. We have many names for this - but crisis or trauma will suffice. The nature of the crisis we magnetize to ourselves will depend on where we have rigidified in our being. If it's in our ability to love and be loved, a heart attack may be what breaks us free. Some people may call to themselves a car accident, illness or injury of some sort. Ultimately we are called to become more conscious and response-able in some area of our life.
As human beings I believe we were meant to keep transforming and transcending our less mature containers until, I suspect, our ego container becomes so refined and integrated into our being as to appear virtually nonexistent. But, we do this not by what we exclude, rather through reclaiming and healing all parts of ourselves that have split off or that we view as inferior or shameful in some way.
Until I began working with clients in private practice as an energy therapist, ego was just a term; a theory on paper. What I began to notice in client sessions was how the ego operated as energy and consciousness not unlike other inner selves such as the "inner child." Its presence was palpable. And just like those inner selves it has its own point of view and reality. However, the reality of the ego usually gets fixed at an early stage of development. And therein lies the rub.
In its
unhealed state the ego-identified self lacks maturity, flexibility and objectivity and is biased and resistant to change. It believes it is protecting us in this way. It fears that change will be the very end of its existence. And if we have our sense of self-identity hard-wired to the ego, we unconsciously will then fear the end of our very own existence; defending to the death against anything that is outside the reality sanctioned by our own ego-self. Ironically this not only puts us in conflict with our outer world but with our inner world as well. Ego then becomes a faction that opposes new opportunities that could bring us greater happiness and well-being, wealth and fulfillment and wars with the other inner selves that could help us create it.
Once I began to realize that trying to change or get rid of the ego only leads to causing it to become even more deeply entrenched, to attack, or even more insidiously go underground and control from the shadows - a possible way to resolve the impasse began to form.
Think about any time in your life you were told you were wrong or bad for an unhealthy behavior or habit you had. Did being criticized or shamed help you or make you want to quit or give it up or did you perhaps flaunt it even more or do the opposite and try to hide it and pretend you'd given it up? Did the habit or behavior serve a purpose? Did you finally grow out of it when something better grew to take its place?
Whatever we view as an enemy will oppose and sabotage us. Like any other inner self, the ego needs a wiser part of us to see and acknowledge that it has a healthy purpose. Coming from compassion and respect and then dialoguing with the ego-self and letting it know that it has value and that we're not going to try to get rid of it changes everything. Letting it know that by growing with us and continuing to safely let us experience more love and happiness, it becomes more valuable to us and not less. And with each passing stage of our growth we build a stronger sense of trust and co-operation and its energy becomes more refined and integrated into the whole of our being as a valuable member of our team. The energy formerly tied up in opposing growth, maturing and change slowly begins to be put in service to our goals and the greater good.
When this new understanding was shared in session with each client's ego-self, they would take a deep breath and sigh into a deeper undefended state of relaxation. It was the beginning of claiming a breath of space between their ego-identified and essential [or core] self as not being one and the same.
To begin to make a shift in the relationship you have with your own ego…
Step 1: Realize that your essential self exists beyond any association you may have with ego as your "self." So no matter what habits or limiting beliefs you let go of in the process of change and growth it doesn't threaten to annihilate your essential self.
Step 2: Explore where you are
Ask yourself "What beliefs do I have where ego is concerned? What is my current relationship with my own ego?
Step 3: Make a decision. Set a clear Intention
What would you like your relationship with your ego to look like? All growth is preceded with an Intention. For example: "I intend to
learn how to build a healthier, more co-operative relationship with my ego."
Step 4: Let your ego know…
That you are no longer going to try to get rid of it but instead learn to build a healthier more co-operative relationship with it. Help it to understand that it is a healthy member of your inner team - not the whole team. And that together you can create even greater things for your life and it will become even more valuable to you.
Step 5: Integrate this new reality and intention
Sit for a few moments in a quiet, comfortable location where you won't be disturbed. Candlelight and soft music for meditation can add to the experience. Relax into the experience with a few deep breaths into your abdomen. Then cross your left ankle over your right, and your right wrist over your left. Bring your thumb and forefinger together as you would in meditation.
Bring the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth. With eyes closed, turn your gaze downwards and inwards and gently breath. Relax in this position for 2-5 minutes and let this new understanding get integrated into your nervous system. When a few moments have passed gently return to a normal seated position and notice how your body feels now. Take the time to try this throughout your week; it's a great stress reliever.
Accept and honour the place that you're at and know that "
where you're at is not the same as
who you are." And from the place of accepting where you are in the present - traction and momentum can be gained to put in service to your future!
About Deborah Ann McCrea
Deborah McCrea is an energy therapist in private practice in Toronto for over 14 years, and is a graduate of the Barbara Brennan School of Healing, a Bachelor of Healing Science candidate and a graduate of the Ontario College of Art.
Her teaching and healing practice, shine ~ communications & personal growth, is devoted to helping people to compassionately re-integrate and to uncover their true inner gifts. Healing in any one area of our lives brings transformation to all parts.
Healing The Ego: Towards 2012
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