I want to die.

[TheDivineOne]

Death is something I look forward to.

I don't enjoy this lifetime at all.

This lifetime feels like Hell.

I want to die, then reincarnate.

I want to experience what death is like.

I want to experience what reincarnation is like.

I don't want to live long or to grow old.

I want to be born female in my next and in many succeeding lifetimes.

This lifetime feels agonizingly long as I await it's end.

I want to start over and have a redo.

[Dude]

Aww :( the divine one I do hope you are ok and will seek help if needed...

I'm curious though, I too believe in reincarnation, but to me we all have lessons to learn in each life we choose/are given... so if we was to leave too soon surely we would just need to comeback to learn the very same lesson.

What will make you happy in this life? There is always a way, even if you was in the wrong body (you mentioned wanting to come back as female) there are ways to change the outer to match the inner... maybe it's worth talking to your doctor if things are really bad. You can and will find happiness if you work at it

[lyzth]

Death is a sacred moment, it is a very surprise. So, live the now and here.

[Dargor]

Cheers. Let's hope for the best that reincarnation indeed exists.

[Shivani Devi]

It is going to happen inevitably anyway, so why rush it?

This lifetime only feels like hell because you won't allow it to be a heaven. There's something very beautiful inside the heart if people could only let themselves feel what that is, but they are afraid of being hurt.

What I am talking about can't hurt you - love can't hurt unless you have grown cold and cynical towards it.

I'm not talking about loving others in the superficial sense, but loving who you are...what makes you believe in yourself and looking within, without judgment, without fear...just embracing your own spirit.

Then life will be as short as it can ever be.

[shoni7510]

Our time on Earth is like a bleep and then it is over, literally from the cradle to the grave. No matter how long you think it is going that is just in your mind. Start focusing on enjoying each day as if it is the last and finding your happiness amid your turmoil. Whatever it is that is bothering you won't last forever, the tide will turn. Consider seeking professional help like a therapist and talk about in great detail. Death will come to you soon enough and you will suddenly miss this life once again.

[Debrah]

Like Dude, I believe that we are here for a specific experience and that if you short circuit that purpose, you'll probably just come back and do it all again. Sort of like if you quit high school in the middle, the day will come when you are going to want your life to go a certain way, certain job and you'll just have to make up all those course after all.

I understand though all of your sentiments TheDivineOne. I hear about the cruelty in our world daily and I hate it. I'm fed up, every cruelty seems worse than the last and worse, no one seems to care and I just want to be out of here.

At least I'm older (62) and my daily mantra is 22/10, 22/09, 22/08. My family seems to live to be about 86 so that's 22 more years, 10 months, 22 more years, 9 months..........and in the meantime, I'm getting my paperwork organized and where I want my family to spread my ashes is picked and they've been advised.

If you can't seem to find a way to 'enjoy' each day, at least try for just putting up with them and make plans for how you'd like your send off to go. Sometimes it takes the pressure off your mood just a little bit.

[TheDivineOne]

I guess the point of this lifetime was for me to appreciate being a woman for all it's worth and to not take it for granted. That's what it seems anyway.

The only thing i have to look forward to is finishing my transition, and then in my life after this being a full-fledged female from birth to death, and then repeat.

Edited to add:
People keep saying life is precious. But at this time I don't feel that way. Living this life is something i take for grated. I don't appreciate life when I've spent 20-something years of my life being somebody i'm not. Only when i am a girl is then when i will appreciate life for everything it's worth. But until then i don't mind maintaining my cavalier "I've learned my lesson, so can i go now?" attitude.

[Dude]

Would it be worth seeking some support groups for people going through the same transition?

I would love to try and understand but the fact is I just can't... I am a woman and I don't really put much on the identification of that label tbh... so it's easy for me to sit here and say that there is so much more to love in life than who we are etc.. but I am not you, I can't put myself in your shoes... but I really do feel that self love whatever body you are in wil change how you feel, and then focusing on all the outwards stuff, look for all the beauty in the world, find the things that you will enjoy, be with the people that will make you happy... for me my body is such a tiny insignificant part of my life.. I hate my body, I love my soul and I love life.

[Tobi]

I get you in many ways Divine One. Life feels like constant struggle against what doesn't feel harmonious or right for you. I watched my old Aunty trying to walk a few days ago, and her body is such a burden. Even with a walking frame it can take her 20 minutes to get to the toilet and back to her seat. She has a great sense of humour, a lively mind etc but she is sick of her painful body. She would recite poetry while trying to get her legs to obey her will. And all the time her right arm which is bearing all the weight, is aching like heck.
Even though I'm in my 60s I don't get anything as bad as that. I hope I never will get to that point.
I certainly have NO desire to live way into my nineties for example, in a similar condition for years and years and years.

I also made a "20 year countdown" -just for personal entertainment purposes! lol I am already a quarter way through mine! You can bet your life that some irony will happen.....like I'll fall in love or something in the last two months...or I'll find I live here until I'm 114!
But the "20 year countdown imaginary calendar-thing" got me through a particular time.

But it showed me how dreadfully weary we can get with our heavy bodies. And with a body that just 'feels wrong'.
So I understand what your difficulties might feel like, to a certain extent.

Anyway, try to remember that what we take with us when we pass through is just us, pure and simple. Just the way we think, feel, and our average vibrational state. Nothing more. So in many ways we leave just as we are, no better, an dnot suddenly magically transformed into some kind of Angel.
If something bugs us in this consciousness, it will also have a presence when we pass over.
The best plan I feel is to try to develop further before we leave Earth.
These so-called "lessons" make no sense sometimes. But it's not someone teaching us. It's not like doing homework or something where we can say, "Oh, I know that now, I've written down my answers, so no sense in sticking around. Can I go home now?" It's more about how we are formed and shaped by experience and our creative (or otherwise) responses to friction and life in general.
And yes, it sucks sometimes.