How to live with negative people and have inner peace?

If someone asks me that question, I would tell them to be compassionate and positive around them so that the whole environment becomes more positive. We may even want to discuss with them the issue, or send them materials that teach them or cheer them up! If not successful, we may minimize the contact!

However, I am not sure what to do in my own situation. I am a beginner in the path of being a compassionate loving person and finding inner peace.

My own parents are very negative people who don't trust others. They are lonely and unhappy. I am from the same family and living in another country for 9 years has separated me from those emotions, making me a happier and more positive person. But they come to stay with my family every year for a few month to see my husband, my 1 year old son and me.

The moment I see them, it is like all those feelings come back. I tried everything I mentioned above to turn the environment, but although I had a little success, it is not easy to talk to your parents these view points, when you are a beginner yourself and they are old and rigid.

I love them very much and I am happy to see them every year, but they suck all my energy by speaking and acting negatively, being disrespectful towards each other and being depressed and lonely. That makes me not like them to be around while I am trying hard to find my own inner peace.

Does anyone have any suggestion? I appreciate any suggestion and thank you in advance for being compassionate enough to see my suffering and trying to help.

[Spiritlite]

Yes I hear you lately my parents are very negative especially my mother. How do I deal? I ignore them. For example my mother is very negative about anyone getting married, I'm seroius, even when Will's got married she was like whatever, but I remember her watching Di get married and being all excited. I'm getting married this year and choose not to have my negative mother around so I'm talking her out of coming to my wedding, that's how I deal with it, I refuse to be around anyone who will bring me down because of their negativity.
Spiritlite.

I believe it is the best you can do in specific situations and that is why I am living in another country now.
Can I ignore them forever? I feel that although they are in this unfortunate situation, they have made a lot of sacrifices and I feel responsible to serve them, love them and undrestand them while they are alive. So I am looking for a possible middle way to deal with this.

By the way, I wish you and your spouse the best of luck! It is great to be married and share your life with another human being.

Hug

I have a few family members that are negative also. It seems whatever I do, they have the need to make something negative out of the good I want to do. What I try to do is look at it as a learning experience; what can you take from their dysfunctionality and learn from it? For me, I just feel all the more gratitude that I can see the positive and good in life and people. I am so grateful I am not one of those negative people. I actually feel sorry for my family members because they are not experiencing the true joy of life.

Don't try to change them, or change yourself when around them... just try to love and accept them anyways, without letting their negativity rub off on you --- and maybe, just maybe, your positivity will rub off on them :-)

Thanks "earthy" for your inspiring comment! They are going to be here in 10 days and I'll try my best to apply what you just said. I wish there was some methods to make this practice easier.

[Samana]

Its good if we can always try to think of our parents with kindness and remember that they cared for us when we were helpless babies. They get old and helpless too and life is impermanent, so they wont be there forever.

I recommend doing a session of Loving Kindness (Metta) meditation every day. You can find out more about it at the Buddhanet link here:

http://www.buddhanet.net/metta.htm


with kind wishes,

Samana

Thanks you "Samana". It is a very useful link. There is nothing better than seeing your questions answered by knowledgeable people.
All the best!

[blackraven]

satil - There is something about parents that makes us revert back to a small child and feel vulnerable and under their power no matter how old we become. That is part of the dilemma. You have to remind yourself that you are an adult now and as such you are on equal footing with them. They obviously have their own unique set of problems in life to make them negative and depressive, but those are not your circumstances. You have to keep your enthusiasm and positiveness for life held at bay from their darker side. The way you do that is by keeping a degree of mental detachment from them at all times, while being physically around them. You can still love them and be cordial toward them, but don't give your mind over to them. Protect yourself by getting and staying grounded (use grounding and protective techniques). When they are gone meditate and cleanse yourself of their visit and possibly smudge your home to cleanse it of negative energy. Own your own power and don't give it away to your parents is all I'm saying. You're an adult, not a child of theirs any longer. Remember that and don't turn into their small child when they come. You can even take the upper hand since they are so downtrodden. Make a game of it. Take it on as a challenge. This time could be different if you let it be. Good luck! :)

Blackraven

[Samana]

Hi blackraven,

with respect, you are suggesting non-Buddhist practices in a Buddhist forum.
I have never heard of offline Buddhist practitioners using 'grounding', 'protective and cleansing' or 'smudgery' - whatever that is. Sounds like superstition to me !


Kind wishes,

Samana

[Lightspirit]

Can a Christian share thought here?


When people have negativity or hatred stem from them particularly when others are viewing, nothing in response needs to be said as reprimand. It is its own judgement or discrace to the comments owner depending on what is said. The problems within the person are visible for all the world to see. We dont need to point it out as it makes it worse.

If you look into the soul of that person you may see for a time in their life an absence of kindness or love removed by a bad experience.

As hatred cannot cure hatred misery cannot improve misery.

Love kindness and tolerance will improve their life. As it comes from us it improves ours more and gives inner peace. One day the negative person may thank you.