Will u send love and light to the abuser?

Double post - bless this wee phone and technology :)

[Mr Interesting]

Originally Posted by Ivy

Mr I, could you explain further please. At the moment it looks like you're looking at sexual abuse as an innocent misunderstanding by the abuser of his inner urges.

I'm thinking, surely not?

In a sense yes that's completely what I'm saying but as you have pointed out it might be better to expand the idea in relation to real world actions and consequences. Someone who commits sexual abuse, or in fact any abuse of another using their power be it physical, emotional or intellectual needs to fully comprehend that abuse as wrong and detrimental both to themselves and the abused and what I was saying in my post that for that to be fully comprehended and for responsibility to be understood within the context of the abuse we might spend more time realising the innocence of the abuser in comprehending what has driven to be in the position of abusing.

This though would require modern society to almost stop completely in it's tracks as we took the time and space to review all the small abuses that add up to the society as it is and I don't think that'll happen but the least we can do is recognise the hurt that is driving the abuser while at the same time within our compassion for the abused see that at some level they too are sharing the hurt.

Even in myself the ideas of this are intellectual mostly and still emotionally misunderstood as I myself deal with my own pain but I'm just starting to feel real compassion for myself and it seems at some fundamental level we have to understand pain as at once personal but also societal which kinda says we can blame none, even ourselves, for pain and suffering but that we can be compassionate and try to gather all the loose threads together and release the burden of pain as it reveals to us the realities of compassion and love.

It's no longer an us and them thing for me and I don't really know what it is instead of that but I'm willing to be honest within myself as I search for whatever reckoning may come to bear.

[Mr Interesting]

Originally Posted by lifensoul

Below is from your post in no experts in meditation on 30.3.15. Your above post today throws new light on the below post. I wish I hadn't remembered its existence. I see an individual, say something like what is in today's posted quote in relation to this thread?



I am sorry.

Well, lifensoul by all means bring your example to the fore. I have a sense innuendo is involved but I can't be sure as I can't be sure in much of what life is though I would ask you to be honest in what you think I'm saying so that I too can be honest in response.

[Tanemon]

“Will u send love and light to the abuser?”

Simple answer, yes.

I’ve found that forgiving and sending good vibrations & thoughts to people who have wronged me contributes to deepening my inner peace. It also creates a better vibrational and social atmosphere in my life and my contacts with people in general. I’ve seen this actually work out, and the skies of my life become brighter.

But to me that doesn’t at all mean that I condone abuse or want to live with it. I don’t. I believe people need to establish their “boundaries”. I believe people have a right to a set of ethical standards.

I don’t think women or children should have to live with abuse. And I can not only understand but even encourage women to get out of abusive situations. I’m male, and in my life I haven’t dealt with any physical abuse since I was maybe 19. But I’ve dealt with deceit and abuse of trust, and then I’ve either changed or ended relationships (both sexual and friendship types). In some cases it’s just plain ‘goodbye!’

Having said that, I still feel it’s good to work toward a place of understanding and, eventually, forgiving the “abuser”. If possible. He or she may grow and change, which I hope would be the case. Anyhow, the person is out of my life - or instead is perhaps in a different and preferable relationship with me (for instance, I may now think of that person as an acquaintance, rather than a friend).

If you can’t yet send ‘em love, send ‘em light. Working toward understanding and forgiveness is better for me and for them. That’s my experience… what else can I say?

Originally Posted by Mr Interesting

In a sense yes that's completely what I'm saying but as you have pointed out it might be better to expand the idea in relation to real world actions and consequences. Someone who commits sexual abuse, or in fact any abuse of another using their power be it physical, emotional or intellectual needs to fully comprehend that abuse as wrong and detrimental both to themselves and the abused and what I was saying in my post that for that to be fully comprehended and for responsibility to be understood within the context of the abuse we might spend more time realising the innocence of the abuser in comprehending what has driven to be in the position of abusing.

This though would require modern society to almost stop completely in it's tracks as we took the time and space to review all the small abuses that add up to the society as it is and I don't think that'll happen but the least we can do is recognise the hurt that is driving the abuser while at the same time within our compassion for the abused see that at some level they too are sharing the hurt.

