Circumstances of death (important!)

Originally Posted by Melody29

Ok, thanks. I get the point.
Anyway, i did another reading, just to double-check. I got 5 of swords (rev), 9 of pentacles (rev) and 9 of cups (rev). I understand this means he was unhappy, depressed, etc. But since there is no suicide card, how do i know this is what my cards are trying to tell me? I mean, maybe this just means he was unhappy and depressed at the time of his death. But does this automatically mean that he killed himself?
I'm new to this whole Tarot thing, so i still have to figure out a lot of things.

As a reader, and especially a new reader, it is impossible (and unethical) to try and read someone's frame of mind without consent, it is pure speculation (and sadly unverifiable). I'm not trying to provoke you in any way, a family member went through something similar with a friend, so I empathise with that feeling of wanting to know what happened and what was going through their mind. The not knowing can be emotionally destructive, the loved ones left behind feel helpless and dazed, the 'what ifs' and the 'whys' constant. So my heart goes out to you.

As you stated he was a drug user so there was obviously depression and a sense of hopelessness there. Maybe the inquest outcome needs to be accepted. Not all overdose deaths are intentional and not all suicide victims leave notes

Whatever happened is now between your friend and his maker. Nobody will ever know for definite what happened and it may be time to let go and allow your friend to rest in peace.
You could use your tarot to help you do this, use it to find out how to move through the grief and heal from this experience, many readers use it specifically for healing purposes.

[Melody29]

Originally Posted by Pisces_Moon

As a reader, and especially a new reader, it is impossible (and unethical) to try and read someone's frame of mind without consent, it is pure speculation (and sadly unverifiable). I'm not trying to provoke you in any way, a family member went through something similar with a friend, so I empathise with that feeling of wanting to know what happened and what was going through their mind. The not knowing can be emotionally destructive, the loved ones left behind feel helpless and dazed, the 'what ifs' and the 'whys' constant. So my heart goes out to you.

As you stated he was a drug user so there was obviously depression and a sense of hopelessness there. Maybe the inquest outcome needs to be accepted. Not all overdose deaths are intentional and not all suicide victims leave notes

Whatever happened is now between your friend and his maker. Nobody will ever know for definite what happened and it may be time to let go and allow your friend to rest in peace.
You could use your tarot to help you do this, use it to find out how to move through the grief and heal from this experience, many readers use it specifically for healing purposes.

What do you mean - "read someone's frame of mind without consent"? Whose consent is required?
Yes, not all suicide victims leave notes. But this is the main reason why the coroner said this was just a tragic accident. Strong evidence is required to classify someone death as suicide and since there was no note, the coroner thought this was just an accident. It was very easy for him to say that, why would he bother? But it doesn't make it any easier for us. :(
I understand we might never know the truth... :( But there are so many questions left and so many voids unfilled... :( :(

I'm sending some love and positive thoughts your way, it's clear this is something that is still very raw for you. Try and be comforted by the positive memories you have of your friend and what he brought to your life.

With any divination method, 'reading' someone's intentions, their past and even their present circumstances should only be done if, the person you're reading about has agreed to it. Otherwise it's the same as reading someone's personal diary, medical files or any other private information without their agreement.

I understand there are so many questions you wish you could have answered (it's been over 3 years for my daughter and she is still struggling with this) but the reality is there are no definite answers.

Unfortunately the way coroners and inquests go, unless there is concrete evidence of suicide intention, of which there was none, they can't label the death as suicide. It probably appeared 'easy for him to say', however he had to base his verdict on the facts presented (ie drug abuse, no note), sadly, it's cold comfort to family and friends and the facts presented will never rid you of that gut feeling.

[Melody29]

Thank you very much for your kind words, it means a lot to me. Yes, you are right, this is something that's still very raw for me. :(

Exactly, i have this gut feeling that's telling me this could have been suicide and i could have done more to prevent it. I feel a great deal of guilt. The thing is, he came to my house 2 days before his death and he was SO odd... He didn't say much, he just sat with me on the sofa. When he was leaving, he kissed me and told me he loved me. This was very weird, because i had never heard him say it before!!! I could feel something wasn't right. However, i did nothing and just let him go. 2 days later, i got the call. He was dead. Later, i found out he did the same to another friend of ours. He came over to her, kissed her and told her he loved her even though they were supposed to meet the next day. This was a very odd gesture and not like him at all. It was so... final, you know?! He was not the kind of person who would go around hugging and kissing people, and telling them he loved them. More than that, one of his best friends told us that less than 2 weeks before his death he said he wanted to be buried next to his father! It seems too much of a coincidence, you know!!

That's why i feel like i could have done more. I feel so guilty and sad. There are so many "what ifs"!

[Seenthelight]

You could beat yourself up with the What Ifs.

