Why could I not feel his love then?

Hi, I have a believed to be soulmate who has cross over. And I have now had the experience that I not only feel the essence of him. It is, if I should dare to write the words, as if I feel his love for me. And thoughts, words does not hit it off/away. I have not felt it like this before from him.

I have written (complained?) about this relationship before on this forum. I thought we had a real good relationship. We were engaged. About to marry. We were young, me some younger than he was. Just a naive girl in her first serious relationship, I guess.

Then got into a weird conversation, argument one time about how, when to get married. Turns out he wanted nobody there, family members. He told me if I really loved him I would have it this way. I was trying to tell him our close ones would get hurt. I did not raise my voice once. I had to break eye contact because I have always been over sensitive when I feel someone's mad at me. And he was holding it back. But I could still see it, very much, in his eyes. In his words. He told me we would not get married. Like: Period. Please believe me I was no bride Godzilla, financially I was no burden, working. i did not ask for any big wedding or expensive honeymoon.

It was as if he had the attitude he would call all the shots. That he was superior. But our relationship before that had always been on equal terms. Or so at least I had experience it.

I thought he had gotten cold feet. That he perhaps only to be kind before had thought he would win some points by becoming engaged to me. That he in reality had doubts. I felt real foolish. I had thought he had been so wonderful. And that I was less. So I could not really see myself in what ever it would be, what ever he would call the continuous relationship. I really wanted to get as far from him as possible. I wanted to feel good enough about myself again.

After the break up it was as if he was in some sort of denial and would tell friends we still had contact, but we didn't. To one he complain Said he was crazy with anger and they would tell him he had to stop being so angry. He never did anything to me. I was starting to see someone else. And I didn't look back. Someone who did not give to later take it back. Someone who did not play games. Later found out he had told this someone else that I still belonged to him. I hadn't been cheating.

Through the ordeal I still felt the connection but I did not once feel the love he had for me. A flair of feeling could suddenly come over me as if it was him and then fade away. Then another time come again, and fade away. This would come now and then. As if a breeze just came by. But it was only him. I did not feel any of his feelings for me. Later he would say after break up he would always feel "empty" that it did not matter what he tried to fill it with, things, other people. He would act to others as if I was some kind of "sweet child of his". He had kept everything. This was in contrast to his somewhat private wild life style and new loves. He had good looks and charms and starting to make good money and I bet it was not difficult to find someone new.

When he died I got a real bad feeling out of the blue followed by sudden death anxiety, then it fade away too. And then I found out he had died.

My question is why could I not feel his so call love for me when he was alive? Is it only a thing that one can do if one is dead? Or could I have blocked him? Or was his anger in the way?

Anyone else been through this?

Please, if anyone could explain it to me?

Thank you so much for reading. I apologize for the long background story.

Hi asearcher... And this is a very sad story. It would appear , on the surface as though you were the only one that felt love in this connection . And maybe at that moment in time you were the only one that could display your true feelings. Maybe he was never able to show his feelings because of his past? Am only guessing. Maybe he did not experience love as a child? You would maybe know if this is true . But realistically, you would never have been happy living under these conditions. I do know because I married a man that was a control freak. I was never happy. He was loved as a child but didn't get to spend time with his parents because of their busy lifestyle. As a result he could never really show love and his frustration of that led to his controlling behaviour . It got to the point that he would actually "stalk" me.... His own wife whilst I was at work . He also has passed away now. Together we have our sons. But that was the only thing I was grateful for. He naturally loved his boys, but at the same time had no empathy towards them either to the point that I had to go out of my way to give them "extra" love , for his seemingly reluctant theme of being able to show it.

P.s also meant to say that if he has now passed he will have been shown things and maybe now he is sending that love through, as if to acknowledge his actions in life and tell you that he is aware of that now.

Originally Posted by Elfin

P.s also meant to say that if he has now passed he will have been shown things and maybe now he is sending that love through, as if to acknowledge his actions in life and tell you that he is aware of that now.

Hi Elfin! Thank you for your answer. yes perhaps the storm within him had died out too and the sun (love) was able to shine through?

It must have been hard for you to live in that type of relationship and with two children too. Control freaks are tough ones. Give an attitude like they are all secure. Like they have the right to make decisions for you. Put you down. I could go on and on...

