How do I make peace with being single?

[AstraeaLunaAvani]

Originally Posted by white123

It is just bothering me 'cause this year I will turn 30 and I would like to be in a relationship.

I just turned 41 a few days ago, i've been single for all but 2 of those years and that was over a decade ago. I feel your pain.

c'mon! I know SO MANY guys in my age whose lives can be described like this " wake up, go to job (they hate), go home, watch soccer or TV, have a beer, have a sex with a GF, go to sleep)..

They have NONE of my dreams and they have tried NOTHING to have a better life - still having GF and regular love/sex!

Agreed! It angers me off when people say you need to love yourself and have hobbies and stuff, when THESE people sure don't! They live miserable boring lives but STILL have someone!

We need love, we need sex and we need it now! not as 50 years old! Every day our stamina, energy and taste is going down! NOW is the right time!

This is my thoughts exactly. At my age, this fear is quickly becoming a reality.

And then I just got it! IT IS ALL ABOUT LOOKS!

If you are pretty - you are ALWAYS in relationship!

SO MANY pretty ladies with broken lives, drinking a lot, jobless, smoking, acting like a strippers BUT ALWAYS in relationships! Because there is always a men who want them. ALWAYS! And they are really thrash inside.. but nice body = relationship.

I've been told I am pretty by a lot of people, on a scale of 1-10 I think I can be like a 7 or 8 when I wear makeup and do my hair. But at my worst I'd say I'm a 3 or 4. Either way, STILL SINGLE. I dont think looks are going to guarantee you a mate though, you could have personality issues. With me I think i'm just not sexual enough for men. That's all they seem to want from me, like i'm not good enough to be someone's gf but i'm good enough to have sex with because I am 118 pounds and can look good why I try.

And my last advice: don't ever tell the girl everything on the beginning - just go for fun! the girl must be the one which will be like "do you want something more serious"? and so on.. and not you! you are the men! you just wanna play! (officially) so let girl play her role (convince him to relationship) and you play your role (I wanna sex only) - you got me? ;)

I disagree strongly here...you are telling men to want sex only and women to beg men to be their boyfriends? Men HATE that! Men like women who act like they're not interested. And women (if they're like me) despise men who just wanna have sex.

edited by SF staff

[AstraeaLunaAvani]

Spectrum, I tried EFT and it didnt work for me either. Neither did meditation. I wish I knew the answer for you and me and everyone like us!

there is one theory which tells when can be human happy (and it is not any budha stuff about - be happy now, but psychological reality:

you need 4 things:

1. health
2. job
3. money
4. relationship

1. health - yeah, without it everything sucks

2.job - it is meant by having a job you like and it is filling you. when you are incredibly rich - some activity for you.

3.money - it is not about winning the lottery, it is about that when you are a surgeon in USA, your salary is 5000 USD for month and not 500 usd. when 500 - you feel disappointed.

4. relationships - friend are good but love and sex is more important..

when any of this 4 things is missing - human simply cannot be happy..

I think that this is very true...



edited by SF staff

[Kaere]

Originally Posted by AstraeaLunaAvani

Agreed! It angers me off when people say you need to love yourself and have hobbies and stuff, when THESE people sure don't! They live miserable boring lives but STILL have someone!

I think the point of having hobbies in these cases is not so a person can sit in the basement building model planes but to get out and find a group of other people who like to build model planes and meet some like minded people :) like the way people come together online... I know of several couples who met here at SF, for example.

When people advise having a hobby, it's not to take your mind off being single or just to distract yourself... it's about getting involved with other people who like what you like and watching where it takes you.

Just my thoughts on a brief snippet of the conversation.

hobbies.. yeah.. I like programming - no girls for that :) I like RC models - no girls for that.. I like reading books - hmm..

you got my point? I really don§t feel good dancing salsa for meeting women - feeling gay..

so what hobbies should men attend to find a GF?

anyway, hobbye for Girls? cars.. motorbikes...

