Meditation Instead Of Sleep

[captainamerica]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

It will be.

So, my brother and his wife have been holidaying in Queensland for a week and I have been staying at his place looking after the house, babysitting my niece and nephew, looking after my disabled mother, feeding and cleaning up after their pets...it has been non-stop....non stop!

Yesterday, I had to prepare for their arrival today, so I made sure everything was up to date and when evening came, I thought about going on here...but decided to watching Edgar Cayce videos on youtube instead...that was more appealing at the time.

With the problems I have been having with my mother, it does drain me and make me rather emotional when I am not used to that...going from living alone, to looking after a household and a family is a huge 'culture shock' to me.

My brother is home now...I mentioned what went on with my mum...and he said "she's getting old and senile...don't take it personally" and then, he gave me a four pack of vodka mudslides and some weed...but I am not allowed to have it until the family goes to bed...which is understandable.

I will be able to chill, relax and answer anything you want to know later on.

...and before anybody says anything...it's one of the fringe benefits of being an Aghori...there is no judgment.

Obviously there is no judgement ,you are my friend.

Relax ,chill and take your time please ,you deserve it.

We will talk later.

Love you <3

Bye for now.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by captainamerica

Obviously there is no judgement ,you are my friend.

Relax ,chill and take your time please ,you deserve it.

We will talk later.

Love you <3

Bye for now.

At least I am honest with everyone...and I am glad you don't judge me for indulging in intoxicants...I don't do it very often anyway and never buy it for myself, but I won't say no when it's offered (as long as it isn't expected of me to return the favour)...it's the only way to go.

So, I'll see you on the flip-side and love you too.

[Still_Waters]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Thank you to both the above posters. *hugs*

I need to take a break from this thread for a while and re-approach it with a fresh and clear head.

I may reply sporadically over the next few days, but after that, I won't have any internet for 2 weeks...or just limited phone stuff...and I can't type much on my phone because there is a language barrier.



Oh yes...I almost forgot...Happy Dushera to you all as well. <3

Sometimes, one does indeed "need to take a break from this thread for a while and re-approach it with a fresh and clear head."

I look forward to your re-emergence after what I hope will be an illuminating "break".

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by Still_Waters

Sometimes, one does indeed "need to take a break from this thread for a while and re-approach it with a fresh and clear head."

I look forward to your re-emergence after what I hope will be an illuminating "break".

So it seems.

There is a tale to be told, regarding all these questions asked.

After his holidays, my brother wanted to spend some 'quality time' with me watching our favourite Metal bands on Youtube...and I think Rammstein (my choice) won the night..

Then he switched off the PC and turned to me:

Brother: "The lifestyle in Queensland is a lot different than here...it's like I am a different person in each location...it's like I put on different faces or masks...I can see myself acting out each role...the caring husband on holiday, the loving father..."

Me: "The awesome brother...but now you can understand this, who is the one watching the actor act?"

Brother: "say what?"

Me: "Have you ever tried meditation?"

Brother: "no, but let's go back to that 'watching the watcher watch' thing...I'm fascinated".

Me: "That's basically what you are doing...standing outside yourself and looking in:.

Brother: "whatever is happening...it's totally screwing with my head, but it feels so wonderful...but I still don't want to belong to any of this religious or new age s*** you are into".

Me: "I know that and I fully accept and respect your beliefs...this has nothing to do with any belief system...but I can see it makes you very uncomfortable, so I'll just put some Dethklok on the 'Tube..."

Brother: "No, don't...I'm not uncomfortable, I'm still fascinated by my brain playing mental tricks with itself...this is so fascinating..."

Me: "one day, I'll take you beyond that stage but that is enough for one night..."

Brother: "I have been meaning to ash you something for a long time now...

How is it that you can see every square inch of a room like a huge jigsaw and be able to recall everything that is going on everywhere and all at once?"

Me: "I honestly don't know...I have been able to do that ever since I can remember".

Brother: "I know...I KNOW! it is like a photographic memory...but it is different somehow...it's like you have some kind of unlimited perception and see things everywhere and all at once:"

Me: "yeah, 'unlimited perception' pretty much sums it all up".

Brother: "WOW. that is SO spooky...it is totally freaky..but in a good way!"

Me "yep...and I thought you didn't believe in ghosts? *laughs*...but with that. I must say goodnight as I need some "alone time: before I go to bed"

Brother: "goodnight and sleep well"

Me: "you too, sweet dreams".

[captainamerica]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

So it seems.

There is a tale to be told, regarding all these questions asked.

After his holidays, my brother wanted to spend some 'quality time' with me watching our favourite Metal bands on Youtube...and I think Rammstein (my choice) won the night..

Then he switched off the PC and turned to me:

Brother: "The lifestyle in Queensland is a lot different than here...it's like I am a different person in each location...it's like I put on different faces or masks...I can see myself acting out each role...the caring husband on holiday, the loving father..."

Me: "The awesome brother...but now you can understand this, who is the one watching the actor act?"

Brother: "say what?"

Me: "Have you ever tried meditation?"

Brother: "no, but let's go back to that 'watching the watcher watch' thing...I'm fascinated".

Me: "That's basically what you are doing...standing outside yourself and looking in:.

Brother: "whatever is happening...it's totally screwing with my head, but it feels so wonderful...but I still don't want to belong to any of this religious or new age s*** you are into".

Me: "I know that and I fully accept and respect your beliefs...this has nothing to do with any belief system...but I can see it makes you very uncomfortable, so I'll just put some Dethklok on the 'Tube..."

Brother: "No, don't...I'm not uncomfortable, I'm still fascinated by my brain playing mental tricks with itself...this is so fascinating..."

Me: "one day, I'll take you beyond that stage but that is enough for one night..."

Brother: "I have been meaning to ash you something for a long time now...

