Why is it hard to feel spiritual when you're mentally ill?

[BJAsapace]

I'm manic a lot of the time, feel like people can hear me think, schizoazffective, "delusional." I thought religion or spirituality would help but it really doesn't, it makes me feel a whole lot worse about myself and condition I'm in. I regret ever knowing about religion and spirituality, I want to feel mundane again. But at the same time it has made the unconscious conscious which makes me feel even worse because my mental health and mania really f*ck me up. 7 years of being mentally ill has really taken its' toll on my life, although I do like some of the concepts, it hasn't helped my state of mind, if anything it made it worse. I've had a messed up life, but it also makes me wanna be a better person yet i feel so self-contradicting inside, it f*cking hurts a lot of the time. The fact I feel people hear me think is what really messed me and my world up, it's one of the main causes of my depression, anxiety and voices aside from feeling guilty bout my past. In a way I'm venting, yet I'm curious as to why spirituality doesn't really help.