Why are women typically the chaser?

I've read that women are typically the chasers in the twin flame relationship and I believe I am in my case, but why is that? I thought that if you are genuine twin flames, both should feel the same way. How come men are able to hold out?

[happyhaunts03]

Funny story, but in my case, I'm the runner (I'm female). I think women are more commonly the chaser because they're more in touch with their feelings, but in my case it was the opposite. I don't think it has much to do with gender, but instead, comfort and experience with the spiritual world. One is typically more attuned and comfortable with the spiritual experience of being linked. A lot of people refer to the divine feminine and divine masculine. I guess in those terms, I'm the DM...but I don't think those terms do us any favors.

[FairyCrystal]

Quite simple... Typically it's women who have fear of abandonment, and thus difficulty with letting go. Then you chase because you don't want to be abandoned and cannot let go.
Men tend to have fear of commitment, so they run to avoid that.

It is mirroring / complementing as people with fear of abandonment typically attract a partner with fear of commitment and vice versa.
Such a partner does confront you with your fear (either abandonment or commitment) but if you're not ready to face that fear and deal with it you will either chase or run.

That man tend to have fear of commitment over abandonment is also logical. Men have the primal instinct to not bond, to not commit, to impregnate as many as possible. Procreation, survival of the fittest etc etc.
Women on the other hand have a primal instinct to bond and get their mate to bond to them so they and their offspring have protection. If the male abandons her and the offspring, well... again matter of survival of both her and the offspring.

[Ariaecheflame]

I am female and was the 'runner'...

But I am not interested in traditional gender roles.

I have no intrest in children - I am a gypsy at heart... I love freedom and hate being cooped up... I don't deal well with jealous partners because it is my nature to be quite fluid... so my partner has to be ok with all that.

If I even got a hint of being cooped up in the past I was off like a rocket.

Now days though - my relationship with self and my marriage is much more balanced and harmonious.

I accept my need for space and freedom and my husband understands me. My husband likes the emotional security of long relationships... we negotiate our needs and come to mutually balanced harmony.

He had a fear of abandonment - because of child wounding when his father abandoned him... we acted as mirrors in that reguards and helped each other gain greater individual balance... and thus harmony together.

I had tonnes of freedom growing up and because very independant due to emotional and physical neglect... but independence and freedom happens to be how I managed go survive... and it is also what my soul craves even when I am balanced as well.

In any relationship I desire freedom... adventure, independence and mental stimulation... the foundation I like is sort of an unconditional mateship... I get bored with the traditional roles... too restrictive for me.

Though when I was 'running' it was cause I felt trapped and hemmed in.

Now days I take little moments each week to have my freedom then like a cat I return to my home

My soul is like a cat... love to me is not needy or dependant - it is... I am here because I genuinely like you as a person and we are good friends...

Not like... look at me... I'm here, I need your love... please give me attention and make me feel secure... don't leaaaaveee me... like a dog loves hahaha hahaha

[FairyCrystal]

Primal instincts concerning offspring have nothing to do with you wanting children. I have children, so offspring isn't on my bucket list anymore, but primal instincts will still drive certain things. A great many things actually especially when it comes to survival AND relationships.

[Ariaecheflame]

I have no primal and no emotional desire for kids...
My body doesn't want kids and neither does my soul.

I have never wanted kids... no physical desire whatsoever. I have many female friends who feel the same.
I also like freedom... it's just who I am...

But I am also gender fluid... I don't resonate with gender...as is my sexuality and romantic expression... also fluid.
So much diversity in this world...to much for generalisations.

[jro5139]

There is a push/pull with tfs and the male and female are both runner and chaser. Although one may be more of the chaser and one more of the runner. I think men tend to be better able to shut off their emotions or ignore them, or disconnect from them. At least that was the case for my twin. My twin has abandonment issues due to his childhood.

I don't get the whole kids thing either. I have 2 kids, and although I love them, I do not have any desire to have more. Also, I do not care much for commitment or relationships in general. When I met him I was not looking for a relationship in any way.
I think the specifics are different in every case. But the runner isn't running for lack of feeling the same, my twin told me he felt the same. I also think it has to do with who is making decisions based in fear, and who is making decisions based in love. The runner's decisions are based in fear.

Emerald, I'm with you on freedom and being independent, in my case, comes from being an only child.

[Cheshire Cat]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

Primal instincts concerning offspring have nothing to do with you wanting children. I have children, so offspring isn't on my bucket list anymore, but primal instincts will still drive certain things. A great many things actually especially when it comes to survival AND relationships.

That's what I thought as well, until I turned 34 and nothing changed. I still don't want children. I wouldn't be unhappy if I got pregnant at some point, I would definitely keep the child, but as for actively or instinctively wanting to have one - nope, nothing.

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

Quite simple... Typically it's women who have fear of abandonment, and thus difficulty with letting go. Then you chase because you don't want to be abandoned and cannot let go.
Men tend to have fear of commitment, so they run to avoid that.

This is probably true in simple, pragmatic terms. It's convention that must go back to ancient times - men have to take the initiative in the "mating game". Women have to wait, giving what subtle signs they can without too much assertion. So when a partnership breaks up it's the woman left stranded. The bloke can straight away move on to his next "conquest".
Typically, that is.

♥

[FairyCrystal]

Can't believe that most don't seem to know and understand what primal instincts are.