A flower that never bloomed

[Eyenight]

It was July 2016 and i was having lunch in a restaurant when despite the presence of my parents and an aunt, an attractive stranger followed me in the outdoor saloon as soon as i left the table (to take a break). He immediately started a conversation and it didn't surprise me because previously, this man and his 2 friends behaved in a bizzarre way... talking loudly about their travels around the world- trying to capture my attention - trying to impress me.

The evolution of his approach? Rather unusual... They befriended my parents and after lunch we went all together outside, laughing and talking for more than 2 hours... We are both travellers and he lives where we go to vacation each summer. So he tried to find an accommodation for us (for August).

20 days later i added him on Facebook and since that day, he always started our daily conversations on whatsapp, at the telephone and so on...
I predicted a summer romance with this man, he was enthusiastic and i thought i had finally found a kindred spirit who could have been my man, i thought that we could have been happy together. But suddenly, BAD NEWS. He tells me that his ex asked him out and he accepted because she was sad and he couldn't say no. He said he was confused, they broke up 2 months ago after a cohabitation of 2 years. He also told me "you are beautiful, a nice person, i like you and we will meet because it is what i want, but we must live this summer with caution to avoid getting hurt"
24 hours later, he drastically changes behaviour and builds a wall between us. He didn't reply to a message and stopped communicating with me.

A couple weeks later, i met him at the sea. He acted as if nothing ever happened. He said he was happy that we met again, that things with his ex were still in stand-by despite they had a second encounter and - numerous times during our 30 minutes conversation - he asked me out. He invited me to join him and his group of friends for the 2 weeks of my vacations.
Hours later, i sent him a text to ask at which hour he would go out that evening, and he didn't reply. He purposefully opened my text the morning after.
And that was the beginning of the end because since that day, he ignored me, avoided me and the only thing that was left was his "hello".

I befriended many of his friends and when i managed to go out with them, he wasn't there.

I have to add that throughout those 2 weeks, i never saw him with a woman. Not even for one second. I have no idea what happens at night but every day at the beach he was part of a big group of males and there was no interaction with females. According to his Facebook, he is still SINGLE. He goes out with a red women's handbag which belongs to his sister. Some people, including my mom who is a witness, told me to consider that maybe he is questioning his sexual orientation. The other option is that he loves his ex.

I'm immensely attracted to him, this man has been in my mind 24/7 for 2 months and despite everything, i still desire to be with him(!), but to show self-respect after a disastrous summer, i removed him from my Facebook and we are no longer connected.

He's 10 years older than me and it rarely happens that a man triggers such interest in me. It is difficult to accept because the beginning was promising... I don't know what to think. What is the reason behind his behaviour?

Saddening. It afflicts us all in different ways. Theres probably no reason other than it just didn't work for him.

People are fickle. I wonder if, times like this, they say what they think someone wants to hear rather than speak from a sincere heart. The message may be uncomfortable but better the truth is out, surely? Then everyone knows where they stand. But you know your situation far more than I could so I can't say too much.

Unhappy as it seems it's probably best to devote your efforts to moving on now. I know it isn't as easy as "forget this guy" because he's obviously struck you deeply. So it's going to take time to heal. Best if you can find any and every means to distract yourself. There are lots of things to do (even write out your story with this as a novella) but finding the motivation will just need determination.

There have been times in my life when relationships brought terrific pleasure for the moment, the week, month, with some sort of knowing that it's unlikely to last. There were sometimes tears but I was always ready to preserve the happy memories providing the parting wasn't acrimonious (which is rare - things usually just drifted apart) when those memories would be pretty sour. Then fatefully move on. I remember meeting the love of my life...for just one evening. Out of the blue. Someone I felt comfortable with / attracted to - instantly. Love at first sight. But it was not to be. Fate had it that we weren't to meet again. Thankfully I'm romantically inclined so I loved the meeting, still hold the memory dear, but ruefully let the moment slip. Maybe it was coloured by not wanting to be the assertive female. Could also be because I felt outclassed and sensed I'd fall off a precipice. What I do remember was that it took time before I could relate to/with another guy.

But there is always tomorrow. New things happen, new people appear.

Here's hoping you get over it.

[Eyenight]

Hello Lorelyen, thanks for your reply.
The lack of a sincere, direct and exhaustive explaination is exactly what keeps me stuck.
An adult faces people and situations with guts, clarity, face to face... An adult takes responsibility for his behaviour and his words.
If he was not interested in me, there was no need to call, to write, there was no need to ask me out...
I added him on Facebook, but that's it. All the rest was orchestrated by him.
My interest was probably evident, but he pumped me in an unfair way.

It seems to me that he feels safe behind a telephone, protected by distance... it's in real life that the trouble begins...

It's true that he has an ex, i have seen photographic proof of their relationship (2014 and 2015), because i visited the Facebook of his friend and found group photos, but i'm pretty sure that she is "old story" and that she is not the reason of his confusion nor of his behaviour with me.

And his friends tried to take his place and distract me from him, as if they knew he wanted to escape from me...It's so irritating and frustrating...

[Ginger Maynor]

I think you've got this figured out already. Even when the truth stares us in the face, if it is not what we want, it's easy to come up with other explanations for the undesired behaviors.
"When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them". You may have heard that quote before? If someone is a little "flaky" in the beginning and does not know if they want to be with you it may mean that staying around them hoping things will change will only bring you heartache.
There are many great people out there and you will find one that is perhaps in a better place in his life to have a healthy relationship.

[Eyenight]

Yes Ginger, i know that he is not "the one". It's clear by now that nothing will change. And i stopped trying 2months ago.
I'm simply curious about the reasons of his strange behaviour. It's not as simple as it seems.