Putting ego aside?

[kybe333]

What do you think of putting ego aside and casually talking to twin flame as friends even though they are currently in a relationship? I can handle it, I've already gotten over it, and I'm finally ok with it. This person is very special to me and I feel like I need them in my life in some form. What do you think, whatever works best? (Not sure if she'll let me though, she sort of shut me out of her life....) It sounds kind of sad, but I was waiting until her birthday to contact her again to just wish her a happy birthday, to let her know I care, but I can't really take it anymore and think I will contact her. It feels right at least, hopefully she doesn't completely shut me out. We were together like 3 or 4 years ago, and we have taken on average like 2 or 3 times of 5 month intervals of no contact....

[jro5139]

I have a friendship with mine and he is married. Maybe I am a bad person and I probably should have stayed away from him from the beginning. But for me, I just don't really care about his business arrangement marriage, I mean I care about her as a person but I know they don't have the connection that I have with him, if they did, what happened between us would not have happened.
So if I'm a bad person, oh well I'm not trying to be a saint lol. But I feel the same as you, he is very important to me and I don't want to lose him so if that means we can only be friends, that is better than nothing. For me it was about letting go of the expectations and just accepting what he can give me at this time. I tried to have no contact, I didn't talk to him for 7 months and it didn't change anything as far as feelings go, I just missed him so much that I decided to take him up on his offer of friendship. It's really hard but at least I can talk to him and send him a message whenever I want.
So I'm not saying it's the "right" thing to do but if she's willing why not give it a go? Let us know what happens!

[Sarian]

jro and do you know for a fact that he has a 'business marriage' and if you were married to this man and he was keeping contact with someone who had strong feelings for him, how would you feel about it?

Sometimes emotions get in the way of good common sense. I have let my emotions get the better of me, but when I step back and breath and let go, I'm always glad I didn't give into the impulse no matter how strong it screamed "I have to!" I used to be impulsive like that and it made me a wreck. My life did not get better, at times I got momentary bouts of relief but the pain and insanity of the relationship always came back...(or lack thereof depending on the time) ..

I'm going through something now, albeit it's more painful for him apparently than me, but in my initial hurt, I wrote this novel of a letter to him...I sat on it. Did not send it...I still have not sent it...and I won't. I realized I had much to say and I said it in the letter but I knew full well my perception of it all would change and it did. I go running a lot and I swear every time I'm out there I'm writing a letter to him in my head but I noticed that I was releasing so much....I could finally let go and it was freeing and liberating...and it was wonderful, was, I say until he started calling me and I wasn't answering and when I finally briefly allowed myself to talk to him (only because he was right in front of me)...my heart broke (for him)...now I'm struggling because I thought I was doing exactly as I should...let go. And let go with love. I needed to realize that I always will love him...and always want the best for him, even if it's not to be me. I want him happy. I want him to find the love he desires. Maybe in the end it will be me and it will all work out but regardless, I love him enough to let him go and wish him all the happiness and love he deserves.

[Delay_Reaction]

Originally Posted by kybe333

What do you think of putting ego aside and casually talking to twin flame as friends even though they are currently in a relationship? I can handle it, I've already gotten over it, and I'm finally ok with it. This person is very special to me and I feel like I need them in my life in some form. What do you think, whatever works best? (Not sure if she'll let me though, she sort of shut me out of her life....) It sounds kind of sad, but I was waiting until her birthday to contact her again to just wish her a happy birthday, to let her know I care, but I can't really take it anymore and think I will contact her. It feels right at least, hopefully she doesn't completely shut me out. We were together like 3 or 4 years ago, and we have taken on average like 2 or 3 times of 5 month intervals of no contact....

Great question! I'm currently in this situation. My twin is dating someone. I am dating someone. Yet my twin and I are in contact (almost) every day.

It's far from casual though. We do everything that couples do except date. It's the strangest, most intense relationship I've ever been in.

I decided to let my ego go and just let things flow between us and we are flowing like a river. Communication is better than ever. And I mean ever. We talk about things we could never talk about when we were together. She's open to me more than she was and I am more open with her.

It sounds scary but it's such a great connection that we wouldn't have if I had resisted it. I did try to break off contact with her because I thought it would be too hard, but she came running back to me. I didn't tell her "I need you" or act like I was heartbroken. I wasn't. I surrendered to the love I felt for her, let her go in my heart, and she came back. It sounds almost too good to be true, but it actually happened!

