Does anyone else feel like a mirror?

[InfiniteFlight]

I understand that, as sentient beings, we are all mirrors to the internal thoughts/feelings/emotions in each other.

But does anyone else here feel as if they are somehow affecting/attracting others around them more than some people?

I notice that when I encounter someone with emotional pain/trauma, I get one of the following reactions:

a) The person will completely spill their guts to me, telling me their whole life story within minutes/hours of meeting each other. They will unload all their pain and ask me advice on possible solutions. Despite that I just met or barely know them.

b) They will target me. They will look for reasons/ways to attack/berate me. They will look for anything "wrong" with me and try to point fingers at me for "what I need to change". Only to discover later that the very things they are attacking me for, are things within their own selves that they carry trauma from.

c) They will heavily attach themselves to me. Wanting to be around me all the time, trying to get "advice" or "help" from me, only to never take my advice and then come back to me seeking more and more counsel for self created problems. (This one seems to come on more gradually, probably because I am willing to help others and don't mind the first couple times... only to notice later that they are energetically using me and actually don't want to help themselves).


I guess what I am asking is, right now I am involved in the life of the second type of person. This person looks for any vulnerability possible and attempts to exploit it. This person says that they are so mean to me because I "annoy them", except when I ask what is so "annoying" this person points out things about "me" that they actually dislike in themselves. This person targets me so often that several of our mutual friends have noticed and said something. This person will often make really messed up remarks, like telling me to "roll on the ground with the dog" and insinuating that I have masochistic tendencies (enjoying pain). This person says they "want to see me blow up" and thinks I need to "be a better person". They also call me evil, say I lie all the time, and equates me to villains in popular movies and stories.

Yet, I am actually a very nice person. It literally hurts me to lie to others or to hurt others in anyway. I am not masochistic at all, nor do I want anything more than the happiness of others. So...

And this person isn't always this way. Sometimes they tell jokes and look at me for a smile. Or seeks me out for normal friendship activities. Or makes up nicknames and inside jokes. We are in the same circle of friends and have spent a lot of time together over the last 5 months or so. Yet, everytime things seem to be ok with us for awhile, another bomb gets dropped on me.

What I am trying to figure out is, how do I get it to stop? I understand that USUALLY a mature way to do this would be to have an adult conversation about boundaries and the way they talk to me. But I have already tried this and either the person gets angry because it "was so long ago" or "wasn't a big deal" or calls me "too sensitive". It's only when I completely and utterly break down that this person is willing to talk, but then always manages to turn the conversation around to how it's my fault. (I was breaking down because I didn't understand why I was being targeted. I get it now and am not as susceptible.)

I'm not sure how best to handle this. Right now, I am forced to be around this person for awhile longer. I'm not sure how best to navigate this situation. I know that to pretend everything is "fine" is only allowing this person to leach my energy further. But when I try to say that it's not ok, that doesn't seem to be sinking in either. I try to avoid this person, and that only delays the inevitable for a little while. How do I get this person to leave me alone? To see that this pain and darkness and hurt is NOT me, but actually coming from inside them? How do I effectively let this person know that I am not a receptacle for their negativity?

Honestly guys, I've been trying different things for months. Any help would be appreciated.

[Astro]

This other person appears to be a narcissist, the evidence to support this is written in your description of them. Youtube has a lot of good info about dealing with this kind of behaviour.

You need to protect yourself from them, as you know, which means that you have to find a way to make a boundary that they can't cross, & in my opinion it means taking the steps to cut them out of your life, although you don't have to hold the intention of going through with that of course!
It's initially about getting through to them once & for all, & if you can't then it could be time to let them go.

Starting with cutting communications has been highly effective for me at getting the message across.
The person in my life know's that I am very unhappy with them & dare not speak to me anymore because of this. However they have yet to understand what the issue is.
Because this person is family I don't actually want to cut them out, because I've felt the pain that that would cause & I don't believe its in anyone interests for me to do that, so I'm trying my best to fix this.
But it's great to be in that place where they can't hurt me anymore & I have the high ground with the sense to use it responsibly.

[InfiniteFlight]

It's a relief to hear another identify this person as a narcissist. I have only just recently become aware of it and it was like hitting the nail on the head.

There are plenty more terrible examples of this person's behavior, but at this point, listing all of them would take most of the night and be a bit like beating a dead horse.

I do intend on cutting this person out of my life, but I won't be able to for at least a few more weeks. I agree that I need to protect myself. I'm just unsure of how to do it. Hiding/avoiding this person doesn't seem to work (it's "annoying" how I "close my self off") and being harsh back only seems to validate how "mean" or "evil" I am. I also tried just being suuuuper nice all the time, hoping that this would signal general kindness to this person and make them less likely to be cruel. But all that resulted in was this person praising others for how nice they are, while taking advantage of me and treating me like a doormat (while still maintaining that I'm a "bad" person somehow).

