Lesbian couples :(

I'm straight and I absoloutely refrain from guys that are not 'Men' aka not Proud of their masculanity and that do not take on the role of a visionary father & ideal person they Strive to be & whom also nourish/value their feminine side. I am the least bit interested in 'Guys' or 'Boys'.

But I also could easily be 'Gay' or 'Bi' whichever it's still just a Label because I'm equally attracted to either because Men and Woman are both Human.... ..... that Does Not mean I find all Women equally attractive or all Men attractive..... just cause you have a body doesn't mean I'll want you.

It angers me though that I see so many girls that are with another and are so (naturally or not to them) into being so opposite of feminine. I mean come on ... I simply cannot find boy-like girls attractive. I can't like a girl that is just not feminine. That also does NOT MEAN I'd take on a more boyish way in a sense where there can't be two boyish girls. I'm a woman and love it. How could I potentially find a boyish girl attractive? I'm looking for another GIRL ....


It's nearly Impossible and I've NEVER witnessed a lesbian couple that were both comfortably just .. women :(. One is ALWAYS .... boyish .... to the point where I easily mistaken them for being boys. SURE I get wound up and infatuated from afar to the boyish girl and desire the girl that is feminine but does that mean in a lesbian relationship I'd have to become the 'BOY?' if I wanted to be with a G I R L ?



PLEASE DON'T HATE ME for speaking up on this. It troubles me. It does not trouble me that a woman feels she wants to express her self in such a way but it troubles me to think one girl has to be .... altered in a way to be with another girl.


I completely understand the belief in oneself that one could feel more inclined to have been a male in a past life or has more of a masculine energied soul or whichever ... I mean I feel like that a lot myself ..... I just don't understand why there is ALWAYS a boyish girl in the relationship ..... is it because of society? an underlining subliminal pressure to comform?

[loopylucid]

Just a few thoughts :)
I have alot of gay/lesbian friends, i think the boyish aspect could stem from many many many different sources, for eg.. society/religion/culture etc and its opinion of sexuality in gay/lesbians, i have a friend when asked this quite simply said if you think im a boy, i can hold my gf hand in public and not risk her getting ridiculed or bullied, outcast or discluded etc
There are others who have a strong male side and wish to be open about that, there are others who have spokent to me about there own sexuality struggle, ther internal one and looking boyish helps alleviate some of the guilt they associate with it, there are some who just plain like it and need no reason for it other than that.
In terms of the feminine couples, where both are, alot are alot more private than the above in the little experience i have of it, so its not that there not out there, there not as obvious though, this may also be because alot of people have the opinion that lesbian couples are as described boyish coupled with feminine, so if two feminine ladys walk down the street, there not going to be assumed as anything more than friends unless there is open displays of affection, and even then girly friends are affection often right! and openly displaying affections still does unfortunately come up against alot of discrimination out there. Also with feminine couples ive spoke to there is potential in terms of harrassment sexually for them in a slightly different level, the stereotyping that can go along with 2 feminine women in regards to porn etc one of my couple friends after deciding to be open about there relationship had a host of bullying but not in the sense of them being lesbians, but in the sense of people offering to pay to watch them etc.. it is all a very large scope of perception regarding this topic and in balance this is not to say its always the case!
Just thought id add those things as its often percieved this boyish/feminine couples as just how it is, when infact it really isnt all that is going on, and when it does, its not always for a reason we may have thought, I recieved alot of insight talking to my friends about these things, I think what i respected most was someone who said to me, its never been about gender for me, i dont get that.. its about the person, the point is i dont see gender i just see a heart and if that heart resonates beautifully with mine, i will want to love it.
Fantastic :)
Loopy

[Belle]

It's always interesting, the differences in choice of what people wear and why people express themselves the way they do.

I'm not feminine but I'm straight, and I don't know if I would adapt clothes to attract a partner. Perhaps I would? But society places enormous pressure on us to dress in various ways and we should be given the confidence to dress as we feel comfortable and appropriate - and perhaps celebrate diversity in style and deal with the challenge to see beyond the exterior?

[linen53]

When I was younger I had a distaste for a southern accent. I thought it spoiled an otherwise attractive person. Then I moved to Texas for 12 years.

