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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Soulmates & Twin Flames

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  #1  
Old 02-07-2012, 11:19 PM
mystical mystical is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: england
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:/ now it makes sense

i have had a bizzare day ... last few days even ... i have felt my twin so strongly returning ... i had my cards done , and they said about a man who i love dearly returning with an offer or proposal i got a ring in the net card and we will go to a large buildin together in the next .... im currently in preparation for relocating my small spiritual church to a bigger , much bigger premises . here i will follow my mission . and i know he has been part of that .. so i was blown away .........


today ..... i had the sudden urge to write , i have been tryin to do this for days but no luck .. but today i spent all afternoon writing ............. tonite i was thinking of a friend and a man she loved and suddeny i dunno why but i was checking the calendar for my holiday and it hit me of the date ..... 2 years ago just before the third reunion with my connnection , he messaged me on july 5th it was a monday .. well it turns out that exactly two years ago TODAY he last came to me ..... now it all makes sense ... so im excited now to what will be revealed next ,. i think writing has helped me to see things better and understand more plus allow more healing to take place , i wanted to share this with those who are suffering right now . .. excuse the spelling mistakes .


how i met my twin .............

just before i came into contact with my twin flame , i knew there was someone out there for me , sumone who was the exact same as me , someone i had that connection to
i dotn know how i KNew i just did . i spent 10 years in a relationship with the father of ym children but yet i knew he wasnt the one for me.
deep down inside of me i know that i would only ever love 2 men . i ahd already had my first love, i was now waiting for the love of my life .
i felt empty, devoid of any kind of emotion , life had not always been good to me and everytime i got close to someone i lost them .
for years i never let a man in , not even my kids dad . noone ever really saw the real me . but i knew there was a man out there who would .
and i was desperate for him to come, spending endless nights hoping that he would come and take me home .

a few months later we meet online we chatted normally as people do about everyday things , that night as i went to go to bed , i felt sumthin within me change
the net morning i loaded up my pc and immeditaely checked if he was on line . i had stop and ask myself (what are you doing) but i was smilin
and i just didnt have the answer .. it was my brothers anniversary , 4 years since his passing . and i wasnt sad ..how can that be ? it didnt make
sense , all i knew was that somehow this was the start of somehting big for me .


first meet ..... a month after chatting online and telephone calls i knew i was alreayd head over heels in love , this should of scared me because , it was so fast
but it felt so right , his voice was like balm to my skin , seeign his name just made me feel all lightheaded and excited , so we arranged to meet up .

i was waiting at the train station on the bench for him , my hair all a mess from the rushing around and light rain .make up smudged around my eyes .
inside i was a nervous wreck i couldnt stop my hands from shaking . i felt sick . suddenly i saw him , he spotted me and his head tilted to the side and he smiled
WOWww , suddenly i ebcame very shy and bowed my head , i felt bare , as though i was sat theer naked for the whole world to see . , but he sat beside me and smiled and took my hand .
he was so incredibly beautiful , i was shocked at myself but also i felt the emotion run throughout my entire body and i couldnt stop my body from shaking ,
as we stood to walk he hugged me and i wanted to cry .i felt suffocated by my emotions and unable to breathe . but i fought back the tears .
we walked to the hotel across the road he was such a gentleman , opening doors , etc .

in the room i felt out of my depth .i felt i,d no control
this scared me then .. because i had to be in control . it had to be me that isntigated everything . yet he grabbeed me by my waist so very gently and hugged me so tight ,
everytime i triedn to back away he just looked me in the eyes ,telling me i was beautiful . how happy he was .his eyes they was hypnotic ,
i was still shaking , .. and all i could think was .. if only my friends could see me now
, i would be moritfied for the fact that this man , this beuatfiul man had left me shell shocked , i was shy , nervous , clumsy, and very quiet ,
and it made me uncomfortable because it meant i was VULNERABLE .he couldnt stop touching me and i kept tryign to back away and the more i backed away ,
the more he gently pulled me back in , we sat down and chatted and all the while finding myself fixated with his eyes , , i felt as though i had been drugged ,
my body felt very light , my head all in a whirl , like i was in some kind of dream state . it was surreal ...
we spent the afternoon wrapped in eachothers arms , staring into eachothers eyes , each time getting lost , he clung to me as though i would disintergrate before him
it was euphoric . the outside world didnt matter , it ceased to exist here i was at one with myself with this man i had been searching for all my life .
how did this happen ? and so fast? there wasnt even time to build our feeligns they was already there . from the moment i first chatted to him to the moment i first laid eyes
upon him , i knew . i knew he was the one , and i didnt have to look any more , my search for love after 29 years was over.i had him on a pedestal and nothing was gonna
knock him off . because i saw the man i loved inside and he had the power to make me love , now that was somehting ..

