In Love with Spiritual Coach

[benuk]

Hi

My names Ben i wanted to introduce myself to this forum and explain my reasons for joining it.

I have been getting coaching from the most amazing woman for nearly a year now, over skype. I had a friend on fb who was friends with her and one day when i saw something with her on my wall i looked and saw that she was a spiritual life coach. I knew that my friend was into that sort of stuff, that he was a nice guy so i contacted her through the company that she worked for. It took a while, with the first response being that she was unavailable and if this other person would do, i didn't reply.. i saw something in her eyes that made me want to only speak to her something that i could relate to: one of her eyes told me that she could understand what i have been through, also that she was a friend of a friend. Eventually i heard back and we started speaking, her first question was about how i found her that she normally does work with Americans i told her a lie i didn't want her to think i was stalking her. It was instantaneous how profound her energy was, i mean it was something that i haven't really seen before, an innocence so pure i was amazed, this was the role model i had been looking for my whole life. We went over various issues starting at my childhood which was really traumatic and then over to more current issues with a stressful job that i had, i would tell her what situations were causing me discord and then she would unravel them and make me think about them all in a completely different way.

She woke me up after a few months... i remember coming away from talking to her one evening and lying in bed so confused with my thoughts, what was ego, what was not this was the defining moment for me where i began the process of separation.. i was so scared with only her for guidance i quickly became dependant on her and have been ever since, up until now, kind of.

We would message on skype too.. i remember the last two conversations we had on skype.. now these were life changing, i was already awake and doing well but these were more about modern urban approaches, life style choices these two conversations really opened my mind up.. we got on really well during those last skype calls i could see it in her eyes. She said that my energy was good now and that we didn't need to do the coaching anymore, instead we were messaging on skype, a lot it was so weird being opened up to her life. This is when i started to really fall in love with her, she opened my heart up, has the most amazing personality, clever, attractive and we got on. I went to her birthday party a few weeks ago and i was the first there, she was panicking about people being late it was so weird seeing her aa a person instead of the life coach i remember having to adjust to the change in dynamics. it went quite well, it was one of the first times i had been out with normal people for many many years but i did okay, i showed them my light even though i wasn't able to speak as much as them.

I also found a place that does floating, like inside a tank so i invited her there to go with me to try and we met up in the chillout room afterwards, now this was like the best conversation ive ever had, it was like talking to a dream. I remember feeling so low when we parted, her train was going the opposite way so we hugged and said goodbye. We were then friends on fb and i quickly started to get even more attached, still messaging on skype but now commenting on fb posts etc i was all over the place.. i could also see that she was too, maybe it was the floats maybe not. Then she sent me a song that i took as being some kind of subliminal message in regards to feelings and i fluffed it off then she asked me again i said who knows its difficult to tell isn't it in other words i switched the question around... it must of been obvious how i felt. I wasn't expecting to hear from her after that but the next day she made put a comment on one of my updates joking about a joke i made about moving inside a cardboard box she said maybe she would maybe move next door then two ''separate comments after saying 'maybe' again, next comment 'not sure.. i took this as being a response to the skype message the night before. I always suspected she had feelings for me but never believed it after all that time i had some sort of confirmation.. I didnt know what to do though i remember being so ecstatic that evening that i just shut the world off and enjoyed some music.

I sent all the screentshots of the skype messages and fb comments to my ex, to be sure i wasn't still inventing this i mean i actually thought i had the woman of my dreams, in total and compete love with and that maybe she felt the same. My ex agreed that there was something. So i sent her message on sunday night, i asked her out, i said i couldn't believe i was saying this but would you like to go for dinner.. i then stupidly put some subliminal fb post out on monday about making difficult decisions then when i got home she had vanished from FB. To be fair i knew i was having difficulty being friends with her that it was either this or nothing but i am really starting to regret that decision.. she was the best friend i ever had.. and now she's gone and im complete pieces. i have all this energy inside me that i barely know what to do with, reality is changing and i now have no-one who understands what im going through, poor me i couldn't even work today i had to come home, i was sitting in the corner of a cold room on a building site feeling so sad i had to come home. Im still yet to receive a reply from her, she hasnt blocked me from skype though thank god and i have been resisting sending any more messages, like with all my will power. Its just nothingness now complete nothing, she's protecting herself from something i jsut cant seem to get over the fact that i know she likes me and after all of this she has blocked me from fb and not replied to my offer over skype.

Now i have to walk with my shadow and after such an experience i will have this with me wherever i go, perhaps this last lesson was the best yet, but why? i really need closure at least and / or confirmation that im not completely mad.... that there was something there. instead nothing in nothingness

Ben ;((((((

[Dude]

Hi Ben welcome to sf

Sorry to hear how things worked out so far but maybe this is a blip? Who knows what she is going through, maybe something else happened and she took fb down for that reason. Maybe give it a little time. If she doesn't answer, you should maybe consider her situation- she may have worked very hard to become a life coach, I, guessing relationships with customers, even preveous ones, is kind of frowned upon, so she may be struggling with more complex things than you realise, it doesn't mean she doesn't like you.

But either way, what's important is you remember what she taught you, maybe her role was to open you up to love so you may go forth and find that special lady, rather than it being her, or maybe there is things you have not learned and this is your opportunity to do it.

I wish you all the best

[Paige Ignited]

I don't think your completely mad. I went through a very similar situation myself, and then he just 'left'. I was gutted!
But there's nothing I can do when he doesn't want to communicate with 'me' directly. I guess I accept that fact now. Took awhile.

[shoni7510]

Hello Benuk and welcome to spiritual forums