My point is, when I was younger, I had more judgemental faultfinding tendencies with people. But now that I am older and my edges aren't as sharp things like that just don't matter as much anymore.

Not that I am not still judgemental, I am just less so as I have gotten older. I said a prayer a few months back that I really wanted to tone down my judgemental nature even more. Without losing my eyes, of course. Can you imagine how blind people are affected with superficial appearances? Probably not at all.

Belle, I used to be very fashionable in my dress and appearance. But as I have gotten older, I pretty much find something that is comfortable. I suppose, for me anyway, my ego was much more inflated when I was younger and looking attractive and desirable was important. But now I wear what my hand first touches and am glad of it. But I have to admit dressing fashionably was fun.

I'm sure this is going to sound really horrible of me ... but perhaps one girl takes on the boyish/none feminine look to make their girlfriend more eye catching or to highlight their partners feminity/beauty and to state they themselves love that person and don't care how you personally view them .... ?

I completely understand the belief in oneself that one could feel more inclined to have been a male in a past life or has more of a masculine energied soul or whichever ... I mean I feel like that a lot myself ..... I just don't understand why there is ALWAYS a boyish girl in the relationship ..... is it because of society? an underlining subliminal pressure to comform?[/quote]

I get where you're coming from ...
Its not a matter of comfortable clothing; its about identifying w/the clothing ...
Its seems like one more thing to contend with when seeking a relationship ...
Like the ocean continues to get deeper & wider ...
Not sure why its done nowadays, but I know back in the '70s working along side many lesbians in the Feminist movement most all dressed butch to make their sexuality stand out as a politcal statement ...
Light on your journey w/a deep sea fishing rod! ...

[RedEmbers]

I have been on the gay scene for a while and I have met quite a few 'femine' lesbian couples.
Like loopey said they may not be as visable and there is unfortunately alot of harassment especially with porn culture that feeds it.
It was only a few decades ago in western cultures that lesbians were having to present themselves as more masculine in order to be less exposed in lesbian relationships. Even now I have heard many people straight up ask who it the 'man in the relationship' people seem to still be uncomfortable with the idea of same sex couples that they try to fit in a more comfortable mould to appeal to their egos.
I haven't personally met many of the steotyped butch/fem couples (I hate these sterotypes).
I have met quite a few gay wemon who express themselves in a more androgynous way. And to be honest with you I don't express myself in an ultra fem way either.
What about straight couples where one partner expresses themself in a more defined opposite gender way? Gender sterotypes are slowly breaking down (in western cultures) as people are becoming freeer to express themselves and gender 'roles' are becoming more fluid.
It has taken hundreds of years to build up these restricted sterotypes and relationship moulds it will take a while for it to bring it back to a more realistic and fluid state.

I hope that I have expressed myself ok!
I have trouble on these forums expressing myself sometimes!

[MARDAV70]

Lol...I was exactly like you, but the opposite, Bella. Being a gay man, I hated the thought I was gay because I was masculine and all the other gay guys I'd come in contact with seemed like such 'sissies'. An even slightly effeminate man turned me completely off (even though I was accepting of anyone and non judgemental on a friendship basis). I thought I was a freak and doomed to living my life without a partner.
I met someone when I was only 21 who was just like me. In fact he was so masculine (naturally, not a put on) yet kind and loving I couldn't believe he was real...and rejected him. But that's another story.

I've learned you can't really judge someone by their outward appearance or actions. Even straight men I've known have had effeminate traits. some straight women masculine traits. It's best not to measure who's masculine and who's feminine, and remember there's someone for everyone and if you're looking too hard you may completely miss them.

[Miss Hepburn]

I know lots of lipstick lesbian couples..neither have an ounce of boy in them.
Just sayin.

[twinkle]

Bella,

Are you talking more about acting masculine than dressing feminine? I used to dress up more when I had more free money to buy nice clothes. Since money has been tight, I have not been keeping up with fashion. However, I do not dress like a male. But, I also no longer feel the need to try catch males by wearing sexy, low-cut outfits and heels, etc. As someone else mentioned, I wear what feels comfortable as long as it looks nice on me. Again, I do not dress like a male. I just do not dress up like I used to.