I guess what I am looking for, at least temporarily, is how to energetically block this person. They literally suck the joy/happiness/positivity/self confidence out of me. I know this is how energy vampires work, but this is on another level. It's like this person wants to replace my positive feelings with grey, depressing ones.

I need a way to hold my own energy and to not allow this person to infiltrate. Do you (or anyone) have advice on how to go about this? I can usually do this fairly well with those I am not around all the time, but I'm finding it harder when I'm around this person 24/7.

[LiberatedLotus]

Let Go & Never Return.
Not on the physical, emotional/mental, or
spiritual planes of existence.

Regardless of how much you love this
person / care for their being it is their
path to walk & the truth will unfold just
as it does for everyone.

I really object to Narcicissm being the
only explanation. In truth, I feel all beings
get lost in this matrix & are subject to
this phenomena until they learn to
master themselves & the Universe they
live in & ascend to higher states of being.

Most of us here like to help others but when it borders on draining us emotionally we have to stop and I suppose the best way is to spot the signs early and avoid the other becoming dependent before it gets too deep.

It's also to do with this Law of Attraction thing that works at the fairly gross level. Somehow you're attracting the people you describe. I don't attract the same as I tend to optimism. I sometimes feel radiant with it so - well, this is a guess - people might look to someone optimistic to find a way out of their doldrums. If I do seem to appeal to someone needing help I try to encourage them to get back on their own feet. The impetus has to come from them.

You often meet people who seem to want to feed their problems, it's part of their identity you'd think - indeed having got into problems they don't want to solve them, just use people up to keep them going. Sometimes your effort to help is met with hostility. Seized with self-pity they tend to blame others for their plight. There's little you can do to help them without making things worse.

Everyone owns their emotions and problems and I think we have to tell them that early on; that we can make suggestions (that may not always be the best ones, we have only our own experiences to go on) but to think about things, see what others have to say and in extreme cases seek professional help.

When it's someone who's been wrecked by a broken love affair we can listen and be there for them if they need to talk without becoming a third party in the affair. We can give time and space between what happened and now and perhaps (if we meet them socially) encourage them into some of the activity circles we know - art clubs, dance classes, yoga, the gym. If they cry, hold their hand and let them purge some part of their troubles as best they can.

So I think it's about being interested in a detached sort of way. Show optimism, make them aware that there can be better times. If anyone to whom I offered help called me evil my face would cloud and in the gentlest possible terms I'd tell them to get stuffed.


,

[Nature Grows]

Originally Posted by InfiniteFlight

But does anyone else here feel as if they are somehow affecting/attracting others around them more than some people?

I notice that when I encounter someone with emotional pain/trauma, I get one of the following reactions:

a) The person will completely spill their guts to me, telling me their whole life story within minutes/hours of meeting each other. They will unload all their pain and ask me advice on possible solutions. Despite that I just met or barely know them.

Iv kinda got stuff to do at the moment but im just gonna give a short reply for now i may add more after, i skimmed through your post quickly.

With this first thing you said here.. yup this happens not by random imo, when someone spills everything out to you its because your meant to be there healer. The most recent time this happened to me was when i was in a shop buying something, the lady who i didn't know at all then starts talking to me then ends up crying and stuff telling me her boyfriend is addicted to meth and her whole life is being flipped upside-down, she was just having a rough time overall... so then i done my best to comfort her and give advice, sometimes people just want someone to listen to there rant as well.

Originally Posted by InfiniteFlight

b) They will target me. They will look for reasons/ways to attack/berate me. They will look for anything "wrong" with me and try to point fingers at me for "what I need to change". Only to discover later that the very things they are attacking me for, are things within their own selves that they carry trauma from.

Sometimes people will throw there hurt, frustration, anger, sadness or what ever else in your direction, its not about you, your just there witnessing/receiving there stuff. Again you can be the healer here or you can flip it on them and shift the energy of the situation and defuse it, someone is yelling and screaming at you, you can just say in a non sarcastic way "im sorry you feel this way, i hope you feel better soon, if i upset you it was not my intention" or something nice like that, you get the point.

Other options are you can just walk away, or you can explode on them which may make them leave you alone or just escalate the situation very quickly.

Originally Posted by InfiniteFlight

c) They will heavily attach themselves to me. Wanting to be around me all the time, trying to get "advice" or "help" from me, only to never take my advice and then come back to me seeking more and more counsel for self created problems. (This one seems to come on more gradually, probably because I am willing to help others and don't mind the first couple times... only to notice later that they are energetically using me and actually don't want to help themselves).