I lost my brother in August aged 40, a sudden death, but he had been ill for a while. We knew he liked a drink but it was only really in April when he was admitted to hospital that we realised how bad an alcoholic he was - in fact, we still don't really know the extent of it.

He had mental health issues and basically self-medicated, believing a brandy to be the best way to control his anxiety - when in fact it was causing it. When he died, it did cross our mind whether it was intentional, but quickly ruled out suicide because he was actually afraid of dying and always swore he would never do that.

However, early August he sent his estranged wife - who he was still close to - a text with a link to a song called 'the long farewell' - just in case anything happened to him. The morning of the day he died, he texted to ask if I was at home (I live away from where he lived), and he also rang his wife, my mum, and my dad, really early in the day.

My mum went to his house around 12noon but got no response. An hour or so later, after his wife and best friend broke into the house, we found out he was found dead on his kitchen floor.

The autopsy was unconclusive so they had to do further investigation to eventually his death was ruled as sudden death due to alcohol misuse. He also had problems with his liver. All we know was that is was quick.

I cannot beat myself up with all the regrets I could have - what if I never moved away, what if I saw him more often, what if what if what if.

Ask yourself - what would your friend advise you to do now? Sit and worry and wonder and be so full of anguish? Or perhaps do something more positive in his memory?

The Tarot will not give you the answers to how your friend died, it just won't. You are repeating that reading over and over - what answer are you seeking?

Just believe that whatever way your friend's soul chose to depart this planet, he is is a happier place, and around you and his loved ones. You just need to trust in this.

I hope you feel more at peace soon - it is very very hard, I know.

[Melody29]

I'm very sorry to hear about your brother... This is very sad. Please stay strong!

You are repeating that reading over and over - what answer are you seeking?

I was trying to confirm my assumption that my friend died by suicide. Why this is so important, you may ask? Yes, it's very important to me, because if it was a suicide, it means i could have done more to prevent it from happening. Of course, there is absolutely nothing i can do about it now. I can't bring my friend back. But i can learn from my mistakes, i want to become a better friend, a better person, i want to learn to recognize those signs, you know?

Anyway, i think i've already got the answer. I met my friend's sister yesterday and she told me that coroners said he had SO MUCH drugs in his system that they considered ruling it a suicide, but declared it an "accidental death", just because there was no note. Those people have seen a lot of dead drug addicts and lots of ODs, i would imagine. And they thought it was very unlikely that someone who had any desire left to live would pump himself with such a huge amount of drugs. I didn't know this before...

She also told me that he had made 2 previous suicide attempts! I had no idea about this! The first one was 2 years ago and he tried to do it exactly the same way - by ODing on drugs (heroin and some other stuff). The second one was last year, he slashed his wrists. He didn't want anyone to know about these attempts and had asked his family not to tell anyone. They tried to convince him that he had so much to live for but he didn't believe them...

So as you can see, the cards were right after all. I have very little doubt left now. I'm 99% sure this was a suicide. And that's what the cards were saying too.

I just hope i can get over his death soon... It hurts so much and it makes me so depressed... It's absolutely awful.

[Seenthelight]

I can understand the hurt, and it will ease in time. We can learn so much from grief - as you say, become a better person. Think about the lovely and positive qualities of your friend and embody some of those when you can. My brother was so very kind, always did what he could for other people - he never stopped, was totally exhausted by the end of his life - but I can take his kindness and do what I can to help others myself.

What I meant to add in my last post, and forgot, but when I remembered I thought I would leave it because I didn't want to upset further, you pretty much summed up in your response following the further information you now have. My brother knew that drinking as much as he was drinking could only lead to one outcome. He had terrible anxiety - about dying - but the more he was anxious, the more he drank, then he would come down from the drink, get jittery and interpret this as anxiety, drink more. He could not get out of the cycle. He went to a clinic after hospital referral back in April, and lasted 2 weeks when he came out. It was just a downward spiral from there.

Thing is - he was so sad. He was battling everyday with his demons, trying to get his life back on track but had no idea or tools for how to do this. The doctors wouldn't help unless he gave up drinking - then he would say he hadn't had a drink and we would find empty bottles stashed around the house. The thing is - he was already sad, before he drank more and more. He drank to blot out that reality he could not handle.

I know he is at peace now. That I do truly know, and your friend will be too. But I know this about my brother because I feel him with me - he is tickling my head even now as I type this. He gets my attention in silly little ways, it's like having him with me some days. But my parents and his wife and 3 daughters are the ones suffering terribly. They can't or don't want to acknowledge the spiritual. I have had good evidence from a couple of mediums (including one here) and I can't even pass that on. I am sure I will get opportunity at some point.

Anyway, do your best to live your life - you have so many good memories of your friend. Embody those good times, do something positive you know he would have done if he hadn't been so ill. It is very sad to lose someone, and to lose them when you feel you could have done more, but you couldn't have done anything.