everthing. or nothing. that is the first question.

Originally Posted by running

thanks for your thughts! think i would like to share my experince with going into survival mode. as that was a big part of my journey. but im out of time and got to sleep. so will do so later.

You're very welcome.


Personally I'd prefer a Spirituality based on experience rather than being centred on the ideologies and theologies, it makes it much more interesting.

[running]

Originally Posted by Greenslade

You're very welcome.


Personally I'd prefer a Spirituality based on experience rather than being centred on the ideologies and theologies, it makes it much more interesting.

this is something i haven't really articulated into conversation about my journey. i will give it a shot. i wish to say this was an intuitive journey specific to me. i dont recommend what i did. or think its a good way to do it. it was for me cause it was my intuition and my decision for me.

one important thing to note in my view is that in opening ti the space of bliss and silence can have a lot to do with surrendering. it has to make a home in you. it cant do that if the doors are shut to it. the doors have to become open.

meditation. pranayama. trance. and many. infinitely many other things can help open those doors.

my journey was an absolute do or die agenda. why? because i was sick and felt horrible and really felt i will die or much sooner than later if i didn't heal myself. for whatever reasons i thought that healing myself was the only way. maybe it wasn't.

so i walked away from everything that i could to obtain my objective.

at some point things began cooking a bit. and i became as open as i think one can be in intuition, communicating with my guides, god or whatever. i do know for a fact that there was so much information about a lot of things to happen and going on that was brought to my attention in that experince.

i absolutely demanded for god to kill me(not physically) to open up to becoming with that energy i was having brief experinces with. i guesd you could say called on forces to blow me open to it. intuitively sensing and saying that will make it stick. stick meaning the bliss and silence will become something that can not leave for whatever it may be. completely stuck in me. to me this was an old school way. a way i knew would work for me.

perhaps it was in the asking or it was coincidence as it had already started. i was going into like trances daily. becoming like possessed into an experience of great hardship of some kind that i would experience and would pass. but in it was a deep bliss. feeling incredible while the mind would be scared to death. or something along those lines.

although much of it was like living in a time machine of experinces knocking me down one after another. but full of great bliss. deeply intoxicating but mentally exhausting.

sometimes it would be more like becoming posessed by beings that knew me and played on my fears.

the bottom line is the spirit intimately knows me and is intuitively doing what it needs to to open those doors. perhaps since i demanded and wished to make it quick. it did just that. i mentally felt like i was dieing daily.

so it killed me in that what was keeping me from being open to it died and i became in the experience of bliss and silence always.

i was doing other things. meditation and so on. but getting hit hard by one of these guys i will call em does more in 5 minutes than perhaps 5 months of meditation for me.

after it became always. sometime after i went into these trances less often. and at some point not at all.

it was an about two years of daily trances of this. living solely to become open to that energy i desired for so badly.

during that time my intuition told me something i was eating was killing me. and that my sister would figure it out for me. the energy did heal me. but it wasnt fixing the problem. it was repairing to repair again to repair again. like clockwork. when i was done with the job of becoming into the bliss my sister told me what it was that was killing me. her daughter had the same food allergy. they and the doctors thought she may have some disease. at 8 yrs old her eye brows were falling out and other problems with her. after running many tests and months i think of trying to figure it out. wound up to be a severe allergy reaction to gluten. she told me to stop eating it and see what happens. within a few days it was obvious. gluten allergy. if it wasn't for that allergy i woukd of never went on my journey. i should thank it daily. lol

edit. add. a guru told me what i was doing was releasing the emotional body. and that it dangerous. therefore because of what he said i don't recommend. it was just my way and i intuitively knew it would be ok and work.

i should also note before this became cooking i had the most powerful vision that sorta lead me into it all.

Originally Posted by running

this is something i haven't really articulated into conversation about my journey. i will give it a shot. i wish to say this was an intuitive journey specific to me. i dont recommend what i did. or think its a good way to do it. it was for me cause it was my intuition and my decision for me.