Even in myself the ideas of this are intellectual mostly and still emotionally misunderstood as I myself deal with my own pain but I'm just starting to feel real compassion for myself and it seems at some fundamental level we have to understand pain as at once personal but also societal which kinda says we can blame none, even ourselves, for pain and suffering but that we can be compassionate and try to gather all the loose threads together and release the burden of pain as it reveals to us the realities of compassion and love.

It's no longer an us and them thing for me and I don't really know what it is instead of that but I'm willing to be honest within myself as I search for whatever reckoning may come to bear.

I would dare you to imagine what sexual abuse actually looks like. It's a lot different that pulling pony tails.

In a practical sense, it is useful to understand the sickness of paedophilia with an intention of treating it. But without that practicality, it is self-serving to want to find compassion and understanding for abusers. If you want to find it for your own abuser, then that may be of benefit to healing. But it is a common phenomena with sexual abuse, that society will find excuse for that abuse... psychologists believe this is because people don't want to accept the reality. Due to this, a significant number of people that have experienced sexual abuse are ignored, have the abuse minimised into nothing or experience victim blaming.

Similarly, the excuse, disguised as compassion, that men are unable to control their actions because of their sexual urges, has been used as an excuse for centuries for them to rape women.

So this apparent compassion that you feel is missing has been there for a long long time. And it has done little but allow women and children to be sexually abused by men.

This isn't a discussion I'm willing to take very far Mr I. If you google 'victim blaming' as well as treatment for paedophilia, you may find more info regarding what I'm saying - as it is an educated view with much research been done into it.

According to recent studies Paedophilia is an illness. Clinical psychologists have studied MRI scans of paedophiles brains and found cross-wiring of the sexual response system. This has to be a very important find because it can be treated but the problem is who is going to visit there Doctor and admit they prefer sex with children, very few.
As for sending love/light... I would be sending Police first and then deal with the rest in my own time.

[Mr Interesting]

Go on y'all and gang up on the man.

How is it all I'm talking about is talked about all over these forums but as soon as the topic becomes that of sexual abuse, or even strays close to it suddenly all people who don't keep to the party line of with us or against us abuser/victim the attacks start?

Basically we need all men to understand this behaviour is wrong and that'll only happen when there's free and honest discussion within all of our lives to get the precursor episodes out into the open and dealt with before the abuse begins and making men enemies unable to even begin to understand the reality of attacks on woman won't actually get us there.

[Gem]

Originally Posted by Ivy

I would dare you to imagine what sexual abuse actually looks like. It's a lot different that pulling pony tails.

In a practical sense, it is useful to understand the sickness of paedophilia with an intention of treating it. But without that practicality, it is self-serving to want to find compassion and understanding for abusers. If you want to find it for your own abuser, then that may be of benefit to healing. But it is a common phenomena with sexual abuse, that society will find excuse for that abuse... psychologists believe this is because people don't want to accept the reality. Due to this, a significant number of people that have experienced sexual abuse are ignored, have the abuse minimised into nothing or experience victim blaming.

Similarly, the excuse, disguised as compassion, that men are unable to control their actions because of their sexual urges, has been used as an excuse for centuries for them to rape women.

So this apparent compassion that you feel is missing has been there for a long long time. And it has done little but allow women and children to be sexually abused by men.

This isn't a discussion I'm willing to take very far Mr I. If you google 'victim blaming' as well as treatment for paedophilia, you may find more info regarding what I'm saying - as it is an educated view with much research been done into it.

I was reading an article which explained that social discourses portray women as rapable, and due to their rapable social status, it's only to be expected that they become raped. The social construction of the femme depicts a passive defeniveless creature who has no capacity for violence and this leads to erroneous advice in rape safety literature, such as don't produce a weapon lest it be turned against you. The actual figures show that women who resist violently are a lot less likely to become raped, and that also brings into question their rapibility in conjuction with the female's capacity for violence. Much of the perceived dangers about walking alone don't consider factual data that the majority of rapes take place within a home, and this reflects the violation of a woman's inner space moreso that the invasion of it. The discourse, by depicting the femme as rapable, makes rape into something that happens to women much moreso that than something that is done by men and it was interesting to read that a large number of rape survivors did not perceive that rape is something that happens to vaginas, but rather, as something that is done by penis'.

YES! I DID AND I WOULD DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN! (after I beat the **** out of my sister though ;)

Both my father and my sister abused me. My sister is the cause of my death (NDE) ...She would constantly say that she hated me and use very colorful language...she loved to slowly walk by me and whisper..."Go to sleep B**** so I can kiiiillllllll you." She was a Daddy's Girl through and through.

