Greetings, friends.

[Dude]

Welcome Mi- yes many feel the same, my biggest fear is the IRL thing, but it's totally worth the irrational fear in exchange for all the freedom it brings just being here :)

[Realm Ki]

Hello again.

I didn't get so far in my forum activity, before scaring off. But I am here now. I was looking through the treads and sections, to see what it was I was feeling - what it was that wanted to be expressed.

I don't get this urgent feeling of expression very often anymore, I tend to enjoy listening a lot, reading and experiencing... But tonight it is very real.

Something is shifting around me; the last few weeks things have changed for the better. Like magic, moving furniture around opened up my home and everything fell into place, money keeps coming my way, music, peace and laughter in my little family. It is spring and people open up, address me and see me.

I've been not isolated, but definately alone. And I - well, I was going to write 'i don't know if im ready' - but I do know; I'm ready if that is what happens. If I'm seen I'm ready to be seen. If there is a shift, I am of course ready to shift and be shifted.

I guess I am just a little nervous, and want to share. I know I am so infinitely large, and only using a tiny fraction of my - of me -yet. But I have no idea how the energy of me is to manifest out... Is it the guitar? Is it my texts? Is it my meeting people? Is it channelling? Mediation btw people here and in the other?

I wanted to add a profile picture and was told I didn't have access. Such practial stumble blocks confuse me. And amuse me.

I am also waiting for my twin. I admit it. I guess the shift in the air makes me wonder if maybe now he is on his way, getting close. For me, my twin is unknown yet, I've met him once in I guess a variety of astral travel, and talked a few times since but less clear and defined as the first long meet.

It is good for me to trust, and to enjoy the comfort of knowing he is here somewhere and that he will find me when he is ready. It is good for me also to stay with myself and my own process mostly, not to let him/us become the divine. Even if we are - we too are the divine - the idea of an 'us' is limited to two individual spirits (or halves of one, I guess ;)) and that does distract me from divine unity where divine power lies.

I guess I see it as my task 'here in time and space' to harness the power as best I can and pass it forward here on earth to heal and to return the energy renewed, revived to the divine sphere.

What that divine sphere contains of in the layers I sense between me and unity, I have such vage notions of. It does frustrate me. I want to know. I want to be able to talk of it, describe it, feel certain of my experiences, my beliefs. But I want to avoid picking images / explanations before I'm more than certain. I don't want to lock my mind, don't want to pass on to others something that is not open and elastic and can hold the real full truth.

So, at this moment apart from nerves about my own transformation and my own terrifying - yes, terrifying :) - power, I also feel a kind of nostalgia of my returning problem of discribing a multi-dimensional spirituality in a language of our four-dimensional world... (space&time makes 4, to me)

Music does help. I miss my guitar. I hope I keep getting songs to play, I really like channelling music.

Thanks to the founder of this forum, where ever his spirit is now, for creating this space, where I can share this, for all and none to read, but for my guides and support to hear and, for me to get honest.

I hesitate, of course, growth and change, a turmoil of trust. But I am ready.

I really am.

Love and light to you all <3

[Realm Ki]

double post

[Realm Ki]

Tonight I woke up after falling asleep for a little while, wide awake and with a question in my heart; who wants me something? I came on to the forum and looked through threads in a few of the forum sections, but couldn't find it.

I need my sleep, so I will instead write a reflection here, on where I am at this very moment. Periodically, I've done this in a diary - but I want to try and connect more with others and to try and learn to talk / verbalize my experience, so I think it might be good for me to share it. My little presentation thread might become more - maybe it should be in a different section then...? Spiritual development maybe. I will consider this, but fornow;

I am in a strange place. There is a kind of duality; if I 'connect' turn my attention to the divine, I feel perfect. At peace, full of infinite power, joyous bubbling with laughter, grateful etc. But only seconds after returning to my physical life - cooking, reading, sitting on the bus, or where ever I am - my chest locks in on it self, cramps shut, like I'm holding on to my physical body for dear life, squeezing all the air out of me, in the process. I feel sad, worried, dark, lost, abandoned, hopeless. Full of 'I don't want to'.

And what I just realized writing this, is that right after writing 'i am ready' - I have proved myself not ready; I have retreated into my shell and and I am holding on - for dear life - so as to not be dragged out into the light

I'm crazy. It is absolutely insane to fear the light... I'm laughing now, because I am so certain there is nothing to fear. Maybe like looking at a cat that won't go out on a glass table.

So there's the second duality; my conviction (feeling/faith) and my automated, bodily reaction.

I will meditate on this, and listen for guidance. However cute the kitten might be, it is really very tiresome to be in fear... Good night / Mi

[fayette]

Welcome Mi