I'm so glad you were able to move on from that :)

You did help me sheer a new light on the subject, to thank you. When I think of it he was really loved but it was as if he could only see/accept one type of love. How should I explain it? Like I know that people are different and their way of giving love is different and one has to figure out which way they give, to receive it. But he only like made one person's love for him count and then that person died when he was a kid, he would say this parent was like him and others too would say the same, and even if others, family, had been there for him and help raise his sorry ace he still had no thought of having any of them at our wedding. he would say everyone had moved on but he still thought of that person. The way he talk about this parent was as if it was still alive. So when I was invited over to sit with his family I thought one of those parents was really that person (who had died), and it just got to a weird point where I felt confused. There had been a remarriage. He had to jump in and explain or else I would have look like a fool. I swear, how he talked about that parent was as if still alive, just out to buy milk or something. He had no real desire to have my family there either, at the wedding.

Because he was so spoiled with love, a love he understood, from that one parent that had died, that was like him - perhaps it is very much like you say. That he was not able to give love no more.

But I know for a fact he was loved so it is sad he could not see it.

He was more emotional than most but acting as if he wasn't that at all. He could manipulate with his feelings. He was smart that way. It was almost frightening to watch. He could get ice cold too and cruel too,was not just a sweet guy, not even by using words or fists, but a simple look - not to me but to someone else, I saw it happen and got frighten myself. Like how could he do that? I could tell he made the other person feel like nothing, suddenly, insecure. Like there was darkness inside him. I had not seen before.

After the break up everyone was frustrated, mad at me it felt - he was, and if he was not my mom was. And i was just like as if someone had thrown me in dark water and I couldn't move.

They way it has been portrait now after his death has made me realize I did matter to him more than I thought. But still - when he had me I didn't.

Thank you once again, Elfin, for your kind guidance, helping me opening my eyes about the connection of his past and ability to love :)

[Brian100]

If you were in love you would have ran off with him and did the secret wedding like in Braveheart movie with Mel Gibson.. Its a fantastic thing to do alone in secret. But you will never be happy because nobody you love saw it.

I know b/c I did it with my True love... she came back after we split up and we ran off and did it... to this day I think God made her do it for my afterlife with her. You are feeling bad about him b/c now what could have been .. will never ever be. Everyone wants to be in love... never marry if you are not in love.

I could describe True love to you... "its your man always wanting to sit next to you feeling".. and he just can't get enuf! So look back at your boyfriends and see if you have seen it. The problem with woman is they can never tell if they love them..(they blind to love) that's how you know!

[Lynn]

Hello

At times in our life paths we do meet up with that other half of our being that Twin Flame but its a test run in this lifetime. Its not meant to take hold in this life its preparations for more to come. Hard as it is both parties have to be on the same page and ready for this ride and it is a ride you take on rejoining. I know I did that ride and won out in the end with mine being with me. Would I wish that ride on anyone NO. It tears at your very being and if your not fully and completely whole as yourself as an individual ready to take on individual life (is that plays out) it will consume you and tear you down.

We put a lot on a "wedding" being what bring you together as a couple in life but its all for show many times. To please family or others around you and not to please the couple. Its not easy to stand in front of many with all eyes on you and commit to love that is already there.

Some will go to say I had 2 in my life that were connected on that energy level as I spent 33 years with the first one. That was a "lesson in growth" connection to make me ready for what love truly is and feels like. While in that 33 years I grew as a person and I experience life to a full extent the one I was with all that time changed not at all. I too had a path to complete of having 3 wonderful kids, that are now happy with the new man in their lives.

I passed the test I guess, I have my Twin with me. Yet while the Universe planned this out immigration rules could well have destroyed it all. We were in the hand truly of the Universe. As is the case with your experience.

Death is just a transformation not an ending point. As you were young at the time you might not have been ready for that ride in life, and from this place you can grow as an individual. You need to see YOU for the person you are.

Love is an easy thing to put on the stage and act out. Its easy to say the words I love you but harder to walk in those words.

This could well have been a blessing in disguise and you were spared the pain of false love and a life under the thumb of another.

Lynn

Originally Posted by Lynn

Hello

At times in our life paths we do meet up with that other half of our being that Twin Flame but its a test run in this lifetime. Its not meant to take hold in this life its preparations for more to come. Hard as it is both parties have to be on the same page and ready for this ride and it is a ride you take on rejoining. I know I did that ride and won out in the end with mine being with me. Would I wish that ride on anyone NO. It tears at your very being and if your not fully and completely whole as yourself as an individual ready to take on individual life (is that plays out) it will consume you and tear you down.