I don't really let people hang out with me long enough to follow me around everywhere, unless i want them to or enjoy there company or feel like i should let them. Maybe setting some boundaries would help, or just being more elusive.

[SaturninePluto]

I also tried just being suuuuper nice all the time, hoping that this would signal general kindness to this person and make them less likely to be cruel. But all that resulted in was this person praising others for how nice they are,

Hello.

I find this common with many people, not only narcissists. I term it the deflection technique.

Example of the deflection technique:

Person A- Person C that is a very nice sweater you are wearing.

Person B- You know Person C, I really love the fabric of your sweater, the colors blend very nicely, a very nice combination of cream, maroon and the slight bit of gold color, marvelous!

Person D- You know Person B is right! You look remarkable Person C. Glad you noticed that Person B

Person C- Yes thank you Person B.

Person A is very confused and now feels like a social outcast.

Yes the the ever frequent slight manipulation, but very noticeable by the group outcast, deflection technique.

This is commonly used by people who are manipulative. It seems to me a form of subtle manipulation. It engages a group of people. One member with the group is not liked by someone in the group. Sometimes it is one member of a group, sometimes it is all.

This isn't even school girl or younger generation manipulation, it isn't a high school tactic. Adults do the same thing.

My recommendation is to Drop person D- in my example the group subtle manipulator. Or in this case your energy vampire.

You should draw on your own courage to do this.

Do not make anymore excuses and time lines- another 2 weeks.

Do not give the individual permission, to turn that 2 weeks into another few years. End it now, and stop hanging around this negativity. Your group should soon realize after you indeed have already said something to them, that you do not want to be around the person doing this.

You either be honest with your group and tell them straight out the individual makes you uncomfortable or you can give a reason or excuse to why you will not attend.

Perhaps you will be able to spend time with your group friends one on one or a couple at a time, where and when it is designated that this individual will not be there.

I don't know what to tell you honey.

I have dealt with the same thing, and more severe bullying than this.

Only the groups I wanted to be a part of-friendship groups- would cast me out due to deflection technique type manipulation.

Only in my circumstances the bullying was much worse.

I finally made the bold brass decision that if I were to have friends, that these people I was around did not act like friends, were not friends, and were not even remotely friendly.

So I dropped them all like hot potatoes.

I keep very few friends these days.

My reason isn't because everyone is bad, it is because I am a fiercely caring and loyal person. And I expect that type of treatment back.

Stand up for yourself and refuse to spend another moment of your precious time wasted on a negative individual.

You deserve to be treated with respect.

Blessings.

[Shivani Devi]

All I know about this, is that I am a mirror and the moment I appear and do my 'mirror stuff' others become terrified and are either paralyzed with fear or run far, far away. A true soul-mirror will have others directly confronting the parts of themselves they can't deal with and when their own projections are reflected back, people have nowhere to go but within themselves and so they escape before I have the chance to turn them inside-out...pity that.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by SaturninePluto

I also tried just being suuuuper nice all the time, hoping that this would signal general kindness to this person and make them less likely to be cruel. But all that resulted in was this person praising others for how nice they are,

Hello.

I find this common with many people, not only narcissists. I term it the deflection technique.

Example of the deflection technique:

Person A- Person C that is a very nice sweater you are wearing.

Person B- You know Person C, I really love the fabric of your sweater, the colors blend very nicely, a very nice combination of cream, maroon and the slight bit of gold color, marvelous!

Person D- You know Person B is right! You look remarkable Person C. Glad you noticed that Person B

Person C- Yes thank you Person B.

Person A is very confused and now feels like a social outcast.

Yes the the ever frequent slight manipulation, but very noticeable by the group outcast, deflection technique.

This is commonly used by people who are manipulative. It seems to me a form of subtle manipulation. It engages a group of people. One member with the group is not liked by someone in the group. Sometimes it is one member of a group, sometimes it is all.

This isn't even school girl or younger generation manipulation, it isn't a high school tactic. Adults do the same thing.

My recommendation is to Drop person D- in my example the group subtle manipulator. Or in this case your energy vampire.

You should draw on your own courage to do this.

Do not make anymore excuses and time lines- another 2 weeks.

Do not give the individual permission, to turn that 2 weeks into another few years. End it now, and stop hanging around this negativity. Your group should soon realize after you indeed have already said something to them, that you do not want to be around the person doing this.

You either be honest with your group and tell them straight out the individual makes you uncomfortable or you can give a reason or excuse to why you will not attend.

Perhaps you will be able to spend time with your group friends one on one or a couple at a time, where and when it is designated that this individual will not be there.

I don't know what to tell you honey.

I have dealt with the same thing, and more severe bullying than this.

Only the groups I wanted to be a part of-friendship groups- would cast me out due to deflection technique type manipulation.

