High and lows

Are violent fluctuations from good days to bad part of the spiritual healing process?

Im still not sure where it is this journey is taking me or what the destination will be or if Ill ever even reach an 'end'...but ever since Ive dedicated myself to the growing and learning process, the thing that seems to get to me most are the highs and lows I feel. I can take almost anything but the feeling of 'knowing it' one day and waking up lost and confused the next. I dont mind hard work and I value patience. I dont mind taking 2 steps forward and one step back if Im making progress but sometimes I feel Im walking in circles.

Receiving conflicting information, having conflicting desires, thinking and feeling one way one day and the total opposite the next...

There are days that, although I may be far from my goals, I feel great, positive, and hopeful. I know what to do and more or less where Im going. Then there are those days like today that Im foggy, confused, drained and anxious. Its like all the stored negativity has been brought up to the surface. And this pattern repeats itself quite often. How much more karma or negativity is there left in me that I must I burn through before I can reach any kind of positive or even nuetral steady state of being? How do I know Im making the right choices?

It seems the more i dedicate myself to spirituality the more difficulty I have functioning in the day-to-day world of the ego, in day life and activities. The more I dedicate myself to functioning well in the world, the further I find myself away from my true self. Having one foot in each world doesnt seem to be having positive impact on general stability either.

If the pattern continues, Ill feel like **** for the next few days and then, if all goes well find balance. I might even gain some insight. I just needed to vent right now, any comments are appreciated. Had a rough last couple of days.

You are trying to carry way too much!

If you are a Pack Mule you would end up falling off the trail from that much weight.

DISCARD all that you do not NEED.

Then REALIGN to simplicity one day at a time.

Read: Self Unfoldment By Disciplines Of Realization by Manly Hall
Meditation by OSHO
SuperMind by Vernon Howard

But do this in a NEW WAY. Practice rather then learn as if a test were coming.

The POLARITIES will RAGE like this to try and DISRUPT your progress. That is actually a good sign that you are heading in thee right direction. You have to travel through the storms to GROW through them to thee PEACEFUL center~

I feel this post and the response above, and for me I kind of have to find the space in between the polarities because as long as the violent/peace is around that's all my focus shifts on

[vespa68]

@Circadiamrhythym:

Your story sounds a lot like my story. May I ask if you are a healer or are you receiving healings?

I have pretty much felt this way ever since I started reiki. Then I had a huge event that happened to me that really put in a huge storm for many months. I was mostly down and then it kind of fluctuated from highs and lows and now'its been pretty calm the last few months although there was another trigger beginning of this month and was confused again. What I learned is that I have had huge soul growth during this time and have gained a lot of wisdom. You dont see this when you are in the storm. You basically have to go with the flow of the storm rather than against it. Face and accept your emotions as best you can the release them. I know its frustrating and you want to sometimes get off the roller coaster but things will calm'down once you accept things. Hope that helps.

You are trying to carry way too much!

If you are a Pack Mule you would end up falling off the trail from that much weight.

DISCARD all that you do not NEED.

For some reason its hard for me to put this into practice. Intelectually I know I shouldnt care or worry about every thing but I seem to have trouble dumping the excess baggage. Also, how do I know what I need? These are a big chunk of my storm. Some times its like a part of me is trying to hold on to what another part is trying to let go of....madness...

I have been seeing some progress lately though so thats keeping my hopes up.

The thing you said about doing things in a 'new way' would have went over my head a few weeks ago, but when I read it I know exactly what you mean Will be checking those books out asap. Ive only ever heard bit and pieces of Osho on youtube and so far I like what Ive heard.

@howl hej - Me too. I can deal with it when Im alone but when I have responsibilities it makes getting things done unbearable.

@vespa68 - Im not a healer nor am I receiving healings but I have been doing chakra meditation for a few months. I think this might have dredged up some past junk. And yes, thank you it has.

One of the worst things about these swings is the doubt that can creep in. Questioning the experience, whether or not your making something out of nothing, generally doubting yourself/your feelings etc. Its nice to get some validation! Ive tried to talk to my family, friends and acquaintances about these things but they usually either dont know what Im talking about, think Im a little 'off', or just dont seem to care. Thank you.

[vespa68]

Yes it is about bringing up old junk and you are increasing your vibration and the doubts and confusion come from the ego which you are slowly shedding.

I believe that as you start to be more conscious of your life choices and behavior you just start uncovering things about yourself. Try find a balance, keep in mind that spirituality can also be practiced through daily tasks just fine.

Make some time for yourself in the morning to both relax and energize without distractions. When you start to feel out of balance that's when you need to be present and grounded and pay attention to what you feel. Accept how you feel at the time no matter what it is because this gives you a foundation for self acceptance too. Consider the anxious feelings not bad but more like unhelpful to your well being.