the obstacles .... after our first connection, i found myself on a rolllercoaster , im terrified of heights and real rollercoasters . but this rollercoaster was emotional
the highs and lows constantly fluctuating , it seemed never ending , it was tiring , scarey , sickening , heart wrenching . it was awful , yet as much as i wanted to get off
.. i couldnt ..... i ddint want to .. our fears got in the way , when i was happy he would be sad , when i felt fearless he felt terrified .
he started to run from me . pull away , leavign me broken . then later on all would be resolved , the next day rowing and making up , it went on for months .
yet , as drained as i was .. once all was resolved i was fillled with happiness again , and everything gone ,forgotten and forgiven
he was my healer , my nana told me once in a meditation that i had done ...
what makes you bad makes you better, i was additced to him , i couldnt leave him , didnt want to leave him ,. how could i let go soemhting i had waited all my life for? of sumthing so great , he really impacted my life ,
he didnt believe me , his fear took over , my fear took over , pullign us both apart , my ideas on how a relationship should be and his made us fight and pulled us further apart
he didnt help matters sumtimes , just liek i didnt , instea dof both alleviating those fears , we fuelled them, we didnt know any better , we had been moulded into society
and how society works , how society should be , which then taught us .... what love should be , what love shouldnt be , if he loved me , he would prove it and vice versa .
but yet we did prove it , just not in the way we thought.. when we saw eachother , we respected eachother , chersihed eachother spoke kind to one another communicate dour needs
our fears . our dreams . yet apart .. we disrespected , we hated , we was unkind . again our egos tellign us , love is ,....
and we listened . everythign and evryone pulled us apart , i always knew in my heart we was a tragic love story waiting to happen , everyone expected us to fall and we did
we gave them what they wanetd to see. including me , as much as i adored this man and cherished him , i stil allowed my ego to tell me how a relationship should be .
how love should be . it seemed everyone got what they wanted except for us , and it was heart breaking and soul destroying to have this love in front of you ,
the lvoe that you have always deseprately craved only to allow insecurities and fears and people to act as blocks. in the end we seperated . our love wasnt enough .
we abused it . we didnt respect it . or appreciate it . so it was gone .. no more living with the seperation ....... knowign he was gone out of my life , no more sunshine , i was forced to spend my days miserable , living through constant rain ,
i was in a world that was devoid of any kind of emotion , i was lost , tryign to find my way back to him , knowing if i hung on and kept fighting i would find him
, he moved on with another, yet although i was jealous and hated it , i knew he would find his way back to me and that he done what he ahd to just to get by ,.
meanwhile i was doing the work on myself trying so hard to sort out my insecurities and fears so that when he did return all would be well and perfect ,

this girl he met i knew she was a substitute for his loneliness , to help his grieving process ,to try to forget me, however i lived each day waiting for him .6 months felt like 6 years .
everyoen telling me he isnt comign back move on , but yet i knew , deep in my heart i knew noone can feel love to that extent and
have to change you in such a profound way to suddenly mean nothing . to be gone , love cannot be destroyed cos we are love . its what we are made of , we "think " we destroy it.


the reunion . .. 6 months later i got a message from him , he had returned to me , the last 6 months was a distant memory all gone in that instant he came back .
all that mattered then was the now . i had prayed for this moment , dreamt about it , waited for it agonsied over it and lived it ... this time i would remember what i done and do it differently
i had a second chance and i was determined not to lose it ,. life was unbearable without him i couldnt go back to feelign that way again
seeign him that first time again , i almost collapsed , my legs like jelly , i felt ashamed , embaressed . i creid like i had neevr cried because my heart
filled with so much love it overpowered me , .... but alas.. it all happeend again ... he had gone again after 3 months . i coudlnt understand why .. i had changed it ..
but i realsied now that i i still tried to control it . i walked on egg shells around him so not to upset him , tiptoed around him , i changed ,
i becamse sumoen i thought he wanted me to be , but still .. to lose him broke me all over again ,... i ended up having a total breakdown

