Are you in it right now?
How did you meet? What have you been through? When did you know they were the one?
Are you alone? Do you miss someone? What happened?
Hearts out to all
I have feelings for someone, but it's super complicated.
To summarize things...
My friend works at a store with some guy that she calls positive.
It grabbed my attention because where i live, people aren't usually so positive...and positivity is a nice trait.
I would 'stalk'
him at the store and eventually became attracted to him. As my feelings for him grew, I thought he'd recognized my face, and one day when I looked at him, he looked sad.
Well, I was misinterpreting things....
See, I'm shy around people I don't know, so I would 'stalk' him but get scared and make myself seem cold.
The day I saw him sad, i thought he was sad because he thought i was ignoring him! Assuming he was attracted to me too, I wrote him a letter saying basically i think he's cute, and I'm sorry he's sad, and i want to say goodbye because my feelings for him for so strong that i couldn't focus on important things in my life.
My friend ended up giving it to him because i chickened out. >.<
That night, he txted my friend saying thanks so much but why did you say bye when you didn't say hi?
I felt so embarassed!!
Well, anyways, we ended up txting each other...
he was sad that day, but it wasn't because of me, he never recognized me and so he doesn't have feelings for me...
we talked a few hours, but i ended up saying goodbye because my feelings were keeping me from focusing on important things.
...next night, i couldn't sleep and was sweating. I suddenly decided to txt him! we talked a bit for a few days, we even met once in person, but since he didn't have feelings for me because he only knew me a week, my heart was so sad. You know when you're into someone, you have expectations?
Yeah...one sided feelings were not good. Also, liking him opened up terrible hearbreak wounds from the past.
I cried thinking that one day he'd cheat on me or that something terrible was going to happen at some point if we ended up together.
So i wrote an emotional goodbye to him...
One week later, i txted him again.
I was thinking that maybe my feelings for him were actually platonic and so maybe it would be ok to be friends.
So just a few days ago i txted him if it's ok we be friends? He said yeah, but i keep txting him at the wrong times.
I'm the one stressing out and he still doesn't has feelings for me, but i just wished he'd make me feel like he cares like i do....but i can't because he doesn't know me well enough.
*sigh*
Everything just seems like bad timing....
I have the dark night of the soul and liking him gives me strong ambivalent feelings, yet i want him in my life...at the same time i'm really scared....
and i'm also defining him by his life choices, which i know is bad, but i can't help it... He smokes, drinks, had a child in high school...i don't smoke, drink, and want a child after marriage.
But he is a nice guy and everything he does is so cute to me...
smoking and drinking though,i can try to look past....but he has a child and he's not with the mother of the child because they broke off, and i guess i've always dreamed of loving someone who would wait until marriage to be 'intimate in bed...'
Man, everything is really confusing for me.....
Well, right now we're friends...but he's dealing with his own issues and there's a lot of bad timing involved between us.
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