[kkfern]

Originally Posted by CircadiamRythym

Are violent fluctuations from good days to bad part of the spiritual healing process?

Im still not sure where it is this journey is taking me or what the destination will be or if Ill ever even reach an 'end'...but ever since Ive dedicated myself to the growing and learning process, the thing that seems to get to me most are the highs and lows I feel. I can take almost anything but the feeling of 'knowing it' one day and waking up lost and confused the next. I dont mind hard work and I value patience. I dont mind taking 2 steps forward and one step back if Im making progress but sometimes I feel Im walking in circles.

Receiving conflicting information, having conflicting desires, thinking and feeling one way one day and the total opposite the next...

There are days that, although I may be far from my goals, I feel great, positive, and hopeful. I know what to do and more or less where Im going. Then there are those days like today that Im foggy, confused, drained and anxious. Its like all the stored negativity has been brought up to the surface. And this pattern repeats itself quite often. How much more karma or negativity is there left in me that I must I burn through before I can reach any kind of positive or even nuetral steady state of being? How do I know Im making the right choices?

It seems the more i dedicate myself to spirituality the more difficulty I have functioning in the day-to-day world of the ego, in day life and activities. The more I dedicate myself to functioning well in the world, the further I find myself away from my true self. Having one foot in each world doesnt seem to be having positive impact on general stability either.

If the pattern continues, Ill feel like **** for the next few days and then, if all goes well find balance. I might even gain some insight. I just needed to vent right now, any comments are appreciated. Had a rough last couple of days.

for me, spirituality solves things and dos not drain you or bring you down.

i am not a doctor. so i might be wrong. you sound like my daughter when she was ill. she was rapid cycling bi-polar. from day to day it would change seemingly without reason. it is an illness. there is help.

kk

Hi there, CircadiamRhythm. Honestly, I think the highs and lows are part of the spiritual journey package. I don't know why entirely ... but I do know this: we are human with human perceptions and limitations (and I mean that in a loving nonjudgemental way), and we are spirit, with cosmic perceptions and capabilities. It can be tough to navigate this awareness called "life" in two such different means.

A counselor once provided this metaphor as a way for me to understand and accept (or at least tolerate) the frustrating and discouraging "going-in-circles" feeling for me: picture yourself ascending a mountain. But you are not climbing straight up the steep incline - that would be extremely challenging and a little dangerous if you were to ever stumble into a downward slide. Instead, you are following a path that circles around the mountain. You find yourself circling back to the same sides of the mountain and it seems like you are just going in circles and not getting anywhere. But in actuality, you are ascending the mountain, except in a gentler easier and safer way. No sense in wearing ourselves out or overdoing it - might as well enjoy the journey.

I tell this to myself when I feel I am not getting very far - I'm still moving, I'm still ascending, just at a slower and easier pace. In fact, today I am circling around to a familiar side of the mountain - some more grief about the passing of my Dad two years ago. I thought I was "done" ... whoops! Found out differently today!

I hope you continue to find a way to connect in a way meaningful to you to the purpose and potential in your spiritual journey too!

Thanks for the great responses everyone.

@checkmate. I struggle staying centered and spiritual during routine tasks, ego always kicks in when I get bored...especially at work. Especially around people.

@Raven Poet

Thats a great way of looking at it. I used to be the guy who tries to dart up the mountain as fast as he can hah

Very sorry to hear about your father though, that must have been and continue to be tough for you. It's things like this that feed my doubt also...

Like, Ive never had to go through anything like that and compared to most people on earth, even probably most people here in America my life is great. I have a roof over my head, have food to eat etc. but I still cant seem to make things work or find peace. If Im having troulbe handling my life now, how will I handle it if...I get seriously sick, or some one close to me dies, etc. I know thats a terrible line of negative thinking but its an honest concern that comes up for me every now and then.


@kkfern

Interesting you bring bi polar disorder up. I have seriously questioned whether or not I may be affected by that in the past but never got a clear answer to my question. I visited psychs in the past but the experiences kind of soured me to the idea of visiting another shrink...especially since Im trying to avoid medications.

In my opinion, and Im no doctor either, I think this bi polar disorder or these bi polar symptoms stem from being cut of from my spirituality and in a sense, from my self when I was younger. Im starting think (i HOPE hah) the ups and downs might be part of the healing process. Because even though I lose my center sometimes, spirituality has given me a lot to be thankful for.

If you dont mind my asking, your daughter, how was her B.P.D brought on? And was she put on medication...if so, howd it go?