[Kaere]

Girls like programming.
Girls like model building.

No, it's true. You're assuming they don't.

Girls like cars and motorbikes too.

Do you like the outdoors? Try a hiking club, cycling group, save the chimpanzees, photography, ziplining, forest firefighting...

Do you like the indoors? Try indoor groups then.

Don't go about looking for a hobby just to get a girlfriend, imo that's the wrong reason and will be disappointing for said girlfriend when she discovers you don't really like collecting paperclips.

Find something that you like to do and go do it for yourself. Be friendly and approachable. Make some friends. And then let the universe take care of the rest.

It's like someone praying to win the lottery and asking God why it hasn't happened. And God says "I tried but you didn't buy a ticket".

[Silver]

Hi there Spectrum. If you feel that the EFT is helping you in any way, you might want to step up to NLP. Start off by getting the book called 'Frogs to Princes' by Grinder & Bandler.

Like the one person said, you won't die from being single, heh.

Things in life are never a 'problem' - unless you view them that way.

Great thread.

It sounds like you're trying to drive with your brakes on.

[Smiler]

Hi Spectrum

First I would like to say a couple of my friends have met their male partners on line, A friend of mine from SF married some one from SF.

There are also married people / relationships in this world whereby the individuals one or both are alone in the relationship ..but co - existing !

And believe me some 50 ..60..70 ..etc year old's want a healthy relationship and they want a healthy loving sex life.

How about instead of *GIRLS* You want A Girl ?
How about thinking about what type of girl would suit you etc?

There is a good book ..called " Are you the one for me" ..I can check the author if you wish ( not now as its 2.20 am in OZ).

I don't know about the poster with the grading .. Like some one is a 5 and some is an 8 etc .. I think different girls like different things. Most Like to be spoken to nicely and language for example like ..*I wanna met some one to have sex * ..Would make them run. Nothing special in that sentence.

Think about on line dating as another member mentioned.?

How to cope being alone ..when your down ..Exercise ! WALK iT off ..Climb big hills ..One thing which will happen is you will get fit!

Hobbies and passions make a huge difference compared to a Normie Sitting on a couch all day. Plus it can be a conversation starter as well .

Do you have Toast Masters ..In your country ?..Its a short course on public speaking ..It is meant to be very good for all sorts of things.

I wish the best
:)

[Silver]

Originally Posted by Spectrum

Hey, man. I emphasize a lot with your post.

I disagree with one thing, though: If you're not having success, you shouldn't be giving out advice about how to get success.

I'm not saying your conclusions are wrong. They might or might not be. I don't know. But you are not in a position to be giving advice (and neither am I).

There are so many good posts to comment on - overall, it seems like you have a lot of shyness about you - it's not that your self esteem is suffering except maybe like a lot of us get buffaloed by the media that says you have to be good looking, you have to be smart, you have to be this, you have to be that....it's very misleading. A lot of people are comfortable being themselves, so there's a lot of people who aren't a firecracker who have themselves relationships because they never bought into the notion that you have to be extra special and clever to 'get' a girl or a boy.

Originally Posted by white123

hobbies.. yeah.. I like programming - no girls for that :) I like RC models - no girls for that.. I like reading books - hmm..

you got my point? I really don§t feel good dancing salsa for meeting women - feeling gay..

so what hobbies should men attend to find a GF?

anyway, hobbye for Girls? cars.. motorbikes...

maybe im not the right person to be giving relationship advice at the moment but why not start reading book in the library or in the local park . be approachable smile more . this can be achieved just by reading a book that amuses you . to me this would be the best option as anyone who does approach you are going to do so for 2 reasons , reason 1 would be the book you are reading , reason 2 would be your inner peace at being alone and your smiling in self confidence.

i personally am no good at keeping relationships starting them isnt a problem people are drawn to my light and self confidence they fall in love with my amusing nature and my outlook on life . dude ive even met women shopping in the local market just by smiling and cracking a joke about something shopping related if you be yourself and happy it will happen