No body ever believed me and my sister never left evidence. I was very tired but too afraid to go to sleep...I took care of her babies, my mother, and did all the chores and cooking, plus everyone's homework. I finally had enough...I wrote her a note that said "I am going to sleep! I hope you kill me! SO I CAN HAUNT YOUR A** FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"

Bad move ...I left evidence...she brought it to my mother who said that I was crazy and that she was going to commit me...I told her , "GOOD! At least I will get some sleep and if I am crazy, SHE (pointing at my sister) is the one who drove me there!"

Anyway, my sister laughed at me and as she walked past me she whisper for me to go to sleep...

I am very small, under 95 lbs as an adult and was a tiny teen at the time, my sister pulled on my father's German side, I took after my mother's Asian side. But, it was that night that I knew that I had to fend for myself or the next time she kills me the Dr's may not be able to jump-start me again.

So shortly before my sister came home, I climbed on top of her dresser next to her light switch in her room. As she walked in, I turned off the light and jumped her! I didn't use any weapon for fear that she might take it away from me and use it on me but... I HIT AND HIT AND HIT! I DIDN'T STOP HITTING UNTIL SHE STOPPED MOVING! Basically because I knew what would happened to me if I did stop and she came after me. Then I left her there...and went to bed. I didn't even check to see if she was breathing.

The next day, I felt terrible, I could have killed her with my own hands. Then I saw her walk in the living room, she cursed me out, but from that point on my reply to her was...And I love you too...no matter how cruel her words, my response was always ...And I love you too. She never again put her hands on me, nor did her friends hit me anymore...she told them I was crazy and not to make me mad.

My replies to her about my love were true...I finally saw that she was a product of my father's influence, but looking at her all swollen and bruised I saw my sister, worthy of love and forgiveness.

She has passed away now, I took care of her during her illness and before she was unable to speak her last verbal words to me we curse words and threats to kill me...my reply was...It didn't work when we were kids and it won't work now, and I love you too. However, her spirit let her love for me be known and she needed forgiveness before crossing over...she received it and passed in peace holding my hand.

The world will take gazzillions of lifetimes to find Higher Enlightenment if we keep the cycle repeating itself. Sure we can say kill'em and then what...they never learn and keep coming back and now we who killed them have to answer for our actions as well. See ya next time around...etc.

What's the answer: LOVE
Was it easy, not at first, but I surrendered to it and then it was as easy as breathing. And I can love anyone now...I figure if I can love her and she killed me...I can love anyone! AND THAT'S A GREAT FEELING!

[Emmalevine]

Originally Posted by Mr Interesting

In a sense yes that's completely what I'm saying but as you have pointed out it might be better to expand the idea in relation to real world actions and consequences. Someone who commits sexual abuse, or in fact any abuse of another using their power be it physical, emotional or intellectual needs to fully comprehend that abuse as wrong and detrimental both to themselves and the abused and what I was saying in my post that for that to be fully comprehended and for responsibility to be understood within the context of the abuse we might spend more time realising the innocence of the abuser in comprehending what has driven to be in the position of abusing.

This though would require modern society to almost stop completely in it's tracks as we took the time and space to review all the small abuses that add up to the society as it is and I don't think that'll happen but the least we can do is recognise the hurt that is driving the abuser while at the same time within our compassion for the abused see that at some level they too are sharing the hurt.

Even in myself the ideas of this are intellectual mostly and still emotionally misunderstood as I myself deal with my own pain but I'm just starting to feel real compassion for myself and it seems at some fundamental level we have to understand pain as at once personal but also societal which kinda says we can blame none, even ourselves, for pain and suffering but that we can be compassionate and try to gather all the loose threads together and release the burden of pain as it reveals to us the realities of compassion and love.

It's no longer an us and them thing for me and I don't really know what it is instead of that but I'm willing to be honest within myself as I search for whatever reckoning may come to bear.

If you're saying that abuser and abused are both victims then my mindset is very similar. There is a need to understand why people do what they do and it needs examination on all levels, personal, family and society. Unfortunately, right now there seems little inclination to do this because so much is a risk in doing so. Society thrives on not looking and this is in every sense - literal and metaphoric.