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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #11  
Old 09-03-2019, 04:48 AM
Staceyboo Staceyboo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 10
 
Thanks think am going to have a break from the dating seen for a while concentrate on different things instead of getting upset
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  #12  
Old 09-03-2019, 07:41 AM
Elabr8Aspie Elabr8Aspie is offline
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Posts: 287
 
Sounds like a good idea Stacey.

I personally find online dating mostly negative and unconstructive at times and need time out.

Time to take stock and create passion elsewhere.: )
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  #13  
Old 09-03-2019, 09:10 AM
Altair Altair is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,104
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elabr8Aspie
Stacey the problem is,is that your attaching to a 'want' a 'need',expectations;longing,labels 'children' 'husband'.

The other problem is,your being brainwashed and driven by what others tell you.
Yes.. desires and expectations...

'Wanting' or 'needing' a relationship is a desire and can bring suffering, a means to fill a void. Some desires, like wanting love from another human being, can be intensely strong the person does not realize they are the cause of their own suffering. Having other people who want or need you to be someone or live a specific lifestyle creates expectations and inauthentic activity, which are another cause of suffering. It is best to never have expectations, I believe. Not with a job interview, not with a date, not with birthday presents, not with what you will experience during a holiday, not with your favourite football team, whatever. Expectations aren't healthy.. they are linked to desire, and disappointment because we are more often wrong than correct about our predictions..

We all grow up with idealist images and movies about romance and relationships where everything magically falls together. I believe that this thing we crave can only be found within, with our relationship with 'God'. Is it any wonder so many spiritual practitioners throughout human history have been single? I think not. And those that reach self realization teach that one can love all equally, meaning there's no discrimination any more between a friend and a random stranger, or between a human and a capuchin monkey.

What we notice here with Mr./Ms. special someone is that it's very conditional and it serves a biological purpose of reproduction and social bonding..
It's not the stuff of stars no matter how much fancy language we use to describe the experience.. It's a very elaborately crafted illusion..

Not that there's anything wrong with that, by the way!! I think everyone is entitled to chase their desires and have special feelings, absolutely!
It's all part of the game and we decide when we give up on the game or when we want to play more. It is all choice..
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  #14  
Old 09-03-2019, 02:20 PM
Taking a Break Taking a Break is offline
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Location: Dutch Guyana
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Watch "My Name Is Earl" a sitcom about karma and very funny.

And keep praying to your Spirit Guides.
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  #15  
Old 22-04-2019, 01:00 AM
dawn infinity dawn infinity is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 62
 
I agree with elabr 8 , u have to be careful on dating sites , u can't take ppl on those sites too seriously they are used as just hookups one night stands , i know there's ppl that's has met &married , but a lot that's been disappointments so be careful on them
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  #16  
Old 22-04-2019, 01:20 AM
Wally Wally is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Staceyboo
Hi, am 32 and single and have been my whole adult life I had a long term boyfriend in my teen years which ended when I was 17 and never had a relationship since. I've done the whole bar seen and never got anywhere and now I've been doing online dating I've been on loads of date but nothing ever comes from them am starting to think something must be wrong with me. is there something am doing wrong I wouldn't say am ugly (not gorgeous )am over weight size uk18 but i dont think thats my problem because i haven't always been over weight I think maybe some people (like me) are not meant to have relationships and are just mean to be single there whole life or do you think there's someone out there for everyone i hope there is someone out there for me and i meet them soon but i am starting to give up
What do you guys think
Ithink there are a lot of singles out there like you. In your situation and asking the same question. Two of my brothers are still single. One in their fiftees and one in their sixtees. I think its too late for them now to be honest. They are set in their ways.
Maybe you need to focus on what you have got in life not what you havent got. That might change the dynamics. But i probably would be complaining like you if in your situation. Such is human nature.
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  #17  
Old 22-04-2019, 09:33 PM
linen53 linen53 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Colorado, USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Staceyboo
Hi, am 32 and single and have been my whole adult life I had a long term boyfriend in my teen years which ended when I was 17 and never had a relationship since. I've done the whole bar seen and never got anywhere and now I've been doing online dating I've been on loads of date but nothing ever comes from them am starting to think something must be wrong with me. is there something am doing wrong I wouldn't say am ugly (not gorgeous )am over weight size uk18 but i dont think thats my problem because i haven't always been over weight I think maybe some people (like me) are not meant to have relationships and are just mean to be single there whole life or do you think there's someone out there for everyone i hope there is someone out there for me and i meet them soon but i am starting to give up
What do you guys think

When I stopped looking I found the love of my life. Men are the hunters, not women. Just live your life and if it's in your life plan to have a relationship neither hell or high water can stop it from happening. But sometimes we are a bit impatient to make things happen. If I had not found my current husband I would have been happy to live the rest of my life alone. You just have to accept yourself and your situation for what it is and live each day to the fullest.
__________________
Deb

If you hit rock bottom, start picking up rocks.