Running, thanks for that. Really.


I'm sitting here and getting tingles up and down my back - which is my reaction to the energies, and although my Journey hasn't been so intense I can go through what you've written and pick out so many similarities that have happened over the years.



I grew up in a one-horse quaint Scottish fishing town and even then I knew I didn't fit, it was always feeling like I'd been a stranger in a strange land. Having psychic abilities, deep compassion and a very wide perception meant that often I was feeling nailed to a cross, but at that age I accepted it anyway. Things came to a head one night when I attempted suicide, and the metaphorical reincarnation happened when I joined the Air Force. That became the healing for me in so many ways, because I was literally free of at least the physical influences but what was inside was going to take a lot more work. It takes time to put a lot of damage back together again. Intuitively I knew I needed it, although I wasn't too sure just what it was that I needed.



There was never the feeling of bliss though, but there was always the feeling that everything was OK - even thought I was going through some pretty hard times. It was a long way from being easy that's for sure. And always the feeling that I was a puppet of some kind for external forces - including feeling as though supernatural beings were hard at work reconstructing my innards.


My step-father abused me when I was a child, and for many years. I remember one night in particular when it felt as though a part of me split from my body and stood beside myself. While I was standing there watching things play out I felt another being on my shoulder in reassurance, I guess you could call that Higher Self. Apparently it's supposed to be a great Spiritual experience but at the time it didn't feel like it much - the 'ultimate in detachment'. Yes there was something killing me, not a physical allergy but all the emotional and mental **** I'd gone through since childhood. So I can understand the sentiment of your thanking the gluten allergy because I often have the feeling that I should thank my abuser.


The bottom line is that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger,, and if we really want to understand the wonders of the Universe all we have to do is look in the mirror.

[running]

Originally Posted by Greenslade

Running, thanks for that. Really.


I'm sitting here and getting tingles up and down my back - which is my reaction to the energies, and although my Journey hasn't been so intense I can go through what you've written and pick out so many similarities that have happened over the years.



I grew up in a one-horse quaint Scottish fishing town and even then I knew I didn't fit, it was always feeling like I'd been a stranger in a strange land. Having psychic abilities, deep compassion and a very wide perception meant that often I was feeling nailed to a cross, but at that age I accepted it anyway. Things came to a head one night when I attempted suicide, and the metaphorical reincarnation happened when I joined the Air Force. That became the healing for me in so many ways, because I was literally free of at least the physical influences but what was inside was going to take a lot more work. It takes time to put a lot of damage back together again. Intuitively I knew I needed it, although I wasn't too sure just what it was that I needed.



There was never the feeling of bliss though, but there was always the feeling that everything was OK - even thought I was going through some pretty hard times. It was a long way from being easy that's for sure. And always the feeling that I was a puppet of some kind for external forces - including feeling as though supernatural beings were hard at work reconstructing my innards.


My step-father abused me when I was a child, and for many years. I remember one night in particular when it felt as though a part of me split from my body and stood beside myself. While I was standing there watching things play out I felt another being on my shoulder in reassurance, I guess you could call that Higher Self. Apparently it's supposed to be a great Spiritual experience but at the time it didn't feel like it much - the 'ultimate in detachment'. Yes there was something killing me, not a physical allergy but all the emotional and mental **** I'd gone through since childhood. So I can understand the sentiment of your thanking the gluten allergy because I often have the feeling that I should thank my abuser.


The bottom line is that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger,, and if we really want to understand the wonders of the Universe all we have to do is look in the mirror.

that is truly an incredible experience you shared here. thank you! to me there is hope that good things can come out of things that were not pleasant.

Originally Posted by running

that is truly an incredible experience you shared here. thank you! to me there is hope that good things can come out of things that were not pleasant.