Together, we are discovering more about our connection and it's the most amazing feeling to be this open.

I was also afraid she would completely shut me out, but I found out that wasn't the case at all. We have talked about it, hashed out the things that went wrong between us, and we are healing each other and working on overcoming our fears. This is way better than any closure I could have hoped for. This is a re-birth of our relationship.

But, my questions is, are you really over your ego? If you are, then you can allow this connection to happen. Just don't expect to get back together with her. Just let all of that go. If you truly set aside your ego, you can literally flip the script with your twin and write a new one.

Excuse me asking - how do you put ego aside and casually talk to someone... without your ego?
Your expression of your feelings and ideas, how you regulate them to play different roles is surely a product of ego.


...

[kybe333]

Originally Posted by Sarian

jro and do you know for a fact that he has a 'business marriage' and if you were married to this man and he was keeping contact with someone who had strong feelings for him, how would you feel about it?

Sometimes emotions get in the way of good common sense. I have let my emotions get the better of me, but when I step back and breath and let go, I'm always glad I didn't give into the impulse no matter how strong it screamed "I have to!" I used to be impulsive like that and it made me a wreck. My life did not get better, at times I got momentary bouts of relief but the pain and insanity of the relationship always came back...(or lack thereof depending on the time) ..

I'm going through something now, albeit it's more painful for him apparently than me, but in my initial hurt, I wrote this novel of a letter to him...I sat on it. Did not send it...I still have not sent it...and I won't. I realized I had much to say and I said it in the letter but I knew full well my perception of it all would change and it did. I go running a lot and I swear every time I'm out there I'm writing a letter to him in my head but I noticed that I was releasing so much....I could finally let go and it was freeing and liberating...and it was wonderful, was, I say until he started calling me and I wasn't answering and when I finally briefly allowed myself to talk to him (only because he was right in front of me)...my heart broke (for him)...now I'm struggling because I thought I was doing exactly as I should...let go. And let go with love. I needed to realize that I always will love him...and always want the best for him, even if it's not to be me. I want him happy. I want him to find the love he desires. Maybe in the end it will be me and it will all work out but regardless, I love him enough to let him go and wish him all the happiness and love he deserves.

Sarian, sometimes your impulses come first, as your gut feeling may be valuable beyond measure, it's what your heart and soul truly want, don't try to reason with it. I let her know how I felt initially while she had this boyfriend, I told her explicitly I was not trying to get her to break up with him but I HAD to tell her how I felt. Sometimes you gotta take a stand, there are no rules to life, even though our culture says you shouldn't do this, shouldn't do that. It was not only my happiness but hers also that I was looking out for. There were a series of unfortunate events that led to the initial breakup, that felt like this magic carpet of love was just ripped from underneath me. I adored this girl, and certain events and perspectives of each of us just stole this entirely natural and beautiful relationship from me. I take responsibility for my actions, but the universe literally tore us apart, there might have been literal demons at play too. This girl is what I care about, I've never cared for money or fame or nice cars or even appearances, this girl is the only thing that really mattered to me; that I truly cared for. Imagine meeting the one who literally completes you (even though you're whole yourself) and saying the wrong thing at the wrong time over and over, and because of how she was raised and how she interprets things she takes it a certain way and wants nothing to do with you. This is very similar to what I went through. You only have one life, I'm an all or nothing type person, I know what I want, and I would rather die alone than be with someone else. I'm not going to push anything on her, but sometimes you have to take a stand and at least stand your ground, I deserve to pursue my own happiness at whatever the cost. This is not just child's play, this thing seems to be the entire purpose of our existence; to know what it means to truly love. And to just stand idly by and waste your days seems to be utterly foolish, Van Gogh cut off his own ear in the name of love, true love for another is on another level than what we can comprehend, and deserves its due attention and respect for how valuable it truly is.

[Sarian]

Kybe333, I do understand that. I told my son when this girl of his dreams cut it off with him. I asked if she knew how he felt about her, he said yes, but she chose to be with another and now had to cut all contact with her. I said it sounds like you did all you could do and left it up to her. I was in the same situation many years ago. I loved this man so much. It hurt to be around him and I had to be around him all the time it seemed. I had to simply tell him how I felt. He knew it already. I wasn't expecting anything but I just had to get it out.

