Manipulation

[Flora]

Hi,


I wonder, why do some people feel like manipulating others? Or: what is manipulation?

I lot of things we do every day can be manipulation to others, I think.
But I don't know how to deal with it. I hate it to feel manipulated.

Cheers, Flora

[Kaere]

I also dislike the feeling of being manipulated - playing games, ugh.

I've never understood the need for people to do this either as I'm quite transparent and wysiwyg when dealing with others. I just see no point to wanting to see if you can make someone else do what you want them by some trickery or mind-games. It seems very false.

[Emmalevine]

Manipulation is a form of control. People who are compelled to use controlling behaviour are very insecure at heart and want power over others to feel strong.

Manipulation isn't always in overt form (that is, obvious). Many people use subtle forms of manipulative behaviour that can make the other person feel they are to blame whereas it's the manipulator's skill at making them believe so.

My ex hubby was very manipulative and it nearly drove me to believe I was going mentally insane. In some ways the more subtle forms are harder to cope with than the obvious.

[Emmalevine]

Oh and in dealing with it: believe in yourself foremost. Trust in your instinct and reactions.

Rise above it. Manipulative people are generally very immature and will use childish tactics to try and control you. Be mature and adult with them - don't be drawn into tit for tat behaviour. Be formal, calm and stand no nonsense. Don't be bullied. They are insecure and will usually back down if you stand up for yourself. If they esculate their behaviour, avoid them as much as possible.

[Flora]

Hi Starbuck,

Originally Posted by Starbuck

Manipulation is a form of control. People who are compelled to use controlling behaviour are very insecure at heart and want power over others to feel strong.

Manipulation isn't always in overt form (that is, obvious). Many people use subtle forms of manipulative behaviour that can make the other person feel they are to blame whereas it's the manipulator's skill at making them believe so.

Yes thats it exactly. I hate it being subtle.
I sometimes think that I can pretty fast see though it, see the manipulation. The bad thing is, when I cant avoid those people I try hard not to behave in the way they want me to. Thats pretty childish but I dont know how to react...So I just kind of do the opposite thing.

Trouble is also, I dont want to dislike someone, I want to understand the other's motives. But sometimes I'm at a loss.

[Spiritmessenger]

We are all being manipulated at one level or another by politician Governments ect.... but it just feels worse when it's by those close to you or those you work with, personally the mind games that go with it is what i dislike intensely and I'm living with it right now and I can't do anything about it...I won't say any more than that.
Gods blessing to all

i used to be very manipulative in my teens and early twenties to hide my massive insecurities and manic depression. i was a chameleon and was able to change my mood/personality/tone to whatever i needed to do to whatever i felt would get me what i wanted. it was awful. i was incredibly disconnected from myself and my soul and i was very empty and hollow. all the attention in the world didn't fix that and eventually i fortunately found my path and did a lot of work on ME.

the difference between that disconnected, manipulative person with no sense of self, v. the person i am today is so vast, i often feel like it was a past life (it was not).

it took much work to overcome who i was, and i feel bad for anyone who engages in manipulative behavior, not because it doesn't really effect me but more so because i know firsthand what they really feel like on the inside and i pray they are able to heal themselves from the inside out.

Originally Posted by Starbuck

Manipulation is a form of control. People who are compelled to use controlling behaviour are very insecure at heart and want power over others to feel strong.

Manipulation isn't always in overt form (that is, obvious). Many people use subtle forms of manipulative behaviour that can make the other person feel they are to blame whereas it's the manipulator's skill at making them believe so.

My ex hubby was very manipulative and it nearly drove me to believe I was going mentally insane. In some ways the more subtle forms are harder to cope with than the obvious.

I never understood people's need to be manipulative towards others but I think you probably said it better than I could.

I used to have feelings for someone who was incredibly manipulative and it astounds me the power he used to have over me.

Even a request is a form of manipulation. The question is what is the desired outcome of the manipulation and was the technique of questionable manner right?

[Xan]

KK... I consider that a rather purist view... that every request is a manipulation. If you believe that you might also believe that everything we do in interaction with others is manipulative.

As I see it, one's motive and and intention has everything to do with the difference between manipulation and the naturalness of interaction.

I would call 'manipulation' solely self-focused intention for control and dominance... trying to 'get' something rather than entering into the flow of giving and receiving that benefits everyone.


Xan