How is it that you can see every square inch of a room like a huge jigsaw and be able to recall everything that is going on everywhere and all at once?"

Me: "I honestly don't know...I have been able to do that ever since I can remember".

Brother: "I know...I KNOW! it is like a photographic memory...but it is different somehow...it's like you have some kind of unlimited perception and see things everywhere and all at once:"

Me: "yeah, 'unlimited perception' pretty much sums it all up".

Brother: "WOW. that is SO spooky...it is totally freaky..but in a good way!"

Me "yep...and I thought you didn't believe in ghosts? *laughs*...but with that. I must say goodnight as I need some "alone time: before I go to bed"

Brother: "goodnight and sleep well"

Me: "you too, sweet dreams".

Good night friend.

[kralaro]

Originally Posted by My saved notes

how often do you totally immerse yourself in that love? become completely lost in it?

Just sit before an image/murthy of Lord Shiva and totally let yourself go...actually show Lord Shiva how much! go fully into that...the whole feeling and don't stop.

If tears come, let them...if your mind says "this is ridiculous", ignore it....and allow yourself to fully dissolve into that devotional love-trance.

captainamerica: "Sometimes in the past when I just let go of myself in Shiv ji 's love ,maybe while listening to Shiv ji's songs,my blood pressure changed so much that I was almost close to getting passed out/unconscious so I'd have to stop there."
Reply by Shivani Devi: "That isn't your blood pressure....that is you going into trance."

I tried doing it today, but in front of Lord Krishna's image, both with image and without (or with my eyes closed imagining Lord Krishna). Sharing cause i thought that Shivani Devi would be happy to know.

[Still_Waters]

Thank you, Shivani Deva, for sharing that conversation with your brother with us. That was really nice and handled very well (in my humble opinion ).

[captainamerica]

Originally Posted by kralaro

I tried doing it today, but in front of Lord Krishna's image, both with image and without (or with my eyes closed imagining Lord Krishna). Sharing cause i thought that Shivani Devi would be happy to know.

Shivani ji,
I also did it,but it is really difficult for me to feel intense love for anyone whereas it is easy to feel intense devotion and compassion.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by captainamerica

Shivani ji,
I also did it,but it is really difficult for me to feel intense love for anyone whereas it is easy to feel intense devotion and compassion.

Have you ever felt intense love for anything/anyone to know what that feels like so you can actualise the difficulty?

I want to find what it is that's holding you back spiritually...and essentially, this is what I have to work on with you. All these reasons/excuses you give me are all physical obstacles, usually put there by yourself! I want to go beyond all those.

You asked before..."how can I be open to receiving shaktipat?"
I say too you that it would be a great idea if all your chakras are open and balanced first...and all your nerves and nervous system is all made 'load bearing'.

Unfortunately, during my kundalini explosion, my vagus nerve got fried...and now I suffer with gastroparesis and dysautonomia (which is annoying) and BOTH conditions are caused by major nerve damage due to passing too much electrical impulses through them...under MRI, my brain lights up like a Christmas tree..we want to avoid this. lol

When the force of kundalini rose in me, my solar plexus and throat chakra were still partially blocked, so it is like trying to attach a garden hose to a fire hydrant...something is gonna blow and now, I am like a walking short-circuit tripping out on God bliss.

However, I have always questioned the "fairness" of it...I mean, I wasn't even trying to awaken kundalini...I thought I wasn't ready/worthy of that great honour either...I didn't want to have anything to do with it...and yet, sobbing in front of an image of Shiv-ji when I was only trying to focus my gaze on it...and next thing I knew, Shiva's Grace descended and acted like a Divine magnet to pull Shakti up from the base of my spine...totally bypassing two chakras on the way...and while the whole experience was illuminatingly profound, but I now have quite a few autonomic functional disorders that I wish that I didn't and could eventually kill me.

[captainamerica]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Have you ever felt intense love for anything/anyone to know what that feels like so you can actualise the difficulty?

I have almost cried many times and sometimes cried because of my love for technology and education system and changing and serving REAL human lives by using those two tools.

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

I want to find what it is that's holding you back spiritually...and essentially, this is what I have to work on with you. All these reasons/excuses you give me are all physical obstacles, usually put there by yourself! I want to go beyond all those.

As Les Brown said -"It is not over until I win."

I'll keep on trying until I am able to do it.

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

You asked before..."how can I be open to receiving shaktipat?"
I say too you that it would be a great idea if all your chakras are open and balanced first...and all your nerves and nervous system is all made 'load bearing'.

Okay ,anything else I need to do before receiving Shaktipath ?

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Unfortunately, during my kundalini explosion, my vagus nerve got fried...and now I suffer with gastroparesis and dysautonomia (which is annoying) and BOTH conditions are caused by major nerve damage due to passing too much electrical impulses through them...under MRI, my brain lights up like a Christmas tree..we want to avoid this. lol

When the force of kundalini rose in me, my solar plexus and throat chakra were still partially blocked, so it is like trying to attach a garden hose to a fire hydrant...something is gonna blow and now, I am like a walking short-circuit tripping out on God bliss.

However, I have always questioned the "fairness" of it...I mean, I wasn't even trying to awaken kundalini...I thought I wasn't ready/worthy of that great honour either...I didn't want to have anything to do with it...and yet, sobbing in front of an image of Shiv-ji when I was only trying to focus my gaze on it...and next thing I knew, Shiva's Grace descended and acted like a Divine magnet to pull Shakti up from the base of my spine...totally bypassing two chakras on the way...and while the whole experience was illuminatingly profound, but I now have quite a few autonomic functional disorders that I wish that I didn't and could eventually kill me.

Thank you very much for the lesson,it will really go a long way in saving me from the negative effects.Thank you so much for sharing it.