Thank you

I was reading in the paper today about an 11-year-old girl who had an inoperable brain tumour acting as a figurehead for a national charity, and there's been a number of similar things coming through. In Scotland this Christmas over 130,000 kids will be under the poverty line and many of them in very sub-standard temporary accommodation - whole families living in one room. When I read about things like that then come on this forum, sometimes I can't help but wonder what's going on in people's heads.

In that context I can't pat myself on the back but what I can do is empathise with them because of past experience and y'know, of there was ever a Spiritual gift that's one of the top ten. Yes there is Hope, Running, if we care to have it. What turned me around and still keeps me going is asking one simple question.

"What do I want to Live with in my heart?"

Somehow you find a way to Live with it, or better yet make it work for yourself and others.

[running]

Originally Posted by Greenslade

Thank you

I was reading in the paper today about an 11-year-old girl who had an inoperable brain tumour acting as a figurehead for a national charity, and there's been a number of similar things coming through. In Scotland this Christmas over 130,000 kids will be under the poverty line and many of them in very sub-standard temporary accommodation - whole families living in one room. When I read about things like that then come on this forum, sometimes I can't help but wonder what's going on in people's heads.

In that context I can't pat myself on the back but what I can do is empathise with them because of past experience and y'know, of there was ever a Spiritual gift that's one of the top ten. Yes there is Hope, Running, if we care to have it. What turned me around and still keeps me going is asking one simple question.

"What do I want to Live with in my heart?"

Somehow you find a way to Live with it, or better yet make it work for yourself and others.

i can only speak from my perceived experience. we have much more experinces than we may think we do. its a mystery of the creator of the whys. something catapults us and that may be from a positive or negative experince. accumulations of such. how and why is waay above my pay grade.but it happens. i do know there is sometbing that washes things away at some point. while in a body or not. therefore for me. and i can only speak for me. my faith is in that something at some point catapults us into the bliss that washes things away.

therefore my goal is to be a space of the medicine. but thats just me. since that is what i have faith in and my thing. nor do i have a choice anymore. reguardless of how hard i try to experince without that great joy. bliss is stronger than i am. that is my experince. its not that my mind or emotions dont work. they do. its just not that dominant force of experience anymore. nothing can obstuct the pheomena. somebody else may be something else. such as empathy. as you mentioned. through experience you can relate to more and more. that is a powerful gift imo.

its my opinion and why im a salesman for the bliss. that it is more possible than we think to come to. there is nothing special about me whatsover. other than the devotion i had for it.

[running]

continued. only have so much time due to my job. truck drivers work mad hours often times. then sit in the middle of nowhere waiting. lol.

i wished to make a solid point of where my faith is and why i have hope. not to be misconstrued i wish to follow up a bit. bliss doesn't make one not feel from the emotional body. for example i am an empath. meaning i feel a lot of whats around me. like perhaps all people are whom have opened up to the space of bliss. so everything still always matters. for me i just developed a faith and more importantly a witness to what i see work. and feel it can work for all.

there are many ways to facilitate ooening up to it. i hope that more people do.

Originally Posted by running

i can only speak from my perceived experience. we have much more experinces than we may think we do. its a mystery of the creator of the whys. something catapults us and that may be from a positive or negative experince. accumulations of such. how and why is waay above my pay grade.but it happens. i do know there is sometbing that washes things away at some point. while in a body or not. therefore for me. and i can only speak for me. my faith is in that something at some point catapults us into the bliss that washes things away.

your reality is defined by your definitions, essentially. What is a positive experience and what is a negative one? That answer is held in our survival genes, not Spirituality. You yourself define something as 'positive' or 'negative' and when you do, that's what it becomes in your reality. Since we are here to learn the lessons, is there a reason you can't define that 'negative experience' as a 'lesson'? And if things happen because of you and not to you?

