Please Help Me. I am losing my mind.

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by mystical

ya know .............. going back to when i first joined this forum i was in a right mess if someone had told me to let go i would of screamed , when sumone said focus on me i wnated to rip my hair out because i had tried everything and nothign worked but i stuck with this , before i met my twin i hated myself i wasnt happy and felt worthless , but since meeting him i relaise if he is worthy then so am i , if i could love him then i could klove myself because i am he and he is me , , i changed eveyrhting about myself and it made me miserable and its only nwo that i look back and see how far i have come , im getting more like the old me but with differnt values now and im so happier and i actually think now that really compared to how low i got that im really not that bad , its lovely that im feeling more like me but a newer improved me , stick with working on you things will get easier but only when u have gone thro each layer , it is all about you and knwoing that u are just as loveable , knowing that u wobnt die without them and that in relaity although u feel you are not moving very far u are actually growing rapidly , i dont regret meeting my twin or the pain i went thro and i never would of imagined i would be this far now , but nothing stays the same and sooner or later the sunshine starts to appear except this time not in the light of your twin but in YOU

That is really lovely. I am so glad you feel worthy and loveable. It's one thing to know you are, and another to feel it deep down too. That's when you know you're as you say back to your old self but as your new and evolved self!

take care,
7L

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

You're a bit harsh there Sphinx but I understand you too have suffered.
I would call the twin soul experience the bootstrap method of awakening or transcending. Searing and blinding you in order to wake you up to some unalienable truths. The love is always there. I am just too numb to know what to do with it sometimes. Finally I have been able to get some perspective and some clarity, but I have to have some compassion too. My tf comes from a culture that is not tolerant or accepting. And yet he is actually very wise and learned in many things, a very good man. Just not able to make the leap, it seems.

Your advice has some very good points. I never lost myself, in fact I have really grounded myself this past year, but the inner work always needs our attention. Counting blessings is always good. But some grieving is also necessary. People need to honour both their losses and their gains and get some perspective.

Also I don't think the slash and burn method is necessarily the best. It may be harder to back up and reshape the love and support into a more general form. But it seems to me if you close something up or cut something off you are in fact only hurting yourself. I want to take the good from this, even though I have felt very frustrated and confused, I'll admit.

I figure you can still send love and support, but as you would to friends and family. Warmly and and kindly, but not passionately or intimately. And then you are fulfilling your obligations toward your other half in spirit while maintaining your boundaries. As soon as I'm past the worst, I'm going to try to remain open and supportive. It's great to have a place to talk though. Where ppl don't think you're completely mad

Peace & blessings,
7L

You are right, sometimes the most trying experiences with other people can wake us up and make us see the world/universe in a completely new enlightened way. I'm not sure those individuals are twin flames or soul mates... but rather something or someone else that perhaps we do not have a name for. The person I had the "Soul Mate" experience with years back was certainly not my soul mate, nor wash she heaven sent. I can look back on the experience now without the least bit of sting.

And as far as sounding harsh.. I suppose that is correct as well. But not harsh towards the hurting person, or the "twin flame" experience. I am a very passionate person when it comes to my beliefs and especially when it comes to overcoming adversity. So when I see someone suffering such as the person who wrote this post, I suppose I become passionate about their own restoration and happiness.... The harshness is more of the attitude we must take towards ourselves when we find that we are buried beneath much trial or pain...

Adversity has a way of making us all feel beat down, defeated or even ready to die and leave this old world behind in our dust, (and I'm not talking suicide here.)

There is a time to lose sleep, a time to cry, a time to even curse the Divine and lament our very existence.... But then comes the time when we have to look at ourselves and say, "get up you son of a so an so and kick this thing back in the gutter where it belongs!"

It takes effort to do that... and at first it seems like we are trying to quench an endless fire with a single drop of water. But the more we drag ourselves up by the shoulders and press on towards inner healing, the stronger we become, until we are bigger than the shadows that loom over us.... and we walk into the new light, different, stronger and with a faith that knows, we will always survive no matter how hard life may hit us in the future.

[7luminaries]

All that is true. And yet when I read this post, it still seems a bit harsh. I understand that is your attitude toward yourself and it has brought you some relief. It is sort of the hard core zen approach. I favour vajrayana myself...especially the shambala tradition, LOL.

For me, it is keeping the open quality and tenderness of my heart that is most important. As that is a source of great strength and wisdom for me. It is the the lamp on the path. Vulnerability and even pain are not enough for me to compromise on that. I have a passion and fearlessness too. But it is the no-shield no-armour fearlessness of the truly hard core. The radical acceptance (LOL) of the soft underbelly when stripped of all its harsh or hard exterior.