By embracing my imperfections I am becoming perfect.

Itís through the cracks that the light gets in.
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  #18  
Old 25-04-2019, 02:01 AM
Theophila Theophila is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 1,110
 
Hi Stacy, hehe thatís my nickname ...😄
I read this it you reminded me so much when I was exactly your age.
I was single and was for a long time up till then. I had broken up 5-6 years before from a long term boyfriend and hadnít had anyone till then.
Almost all my friends were married , some with kids.
Being tall and voluptuous I too partly thought it was my physical state that may have been at fault , but looking back it was my own insecurity. If I could smack my past self in the head I would 😆
I too was so desiring a true love whom Iíd marry and have children .
Nothing would go right ....
I too was told get moving , settle down, time is passing by tick tock !
All this external pressure, but mostly it was internal . I put the most pressure on myself allowing others to fuel my own need and desire fir it.
Long story short , I met someone who I wasnít completely happy, nor was I fulfilled with but dated him out of my need...
Everyone around me were more excited than I was about it and pushed constantly ď heís great, what are you waiting forĒ
We got married ,had a baby and it turned out to be a nightmare of a relationship!
I ended up divorcing after 5 years and having to raise my child on my own.
I look back now and see how i shouldnít have allowed anyone to affect me , should of listened to my gut.
I adore my kid donít get me wrong. But now Iíve given up a great chunk of my life and still waiting fir that ď someone specialĒ
Point is is that I wish I had been stronger, trusted myself and what I had felt in me rather than what everyone around me was telling me.
Iíve figured from what Iíve seen at this stage in life , almost everyone I know is miserably married, unfulfilled and some seeking elsewhere for some form of happiness .
Most all got married when they were expected to in their 20ís too...
Proves to me that getting married when expected doesnít mean its a guaranteed success!
I still believe itís possible for me to find the one for me. And if it does happen now itíll be much better as I am more secure and fulfilled with myself than ever and can offer my best self.
Many before have mentioned just focus on yourself and I 100% agree.
Be your best self, do things you love, take care of yourself mind body and soul.
Connect with your higher self and you will shine !
😉 youíd be surprised at how attractive that glow will be and Iíll bet itíll draw attention!
I attracted a bad situation through my insecurity...
If I had only known then!
So Stacy , coming from a Stacy in your future... believe in your inner self , in your truth, and live your life to the fullest!!!!
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  #19  
Old 26-04-2019, 05:08 AM
bkmac bkmac is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 12
 
I am not sure if I believe there is someone out there for everyone. I am single for most of my life. Tried online dating, but there had been more misses than hits. Even when there is a real connection, sometimes fear and ego get in the way of wanting to take it to the next level. And I am not talking about me, but the other person as well. Relationships involve 2 persons - that's 2 sets of timelines and emotional baggage to deal with if any merge is to happen!

Anyway, don't put too much pressure on wanting to find someone. Explore and develop our interests. Enjoy life, go out with friends. A good relationship is a bonus if it happens. Without it, we can be happy by ourselves too.
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  #20  
Old 28-04-2019, 12:46 AM
sea-dove sea-dove is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,302
 
I like to believe that there is someone out there for everyone as after all, we all have many soul mates.

I've been single for a very long time now (well I kind of see someone but he is not really there for me at all and our relationship is more about a relationship which meets of my care needs as a person with a severe disability when he has time. We are not in a proper relationship, he never stays the night or has even time to do something fun like watch a movie with me. I'm like a person that I think he feels obliged to help occasionally as I really do not have anyone else).

I was fine with being single for quite a long time with the belief that the right person will come along when the time is right but its been so long that this situation is now becoming emotionally painful to me as I'm going through a life with no one to share it with. No one to laugh with, play with or have fun with.

I have got children who are grown up but it's been a couple of years since I've seen them or my grandchildren. My loneliness is truely awful and being severely disabled I can not get out by myself and meet people or see people.

I often think that when the day comes when I die, I could end up being like one of those situations one reads about where the person is left dead for months before anyone realises I'm gone.

I can't believe my path is supposed to be like this. (Those dating sites are awful. Most of the guys are married and just looking for sex and when I was using them three times I found myself in distance relationships which after I year I found out I was being lied too and the guys were not as they had lead me to believe.

One vanished on me the moment I got a passport to go and see him after we talked about me doing so for a year and I was so excited that i was soon to see him, while another one after a year I went overseas and paid him a surprise visit, only to find out that the whole idea of me was only just a fantasy thing to him. (he was still overly involved with his ex-wife among other things).
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