The Masculine Twin Flame and sex

[wednesdayschild]

Ok so here is the latest development between my Twin and I.
His return from abroad at the beginning of the month sent me on a spiralling thought pattern of expectation and assumption. I expected that we would just fall into each other's arms and everything would be rosy, as it was when he left.
I have realised that the reason why things were so good between us before he left was because he knew he had that get out clause; he was going, I knew it, and he would be 'free'. In other words he explored his feelings and desires with me with no sense of responsibility. I could judge that harshly, but now I realise that there had been a lot of tension between us right from the start of our friendship and we had both suppressed a lot of emotion and yes, sexual desire.
It had to happen and I am glad it did. It was out-of-this-world amazing.
But...for him to come back and for that heightened, heavenly pace to continue would have been way too much to handle. It's funny that before he saw me again, his texts were really joyous and excited ones, couldn't wait to see me.
I waited a while but he didn't contact me to meet up. I had a feeling something wasn't right, as if he was ignoring me. I realise now he had flipped out. He knew what I was expecting to happen and from what he has told me, he knew he would want that too. But he was scared.
We met up a few days after he got back and things were great. We laughed and talked for hours about his experiences and what I'd been doing (oh and that's a lot by the way. I spent the separation time doing so many things I'd always wanted to do; creatively & spiritually) and there was flirting and innuendo, giggling and silliness, but he didn't stay over.
Then no contact for days, except the 2am knocking at my door and the 4am drunk phone calls). So I called him and invited him lightheartedly over for dinner which he accepted but told me 'I think we have some things we need to talk about.'
Did we? No. It was that same vibe...
Then a few days later the messages started coming in...He needed to distance himself. I answered Ok, be happy, because I was hurt and didn't want to hear anymore...but he carried on about how much he loved me as a divine friend and that he sensed I wanted more from him and he couldn't give that to me. I told him to stop messaging me altogether. I was upset and mad...deeply hurt and disappointed, let down and rejected YET AGAIN.
But after a week we started messaging again. He said he felt low and lost. He 'spark' had gone. He asked if I thought it was because of us and I said yes. I knew full well. I understand this TF dynamic even though he doesn't.
He said I am an inspiration to him, his angel.
He has lost his faith in himself because he had been thinking of me in a different way since he got back.
'I want to see you in that divine light again'
He has been delving into his 'faults' and trying to change. He's scared about things.
He said I am his angel and he can talk to me on a deeper level than he can anyone else because it's not based on low level sexual thought MOST OF THE TIME.
He then talked about how his behaviour when he was younger has scarred how he looks at women, the way that porn played such a big role in his life and that of his friends, how it objectified women and that it had carried on throughout his life.
So now he sees me as this divine woman, his Divine Feminine, and doesn't like the connotation that his past has...when he thinks about me with desire, it devalues what we have together.
I guess this 'awakening' is happening because the old paradigms of love and relationship are supposed to be turned around by Twin Flames; that is the main mission we have. That's why there are so many twins with large age gaps, who are from different cultural and religious backgrounds and so many who are geographically separated. We have to overcome these barriers to show the world what true unconditional love is.
I am now talking to him only through messenger. I am not pressuring him to meet me in person even though he only lives 20 minutes walk away. He has to figure this out on his own. I have told him that sex shouldn't be seen as sinful or dirty. It is a beautiful physical expression of love and trust between two people. I hope he works this out.
Is anyone else having similar experiences? I know a lot of TFs are getting ready for union and I just wondered if the theme of sex has been discussed before. Like everything, it's finding that balance and learning to get over our old misconceptions and barriers to true DIVINE love!

[ssdm1]

Yep.

It was good to read someone else's experience and it resonates with me in many ways. We had a sexual relationship when we were younger. I guess I have been expecting that to happen again. A few months ago he texted me out of the blue and that texting turned to some serious innuendos. After that it seems he's really cooled. Was he embarrassed? Scared? I've always felt put upon a pedestal by him, so maybe he does see me as a divine friend. Interesting thought.

I really want to see if I can learn to have him in my life as a good friend and be ok with that. That is not easy for me yet. I think of running and cutting contact, but then I'd be sorry I did it.

[FairyCrystal]

That's quite the story. I can understand you feel hurt. I'd feel the same way if he wanted to see me as a chaste divine creature as opposed to a full partner, feminine and sexual.
We met, the attraction was astounding. Not just sexual, much deeper, but yes, sexual as well. I doubt either of us could bear to do without that, it's part of the connection.
So for me it's completely different.

[BlueCat]

I used to feel the same, it's really weird when they tell you are sorta like a "pure virgin creature" and put you in a pedestal, instead of a person with their faults, sexual drive and not perfect and innocent as they think lol.
I think at least this was overcame a long time ago. Or at least i believe it so.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by wednesdayschild

He 'spark' had gone.