Originally Posted by running

therefore my goal is to be a space of the medicine. but thats just me. since that is what i have faith in and my thing. nor do i have a choice anymore. reguardless of how hard i try to experince without that great joy. bliss is stronger than i am. that is my experince. its not that my mind or emotions dont work. they do. its just not that dominant force of experience anymore. nothing can obstuct the pheomena. somebody else may be something else. such as empathy. as you mentioned. through experience you can relate to more and more. that is a powerful gift imo.

What are we trying to heal? And if you are that phenomena?

Originally Posted by running

its my opinion and why im a salesman for the bliss. that it is more possible than we think to come to. there is nothing special about me whatsover. other than the devotion i had for it.

It's your devotion that makes you special, Running.

[running]

Originally Posted by Greenslade

your reality is defined by your definitions, essentially. What is a positive experience and what is a negative one? That answer is held in our survival genes, not Spirituality. You yourself define something as 'positive' or 'negative' and when you do, that's what it becomes in your reality. Since we are here to learn the lessons, is there a reason you can't define that 'negative experience' as a 'lesson'? And if things happen because of you and not to you?

What are we trying to heal? And if you are that phenomena?

It's your devotion that makes you special, Running.

when i first got Into it and recognised the power of the energy i thought maybe i would try to be some kinda healer. i found it can heal emotionaly and physically within limitations. so maybe.

if i was to do such at whatever level that may be. where would one start? and where would one finish? do i wish to be in on that?

in healing myself and diving further into it. in getting further down the rabit hole of the experience i found that it ultimately becomes an effortless experince. i found that there is no I in it. bliss naturally, effortlessly does what is in its nature. which is joy. nurturing healing from all aspects that i am aware of.

it doesnt in my view or experience need me to do anything. so why not just keep going down that rabit hole and let it do what it does. perhaps in being a space for bliss it can rub off on whatever and whomever. i dont have to have any part of it. other than to be a space for it.

perhaps because truck driving for me is the ultimate practice of deepining the experince. it may be what im suppose to be healing. that being whatever it rubs off on while im alive and through my travels across the states. in any case i dont see a reason to be a part of what happens with my willing. so again my thing is to simply deepen the experience.

with that said sometimes now and then i will intentionally give a healing to my girfriend when she needs and asks for one.

Originally Posted by running

when i first got Into it and recognised the power of the energy i thought maybe i would try to be some kinda healer. i found it can heal emotionaly and physically within limitations. so maybe.

if i was to do such at whatever level that may be. where would one start? and where would one finish? do i wish to be in on that?

in healing myself and diving further into it. in getting further down the rabit hole of the experience i found that it ultimately becomes an effortless experince. i found that there is no I in it. bliss naturally, effortlessly does what is in its nature. which is joy. nurturing healing from all aspects that i am aware of.

it doesnt in my view or experience need me to do anything. so why not just keep going down that rabit hole and let it do what it does. perhaps in being a space for bliss it can rub off on whatever and whomever. i dont have to have any part of it. other than to be a space for it.

perhaps because truck driving for me is the ultimate practice of deepining the experince. it may be what im suppose to be healing. that being whatever it rubs off on while im alive and through my travels across the states. in any case i dont see a reason to be a part of what happens with my willing. so again my thing is to simply deepen the experience.

with that said sometimes now and then i will intentionally give a healing to my girfriend when she needs and asks for one.

You are 'infectious', running - we all are after a fashion and the only question we really have to answer is what are we 'infecting' people with? Much of this is actually based on science, would you believe, but energy and consciousness have a relationship just the same. There are some on the planet who are conduits for various energies and it sounds very much like you are one. There are three Waves of Ascension happening in the planet right now and I'd guess that you are in the First Wave - the people who want to do what they do for all the right reasons shall we say. When you're in tune and in harmony it does come effortlessly because you're not fighting against it all.


There are so many people that need healing and although you may not realise it, you being in close proximity can sometimes be enough. And sometimes healing means changing our perceptions, that what we've went through previously has led us to where we are now. You see, if you've never been 'damaged' you've never needed to be healed. And when we heal ourselves it 'rubs off' on others.