We put a lot on a "wedding" being what bring you together as a couple in life but its all for show many times. To please family or others around you and not to please the couple. Its not easy to stand in front of many with all eyes on you and commit to love that is already there.

Some will go to say I had 2 in my life that were connected on that energy level as I spent 33 years with the first one. That was a "lesson in growth" connection to make me ready for what love truly is and feels like. While in that 33 years I grew as a person and I experience life to a full extent the one I was with all that time changed not at all. I too had a path to complete of having 3 wonderful kids, that are now happy with the new man in their lives.

I passed the test I guess, I have my Twin with me. Yet while the Universe planned this out immigration rules could well have destroyed it all. We were in the hand truly of the Universe. As is the case with your experience.

Death is just a transformation not an ending point. As you were young at the time you might not have been ready for that ride in life, and from this place you can grow as an individual. You need to see YOU for the person you are.

Love is an easy thing to put on the stage and act out. Its easy to say the words I love you but harder to walk in those words.

This could well have been a blessing in disguise and you were spared the pain of false love and a life under the thumb of another.

Lynn

thank you Lynn so much for sharing your story and wisdom. I agree :)

[lancing]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Hi, I have a believed to be soulmate who has cross over. And I have now had the experience that I not only feel the essence of him. It is, if I should dare to write the words, as if I feel his love for me. And thoughts, words does not hit it off/away. I have not felt it like this before from him.

I have written (complained?) about this relationship before on this forum. I thought we had a real good relationship. We were engaged. About to marry. We were young, me some younger than he was. Just a naive girl in her first serious relationship, I guess.

Then got into a weird conversation, argument one time about how, when to get married. Turns out he wanted nobody there, family members. He told me if I really loved him I would have it this way. I was trying to tell him our close ones would get hurt. I did not raise my voice once. I had to break eye contact because I have always been over sensitive when I feel someone's mad at me. And he was holding it back. But I could still see it, very much, in his eyes. In his words. He told me we would not get married. Like: Period. Please believe me I was no bride Godzilla, financially I was no burden, working. i did not ask for any big wedding or expensive honeymoon.

It was as if he had the attitude he would call all the shots. That he was superior. But our relationship before that had always been on equal terms. Or so at least I had experience it.

I thought he had gotten cold feet. That he perhaps only to be kind before had thought he would win some points by becoming engaged to me. That he in reality had doubts. I felt real foolish. I had thought he had been so wonderful. And that I was less. So I could not really see myself in what ever it would be, what ever he would call the continuous relationship. I really wanted to get as far from him as possible. I wanted to feel good enough about myself again.

After the break up it was as if he was in some sort of denial and would tell friends we still had contact, but we didn't. To one he complain Said he was crazy with anger and they would tell him he had to stop being so angry. He never did anything to me. I was starting to see someone else. And I didn't look back. Someone who did not give to later take it back. Someone who did not play games. Later found out he had told this someone else that I still belonged to him. I hadn't been cheating.

Through the ordeal I still felt the connection but I did not once feel the love he had for me. A flair of feeling could suddenly come over me as if it was him and then fade away. Then another time come again, and fade away. This would come now and then. As if a breeze just came by. But it was only him. I did not feel any of his feelings for me. Later he would say after break up he would always feel "empty" that it did not matter what he tried to fill it with, things, other people. He would act to others as if I was some kind of "sweet child of his". He had kept everything. This was in contrast to his somewhat private wild life style and new loves. He had good looks and charms and starting to make good money and I bet it was not difficult to find someone new.

When he died I got a real bad feeling out of the blue followed by sudden death anxiety, then it fade away too. And then I found out he had died.

My question is why could I not feel his so call love for me when he was alive? Is it only a thing that one can do if one is dead? Or could I have blocked him? Or was his anger in the way?

Anyone else been through this?

Please, if anyone could explain it to me?

Thank you so much for reading. I apologize for the long background story.

I'm sorry for your loss! As you described, he wasn't perfect, but it's clear that you loved him. I'm very sorry! (It's long, but reading things out loud can make them easier to read and digest )


I hope you don' t take offense to this...but it seems to me that his feelings, especially his love was blocked by some mental issues. Perhaps, because he felt so empty, or was given so little, or had so much taken away from him, he felt the need to possess things. And perhaps, there was some psychological and emotional damage that made him view human beings as things as well. This damage could've possibly hindered his ability to feel, to connect, to love and to be loved. His inability to truly love could've been insecurity and feelings of not being worthy of love because he himself was not shown love or understanding and given mercy.