It's not to say one way is better. But none of my teachers and mates are hard core Zen in their philosophy. If they are, I am only bound to move on to someone who incorporates more fellowship in their approach.

I think humanity is at a crossroads. I mentioned on another thread. People want to be healed and fully self-reliant. And yet this is impossible to accomplish alone, as we rely on other people and on the sun and the earth to meet our needs every day. The only way we progress is with support and love. And acceptance of this fact greases the wheels. Some of us fight against it more than others, but we all have to learn this lesson. As they say, the illusion of separation is the greatest illusion of all. This discovery is where humanity is at right now. Trust and faith are key. Love engenders trust.

I know I am strong, I want to do more than survive. I don't know exactly where I'm going, but I know it's my path. And I also know we are all on the same journey, and we all have companions who walk with us.

Peace,
7L

I personally believe you can have more than one twin flame or soulmate. I thought i had found mine and i think we will always have a connection but she turned out to be a train wreck and decieved and dissapointed me too much so i let her go. Now i look forward to my next one.

[mystical]

we all need to focus on the love they bought to us , NOT THE SUFFERING it is like jesus , christians worship the cross but the cross shows us how he suffered and they worship that they dont see all the love he bought thro his kindness acts and his tecahings , when we think of how our twin made us feel , when we think of how we got lost in their eyes , of how they smiled it fills us with such joy , we need to concentrate on this on the love on the joy not on the pain and suffering , for a long time i wa shaunted of his smile , his eyes his hugs his love and it criplled me inside and out but now i when i think of him i dont focus on the pain , i dont get upset no more because altho he isnt with me now , i think its better of have loved and lost than to never love at all , but they are never truly lost they are always within us and we carry them , only when we come to terms with this are we then set free , letting go of them DOES NOT MEAN LETING GO OF THE LOVE because that love is eternal , so next time you think of your twin and think how much u miss him think of a happy memeory u ahd together , think of a word he /she said that made u feel joy and once again feel that love within , dont be sad be rejoyce that they had the power to touch you in a way noone else ever could , this is the first step to accepting who u are , that u are loveable and worthy with him as without him , we wont die if we wont see them ,i know it feels liek this but it wont always feel this way not if u focus on the love , we dont need to see them or to hear from them to feel them because we feel them constantly we have all come this far and if u knew for certain that they would return to us within a year , then u would wait , we have all wiated a lifetime for this so embrace it and feel that love :)

That is an awesome attitude mystical. I really enjoyed reading it. You know I realized at a certain point that every little thing I ever fell in love with about him was something that was also true about me. In a very literal way, I was falling in love with myself for the first time.

It is magical, and I would take the "better to have loved and lost..." adage one step further. We are the rarest of all because we really don't have to lose the love at all. It's amazing, so much so that I sometimes feel selfish. I have decided that I deserve unlimited access to that kind of love, and that the true essence of what/who I fell in love with is the part of him that resides within me. Guess what? He has no authority over my inner domain! He can't deny me access to my own soul.

You know what I say sometimes? Haha sucker! I get ALL of the best part of you and NONE of the messy, complicated, dysfunctional, irritating parts!

But in all seriousness, I do need to echo on the theme of acceptance. I had to stop being frustrated and self-criticizing about what happens every time I close my eyes. When I go within, his presence is my constant companion. To be completely honest about it, I feel I am getting the lion's share of awesomeness on this deal, because my external life is also very good. I am not as uncomfortable as I used to be with the fact that my inner and outer realities are different from each other. I can only assume that over time I will entirely stop feeling uncomfortable about our strange arrangement.

It's the only possible outcome I can see at this point anyway, since I can't change it and I'm just not willing to live a miserable life. So instead, I live with it, and make the divine power of love without limits a huge part of my awesome life. I dare you to find someone else who can say they are having a love affair that is so powerful it managed to break the boundaries of a three-dimensional reality.

It's unconventional for sure, but convention is for sissies.

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

All that is true. And yet when I read this post, it still seems harsh. I understand that is your attitude toward yourself and it has brought you some relief.

I must correct you here and say that it did not bring me, "some relief." It has gained me total freedom and happiness.

I know nothing of Zen.. I just controlled my own thoughts and kept my mind on positive things, spiritual growth and expanding myself as a person.

I did not think ill of the person who had done such unthinkable things in the name of a soul mate... But I realized that she was not as I thought.. and not as she presented herself. I prayed for her well being but knew that going back was not a wise or healthy option.

And yes, in moments of weakness or feeling overly bad.. I would grab myself by the ear and tell myself to shape up and get mind on more productive things.

What was the result of the more positive state of mind and keeping all the clutter out of my head;

Then- Low income, almost non-productive. All of my time consumed thinking about this person. The rest of my time trying to make her happy... Then feeling miserable when she pulled a stunt or just didn't acknowledge my efforts and love.... I lived in a bubble, was told this was normal by the gurus... and figured this soul mate thing was just one bumpy, sad road.