Only in my circumstances the bullying was much worse.

I finally made the bold brass decision that if I were to have friends, that these people I was around did not act like friends, were not friends, and were not even remotely friendly.

So I dropped them all like hot potatoes.

I keep very few friends these days.

My reason isn't because everyone is bad, it is because I am a fiercely caring and loyal person. And I expect that type of treatment back.

Stand up for yourself and refuse to spend another moment of your precious time wasted on a negative individual.

You deserve to be treated with respect.

Blessings.

Yes, I notice that too, but I'm the totally gregarious type...and if I was 'person A' I would come straight out and say "excuse me, person D...I mentioned how nice Person C looked before person B did...you mustn't have heard me say it"...only to have the whole group look at me like an alien before fleeing in different directions...and I just go 'how cool is that!'

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by InfiniteFlight

I understand that, as sentient beings, we are all mirrors to the internal thoughts/feelings/emotions in each other.

But does anyone else here feel as if they are somehow affecting/attracting others around them more than some people?

I notice that when I encounter someone with emotional pain/trauma, I get one of the following reactions:

a) The person will completely spill their guts to me, telling me their whole life story within minutes/hours of meeting each other. They will unload all their pain and ask me advice on possible solutions. Despite that I just met or barely know them.

b) They will target me. They will look for reasons/ways to attack/berate me. They will look for anything "wrong" with me and try to point fingers at me for "what I need to change". Only to discover later that the very things they are attacking me for, are things within their own selves that they carry trauma from.

c) They will heavily attach themselves to me. Wanting to be around me all the time, trying to get "advice" or "help" from me, only to never take my advice and then come back to me seeking more and more counsel for self created problems. (This one seems to come on more gradually, probably because I am willing to help others and don't mind the first couple times... only to notice later that they are energetically using me and actually don't want to help themselves).


I guess what I am asking is, right now I am involved in the life of the second type of person. This person looks for any vulnerability possible and attempts to exploit it. This person says that they are so mean to me because I "annoy them", except when I ask what is so "annoying" this person points out things about "me" that they actually dislike in themselves. This person targets me so often that several of our mutual friends have noticed and said something. This person will often make really messed up remarks, like telling me to "roll on the ground with the dog" and insinuating that I have masochistic tendencies (enjoying pain). This person says they "want to see me blow up" and thinks I need to "be a better person". They also call me evil, say I lie all the time, and equates me to villains in popular movies and stories.

Yet, I am actually a very nice person. It literally hurts me to lie to others or to hurt others in anyway. I am not masochistic at all, nor do I want anything more than the happiness of others. So...

And this person isn't always this way. Sometimes they tell jokes and look at me for a smile. Or seeks me out for normal friendship activities. Or makes up nicknames and inside jokes. We are in the same circle of friends and have spent a lot of time together over the last 5 months or so. Yet, everytime things seem to be ok with us for awhile, another bomb gets dropped on me.

What I am trying to figure out is, how do I get it to stop? I understand that USUALLY a mature way to do this would be to have an adult conversation about boundaries and the way they talk to me. But I have already tried this and either the person gets angry because it "was so long ago" or "wasn't a big deal" or calls me "too sensitive". It's only when I completely and utterly break down that this person is willing to talk, but then always manages to turn the conversation around to how it's my fault. (I was breaking down because I didn't understand why I was being targeted. I get it now and am not as susceptible.)

I'm not sure how best to handle this. Right now, I am forced to be around this person for awhile longer. I'm not sure how best to navigate this situation. I know that to pretend everything is "fine" is only allowing this person to leach my energy further. But when I try to say that it's not ok, that doesn't seem to be sinking in either. I try to avoid this person, and that only delays the inevitable for a little while. How do I get this person to leave me alone? To see that this pain and darkness and hurt is NOT me, but actually coming from inside them? How do I effectively let this person know that I am not a receptacle for their negativity?

Honestly guys, I've been trying different things for months. Any help would be appreciated.

Now I have read all of this story...in my honest opinion, anybody who tells you to "roll on the ground with the dogs" or "wants you to blow up" and equates you with fictional villains and who is nasty to you one moment and nice to you the next has problems that only a psychiatrist and some lithium can fix. It seems to me that you are becoming co-dependent with somebody who has a severe mental illness.

As harsh as this may sound, the only way to break the cycle is to ignore them, because you are not in any position to help them and there's nothing you can do. It may go against your very grain to simply tell them to 'get lost' when they are bugging you, but the alternative is to put up with them draining your energy and you could advise them to seek professional help, but it may be taken the wrong way...but hey, if it means they leave you alone from then on, that's good isn't it?

I guess I am the past master at getting other people to go away and leave me alone though and I'm pretty good at it. lol