Anyway, I agree, sometimes you just have to get it out and let someone know. I think it's NOT good when people become obsessed and chase another even after they tell them to stop it. Know what I mean?

[kybe333]

Originally Posted by Sarian

Kybe333, I do understand that. I told my son when this girl of his dreams cut it off with him. I asked if she knew how he felt about her, he said yes, but she chose to be with another and now had to cut all contact with her. I said it sounds like you did all you could do and left it up to her. I was in the same situation many years ago. I loved this man so much. It hurt to be around him and I had to be around him all the time it seemed. I had to simply tell him how I felt. He knew it already. I wasn't expecting anything but I just had to get it out.

Anyway, I agree, sometimes you just have to get it out and let someone know. I think it's NOT good when people become obsessed and chase another even after they tell them to stop it. Know what I mean?

I agree, stalking of the sort is no good.... If she truly was repulsed by any contact with me I would never talk to her again.... In the end though I would say it's up to the individual, there are lessons to learn either way.

[kybe333]

Originally Posted by Delay_Reaction

Great question! I'm currently in this situation. My twin is dating someone. I am dating someone. Yet my twin and I are in contact (almost) every day.

It's far from casual though. We do everything that couples do except date. It's the strangest, most intense relationship I've ever been in.

I decided to let my ego go and just let things flow between us and we are flowing like a river. Communication is better than ever. And I mean ever. We talk about things we could never talk about when we were together. She's open to me more than she was and I am more open with her.

It sounds scary but it's such a great connection that we wouldn't have if I had resisted it. I did try to break off contact with her because I thought it would be too hard, but she came running back to me. I didn't tell her "I need you" or act like I was heartbroken. I wasn't. I surrendered to the love I felt for her, let her go in my heart, and she came back. It sounds almost too good to be true, but it actually happened!

Together, we are discovering more about our connection and it's the most amazing feeling to be this open.

I was also afraid she would completely shut me out, but I found out that wasn't the case at all. We have talked about it, hashed out the things that went wrong between us, and we are healing each other and working on overcoming our fears. This is way better than any closure I could have hoped for. This is a re-birth of our relationship.

But, my questions is, are you really over your ego? If you are, then you can allow this connection to happen. Just don't expect to get back together with her. Just let all of that go. If you truly set aside your ego, you can literally flip the script with your twin and write a new one.

Wow, yea I feel like this is what would happen with us if she truly opened up and stopped putting barriers between us. Last time we connected after like 6 months of no contact the words just flowed between us, we just came back to where we left off, same exact energy in our relationship, and I think this really scared her (especially since she was dating), and she was like "wait, I'm still mad at you, don't pretend we're buddy buddy" and wanted to cut off contact, but I know she was just afraid of how quickly and how much we were connecting again. I'm not going to expect anything, it has taken a while to get over but I've honestly got over it. We are honestly like real twins, I bet if she stopped being afraid and I opened up a little more, we could tell each other anything, we're almost like natural brother and sister as crazy as that sounds.

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by Sarian

jro and do you know for a fact that he has a 'business marriage' and if you were married to this man and he was keeping contact with someone who had strong feelings for him, how would you feel about it?

How I know is a) a psychic told me that and b) I said it to him and he didn't argue with me.
a) after we had kissed and feelings were revealed, he was avoiding me...I was upset and consulted a psychic. The psychic said that his marriage is like a business arrangement and it is like they are roommates. The psychic also said several things to me that my tf said also the very next time I saw him. And he said those things to me on his own without me asking him, in the same words as the psychic used. After finding out more about my tf's past, it makes sense because he told me that he never lets anyone in and he doesn't have any trust for her. Also I know for a fact that she doesn't know about his childhood.
b) I told him is marriage isn't real and he didn't argue with me and after knowing him for 3 years I have realized some things about how he communicates, I have realized that when he knows I'm right about something, he doesn't argue if I say it.
Also, some mutual friends have said similar things to me. One said she didn't think his marriage would last because there doesn't seem to be an emotional connection between them and another one said she didn't think that he was in love with her.

So all that having been said, I understand what you are saying and if I was her I wouldn't want me to be around him or talk to him either. I guess that's why I said I may just not be a good person:(