Now- Happily married for 2 years. No stunts, no bubble, happy every day, several books published, helping others, good income... an all around productive life that is filled with blessings too numerous to even count.

Some relief.... I would say that is a very far understatement... Zen... not sure what it teaches, but mastering one's thoughts as taught in metaphysics certainly works.

Harsh... sometimes, but SO worth the results instead of wasting more time coddling pain and negativity.

The end of this response..... yes, at last...lol

[7luminaries]

I should have said seems just a bit harsh. I edited my post.

It's good to focus on yourself and your spiritual path and move forward. All I'm saying is the bootcamp/Zen approach is not the only method or means of doing so, LOL. To be honest, it's not necessarily the most productive with a twin soul.
It seems many have said the bond continues even if you don't or never meet them physically. So ppl must manage that.

However only you know for you. At that point in your life, perhaps it was the only thing to do. Also perhaps as you say it wasn't what we think of as a twin soul. And/or maybe it was a timing issue and she couldn't deal. For whatever reason, ppl often do mad or extreme things in the name of either absolute autonomy or possessiveness and neither extreme really makes any sense. Neither inhabit the place where real love actually lives.

Anyway the things that stood out are now you are happy and helping others. Those seem like worthwhile outcomes. The other things may come and go...but even without productivity or material reward or even relationship, your inner peace and being able to reach out to others are tangible enough blessings, I would say.

Cheers & all the best,
7L

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by DulcePoetica

That is an awesome attitude mystical. I really enjoyed reading it. You know I realized at a certain point that every little thing I ever fell in love with about him was something that was also true about me. In a very literal way, I was falling in love with myself for the first time.

It is magical, and I would take the "better to have loved and lost..." adage one step further. We are the rarest of all because we really don't have to lose the love at all. It's amazing, so much so that I sometimes feel selfish. I have decided that I deserve unlimited access to that kind of love, and that the true essence of what/who I fell in love with is the part of him that resides within me. Guess what? He has no authority over my inner domain! He can't deny me access to my own soul.

You know what I say sometimes? Haha sucker! I get ALL of the best part of you and NONE of the messy, complicated, dysfunctional, irritating parts!

But in all seriousness, I do need to echo on the theme of acceptance. I had to stop being frustrated and self-criticizing about what happens every time I close my eyes. When I go within, his presence is my constant companion. To be completely honest about it, I feel I am getting the lion's share of awesomeness on this deal, because my external life is also very good. I am not as uncomfortable as I used to be with the fact that my inner and outer realities are different from each other. I can only assume that over time I will entirely stop feeling uncomfortable about our strange arrangement.

It's the only possible outcome I can see at this point anyway, since I can't change it and I'm just not willing to live a miserable life. So instead, I live with it, and make the divine power of love without limits a huge part of my awesome life. I dare you to find someone else who can say they are having a love affair that is so powerful it managed to break the boundaries of a three-dimensional reality.

It's unconventional for sure, but convention is for sissies.

LOL...this is both hilarious and true. Balls out to you and your courage BTW. You and I are a lot alike that way. Just don't expect anyone else to understand You may well grow to be more comfortable and I hope it all works more smoothly for you.

I just began to grow tired of going through the cycles of mourning when I realised yet again I was dealing with the initial stages of loss...and I had come to dread spring & passover because of the timing...I realise the best thing to do is to find some way to honour the love in a more general sense.

For my sanity and because I like to live close to the surface...I don't like the armour and it seems my skin isn't as thick as it would need to be to handle someone saying I love you and then poof for days or weeks. LOL. I am a sissy after all in some ways oh well.

peace & blessings
& ,
7L

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

I should have said seems just a bit harsh. I edited my post.

It's good to focus on yourself and your spiritual path and move forward. All I'm saying is the bootcamp/Zen approach is not the only method or means of doing so, LOL. To be honest, it's not necessarily the most productive with a twin soul.
It seems many have said the bond continues even if you don't or never meet them physically. So ppl must manage that.

However only you know for you. At that point in your life, perhaps it was the only thing to do. Also perhaps as you say it wasn't what we think of as a twin soul. And/or maybe it was a timing issue and she couldn't deal. For whatever reason, ppl often do mad or extreme things in the name of either absolute autonomy or possessiveness and neither extreme really makes any sense. Neither inhabit the place where real love actually lives.

Anyway the things that stood out are now you are happy and helping others. Those seem like worthwhile outcomes. The other things may come and go...but even without productivity or material reward or even relationship, your inner peace and being able to reach out to others are tangible enough blessings, I would say.

Cheers & all the best,
7L

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