So, maybe something left him scared, insecure, and...empty. And maybe his way of coping with this insecurity and emptiness was to create a false bravado, to be in control of everything in his life, and to own/possess things. Thus, no one could hurt him again, love would be his uninhabited, and he wouldn't lose anything because he would own and he would be in control of everything in his life. It seems that what he wanted from your relationship was you and your love, but because of 'emptiness,' he wasn't fully capable of giving it in return. It makes me think of that "I just want to be loved" mentality.

Perhaps, he also felt your love and marriage would fill his void. That could also be why he became possessive. In wanting it to happen so badly, he took control of the situation to ensure it happened. Seemingly, he needed to fill that void. But he also needed this "filling" to be how he wanted it to be. It seems that having absolute control, being incredibly self-centered, and perpetuating falsehoods was how he protected himself. However, he had to play the game until he could get you in position to be his, showing you a man with valuable traits. In other words, he was faking it until he made it. It's awesome that you walked away when you did, because he likely would've become possessive, manipulative, and even abusive (in some way).

I've heard from somewhere (I'm not sure from where, perhaps, from myself ) That our consciousness and our physical bodies (mostly) prevent us from showing our true selves (as it were). There are things going on with us, spiritually that we cannot see, some places that we cannot reach, etc. And for some of us who have been traumatized or damaged, it can be even harder to reach that 'spiritual place', to experience purity and to be loving beings. Conditions, obligations, perceptions, and limitations, (social, personal, psychological, etc.), can make it even harder to feel and express the simple love that exists spiritually. So, no matter who, what, or how he was as a human being, true love for you existed in his spirit.

However, I think he couldn't express any love as a human being because of mental damage. He would've most likely been incapable of crumbling those walls that separated him from his true feelings. But sometimes you felt whispers of it, which indicates to me that there was love for you there. He just couldn't transcend the blockades that prevented him from truly feeling and expressing love as a human being. Most of us don't have the blockades and sort of mental damage he likely had, so it may be impossible to fully understand. We're capable of loving others and being empathetic, etc. For someone like him, it would be nearly impossible. And for someone who's highly empathetic like you clearly are, it would be nearly impossible not to be loving, not to connect wholly with others, not to love from a pure place, and not to identify when the love and connection aren't there, aren't implicitly felt and expressed or aren't real. I think your relationship was likely a lifeline for him, a way to feel loved, important, and...normal. It seems he just couldn't do that without being in control and being the sole recipient of your love and attention -- taking with little to nothing to offer in return

I'm sorry he wasn't able to express his love for you while he was alive. But I'm glad that you've felt it, and I hope you can find peace with this.

This was just my take. I tend to use psychology and intuition to analyze and suss people and situations, so I hope nothing that I wrote was out of line. If it was, I'm sorry.

Good luck to you, sweetie!

[Brian100]

You could not feel his love b.c 1. he was hiding it. 2. He never had it. 3. You played too hard to get and he gave up. 4.True love don't hide.. it comes up and says Hi to your face. . and if you turn your back.. they say ok see you later. And then you start doing it. Then if its a sea of love.. its true love.

Its very odd for two people to be in love at the same time. But it happens! God arranges it. I called it heaven!

It sounds like this:
youtube:(copy and paste + watch)
THE ONLY EXCEPTION - Paramore (cover)

U don't feel love you hear it. Its a very happy thing. You hear love like never before. I'd have to search some old memories for those sounds. Say its the sound you make on a carnival ride.

[Brian100]

This relationship you had with this man was the 'normal' generic thing you see in 99% of relationships. Where one person gives and the other takes. . (They give to hope that its love).. and (the other take to the me side with conditions). They are only there for companionship.

True love is two people hit at the same time with Love at first sight. That's why I can tell you guys about it. Its the carnival ride experience. 100% happy. If you never heard these sounds in your relationship from both ends.. you aint seen it yet.


One girl in another topic called her love a poodle horror. What she had was a one sided Love... And she threw him away? One in love is better than none. Some people are content to be loveless room mates, and I'd rather be single than live a life with that!

This same girl said Love don't come from God. She never had it so she doesn't know about it.

When you have seen a 2 sided love you will do anything to go there again with the same person. Why? b/c God showed you he made that person for you.

I think its very sad many people will never see a 2 sided True Love.
I call it 2 hearts in heaven.