my breakdown ..... alot of it was a blur .. i was trapped in my own head , i was living in a creation of a world i had always feared , my world , , hell .
a horrrible dark cold world wheer everyoen was horrible and mean, i trusted noone . images flashed back of when i was a little girl . all those horros came flooding back hitting me all at once
. seeing myself as a 7 year old little girl arms reaching out deseprate
for sumoen to love me . but noone came to me . not my mum not my dad , noone . being alone . seeing my brother stood before me , like something out of a horror movie
tortring my soul all over again , my head couldnt take it , i was trapped inside my head , with the devil , my soul on fire . all i wanted was peace .
not only did i lose him but also my brother again that same pain back ten fold . that same pain constantly attacking my heart , i wailed and wailed willing it to stop . for him to come and make it go away
he was the only one who could stop it . who could take away all those fears , all that pain i had endured . what was the point in living if i had to live with pain all over again
why would god be so cruel to give me a taste of happiness to snatch it cruelly away i felt i was beign punsihed . punished for not looking after my brother and letting him down .
was i the devils fdaughter ? was i bad ? this is what i thought . and it scared the living daylights out of me
. in the end i saw no alternative but to have me sectioned . i wanted peace at any cost , years of battling and fighting had worn me down and i didnt want it anymore . i wanted
to go home . so i was at peace , just peace .... sadly i wasnt allowed to go into hospital my kids dad wouldnt allow it . he wanted to look after me , but to me he was bad , he was the reason i couldnt be happy , be with my twin . i felt he was the devil then , the bad bad man who kept me against my will , kept me tied to him .

2nd reunion ....just as i picked myself up and got that faith that he would return again .. he did .. even after everythin . i stil wanted him . i was stronger for where
i ahd been and what i had endured and stil it made no difference to how i viewed him , he was still my everythingn, i forgave him . because he ws scared too ,
scared of loving me and losing me , had all the same fears i had . in july , he came back i dropped everything to be with him .. he taught me empathy ,
he gave me that connenction to other people for what i had been through gave me a deeper understanding . . i was diagnosed post traumatic stress and my health worker tried to tell me he groomed me , took my trust , this felt so wrong . it hurt like hell to hear those words but i knew SHE WAS WRONG cos i seen how sad and beat up he was , how life wore him down . he was like me , we was the same . so what i went throguh i knew he did too . .we split again and i found this forum . almost two years ago , and he hasnt returned since so i know there is much more work for me to do yet .... tbc ...........
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.All the love we feel comes from the inside out although we assume it is because of another person. You are love x

Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.”
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  #2  
Old 03-07-2012, 12:43 AM
L88 L88 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 126
 
Thanks for sharing all of that.
What prompted the last seperation?
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  #3  
Old 03-07-2012, 02:24 AM
geanie
Posts: n/a
 
I cried for you when I read this. Sometimes the feelings from love can lead to pain. I feel sorry that you are in so much longing. I hope that something can happen for you to keep you happy and humble. I understand the feeling of believing in a connection that no one else around you can comprehend and feeling like it may never happen, or in your case, come back to stay. They always say, "just focus on yourself and making yourself better"...and I suppose that's all we can do. Find contentment in being alone, with yourself. Love yourself because you're beautiful! I believe in you. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you the best. :)
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  #4  
Old 03-07-2012, 12:45 PM
Jatd Jatd is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: USA
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I cried too. I couldn't stop reading. The pain, it's all too familiar .. Thank you for sharing your story. I too believe that one day mine will return. It's been almost 4 months since I have heard from him. He is with someone else and I feel like I have this deep knowing that they will marry and he will have a child with her. But it doesn't make me sad. I feel SO at peace recently. My heart is full of love. I don't regret a thing. It all happened the way it was supposed to happen. I trust that.
My only fear is that one day I will find happiness with someone else, and just when all is ok .. he will return.
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  #5  
Old 03-07-2012, 01:28 PM
mystical mystical is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: england
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thanks for kind words , i actually feel alot better getting that out . its odd cos every now and then i becoem numb . but re writing all this kind of takes me back and reminds me of the love i feel . and how and where i made mistakes , especially wheer i tried to control the situation .. i went to bed at 1 am , and i laid there unable to sleep , wide awake until 4.30 am , that is so not like me , normally its my twin who stays up til this time :/ so i wonder if he actually felt me again and felt the energy from me and the love which fingers crossed.. relaed him and helped him to sleep .
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.All the love we feel comes from the inside out although we assume it is because of another person. You are love x

Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.”
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