So now he sees me as this divine woman, his Divine Feminine, and doesn't like the connotation that his past has...when he thinks about me with desire, it devalues what we have together.

When the spark is gone, but the desire for friendship is still there, people create narratives like this. It's also a way to ensure the other doesn't get hurt: "It's not you -- you're perfect -- it's me. I'm the problem." It's not meant as deception. Rather, it's the act of friend being thoughtful and loving.

I've done this myself, although at the time I would say I believed what I was saying. Now in retrospect I see I was too young and too insecure to deal with the dynamics openly and honestly. So I created a similar fantasy-type narrative (from my 'fairy princess' upbringing), and said whatever it took to avoid dealing with the actual flesh-and-blood reality.

[Renessme]

In my case it was I who put him on a pedestal. It felt like I was objectifying him if I think of him in "that way". I also don't like other people objectifying him.

Reading your comments now made me realize about a lot of things. I hope he did not feel rejected bec I cannot lust for hin. But I know i mentioned to him once that women cannot talk lustfully or think of lewd thoughts about a man they really love. Respect is a big thing for me.

[jro5139]

Of course I want to be seen as the Divine Feminine Powerful Creature, that's what I am:) I also want to be wanted (by my tf) and what I don't understand about this is, why can't we be both?

With my twin, it's a little different. I realized that when he backed out of us having that part of our relationship, it was because he knew he wasn't in a place to fully give that to me, he couldn't give me what I needed and he did not want to do anything to risk our friendship falling apart. He would rather keep me as a friend, than do anything that might end in me ending up hating him forever. So he put his desires aside in exchange for keeping me in his life as opposed to risking things not working out and me hating him.
With my twin, he has issues with trust and that's why he told me he's never let another person in like that. But it has nothing to do with thinking sex is dirty.

It sounds to me that your twin has issues in regards to sex (thinking it's a dirty or negative thing in general), and so, it has to be one or the other, either you're a divine friend or someone he thinks about sex with? Your twin flame should be both.

As far as the pedestal goes... I've felt this from my twin as well, he has told me that I am perfect (I'm not), but this isn't the reason we aren't together. Yes he has fear, which is related to trust issues. So I have been trying all this time to figure out how to make him understand that he can trust me. And since it is so hard to get him to fully open up and say what his true feelings are, it's hard to ever know if I'm getting anywhere.

I could just give up and go somewhere else, but he is my Divine Counterpart, so why would I want anything less than that?

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by Renessme

In my case it was I who put him on a pedestal. It felt like I was objectifying him if I think of him in "that way". I also don't like other people objectifying him.

Reading your comments now made me realize about a lot of things. I hope he did not feel rejected bec I cannot lust for hin. But I know i mentioned to him once that women cannot talk lustfully or think of lewd thoughts about a man they really love. Respect is a big thing for me.

So you still think that?
Not to attack you personally, but for me it's the other way round really, esp in a relationship: If I don't respect the man I cannot have sexy thoughts about him.
You make out as if sexy thoughts and desires are wrong and sinful. They're not. They're part of being human and part of enjoying Divine connection AND part of experiencing and enjoying our Divine physical bodies.
One of the reasons we came 'down' (descended) into a physical body is to fully experience what that is like. As a energy being only you cannot have those experiences.
Making sex and intimacy wrong, sinful and disrespectful is denying who you are as a Divine being.

I love the physical part of our relationship (me and my TF I mean)! You cannot experience the same depth of connection and love without it.
Again, not an attack, just a different perspective.

[wednesdayschild]

Originally Posted by ssdm1

Yep.

It was good to read someone else's experience and it resonates with me in many ways. We had a sexual relationship when we were younger. I guess I have been expecting that to happen again. A few months ago he texted me out of the blue and that texting turned to some serious innuendos. After that it seems he's really cooled. Was he embarrassed? Scared? I've always felt put upon a pedestal by him, so maybe he does see me as a divine friend. Interesting thought.

I really want to see if I can learn to have him in my life as a good friend and be ok with that. That is not easy for me yet. I think of running and cutting contact, but then I'd be sorry I did it.

I have tried running but it's impossible..it hurts a lot but also I always get HIS sadness reflecting back onto me by the mirror that we are so it's even worse. Plus it's not allowing you to learn or grow. The connection, however painful, is meant to do that xx

[wednesdayschild]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

That's quite the story. I can understand you feel hurt. I'd feel the same way if he wanted to see me as a chaste divine creature as opposed to a full partner, feminine and sexual.
We met, the attraction was astounding. Not just sexual, much deeper, but yes, sexual as well. I doubt either of us could bear to do without that, it's part of the connection.
So for me it's completely different.

It's always been there. Right from the first day we met. When we slept together, all 3 times, it was out of this world amazing and he also said it was. He knows. But yes, there's also this incredible mind & soul connection. The difference between him and me is that I can handle the full divine package and I believe in it. For him it's obviously too much to even dare think is real. At the moment at least.