Loved One's Gravesite

Hi, everyone. As loss is an experience new to me (pretty fortunately), I am not sure what I am "supposed" to do with/for/at the gravesite of my father, who crossed over on October 31st.

I know he is not "there", in the cemetery, but I wonder if he`s needing me to do something with his gravesite. Does anyone any any thoughts/guidance they`d like to share regarding what surviving family members left here on earth can do for a loved one's gravesite that will give the loved one comfort? peace?

I regularly drive by the cemetery where my father is buried (in a small town), and I feel a pull sometimes, but I'm not sure what I should do. I've been told that the prolonged grief/sorrow of a survivor can keep a deceased - or crossed-over as I prefer to say it - loved one anchored to the earth. I do not want to hold my Dad back - I want him to reunite with his family, who he was separated from at a young age. I want him to be happy and peaceful.

But am I somehow neglecting his memory, or dishonouring him, if I am not "doing" anything at his gravesite?

Thank you! Raven Poet

[Native spirit]

Hey Raven Poet

You are right in saying that your dad is no longer in the grave his soul lives on in the spirit world my kids go to my husbands grave to put flowers on there,and they like sitting there soaking in the peace. they speak to him and make sure the grave is tidy. your dad wouldnt expect you to do anything at his grave hes not there.he will be with his family now you havent held him back his concern would be for you.feeling like you do.grief can take a while to go everyone is different and guilt is part of it.dont worry about your dad he is fine.

Namaste

Tansi, Native Spirit. Aw, you sound like a Kookum with your kind words - thank you so much - Miigwetch! I like the sound of that - soaking up the peace. Will be a good way to cherish my Dad's memory and the love I still have for him in my heart. Yes, it's only been two months since he transitioned to the Spirit world, so I am being patient with myself and my grieving process. But it is my spiritual beliefs and kind replies on this forum like you post that indeed make the grieving flow more smoothly and help me transition into the next stage of my life.

Take care,

[Lynn]

Hello

Yes, he has moved on but he does feel that ye are present in thought when ye pass the graveyard. Does he want for something.....odd I feel a story shared. I feel a fire going and a story being told and re told. Like it was a traditional thing ?

The gravestone is a marker to show other's whom is there, to give family a place to remember but the Spirit is not in there.

On going to England I came to visit many a very old graveyard and stop by many an old gravestone to have the Spirit come to me but not becasue of their gravestone but becasue I could see them and I could hear them. That was the wonder of me to them. Many told me there was no one left to come to visit they were the last. In one case it was to bring him home to Canada, but not from the grave. To bring his story home to Canada.

It is not easy to say goodbye and that healing takes time. Maybe as one passes the graveyard say a simple blessing. I do this will all graveyards I pass.

Lynn

Hi, Lynn. I got very excited reading this post from you. You are a medium, or maybe you prefer a different word to describe the messenger support you provide for people?

I don't want to bother you, but can we talk more about what you are picking up? My Dad was Native; he was always ashamed of his roots because of racism in the world, until later in life when I embraced my roots so proudly. So i have to wonder ... is he reconnecting to his Native ancestors, is he healing and honouring how he manifested in this life he just lived?

And thank you for your kind guidance on what I can "do" by the gravesite/cemetery. I have a feeling I want to put some beautiful light or object there ... despite my mother's stern insistence that I do not do so. But it's still pressing on me. Hmmm ... will see what comes up for signal/message next. Thank you!

[Lynn]

Hello


I use Medium as its the term most understood. I have no issues with being open to other's " I see dead people" as I accept fully now whom I am.

Its hard not to respect your Mother's feelings. What one can do is to take a candle to the grave and to takes a picture or letter and while there burn it to Spirit. Its something I do with one's when they are not sure a LOVEd one has moved over to t he other side and at times we get a message back either right way or in our dreams or something we see or hear.

I am not one for leaving things at a gravesite as sadly people take things, even flowers sadly for a date are taken by men from a gravesite. More I am for something that I know they will get.

I will PM ye with what I feel....and I dont mind at all. I had the strong feeling of a story needing to be told....so it makes sense more now.

Lynn

But am I somehow neglecting his memory, or dishonouring him, if I am not "doing" anything at his gravesite?



--- I agree with everyone so far that once someone has passed, they are not "there" in the graveyard. So to me it has always seemed pointless to visit the site...Both of my parents are passed on, and I will say I have never been to their gravesite(s) since. You honour someone's memory by remembering them every day, and carrying on with what they taught you - your life is their legacy - not their gravesite. ---

Dear Sesheta: Nice! Thanks, that is a good way to put it.

[Tobi]

I think the graves are more for us, the ones on Earth, than they are for the Souls in the next world. A beloved one of mine had no interest whatsoever in her grave. She was alive, well, healthy, energetic, full of love.....she had no need of a grave. That was just where her physical body was laid, the physical body she no longer needed, but wore for a time.

Your father will be OK, he is continuing his Spiritual journey. He will be proud of you. And be full of love for you now, if there was any love between you when he lived, now it will be doubled. He may visit you in dreams, or you may sense his presence from time to time.
So long as his grave site is tidy and looks nice, that will be all that's required. Unless there is some tradition in your Native culture that you feel would be appropriate? But your mother's feelings should be also taken into account.

Originally Posted by Raven Poet

Hi, everyone. As loss is an experience new to me (pretty fortunately), I am not sure what I am "supposed" to do with/for/at the gravesite of my father, who crossed over on October 31st.

I know he is not "there", in the cemetery, but I wonder if he`s needing me to do something with his gravesite. Does anyone any any thoughts/guidance they`d like to share regarding what surviving family members left here on earth can do for a loved one's gravesite that will give the loved one comfort? peace?

I regularly drive by the cemetery where my father is buried (in a small town), and I feel a pull sometimes, but I'm not sure what I should do. I've been told that the prolonged grief/sorrow of a survivor can keep a deceased - or crossed-over as I prefer to say it - loved one anchored to the earth. I do not want to hold my Dad back - I want him to reunite with his family, who he was separated from at a young age. I want him to be happy and peaceful.

But am I somehow neglecting his memory, or dishonouring him, if I am not "doing" anything at his gravesite?

Thank you! Raven Poet

The way I see it is if you feel a "pull" maybe that will help you bring some closure and it will help his soul too when visiting his grave.
Perhaps bring a friend or family to go with you, if you are unable to go by yourself.

You can also do things that you and your dad used to do. If you've been getting ideas or inspirations, maybe your dad is sending them to you to help bring closure. Like I lost my grandma recently and I have been getting ideas of visiting the park where I used to take her. We used to feed the ducks and go for walks in nature. So that is what I'll do.
I also got the idea to plant something next to her grave, maybe a tree that will continue growing and help the environment at the same time.